16. Nightmares & Googly Eyes
Nightmares & Googly Eyes
CARTER
I retrieved the large gift bag from my room, suddenly regretting getting her something so stupid.
Her real gift wasn’t ready yet, and I could have literally bought her anything under the sun as a placeholder, and I’d basically gotten her a jar of dirt.
I started panicking as I stood there in front of her, hesitating with that stupid bag.
“What is it?” She asked, eyes bright as she sat forward, reaching for the gift. “ Oh, it’s heavy. ”
Together we set the bag on the coffee table, and I reluctantly let go, watching while she quickly pulled the tissue paper out with something that could almost be called excitement. Frick.
“They uh, they were doing a carnival next to the base for the kids, and I don’t know, I saw these and it made me think of you.
It’s probably a dumb gift, it’s not really—” I swallowed hard not sure what to say as I suddenly realized I was standing an awkward distance away that I couldn’t close without it being obvious, so I just stood there on the carpet like an awkward schmuck.
Sara shot me a puzzled look from under her lashes as she unrolled the first tube of sand, trying to figure it out. One after another, she lined up the colorful vials across the coffee table. I’d gotten one of everything, just to be sure, and now, it seemed incredibly silly.
Sara finally pulled the glass figurine vase out, quickly piecing together what it was.
“Oh, Carter! I’ve always wanted to do one of these.
” She reached into the bag again, finding a second glass bottle.
“And would you look at that.” She shot me a shy little smile.
“There’s two of them—should we make them now? ”
I shrugged, suddenly feeling incredibly pleased with myself as she grinned. “Only if you want to.”
Twenty minutes later, we were sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table with two very colorful sand art vases.
I’d picked the sand people shaped ones for us because they kind of reminded me of the Sour Patch Kids she loved so much.
Both had googly eyes, and were plugged with a colorful sprout of bouncy hair coming out the top—Sara’s was yellow, and mine was blue. Very fitting.
“I’m glad these made you think of me.” Sara chuckled, and sitting a little too far away, she leaned forward to give me a hug.
My breath stalled out as her arms slid around my neck, and my arm instinctively found its way around her middle—an awkward angle for a hug, but she lingered all the same, making my every breath come faster and faster, the longer she held on.
I could hardly breathe at all by the time she finally pulled back and smiled at me, a real smile. “Thank you, Carter.”
“I’m glad you like it.” I cleared my throat before looking down to play with a piece of fuzz on my jeans—to check things.
While Sara was washing her hands, I did a quick vacuum of the rug, and it wasn’t until she returned that I realized my mistake. My seat choice.
I internally kicked myself while I sat so incredibly still, watching her hover in front of the couch.
The whole debate flashed through her big brown eyes as she eyed the middle cushion before she nervously dropped her gaze and took the opposite corner.
My eyes shuttered, realizing a few seconds of foresight would have made all the difference. Fuckity fuck dammit.
Liam was gone, and I had just blown my one chance to be close to her this weekend. The googly-eyed sand people judged my poor decision making from the coffee table, and I didn’t blame them.
I never knew five feet could simultaneously feel so close and yet so damn far away as we sat on the same couch, feeling miles apart.
By the time the world’s longest movie was over, Sara was fast asleep, curled up on her corner with me quietly scrolling my phone on my corner just letting her sleep—until it finally dawned on me that she hadn’t moved in quite a while.
Not even an inch.
“Hey.” I crouched in front of her, gently brushing a hand over her knee, but she didn’t stir. “Movie’s over.” I murmured, but she didn’t respond at all.
My pulse spiked.
“Sara?” I wasn’t whispering anymore as I came to the sickening realization that something was wrong.
I’d been sitting here while she was fucking unconscious—for God knows how long.
“Come on, sweet girl.” My voice cracked as I reached for her face, just waiting for her to stir.
Any second now.
But she didn’t.
“Wake the fuck up.” I demanded, terror slicing through me.
Was she even fucking breathing?
“No, not like this, please not like this.” I begged, frantically shoving her hair out of the way as I jammed two fingers against her throat, desperately searching for a pulse.
“ Please stay with me, baby. ” My voice broke, knowing I’d done this.
I’d pushed her to go on that walk when she was so incredibly weak.
She’d told me she was too exhausted, and if she—because of me?—
The corner of her mouth pulled, and for a split second, I thought she was having a stroke, but her eyes flicked open. “Gotcha.” She laughed sleepily.
I gaped at her, feeling dizzy as I struggled to register that she was totally fine. “Are you shitting me right now?” I might actually have been in shock.
Sara grinned deviously, pillow creases lining her face as she slowly pushed herself up. “Now we’re even.”
“Even?!” I demanded, head dropping between my knees with a disbelieving laugh.
“Aww, come on, Kensington. Don’t tell me you’re not up for a little harmless prank.”
I blew out a shaky breath before collapsing back onto the floor in a heap of frayed nerves. “Yeah, harmless prank. Right.” Holy fucking shit.
She tapped my foot with hers, and I pushed up to my elbows. “Too much?”
“You’re never too much for me.” I joked, but I couldn’t find it in me to laugh. Not when I’d thought I’d fucking lost her for the longest second of my life. I felt like I wanted to puke, wondered if I actually would.
My payback was carrying Sara to bed. “Come here, you little troublemaker.” I leaned forward to scoop her up. “Let’s get you to bed.”
“What are you doing?” Her brows shot up as my arms slid around her. “I’m perfectly capable?—”
“It’s cute that you think this is optional.
” I scoffed, and she sucked in a sharp breath as I lifted her all too easily, pulling her against my chest. “Because it’s definitely not.
” I had to touch her, feel the breath rising and falling out of her from under my own palms, because that moment had flipped a switch for me that I didn’t know if I could ever turn off.
Despite her every protest, I smiled to myself because even as she argued with me, her head was tilted against my shoulder, pressing closer while her fingers clutched my shirt like maybe she didn’t want to let go.
Best feeling ever.
I couldn’t help but linger at the edge of the bed as I gently set her down and found her gazing up at me. “Carter?”
“Yeah?” I responded all too eagerly.
Her lips parted for a long moment, forming and un-forming a question until she finally murmured, “Thank you for the gift.”
“Of course.” I nodded breathlessly.
Whatever she’d intended to ask me, she never did.
I was lying in bed, wearing nothing but sweats, while I scrolled through my phone looking at vintage watches, just waiting for Liam to get home so I could have a word with him— when the sound of Sara’s scream made my blood curl.
I scrambled out of bed and tore down the hall, but when I shoved against her door, I was horrified to find it was locked. A muffled whimper filtered through, and panic-saturated instinct took over—I shouldered it open, ready to kill someone.
Inside, I found Sara thrashing in the bed, fighting no one as she cried a strangled noise for help, and I realized with heartbreak and relief that she was dreaming. My chest caved in as I raced for her, loosening the sheets that were tightly tangled around her body before pulling her into my arms.
“Sara, sweetheart, wake up.” She gasped a breath and shoved against me the minute her eyes flew open. “It’s me, it’s Carter.” I pushed her hair out of her face, cupping her cheek as her eyes darted around wildly. “It was just a nightmare. I’ve got you. You’re okay now.”
It took her a moment to get her bearings, her gasping breaths coming more and more steady by the second as she finally slumped forward, face hidden by her hair as she dropped her head into her hands.
“It was just a dream.” I hummed, my panic morphing into heartbreak as her gasps slowly turned into quiet, broken sobs. “Not real.”
The sound she made was the most heartbreaking noise I’d ever witnessed. I’d heard it only once before. That night. The night I’d watched her break right in front of my very eyes.
“It’s me.” She cried, slumping against me.
“What’s you?” I asked, gently stroking her hair.
“In my dream, I’m the one who’s dead.” She sobbed. “I’m the one who’s trapped in the coffin, and I can’t get out.”
“Oh, Sara.” I sighed, completely understanding the guilt, the nightmares, the ache of it all. “I’m so sorry I missed the funeral.”
“I know you would have been there if you could have.” She said, and I hummed in agreement. “You’ll never guess who showed up.”
“Who?” I tensed.
“Taggart fucking Caldwell.” She practically hissed.
“That fucker.” My jaw flexed.
“He’s in every single one of my nightmares—right before Liam accuses me of not doing enough and before my mother disappears and I appear in her place.”
“After my parents died,” I started slowly because I’d never really talked about this.
“I couldn’t sleep for months.” I admitted, leaving out that I’d always felt like someone was going to come for me next.
“It gets better, it takes a while, but it does get better.” I promised, not bothering to admit that eventually she’d be able to sleep soundly again, but that during the waking hours, the ache would never fully go away.