48. Pudding Cups
Pudding Cups
SARAFINA
Inside the Montclair Medical Center, Briar Rose’s private hospital, the smell of disinfectant stung my nose as I rushed down the hallways, refusing to cry.
Liam’s grounding presence followed closely behind, and if he wasn’t clearly on the verge of tears himself, I could have just reamed him.
They’d found Carter, and Liam had spent the last week getting him home.
He’d known for over a week where Carter was, and he hadn’t said a word—because he didn’t want to get my hopes up; which was a horrifying truth all on its own.
But precious days he’d known, while I puked my guts up, and now Carter might not even?—
No, I wasn’t going to lose it until I saw him, until I got to his room. Worrying wouldn’t help him, I knew that—but it didn’t matter, the guilt was thick as mud to wade through anyway. I’d known something was wrong for weeks because I’d felt it. Felt him.
My lunch threatened to make a reappearance as the numbers crawled higher on the doors and then, there he was .
Even from the hallway, my throat seized up.
Even from here, I could see how black and blue his face was.
A strangled noise clawed its way out of my throat as I lingered on the threshold.
Liam’s hand was a solid, comforting weight at my back as I hovered in the hallway on the verge of collapsing, because when I stepped through the door, it’d finally be real, but out here, it was just a bad dream.
A few people were already in the room, and they cleared out as I drifted closer, watching the nurse change his IV bag—he was just laying there, so incredibly still.
“Carter?” I approached the hospital bed, already sobbing. “Can he hear me?” I choked out.
“He might be able to. We can’t say for sure.” The nurse shot me a sympathetic look as she finished up. “There certainly isn’t any harm in trying.” She nodded reassuringly as she closed us into the private hospital suite.
I covered my mouth, failing to silence another sob.
We loved each other. That had to mean something. To someone, somewhere. It had to.
Liam and the others fell into quiet conversation with the nurse in the hallway, and I pulled up the padded armchair. It slid easily across the smooth floor as I brought it right to the edge of Carter’s hospital bed.
I so very gently took Carter’s hand in mine, not caring about Liam seeing, and folded over onto the bed and wept. Even his hands and arms were bruised. He’d always held me like I was something delicate and fragile, precious , and now it was him I was worried about breaking.
In the car, on the way to the hospital, Liam had warned me, told me that Carter was in rough shape.
It wasn’t exactly clear to me what had happened in the days he’d been missing, but the fact that he was breathing on his own—that there was no major organ damage, was a good sign.
The only problem, we wouldn’t know until he woke up if he had brain damage .
With every sniffle, I got another smell of his skin, and it smelled awful. Wrong. Like chemicals and sickness, and that made me cry even harder.
A tissue was pressed into my hand, and when I finally lifted my head to blow my nose, I realized several more people had arrived.
Jules dabbed her eyes with her own tissue and squeezed my shoulder.
Next to her, Sloane’s lip trembled while she tried her very best to give me a reassuring look, but I could see it in everyone’s expressions. No one expected him to pull through.
Liam was stoic, leaning against a shelf at the back of the room, staring into space with glassy eyes.
Several of Carter’s guy friends had settled in at a card table in the corner and were talking softly.
I recognized a few of them, Ethan from the restaurant, several of the Kingsley brothers, Cade and his cousins, someone I was pretty sure Carter had worked with on base—I’d seen a picture.
There were flowers, and cards, and balloons in every corner of the room—and while I hated it so much that I’d been one of the last people to know, it was proof that so many people cared about him. That had to mean something.
I forced myself to look at Carter’s face again. Forced myself to keep it together. Crying wasn’t going to help him any, but maybe feeling all the love from everybody in this room would.
I gently squeezed his hand. “Carter?” My voice came out disgustingly clogged from all the crying, and I didn’t expect him to respond, but a part of me hoped he would.
He didn’t. He only breathed in-and-out in slow, steady beats. Otherwise completely unresponsive, but I watched the heart monitor, grateful for each and every one of those heartbeats.
“I missed you.” I cleared my throat, offering him a reassuring smile he couldn’t see.
“So much.” The palms of his hands were calloused and familiar against my skin as I promised.
“You’re going to get through this. You take all the time you need, because I’ll be right here with you every step of the way.
” I was crying again. “Well, actually, it’d be great if you decided to wake up sooner rather than later.
” I gripped his hand tighter, swearing I could sense him squeezing back, but I knew I was just imagining it.
“ You have to wake up for me. ” I lowered my voice to a soft, inaudible whisper to beg. “ Please don’t leave me, Carter, because I don’t know if I can go on without you. ”
I wasn’t sure how long I sat like that, but eventually I heard Liam murmur that he was going to pick up our dinner. I cast him a long look and found him exhausted and puffy-eyed as he left the room.
Not caring if anyone else saw, I finally climbed into the hospital bed and curled myself around Carter’s too-still body, feeling like I was on the verge of passing out from emotional exhaustion.
“Just remember you love me.” I whispered, leaving him a soft kiss on the corner of his bruised mouth, hardly able to continue, “And I love you.”
In that moment, I knew if he ever woke up—I wasn’t going to hold anything back anymore. I was going to let him all the way in. I had to, because the fear, the nerves, it all seemed inconsequential now. Silly. I should have tried harder, been more honest, more open with him so much sooner.
I drifted off to the sound of quiet voices murmuring as more of Carter’s friends showed up, but I didn’t bother greeting any of them. I couldn’t.
I awoke to the crumpling sound of food bags, and a moment later I felt my brother’s steady arms slide beneath me before he settled me onto the couch, planting himself right next to me as he crushed me against him and I sobbed.
I don’t know how I even got the words out because I just couldn’t stop crying. “They said they don’t even know if he’ll wake up, we just have to wait.” I’d heard the question asked again and again, as more people filtered in and out, and a little piece of me had died every time the nurses answered.
“I know.” Liam murmured, his own voice raw, like he’d been crying in the car. “We should go home, get some rest. We can come back in the morning.”
I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to climb right back into the bed and sleep next to Carter. Next to the man I loved. Chemical smell and all. I wanted to talk to him, just in case he was in there somewhere. Just in case I could convince him to try his hardest to come back to me.
Panic threatened to take me out at the knees, and in a split decision, I decided I couldn’t let it. Carter needed me to be strong for him, so I would be. This wasn’t like what had happened with my mother. He would pull through because he had to.
“He’s going to be okay.” I announced with a nod as I stood up and straightened myself, adding simply. “He’s strong, and he has a lot to live for.”
“I certainly hope so,” Liam offered emptily.
“Go fish.” I admired Carter’s face as he laid there, unaware of our riveting game. Even swollen and bruised to high heaven, he was still so handsome.
I finally sighed and threw my cards down, tired of playing by myself.
Footsteps sounded behind me—Sloane was here for her shift.
“I was thinking for lunch we could get some Thai food today.” I started, but when I turned, it wasn’t Sloane at all.
It was a man I didn’t recognize. I sucked in a surprised breath and stood, an uneasiness I couldn’t explain, washing over me.
He was extremely tall, maybe even taller than Carter, wearing an expensive-looking suit that perfectly fit his broad muscular frame beneath. Gold rings flashed on his tattooed fingers.
“I’m sorry, I thought you were—” The way he was looking at Carter made my pulse spike. “Who are you exactly?” I asked, coming to the foot of the bed between the stranger and Carter.
“An old friend, and you must be? ”
His smile made me swallow hard. I wanted to shrink as he stepped closer, but I forced myself to hold my ground. Some part of me knew I couldn’t let him get anywhere near Carter.
“Sarafina Devereux, I believe?” he said, slowly coming to his own conclusion as he removed the toothpick that had been hanging out of his mouth.
In the silence between us, his eyes dragged down. Whether he was checking me out or assessing me, looking for something, I couldn’t tell. Either way, I didn’t like it one bit.
With the hair on my arms raised, I didn’t bother sticking my hand out. “I don’t believe we’ve met.” I didn’t like being in the same room with the man, let alone voluntarily touching him.
His features were sharp, eyes dark, and everything about him felt dangerous as he huffed a deep laugh. “I suppose not, though from what I know, that one has a real soft spot for you.” He nodded to Carter.
The man still didn’t bother introducing himself, and that’s when I noticed he wasn’t wearing a visitor badge. I inched towards the nurse’s call button as my heart started to race with fear.