CHAPTER FIVE
“I … I actually do trust you, Boone.” Luna was surprised how easy it was to say those words to him.
Without thinking or second-guessing why, she flattened her hand on the center of his wide chest. “And I’m sorry I’ve been acting so …
bitchy and stuck-up to you.” He placed his hand over hers and rubbed his thumb back and forth over her knuckles, offering silent comfort.
“It’s just that, well, something pretty crappy happened a while back, and it left me a bit leery of opening myself up to people. ”
“Did someone hurt you?” Every muscle in his body tensed beneath her hand.
“Why don’t we sit down, and I’ll tell you everything.” As much as she regretted breaking their bond, this conversation was way too serious to have standing up.
They settled themselves cross-legged in front of each other on the blanket, and he removed his hat and set it upside down next to him. Somehow, even the indentation left in his hair by the hat looked sexy.
She shifted to find a comfortable position, reached out to pick up one of the water bottles, and took a long swallow before setting it back down. Then she shifted some more.
You’re stalling, Luna. Yet Boone didn’t rush her—he just sat quietly, patiently, in that unique way of his.
“Have you ever heard of a place called The Farm?” Though it was a huge part of her life and had turned her into the person she was today, she’d come to understand that not everyone knew about the place.
“It’s that commune that used to be up in Montana, right?” A fuzzy bloom dropped onto her hair, and he reached up and gently plucked it free and tossed it aside.
“That’s the one.” Force of habit had her wanting to avoid this topic, and she was tempted to drink more water, but she pushed past the urge. She needed—wanted—to share this with him.
“Dawn was working at a small clinic in a town not far from that place. Kind of a Doctors Without Borders kind of thing, and because I was only seventeen at the time, she was my guardian, so I had to go with her. And let me tell you, I absolutely hated it there. I became pouty and selfish, just a general pain in her ass. I blamed her for everything. For breaking up with Caleb, who I really liked, and for making us move away from the house we both loved so much.”
God, she’d been such a spoiled brat.
“It didn’t matter that the move was only temporary and that we’d be going back.
I just could not stand anything about that stupid little town.
But then, suddenly, Enoch, this cute guy from The Farm, started coming into the little diner where I worked part-time.
He always got there right before my shift ended, and we would sit at the front counter and talk.
” Now for the truly mortifying part. “He would flirt with me, tell me how pretty I was, how smart I was. After I met him, things sort of improved. Or so I thought. Dawn found out he was twenty-one, told him I was underage, and warned him to stay away from me. Did that stop me from sneaking any chance to see him? No, it did not. He would tell me over and over again that I was mature for my age and old enough to make my own decisions. Blah blah blah.” She shook her head. “Like an idiot, I believed him.”
Luna told Boone how her sister had gone up to The Farm to provide basic medical care for the children there and was shocked to see armed guards in towers and patrolling the compound.
“She met John Proctor, the guy in charge of the place. He insisted everyone call him Bedaiah and thought he was like, the right hand of God or some crazy stuff,” Luna said. “Dawn noticed how controlling he was, especially with the girls and women.”
His behavior was bizarre enough that her sister became concerned about how the children were being treated there. Her suspicions were confirmed when a young girl the leader had an unhealthy interest in mysteriously died.
“Dawn never shared any of that with me. Not that it would’ve changed anything.
” It certainly wouldn’t have been enough to keep her from wanting to be with Enoch.
“So, instead of trusting my sister, the woman who gave up so much to raise me, who loves me unconditionally, I selfishly barreled headlong into a nightmare.”
Thinking back on that time always made Luna feel sick and filled with regret. For what had happened to her—though she’d brought that on herself—but mostly for the way she’d treated her sister and how her actions caused people to die.
“One night, when my sister was working late at the clinic, Enoch convinced me to meet him.” Her retelling of what happened yanked her back to that horrible night.
“We decided where we would meet, and when I got there, he was sitting in this little red pickup truck. He’d gotten us both sodas from the diner, and I remember thinking how sweet it was for him to do that.
After taking two sips from the straw, I started feeling weird.
My mind couldn’t focus, the world got all watery-looking, then I blacked out.
” What she’d thought was a sweet gesture turned into the beginning of her nightmare.
“When I finally managed to open my eyes, I was in a little medical clinic on The Farm compound. I was strapped to a bed, and Enoch was nowhere in sight.”
“Holy shit, Luna.” He reached out and took hold of her hand.
“My mind was so fuzzy, but I distinctly remember this horrible wench of a woman walking over to me and poking me with a syringe. After that, everything went dark again.” Luna later learned about some of the horrifying, evil things that woman had done to the young women there in an effort to earn favor with Bedaiah.
“I don’t know how much time passed before something woke me. It was Dawn, whispering my name.
“I thought for sure I imagined it, but she was really there.” She swallowed against the lump forming in her throat, remembering how much safer she’d felt just hearing her sister’s voice. “My sister came for me.”
She’d risked her life to help Luna, even after all of the nasty things she’d said and done to her.
Luna shared with Boone how the FBI already had The Farm under surveillance and that Caleb spotted Dawn and her on the compound and flipped out.
“I found out later he was willing to quit his job to get us free from that awful place.” She couldn’t believe he would do that for her. “He and Jake, his Czech shepherd partner, saved us.”
Boone listened without interruption as she told him how a team of operators from OSI raided the compound.
“There was this big firefight between some of the people on the compound and the OSI team.” Her chin quivered.
“Mason was … he was shot and he … he almost died.” The lump in her throat hurt like a rock was lodged there.
“And … my sister and Caleb could’ve died getting to him to treat his wound.
” Luna didn’t realize she’d started crying until she felt Boone’s thumb skim across her cheek.
“It was all my fault, and all because I was stupid and trusted some disgusting guy instead of listening to my sister.”
“Luna … Luna, look at me.” He tilted her chin up with one finger.
She braced herself for the disgust and disappointment she would surely see in his eyes.
There was none. All she saw there was concern.
“You’re not to blame for any of that. The fault lies with the people who tricked you.”
“Yeah, but if I hadn’t—”
“No way, huh-uh.” He shook his head. “I’m not going to let you keep blaming yourself. Jesus, you were just a kid.” He shifted so that he was beside her, wrapped his arm around her, and pulled her close to his side. “Did you ever find out why they took you?”
“Yeah, Proctor was a pervert and he had a thing for young girls.” She sniffled. “He believed he was ‘blessing’ them by … he was going to—”
“You don’t have to say it. I can figure it out for myself.” He rested his cheek atop her head. “I can’t believe you’ve been carrying this around for so long.”
“I was going to therapy for a while, and it helped.” Caleb and Dawn had suggested it. “But I just couldn’t seem to get past the damage I caused so many people.”
His arm tightened gently around her, and they sat in silence.
Being held by him made Luna feel safe in a way she hadn’t in a long time.
Which was kinda crazy, considering she spent a good chunk of her life surrounded by some of the most lethal human beings on the planet.
But the feeling with Boone was different than what she felt with the others—it felt deeper, more personal.
Oh, no. Was she letting her guard down too soon? Maybe she was setting herself up to be tricked and hurt again.
“Hey, whatever you were just thinking, you need to stop.” Boone pulled back enough to look her in the eyes. “Luna, I am not going to hurt you. I need you to believe that.”
She should probably be alarmed by how well he read her, but she found it sort of comforting.
“I do believe you.” She sat up, swiped the tears from her cheeks, and wiped her hands on her jeans. “Gah. Sorry I cried all over you.”
“You can cry on me anytime you want.” He cupped her face with his hands and slowly leaned in to place a soft kiss to her forehead, then drew back. “Thanks for sharing all of that with me. I know it had to be difficult for you, but now I understand why you were determined to keep me at a distance.”
He shifted to sit in front of her again, their knees touching.
“What aggravates me and scares me the most is that I don’t trust myself.
I’m worried that my instincts are all outta whack.
Like … sometimes I have a hard time believing what I know to be true.
” Oh, wow. That was the first time she’d ever said those words out loud.
Just thinking it usually made her feel weak, but telling him was somehow liberating.
“Take you, for example—every indication was that you are a perfectly nice, decent, genuine guy and everyone got along with you super well. But I could not bring myself to let go of the doubts I’ve built up in my head. ”
“That’s totally understandable.” A strand of hair had come free of her ponytail, and he tucked it over her ear.
“You were at a very tough, impressionable age, and I’m guessing all of the upheaval in your life—your folks dying when you were young and being raised by your sister, moving away from the home you loved—left you feeling sad, angry, maybe a little frustrated that you had no control over anything.
And then some asshole took advantage of you and manipulated and deceived you in the worst way possible.
” His long fingers draped over her knee, and Luna felt a warm zing that went straight to her belly …
and other places. “But think of everything you’ve accomplished since then.
There’s no way you can be as good at your job as you are without listening to your gut sometimes.
Because when we’re out on an op, we’re able to concentrate on getting the job done knowing you’re back here, watching over us. We couldn’t do what we do without you.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” She never really thought of it like that.
“Come on.” Boone stood and reached his hand down to her. “How about we head back so the others can take a ride?”
Luna nodded, took his hand, and stood, feeling lighter for having shared her dark past with him.
“Thank you.” She stepped forward, wrapped her arms around his waist, and rested her cheek against his chest.
Boone instantly circled his arms around her, and holy moly, it felt amazing.
“You’re welcome.” His deep voice rumbled through her entire body.
The whinny from one of the horses broke through the barrier of the tree branches—and their intimate moment.
“Sounds like someone’s ready to go.” She gave a quick squeeze before releasing him.
“Sassy’s always ready to go,” he joked. He reached down, lifted the blanket and shook it out before rolling it back up again.
Luna held the bottles of water in one hand, took his hand with the other, and followed him from beneath the canopy.
She looked at him as he walked ahead of her, wondering how she could have ever not trusted him. Well, as of right now, that all changed. Luna was done pushing him away, and she was ready to see where things went between them.