Chapter 29
29
Peter
S hit. I fucked up again. Watching her storm away with my son, wrapped up in his arms, broke me. I blinked furiously to keep the tears from falling. I wasn’t about to let these guys see how my interaction with Katy affected me. Doing so could be bad. I’m sure that’s why Jason and Jarrod didn’t say anything. But what could they have done to make her look like her heart had been ripped out before she found her anger to fuel her?
“I think we need some hot toddies to warm us up.”
I glanced over to Jason and Jarrod and found them looking at me with crazy smiles on their faces. I’m sure theirs matched the one on mine.
“What did I say that gave you all that look?” Geoff’s gaze darted between us, ignoring the other guys in our group.
I started to laugh as other memories; sweet memories of Katy ran through my mind. Fuck. I really screwed up. I needed to go home and apologize to her. I wasn’t sure what I’d say because I couldn’t even explain it to myself, but I needed to try.
“I think Jason should tell you the story because he had first-hand experience while Jarrod and I only heard about it. And while he’s doing that, I’m going to go look at that table for a gift.” It had been the last place Katy had been looking at. Maybe I could figure out if something had caught her eye and I could pick it up for her. An apology present to show her how much she meant to me.
As Jason began to tell them the story of how Katy had made my dad that drink after mom died to make him feel better, but since she was so young at the time, she’d made it so strong that you could have gotten drunk off the fumes. The story showcased who Katy was. No matter how old she was, she was always thinking of others. Even tonight, although she’d made plans with Ethan, she still came to our rescue, looking after Liam for us so we could go out and I threw it right back into her face.
Fuck.
As I stared at the jewellery, I felt a presence beside me.
“Looking for something for Katy?” I nodded, answering Jerrod’s question. “Yeah, that really wasn’t very smart. She’s pissed at you for sure.”
I glanced at him to see if he was pulling my leg, but he looked completely serious. “You do realize that whatever you and Jason did put you in the same position as me? She looked at you and I watched her heart break.”
He grabbed, spinning me to face him. “What are you talking about? We didn’t do anything. I didn’t even see her look at me.”
“Well, she did. Right after I stupidly told her that no boyfriends were allowed.”
“Fuck. I’d turned away because I didn’t want to see Ethan defend her or comfort her. It’s fucking hard to watch him with her even if it is supposed to be fake. It looks so fucking real that I get jealous.”
“Why do you think I snapped. I have to see them like that every day. And then he sits beside her in my class.”
Jarrod turned back to the table. “So, what are we buying her because we’ve all got some apologizing to do?”
Before we could decide on anything, Jason joined us. Jarrod and I quickly explained how we were looking for an apology gift and how Jason and Jarrod weren’t free of her ire. When nothing piqued our interest, we moved on to the next table and the next, looking for something new and unique. Despite our plans to spend the evening with the guys, we begged off, telling them that we wanted to spend a little time together since it was our first night out without Liam.
I think Geoff looked a little relieved since there were some obvious vibes between him and Tyler, the guy he’d rescued who’d turned out to be an old, estranged friend.
We’d looked at half the booths before we found what we were looking for. It was a beautiful glass vase in the shape of a heart. Multiple colours were swirled through it, giving it an ethereal glow when light shined on it. Each piece was unique so even though there were two heart vases there, they looked different because the colour swirls were different despite using the same colours.
By the time we purchased it and made it back to our car, Katy had been home for almost an hour. Hopefully our delay would be understood and wouldn’t be held against us as we apologized.
We walked into a silent house with only one small table lamp on. I glanced around and saw a small lump sitting on the far couch in the corner. My heart clenched. Katy. She looked so tiny. It brought up memories of how she’d looked that night after I brought her home from the water park.
I shared a look with Jason that told me he was seeing the same thing. Fucking hell. This was worse than I could have even imagined.
I stumbled over to her, not bothering to turn on any other lights because I didn’t want to hurt her if she had a headache. Often when she was extremely angry or hurt, she’d manifest a physical headache. It was her body’s way of making her isolate herself and remove all stimulation so it could ramp down.
As soon as I was close, I dropped to my knees before her. “Katy, I’m so fucking sorry, sweetheart. After a difficult day, I was stupid and jealous, and let those feelings take over, allowing my mouth to spew shit that I didn’t even mean.”
She stared at me through unseeing eyes, taking me back even further in her history to how she’d looked when I arrived home from university two days after her father had been shot. At that point she’d been almost catatonic, not acknowledging anything around her until she was in my arms.
I crawled closer, taking her hands in mine. “Please, sweetheart, come back to us. We’re idiots and made stupid mistakes that hurt you, but it was all a misunderstanding.” Her gaze darted up from her lap before dropping back down in a brief movement, giving me hope that I was breaking through. “Jason and Jarrod weren’t ignoring you. They didn’t even know that you were looking at them. Instead, they were ignoring me, not wanting to have anything to do with my idiotic self. That and they were jealous, too, wishing you were out with them instead of Ethan.”
Her hands tightened in my grasp before she pulled them away. She lifted her head and raised her eyes until she looked directly at me. “Really. That’s what you’re going to go with? That you were jealous. That’s why you humiliated me in front of all those townspeople, in front of my boss.”
This time I was the one to hang my head, ashamed of my actions. “It’s the truth. I don’t know why it hit me so hard. Maybe because I’m used to seeing the two of you at school and I know it’s a fake relationship, so seeing you together, outside of school, threw me for a loop. Suddenly I could see what my life would be like without you, and I didn’t like it. I mean, let’s face it. You could do so much better than me. And I wouldn’t even blame you. Not after all the hurt and pain I’ve caused you… am still causing you.”
She sat with my words, letting them work through her brain and I kept silent, hoping she’d come to the right conclusion. The one where she forgave me for my stupidity.
She glanced up and behind me. “And you, two. Do you agree with what he said? That you didn’t realize I was looking at you. That you were upset with Peter and jealous of Ethan.”
Jason and Jarrod joined me on the floor before her. Each one reached out, placing their hands on her feet since she’d pulled up her legs against her chest.
“It’s exactly that. I haven’t seen the two of you together. I know it in my mind but seeing it in real life is different. It takes a little getting used to.” Jason rubbed her foot. “And I know I was the one that first told you that I wanted you to experience everything, that I wouldn’t hold you. I still stand by that, I just didn’t realize how hard it would be the first time. But now, I’m prepared. I won’t act the same way again.”
“It’s the same for me, Kitty-Kat. Now I know and am prepared. You know how I crave order and routine. That was anything, but. And I didn’t react appropriately. But now I have a routine. I know what to do.”
She nodded as she chewed on her lower lip, making me want to pull it out from between her teeth with my own as I reminded her of my offer to claim her, to raise her above me, to worship her. “But what if it wasn’t fake? What then?”
I couldn’t look away from her. I needed to study every nuance of her answers to see if I could decipher what was true. “Do you want it to be real? Are you telling us that you want him, only him?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. I know it’s not only him because I love you all too much, but everything with him is less complicated. It’s easier. But I don’t even know if I like him like that or if he likes me.”
“Baby Girl, he likes you. He not acting. I think that’s why we all reacted so strongly. We weren’t prepared because we thought it was all fake.”
“But if you’re asking if we’d be okay with you making it real between you two, then Kitty-Kat, we have to go back to what we’ve always told you. You’re the one in control here. You have the power to decide what you want. We’ve told you what we’re willing to do, how far we’re willing to go, the rest is up to you to decide where your limits are.”
“And you don’t need to decide right now. You can take your time, Katy-Bear. But we did pick you up a little something. A reminder of how much we love you and value you. And hopefully it will remind you that you forgave us for being stupid.”
She cracked a smile at that which loosened the bands that held my heart in a vice grip.
Jarrod reached behind him and grabbed the gift bag, handing it to her. “It’s from all of us. It’s why it took us so long to get home. We had to search over half the festival tables before we found it.”
Since I was the only one not touching her, I stood, lifting her into my arms before I sat in her seat with her on my lap. “There. Now we’re all touching you and can watch you open the gift.”
She hesitated for a moment, but then she dove in, pulling out all the tissue paper and dropping it on the floor in front of Jarrod while sporting a little smirk. He picked it up, smoothing it out even as he chuckled. When she found the vase, she pulled it out and stared at it. A couple of tears slid down her cheeks. “It’s beautiful.”
“It’s how we see you. You’re a giant, beautiful heart that shares love and joy to everyone who see you. And to each of us, we see you differently because you act with us differently. You see us for who we truly are, treating us as individuals.” I stroke the side of her face, drying up her tears. Now why don’t we all go to bed? It’s been a long day and Liam gets up early.”
“Will you join us, Baby Girl?” Jason held his hand out to her and waited. While he looked clam, I found that I couldn’t breathe as I waited for her answer.
Finally, she nodded. “I think I will. I could really use the cuddles tonight.”
“Then cuddles are what you’ll get. And we won’t even make you be the one to get up with Liam.” I lifted her up into Jason’s arms as Jarrod took the heart from her, placing it up high so Liam couldn’t knock it over.
My stupid mouth had gotten me into trouble tonight, but I also think it pulled us out from the pit we’d fallen into. Only time would tell if we’d escaped without any lasting damage.