Chapter 11
Daniil
Do I stop to pick up flowers or not bother?
It’s not a date. We’re meeting to discuss what’s best for our son.
The issue is that I still don’t know the answer to that question.
So…flowers, chocolate, dessert we can share… something else?
Ugh.
I dislike indecision. I’m almost always in control of any given situation, so this one is throwing me for a loop.
I have no control here at all. She holds all the cards.
Sure, I can throw my weight around, get a paternity test, fight her for custody or shared custody or visitation or whatever—but I’m truly grappling with what’s right.
I know what I want. What I don’t know if it’s the best thing for everyone, especially Micah.
Courtney and I need to talk but we’re at an impasse.
She believes his safety is more important than a relationship with his father.
As a man who became the man I am in part because of my father, I’m torn.
I was in my early twenties when my father was killed, and I still struggle with that loss.
I would do anything to have his counsel just one more time.
The idea that my son will always wonder why I’m not around, why I didn’t care, why I left…
it doesn’t sit well with me. Neither does the idea of him getting kidnapped or worse by our enemies.
We can protect him, but at what cost? I can only truly do that if I bring him to Limaj, to the palace—and Courtney will never agree to that.
I buy flowers, chocolates, and dessert on my way to her house, and then sit in the car for ten minutes until I’m technically late for our six-thirty appointment.
Marcus is at his brother’s house for the night, and she said Landon was going out so we could have a little privacy.
And for everyone’s safety, that means I’m armed, which is troubling in the sense that I’m going to visit my child and his mother—with a gun.
Not the gun itself—I’m sure she owns one—but the fact that security is part of my life, even if no one knows I have a son.
“Hi.” She looks startled when she opens the door and sees me holding the gifts I’ve brought. “What…”
“I thought it was polite,” I say. “May I come in?”
“Oh. Sure.” She closes the door and locks it once I’m in the house. Then she leads me to the kitchen, where something smells amazing.
“I don’t know if anyone bought you flowers after you gave birth,” I say gently. “And my father taught me that a woman should always get flowers after major events.”
She looks surprised but then dips her head graciously. “Thank you. And no, no one brought me flowers.”
“Not even Landon?”
“He spent five grand equipping me with everything the baby would need, so flowers weren’t necessary.”
“Well, I also brought chocolate.” I thrust the box of gourmet chocolates I picked up in her direction. “As well as dessert.”
“I made dessert,” she murmurs, “but this looks good.”
I don’t even know what I bought. All I saw was something that looked beautiful on the outside—chocolate and caramel and hand-made edible flowers—that the bakery assured me would be delectable.
“Thank you. This stuff wasn’t necessary. But it’s…sweet.”
“Where’s Micah?”
“In his swing, watching Sesame Street.”
I glance toward the family room and there he is, in a swing contraption, chewing on his fist and completely mesmerized by the characters on the screen.
“Are you hungry? Everything is ready.”
“I’m starved,” I admit. “I haven’t had much appetite the last two days.”
“I’m sorry.” She glances up, green eyes shrouded. Always on guard when she’s with me. Well, not always. Not when she was naked on my lap, riding me like a fucking porn star turned up to eleven. She never held back when we were together like that.
Too bad we’re not there now, in my suite at the palace. Sprawled across my lap, eyes cloudy with lust instead of trepidation. Body on high alert as I thrust into her, hard and fast and—
“I’m sorry, what?” I ask when I realize she asked me a question.
“I have a light Chablis, if you’d like wine.”
“Oh. Are you having any?”
She shakes her head. “I don’t drink much anymore.”
“Then I’ll pass as well. I have to drive anyway.” That’s something I almost never say.
We settle at a small kitchen table set for two, with Micah in his highchair between us. She has a bowl of something that looks like gruel in front of him, and I squint at it.
“What is that?”
“Baby cereal. It’s oatmeal mixed with formula.”
“He’s not ready for solid food yet.”
“No but he’s getting there. He’s growing fast.”
“How big was he when he was born?”
“Seven ten. Twenty inches long.”
“He’s…beautiful.”
“He is.”
I scoop some stroganoff on my plate and take a bite. It’s not a meal I eat often but it’s delicious, and I make a mental note to ask the palace chef to put it on the menu once in a while.
“This is wonderful,” I say. “Thank you for cooking.”
“You’re welcome.” She toys with the food on her plate and it’s apparent she’s nervous.
“Look, can we not talk about…serious stuff tonight?” I ask after a moment. “Can we just be two old friends reconnecting? Get to know each other again. No matter what we decide, I feel like there’s no universe where I never see you again.”
Her eyes snap to mine, surprise flickering in the green depths. “I… I don’t know how to do that, Daniil.”
“Come on, it’s just us here. Let’s talk. Tell me about your work.”
“Oh.” She looks down at her plate, playing with the food some more.
“Well, when I retired from the military, I had to find a job, and Landon suggested talking to Chains. He said he’d be happy to hire me but I had to get my PI license first, so I did that while I was pregnant.
Money wasn’t an issue, I was pretty frugal while I was in the military, so I used that time to get my license.
Then Chains started me out working in the office, for clients that have twenty-four-hour surveillance.
It was a good way to ease into a new career but boring as fuck.
” She smiles. “I’m not the sit-behind-a-desk type. ”
“What type are you?” I ask. “I mean, professionally.”
“Well, I like being in the action, although it’s different now that I have Micah. I’m also exploring working for one of those travel excursion companies, flying helicopters. But I haven’t done any flying since I left the military, so I’d need to shore up my skills first.”
“You must miss that part?”
“So much. But not as much as I love my son. He’s worth the sacrifice.”
“What do you do for fun?”
“Fun?” She looks at me and laughs. “Obviously, you’ve forgotten what it’s like during the infant phase. There’s no time for fun. I work, take care of the baby and the house, and sleep whenever I get the chance. There won’t be much fun in my life until he’s old enough for preschool.”
“I guess it’s different when you have…a partner,” I say quietly. “Jesper and I still made time for fun when we had Charlie and Briony.”
“Landon helps out when he can, but he lives in L.A., so I don’t see him as much as I’d like.
My next-door neighbor, Adele, helps with babysitting when I need her, and won’t take money from me, so I take her to the doctor sometimes, grocery shopping, whatever she needs.
She’s still spry but lost the vision in one eye so she stopped driving. ”
Her life sounds like complete drudgery—and I fucking hate it for her.
“What about you?” she asks. “How are things at the palace?”
“Busy,” I admit. “Always. Lennox and Elen are both pregnant again, so we’re gearing up for the palace to be overrun with rug rats.
Ace and Shannon just had a baby. Marcus and Harlow have this on again-off again thing going on.
And the Protectors have started a pool league—you know, billiards.
” Harlow is Lennox’s half-sister, so they all know each other.
“Really? Who’s the champion?”
“Well, it’s interesting… we’re all in pairs. Lennox and Sandor, Joe and Jesper, Erik and Casey, etcetera.”
“Who’s your partner?” she asks curiously.
“Do you remember Casey’s assistant, Edita?
She and I paired up because we tried to keep the teams all boy-girl.
Joe and Jesper are the exception, but Jesper literally never played pool in his life, so he’s a beginner.
Anyway, the best player out of all of us is Casey.
She and Erik win a lot. We’re in negotiations to split them up so someone else has at least a tiny chance of winning once in a while. ”
She smiles. “It sounds fun.”
“It is. I’m not sure what’s going to happen with Marcus and Harlow because they’re in an off-again phase, not even speaking at the moment.”
“I imagine it’s difficult to meet people when you have a job like Marcus’s, and perhaps they’re trying too hard to make it work since it’s convenient? She still lives at the palace, right?”
“Yes.” I nod. “I don’t know. I think Marcus is gun-shy. He’s watching everyone around him settle down and feels like he needs to hold down the single-guy fort or something.”
“What about you?” she asks. “You’re still single, right?”
“I am.” I casually cut my gaze to her face, but she’s not looking at me.
Is she happy or upset about the news that I’m single? I honestly can’t tell.
“Like you said, it’s hard to meet women with jobs like ours, and adding the royal element to my situation, it’s even more difficult.”
“Do you even want to settle down?”
I would with you.
I don’t know where that thought comes from, but I manage not to say it out loud.
And short of saying what’s on my mind, I’m not sure how else to reply—all I know is I have to tread carefully.