Chapter 13
Daniil
Myriad emotions wash over me as I rock my son to sleep.
His sweet, innocent face, so trusting and beautiful, I’ve never felt anything quite like this.
At first, I was mad on principle that she kept my son from me.
Then I was hurt. Hurt that she thinks so little of me, that she would keep something so monumental a secret.
Now I’m overwhelmed.
I’m still upset she didn’t tell me she was pregnant with my baby, and I’ll probably always be hurt that she doesn’t trust me, but I also understand better.
The day of the attack was…traumatic. For all of us.
But less so for those of us who’ve been living with the reality of this life for a long time.
My entire life, if I’m honest. I was born into royalty, so safety was always a concern.
The day most of my family was killed impacted me in ways I’ve never been able to talk about. Not to Erik and Sandor, not to Jesper when we were together, not to anyone. I bury my pain and trauma in work and meaningless love affairs. Except the one that produced a child. My child. My son.
I keep repeating those words over and over because they’re important. And it’s not about having an heir. That doesn’t mean much to me. There are tons of heirs already between Erik, Sandor, and even Elen. The royal bloodline is in no danger of ending.
But this is my child. My boy. My little prince.
When Charlie was born, I was there, involved, and I loved him, but there was a level of detachment.
Partly because I was distracted by the plans to take back our country and the throne, but also because the marriage was already falling apart and I didn’t know how to fix it.
I realized I loved Jesper but wasn’t in love with him too late, so I think I subconsciously kept the kids at an emotional distance.
Like I knew Jesper wouldn’t let me play a big part in their lives once we separated.
Having a child of my own is a whole other level of emotion. Watching him sleep in my arms is the most incredible feeling, his warm body close to my chest, so trusting and innocent. He needs me to protect him.
Which is what Courtney has been doing.
As much as I can bluster and bristle about her deception—there’s no excuse for hiding my child from me—I can understand where she’s coming from. Not to mention my less than stellar history with relationships. I’ve truly only had one as an adult, and I broke his heart.
A dangerous lifestyle coupled with a man who lives a very public playboy lifestyle. I’ve given her no reason to trust me—not with our child and certainly not with her. No wonder she ran.
When I can’t find any more reasons to sit here, I gently lay Micah in his crib and then slip out.
Courtney is nowhere to be found, so I go back downstairs and discover her cleaning up the kitchen. Wiping down the counters as the dishwasher hums softly in the background.
“He’s asleep,” I say quietly.
“He sleeps well,” she responds, rinsing out the rag and then going to work on the highchair.
“Can I help?” I ask, hating that I’m standing here doing nothing while she works.
“No, I’m almost done.” She tosses the rag in the sink and pulls out a can of disinfecting wipes. She wipes down the highchair, throws away the wipe, and then uses the rag again.
“That’s a lot of work,” I say after a moment.
“His highchair gets gross during the day, so at night I wipe it with soap and water to get all the gunk off. I use the disinfecting wipe to get rid of bacteria, and then I get rid of the chlorine and chemicals with the last pass. I’m done now.
” She turns and bumps right into my chest, nearly losing her footing.
“Sorry,” I murmur, steadying her.
God, she’s beautiful. Even with her hair in a messy ponytail, no makeup, and a T-shirt stained with…who knows what.
“I guess we need to talk,” she says, dipping her head again.
As if it’s difficult to look at me.
I hate this weird distance between us and know that it’s up to me to fix it. No matter what decision we come to, she’s the mother of my child and I will never disrespect her. Even if she hurt my feelings. Even if what she did was wrong.
“Can we go sit down?” I ask.
“Sure.” She brushes past me into the living room, sinking onto the couch and tucking her feet under her.
Then we both start to talk at the same time.
“Look, I want to—”
“I think we need to—”
“Ladies first,” I say automatically.
“I owe you an apology,” she says finally. “I don’t regret trying to protect Micah from the dangers of your life, but I know it was wrong not to tell you about your son.”
“Thank you. I appreciate that.” I lean forward, waiting until she looks at me. “What do you want, Courtney? Money?”
“No.” She shakes her head. “I can take care of him. I mean, if you wanted to put some money away for his college or something, I wouldn’t say no, but I don’t need child support.”
Looking around, I know I have to word my response delicately, but it has to be said. “You do. You keep him healthy and clean, but we both know you should be living somewhere…else.”
She arches a brow. “Like where? Limaj? Because that’s not happening.”
“That’s not what I said. I meant, somewhere in a good school district, or a more affluent neighborhood that has less crime.”
“I’m safe here. I have a top-of-the-line security system. Landon or whoever’s on duty at Westfield monitors everything. And I have a support system with Adele. I won’t have free babysitting at the drop of a hat if I move.”
“Which is why you need child support. I can hire a nanny for you, so you can work without worrying.”
She stares at me. “I don’t want your money, Daniil.”
How did I know she would be difficult?
“Why? Because you think I’ll ask for something in return?”
“Won’t you? Custody? Visitation? What’s the end game here?”
“I don’t know!” I grunt, trying to hold back my irritation. “But he’s my son, so no matter what we decide, I want him—and you—to be comfortable. Not to worry about bills or private school or if we can afford hockey camp or whatever.”
“You think he’s going to play hockey?” she asks, a playful smile on her lips.
It’s the first time she’s truly smiled at me since I got here, and it nearly takes my breath away. She’s beautiful all the time, but her smile is what got me. Lennox introduced us and she smiled, politely holding out her hand. I was blinded then, and I’m blinded now.
What the hell is wrong with me? Why do I still react this way to a woman who’s made it clear she’s not interested?
“That or football—the real football, not your American nonsense.”
She throws her head back and laughs. “He has two former linebacker uncles who will disagree with you, but sure. Let’s go with hockey.”
“Did Grim, er, Landon play football?”
She nods. “In college. That’s where he and Elliott—Rage—met. They were both in ROTC and then went into the military together. They’ve been inseparable ever since.”
Lifelong friends.
What a novel concept.
It’s certainly not something I’ve ever had. Even when I was at university in Scotland, I wasn’t supposed to get friendly with “commoners.” I could party and have fun, but I was taught to keep a slight distance, so that’s what I did.
It’s one of my regrets in life.
I’m thirty-eight now, with no one in my life but my family and my fellow Royal Protectors. And even with them, I keep a slight distance because… I’m a prince and they’re commoners. I’m not sure I’m capable of change.
“I’d like to stick around for a while,” I say at last. “Spend time with him.” And you. I can’t tell her that, but she’s a big part of the equation. If she wasn’t, I would have already filed for custody and started working on a way to bring him to my home in Hiskale, the capital of Limaj.
“Don’t you want… a paternity test?” she asks after a moment.
I shake my head. “That would leave a paper trail, and short-term, we don’t want that. Until we’ve made decisions about the future, let’s just allow him to continue to be invisible.”
“He won’t stay invisible if the paparazzi find out you’re here, hanging out with an ‘unknown woman’ in Las Vegas.”
“Even then, there’s nothing to say the child is mine. You’re a friend of the family.”
“I don’t have room for you here,” she blurts. “Landon is in the guest room for a few more days.”
“That’s okay. I’ll stay at the hotel, come here in the morning and stay as late as you need me to. If you need to work, I can watch him.”
There’s no doubt in my mind she’s trying to come up with a reason for me not to do that, but it seems to be difficult for her to articulate it.
“I know you don’t want me here,” I continue quietly. “But will you please give me a chance to know my son and earn your trust?”
“It’s not about trust,” she whispers, blinking away tears. “It’s about his safety. And mine.”
“I would die before I let anything happen to either of you.” My response is grim. Determined. Sincere. Because it’s true.
“Unless you had to choose between us and Erik.”
I sigh.
My oath to my country—and family—is the ever-present elephant in the room.
“The chances of that happening are almost none,” I say.
“You don’t know that. And it did happen.
Just not to you. The thing is, it happened to me, and I’m not even one of you.
It was a choice between Lennox and Casey.
I made the choice I made because Lennox basically forced me to, but if it had been up to me, I would have given Casey the bulletproof vest and extra ammo and told her to hoof it to the exit while I stayed with Lennox and did my best to make sure no one got past us.
That would have been my choice—but I wasn’t given one.
And in the moment, I did what Lennox asked of me. ”
“Your plan isn’t a bad one,” I admit grudgingly. “But we’re trained to—”
“To protect the royal family at all costs. Yup. I got that.”
This conversation isn’t going to get us anywhere, so I opt to divert.
“I think I’m going to get some sleep, but tell me your schedule for the next few days.”
She hesitates, as if trying to decide whether or not she wants to answer, and then shrugs. “I’m going to get up and run, like I do most days. Then—”
“What time?”
“Uh…I’m usually up when Micah wakes, around seven. We get dressed, have breakfast, and then I put him in the jogging stroller. Eventually it’ll probably get too hot but that’s the schedule until it does.”
“I’ll be here at seven thirty,” I say promptly. “All right?”
Another hesitation. It drives me nuts, but I wait her out, letting her sort it out in her mind.
“All right. See you then.” She gets to her feet, walking me to the door.
“Today was… amazing,” I say earnestly. “I loved spending time with…both of you.”
“It was nice having help,” is all she says.
“See you tomorrow, Courtney.” I lean over and press a gentle kiss on her forehead. I step outside and wait for her to lock the door behind me before I get into the SUV and head back to my hotel. Going back and forth is going to get old quick, but for now, I’m going to keep things simple.
I also need to be up early so I can call Erik and tell him what’s going on—and ask for an indeterminate amount of time off.
That’s probably going to go over about as well as me suggesting to Courtney that she move to Limaj.
And I truly have no idea what the hell I’m doing.