Chapter 32
Courtney
Daniil has never been grumpy or distracted when we’ve been together, so I’m not sure what’s going on with him when I wake up alone in his bed. He’s still here, I can hear him on the phone in the other room, speaking quietly, but there’s no mistaking the annoyance in his voice.
“…no, it wasn’t blatant like that… not that I know of.” He goes quiet. “She’s asleep… I don’t want to worry her. It’s still too new… No, I’m going to talk to him…”
I slide out of bed and make my way into the bathroom.
We made love after we got back to his suite last night.
Then we showered and fell asleep in each other’s arms. He was warm and attentive, only briefly mentioning his irritation with the way Jesper spoke to us while we were fooling around, but I’m not sure what he saw that I didn’t.
Apparently, they don’t comment when they watch each other have sex—and Jesper seemed to be going out of his way to do just that.
Obviously, I barely know Jesper, but my woman’s intuition tells me he’s jealous.
It makes sense even though he’s in a new relationship now.
I’m sure, no matter how long it’s been or that they’ve both moved on, there is some lingering jealousy since my understanding is that Jesper didn’t want the divorce.
Technically, this is none of my business.
They are fully and legally divorced and I’d bet my last dollar Daniil doesn’t have any feelings for him.
At the same time, they live and work together. If Daniil and I are going to be together—and I’m still not sure where we’re going with our relationship—that would mean Jesper is going to be part of my life too.
“Did I wake you?” Daniil disconnects as soon as I walk into the room.
“No. And why did you hang up? I heard what you were talking about—is this thing with Jesper a secret?”
He holds out a hand to me. “I wasn’t hiding anything, merely didn’t want to wake you.”
“What’s the deal?” I ask bluntly, even as I allow him to pull me into his lap.
“I truly don’t know, but I’m going to talk to him today.”
“You know he’s probably jealous, right?”
He looks startled. “Why would he be jealous? We’ve been divorced a long time…
and he’s with Joe now. Not only that, we talked about this when we made the decision to live at the palace and he was fine.
And not to be insensitive, but I’ve been with…
a lot of people since the divorce. Many of whom he’s watched me fuck. Why would it be different with you?”
“Were you serious about any of them?”
He hesitates. “No.”
“That’s the difference.”
“You really think so?” He looks so mystified I almost want to laugh.
I reach up and gently caress his cheek. “As long as it was just sex, he was okay. But now that it’s something more, I think the divorce is hitting him all over again.
Weren’t you guys in the middle of the revolution when that happened?
The fight to get Erik back in power? There was a lot going on.
Maybe he never truly processed the end of not just the marriage but the relationship itself. ”
He seems pensive. “I have to talk to him.”
“That’s up to you. All I’m saying is, he’s used to seeing you love ’em and leave ’em. Now he’s seeing something different, and it might be triggering for him.”
His voice drops, eyes never leaving my face. “Do you see something different? In me? Being with me the last weeks, I mean.”
“Of course I do. I wouldn’t be here otherwise. You’ve been trying really hard to convince me that this thing between us is real. That we might have a future.”
“Should I not be trying to convince you?” he asks slowly, his gaze slightly shrouded. “Do you want to just go home and forget what’s happening between us? I never want to pressure you, Courtney.”
“You know I don’t want to leave like that. But we have to think about Micah. And put his needs before our own.”
“Can’t they be the same?” he asks slowly. “He needs me as much as I need him. Obviously, he’s a baby, so there are separate needs that don’t apply to me, but emotionally? I couldn’t walk away from him at this point if I tried. Just like I don’t think I can walk away from you.”
Our fingers are laced between us, and I like the way it looks when we’re linked together this way. If I’m honest, I can’t imagine going back to my life in Vegas and never seeing him again. Never touching him again. Pretending that we didn’t just spend the most magical month together.
“It’s been a long time since I’ve had my heart broken,” I say after a moment. “And I’d really like to keep it that way.”
“I have no plans to do that.”
“Just don’t break our son’s heart. I can forgive you almost anything—but if you break Micah’s heart, there’s no coming back from that.”
“And there’s no universe where I do anything to hurt my son. Or you. Ever.” He leans over and kisses the side of my face. “That’s a promise.”
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”
“I never do.” There’s a sincerity in his blue eyes that he’s never shown me before and I can’t help but melt.
“We need to go relieve Eddie,” I whisper after a moment. “Micah’s never woken up without me before, except the first couple of weeks when Landon was there giving me a hand.”
“We should go then because I want to see him before I head to the gym.”
I reluctantly get off his lap, amused to see him adjust his gym shorts to hide his erection.
“There’s no hiding that thing,” I tease, nudging him with my hip. “It’s loud and proud.”
“He already misses you,” he says, hauling me against his chest.
“There will be plenty of time later tonight.” I pause. “Won’t there? I don’t know your schedule today.”
“I have to deal with that fucking pipeline bill.” He shakes his head. “Parliament asked for more changes, so we’ll see what the day brings, but I’ll be back in time for dinner.”
“Okay.”
“And don’t worry about Jesper, okay? I’m going to talk to him, find out what’s going on.”
“I’m not worried about him,” I reply, “but I am a little worried about you. You seemed…upset. And I’m not sure what that means.”
“The only thing it means is that I’m annoyed. It’s been years since the divorce, and he waits until now to deal with the end of our relationship?”
“Wasn’t he upset back then?”
“He was but…” He sighs, scowling. “I guess you’re right.
We were distracted by the rebellion. Taking back what was ours.
Then he met Joe, and I thought—hell, I don’t know what I thought.
I guess I thought I dodged a bullet. That I got through the divorce unscathed.
Maybe that was na?ve. But I won’t let this impact us. ”
“It already is,” I point out gently.
He looks startled but then nods. “Like I said, I’m going to talk to him. He’s always been very reasonable, so he probably just wants me to apologize or something.”
Somehow, I don’t think it’s going to be that easy, but I don’t know the guy so I could be wrong.
“What are your plans today?” he asks as we walk down to my suite.
“Probably just mommy duty.”
“Do you want me to take him to the gym with me so you can have a little time to yourself?”
I hesitate. “I’d love to work out too.”
“Then let’s take him together—I’m sure Natalia and the others will be happy to help keep him entertained.”
“Everyone here seems…nice,” I admit after a moment. “Like you’re one big family.”
“That’s because we are. Not by blood, obviously, but the oath we take as Protectors is a big deal.
And Erik has taken great pains to make everyone feel like they’re part of the family.
If they’re going to put their lives on the line for his family, the least he can do is make them feel like they belong.
“You haven’t seen a lot of it, because it goes in waves, but we all spend a lot of time together. Working, playing, traveling....”
“And where do I fit into all of that?” I ask. “Because I’m not going to be a Protector or—”
“You’re going to be with me,” he interrupts gruffly. “My lover. My girlfriend. My wife—wherever this journey takes us, we’ll be on it together and you’ll be at my side.”
His wife.
Did he just say he wanted me to be his wife?!
“Daniil…” I’m speechless, which rarely happens to me.
“Trust me to take care of you,” he whispers against my lips. “Both of you.”
“I don’t need you to take care of me—I just need you to love me.” The words slip out before I can stop them, as if my subconscious took a leap that the rest of me wasn’t brave enough to vocalize.
He stares at me for a few seconds, eyes turning a shade of blue so dark they’re almost green.
Whatever’s going on in his mind is impossible to gauge because he captures my lips in a soul-bending kiss, tongue urgently seeking out mine.
So much passion and pleasure, I’m helpless to do anything but respond in kind.
Even though he didn’t respond the way I needed him to. Didn’t tell me what I needed to hear.
He wants me to trust him but the only way I can truly do that is if he loves me. At least as much as I’m starting to love him.
I’m not sure he can understand that distinction because I don’t completely understand it myself. But as far as I’m concerned, that’s the only barrier keeping us apart.
Falling in love with him was inevitable but trusting him is going to be much, much harder.