Chapter 34
Courtney
The invitation to high tea with the queen came in about a week ago but I’ve been so busy I forgot all about it.
Between keeping up with Micah, and then spending my evenings with Daniil, there isn’t a lot of time for socializing.
However, when I woke up this morning, Daniil and the baby were already gone, a note on the nightstand reminding me about tea.
Sweetheart—have a good time at tea! Micah and I are going to the gym and then we’re going to hang out with Sandor and the twins while you ladies do your thing. See you later.—D
Christ, I don’t even know what I’m supposed to wear to tea with a queen. Casey is usually very laid back and casual, but I meant to ask Lennox if this is something different and forgot to do that as well.
I quickly send her a text, get the information I need, and decide to wear a casual but pretty calf-length skirt with a fitted vest that laces up the front.
It’s the same outfit I wore to Lennox’s bachelorette party, and I’m glad I fit into it again.
I’ve actually lost weight since being at the palace, which makes no sense since I’m eating a lot more.
Of course, I also have a lot more time to myself because I have…
a partner. Someone who’s involved in Micah’s life full-time.
Not just a babysitter, or Uncle Landon coming to town for a few days at a time.
And it’s nice. Nicer than I thought it would be.
Or maybe I just convinced myself doing it on my own was no big deal because I didn’t want to believe it could be better with Daniil.
Lennox meets me in the hallway at noon and she grins at me. “You look beautiful.”
“So do you!” I respond.
She wrinkles her nose. “I’m a million months pregnant, with twins, and feel as big as a house already.”
“But think of your two beautiful babies,” I say, taking her arm. “I mean, you love the two you have—this will just be more of the same.”
“Two more boys,” she whispers. “No one knows that, and I haven’t told Sandor yet, but the ultrasound tech let it slip.”
“Oh.” I look at her. “Is that bad?”
“It’s not bad but… how the hell am I going to manage four toddlers, not to mention four boys? It took us months to find a nanny to handle two of them—she’ll run screaming if we saddle her with four!”
“Have you thought about…not working?” I ask quietly.
Her eyes widen. “Not a chance in hell. I am not the one to be a stay-at-home mom. No way, no how. Sandor knew that from the get-go. He’s the one who wants a big family, so finding a nanny is his job.”
“More than four?” I ask dubiously.
She laughs. “He would have me popping out babies until menopause. But I’m done. This is my last pregnancy. If he wants more, there will be a surrogate in our future. Or we’ll adopt. I’m not doing this—” She motions to her stomach. “—again.”
“It’s almost over, though.”
Before I can say anything else, we walk into a private dining room I’ve never been to before and it’s been magically transformed into what I imagine a Victorian tearoom would look like. Ornate decorations, candelabras, delicate lace tablecloths, and breathtaking flower arrangements.
“She really went all out,” I whisper.
“Every time we do it there’s a different theme. She went Victorian this time around. Last time was steampunk—that was a blast.”
There’s no time to talk about it because Casey approaches us with a friendly smile, giving us each a hug and leaning down to whisper something to Lennox’s belly.
“She’s singing rock lyrics to the babies,” Lennox stage whispers. “So that they don’t wind up with Sandor’s musical tastes. He likes fusion jazz.”
I laugh. “Yikes.”
“Exactly.”
“Come sit with me!” Elen calls to us.
I haven’t spent a lot of time with her but if things continue with Daniil and me, she’ll be my sister-in-law, so it makes sense for us to get to know each other.
“Growing up with three brothers, I always wanted a sister,” Elen says as we settle at one of the tables. “Now I’m hopefully going to have two!”
“We’re nowhere near that point yet,” I say quickly, “but I always wanted a sister too. I grew up surrounded by my brother and all his friends. He played football so the house was always overrun with his teammates. It’s no wonder I became a tomboy.”
“You look pretty girlie to me,” Lennox teases.
“It’s taken some work over the years, but it’s better now that I’m out of the military.”
“Tomboy or not, Daniil seems to like you.” Elen grins.
“I like him too,” I admit.
“Are you going to stay?” she asks after someone delivers three different pots of teas and explains what they are to us.
“I don’t know,” I say carefully. “My life is in the U.S. His is here. We’re trying to find a compromise. We’re just not sure what it’s going to be.”
Elen cocks her head. “Is there no universe where you would be happy here?”
“It’s not about being happy,” I hedge. How do I explain my fears about Micah’s safety to Elen, when she has a child too?
“I think maybe we’re pushing her into a corner,” Lennox interjects gently. “And we don’t want her to feel like we’re ganging up on her.”
“No, I’m okay,” I say. “It’s just…she’s right. I think Daniil is trying so hard to prove himself to me that we’ve avoided all the serious conversations we should be having—like whether or not I could ever be happy here.”
“Duh. You’re too busy having sex up in Party Central.” Elen snickers.
“Party Central?” I ask in confusion.
“That’s what those of us that rarely attend the parties call the rooftop pool area,” Lennox says.
“Because we’re married, pregnant, and/or not interested in letting anyone watch,” Elen adds. “No offense.”
“No offense taken. And you’re right. We’ve been busy having fun…instead of thinking about more serious things.”
“It might be time,” Elen says firmly, though her voice is light.
“Ugh. You guys are depressing me,” I respond.
“Okay, how about we just enjoy tea and we can table these conversations for another time?” Lennox suggests.
“Thank you,” I say softly. I lift my teacup and take a sip, letting the rich, creamy flavor distract me from my thoughts.
Daniil keeps promising he’ll do whatever it takes to make me trust him—and I’m starting to believe him.
But the truth is that it’s a lot more complicated than that.
How do I let myself continue falling in love with a man whose very existence puts our child in danger?
At the same time, after the last six weeks, how can I just walk away?
“Has my brother at least taken you to see some of the sights here in our beautiful country?” Elen asks. “I heard about a very romantic helicopter ride.”
I grin. “That was the best. And yes, he’s shown me around a little. Our trip to the sea was wonderful too.”
“There’s a lot of beauty here.”
“And wonderful people,” Lennox adds. “You know, like me.”
“You’re definitely a bonus,” I say. “Jesper, not so much.”
Elen’s eyes widen. “Jesper? What did he do?”
I give them a brief description of what happened, as well as an overview of the conversation Daniil told me they had.
“I’ve never seen Jesper jealous before,” Elen says thoughtfully. “Not even when they were newly broken up.”
“He’s been a lot more serious lately,” Lennox adds. “Like he has something on his mind.”
“You think it has anything to do with me?” I ask worriedly.
“No, but there’s no way to be sure. I’ll mention it to Sandor, see if he’s noticed anything.”
“I don’t want to cause trouble,” I say quickly.
“You aren’t the one causing trouble,” Elen says. “I’ll skin him alive if he tries to come between you! I mean, he never had a problem with Daniil and Eddie or any of his other girlfriends.”
I wince.
I hadn’t realized Eddie was someone Daniil actually hooked up with, but Elen spots someone she recognizes and excuses herself to go say hello.
“You okay?” Lennox asks softly once Elen is gone.
“Yeah. I just have a lot to think about.”
“Don’t worry about Jesper. Or Eddie. Neither of them is competition, even if Jesper is having some kind of jealous episode. Daniil has had years to be with either of them and chose not to—you’re the only one in his life.”
“It’s more about Micah’s safety than anything else.”
“The danger isn’t as acute as you think it is,” she says, her gaze pensive.
“I know you saw something traumatic. Leaving me behind that day…I understand how that must have made you feel. But bad things happen all the time. And as we already discussed, I could give you a dozen examples of ways you and Micah will be safer here than back in the U.S., but at the end of the day, it boils down to how much you’re willing to risk to be with a man you love.
You said it’s too soon to know, but I knew the first time Sandor kissed me.
And I think you know too—you’re just afraid to admit it. ”
“There isn’t much that scares me,” I say after a moment. “But loving a man like Daniil? It’s terrifying.”
“Why?”
“Because he’s royalty. Because he and Jesper had two children and he didn’t think twice about walking away from them once the marriage ended even though he said that’s what Jesper wanted.
I know some of it is my own insecurity, but when it’s all said and done, I don’t want him to change into the man he thinks I need him to be just so he can be a part of Micah’s life. That’s the last thing I want.”
“Then tell him,” Lennox says firmly. “Everything you just told me.”
“Once I tell him how I feel, there won’t be any turning back.”
“Find out how he feels first,” she whispers. “Once he bares his soul to you, you won’t want to turn back. Trust me.”
I can only hope she’s right.