Chapter 7 #2
Elizabeth realised how much he had misjudged him.
“I feel the need to apologise to you, Mr. Darcy. I am perhaps just now seeing you for who you truly are. In Hertfordshire, I believed you to be rather arrogant. Yesterday and today, you have shown yourself differently. You have been more … open than I would have expected.”
“Miss Elizabeth,” he began but then paused before speaking again.
“I was haughty and arrogant when I was in Meryton. I was still angry over the events of the summer, and then I was frustrated and uncertain of … something, and it caused me to retreat even further into myself. Shortly after I arrived in London, I had a dream that made me aware of some things about myself and I have sought to change how others perceive me as a result.”
“I have been impressed by the change, Mr. Darcy,” she replied. “In Hertfordshire, I thought you disdained me and my family—well, not only them, but the entire town.”
He stopped and released her arm, walking a short distance from Elizabeth. “I do not despise any of you, Miss Elizabeth. I cannot apologise enough for my behaviour and how it led to so many having a poor impression of me. I especially would like to take steps to change your opinion of me.”
“Why would you care for my good opinion, sir?” she asked, confused by his statement. “I know you apologised for your ‘tolerable’ comment, but you and I have done little but argue in the whole of our acquaintance.”
“I never viewed our discussions as arguments. I enjoyed them very much and was always impressed by your ability and willingness to debate with me.”
She tilted her head and examined him, causing him to flush slightly under the attention. “I thought we were arguing. You did not think me impertinent?”
“I thought you were challenging and everything lovely,” he replied, causing her cheeks to heat.
“I am more accustomed to women who behave more like Miss Bingley, women who would change their opinion ten times in one conversation to agree with anything I said. I found you refreshing and interesting, and I … I have come to admire you greatly. I would like your permission to call on you.” The words left him in a rush.
Elizabeth stopped and looked at him, mouth agape. “You … you admire me? But you stared at me so often. You were not looking to find fault?”
“I did not realise I watched you quite so overtly, but aside from one foolish comment early in our acquaintance, I have always looked at you in admiration,” he said, and then sighed as he admitted, “Early in our acquaintance, Miss Bingley caught me in a weak moment, and I confessed my admiration for your eyes. That was why she became so pointed in her attacks against you. She was jealous of the attention I paid to you.”
“Why?” she demanded. “Surely you could have your pick of women in society—women who are in your circle and have the connections and wealth you expected to obtain through marriage.”
“Will you think me proud if I agree with that statement?” he asked, wincing at the words even as he spoke to them.
“I am twenty-seven, Elizabeth; I have been in society and attended events for nearly a decade. I despise most women of the ton. Too many are like Caroline Bingley, who speak only of gossip, fashion, and the weather, and look down on and criticise all others. I have never wanted to marry a woman like that.”
He rubbed the back of his neck before continuing.
“My parents were deeply in love, and as a child, watching them, I wanted that for myself. I wanted to marry a woman who would partner with me, one who would love me in return. A woman who would love my people and assist me as we run Pemberley and my other estates. Hundreds of people are under my care, between the servants and tenants and others who rely on Pemberley for their prosperity.”
He looked at her earnestly. “I have watched you, watched how you treat others, and believe you would make an excellent mistress of any estate. However, I also confess, I hope that someday you could agree to become the mistress of mine … and of my heart.”
Shocked was an understatement for what Elizabeth felt when she heard those words. So many thoughts ran through her head, and she could not begin to handle them all. So, she latched onto the simplest one to address first. “You called me Elizabeth,” she said.
“I apologise,” he said immediately. “I did not realise I had done so. In my thoughts, you are Elizabeth to me.”
“I was not reprimanding you; I am merely trying to make sense of what you said.” She arched an eyebrow as she spoke again. “It seemed the easiest to address.”
“I would like to know you better if you are willing,” he pleaded. “I asked yesterday if we might start over, and while I had no intention of speaking of all of this today, once I started, I could not help but blurt it out. While I would like to ask for your hand in marriage, I …”
She cut him off with a word. “I believe I accept, Mr. Darcy,” she said softly.
He stared at her in fascination. “You accept? What … what exactly are you accepting?”
“Your offer of marriage,” she replied steadily.
“I do not love you … yet, but I believe I could. I have seen a side of you this last day that I respect and admire, and I will confess that hearing your idea of marriage affected me since it is so closely aligned to my own. It is what I have always hoped for in marriage. I am not suggesting we marry tomorrow since I would like some time to learn more about you, but I accept your proposal. However, perhaps it would be best to acknowledge only a courtship for the present and wait until we are both in Hertfordshire to announce an engagement.”
“Elizabeth, I want little else than to make you my wife, but … are you certain? Are you not being hasty in your decision? I will not hold you to this if you decide this is not truly what you want.”
“Perhaps we should court while we are in Kent, and then, before you depart, if you still wish to marry me, we can speak of it again.” Elizabeth laughed at herself for a moment.
“Somehow, I feel that our marriage is inevitable. I have come to think of you very differently over the last several months. It is as if all I have learned of you since you left has been preparing me to see you again here.”
He pulled her into his embrace. “Elizabeth,” he breathed, pressing a tender kiss to her forehead.
They remained embraced for several minutes before he pulled back.
Looking around them, he saw a fallen log where they could sit, and he laid his greatcoat on it to make a seat for her.
After helping her sit, he took her hand in his and stroked it as they talked.
“Elizabeth,” he began again, “we cannot court openly here. Since my father died, my aunt has insisted that I am engaged to her daughter. I am not, and I do not care what my family may say about our connection. Please do not misunderstand me in this, but my aunt will be livid when she hears that I am courting you. I am not as certain what my uncle may say, but I do not care. I am my own man. I love you, and that means more than wealth and connections. Even if I had not met you, I would never have married Anne.”
“Now I ask if you are certain of this, Mr. Darcy?” Elizabeth asked, stiffening a little and attempting to pull her hand from his grasp.
He would not release it. “As you already know, I lack any significant connections—my most noteworthy connections consist of my aunt and uncle in London, who are engaged in trade. They are my favourite relations and are wholly unlike the rest of my family. I know my mother can be mortifying, and my younger sisters are unchecked in their behaviour. But the Gardiners are genteel and refined, and I learned much from them when I visited their home in London. I will not give them up.” She said the last defiantly.
Darcy closed his eyes and breathed deeply before opening them again.
“I apologise for giving the impression that I think poorly of your family. I have been selfish and rude, forgetting what my parents taught me. Your mother is little different from many women in the ton, and perhaps less mercenary than many. She may lack refinement, but you have met my Aunt Catherine, whose pronouncements are not only foolish but ill-mannered. I come to Rosings each year to ensure she has not bankrupted her estate, yet because she is the daughter of an earl and my aunt, I have never censured her for her inappropriate words. Forgive me for ever thinking meanly of anyone associated with you, my dearest Elizabeth.”
She removed one hand from his and tenderly caressed his face. “I am realising Miss Bingley might have been correct in at least one thing: you truly are the best of men, Mr. Darcy.”
He closed his eyes and leaned into her touch. “William,” he breathed.
She cocked her head. “What?”
He opened his eyes and smiled lovingly at her before raising one hand to imitate her caress on his cheek. “My sister calls me William, and I hope you will do the same. I desperately want to hear my name from your lips.”
“Oh,” she said as she dropped her hand to his chest. “Then, you are truly the best of men, William.”
He held her another moment before standing abruptly. “Elizabeth, my love, I know you have accepted my courtship and we have an understanding of sorts, but since I cannot speak to your father for several more weeks, we will need to be careful.”
“Do you mean you should be careful so we are not observed?”
He looked down to where she still sat. “No. Well, yes, that too. Elizabeth, my dear, you do not know what you do to me, do you? You have no idea how attractive you are and how much I want to kiss you.”
Elizabeth’s face coloured and her mouth dropped open. “Oh,” she replied.
He scrubbed his hand down his face. “My aunt cannot know of our understanding. I worry how she will act when she learns of it, and I prefer to have you far away when she does.”
“As much as I hate to keep it a secret from my friend, I think it best if we say nothing to anyone in the parsonage. Charlotte already suspects something, so you will need to be careful not to visit the parsonage too often,” Elizabeth replied.
“While Charlotte will likely be pleased to learn she is right, Mr. Collins will be unhappy. Especially as he told me that I would never receive another offer of marriage.”
Darcy had been pacing in front of her, but as soon as she said that, he stopped walking to turn and gape at her. “What?”