Chapter 15 #2
He was not at all the affable, conversant walking companion she had come to know.
She rightly attributed his demeanour to the scene that had unfolded at church the day before.
Mr. Collins had insisted Ben sit beside him during the sermon, much to Ben’s consternation, for he dearly wished to sit with his friend whom he had not seen in days.
Standing outside the church before the sermon began, Ben deliberately ignored Mr. Collins’s stern rebuke and appealed directly to his mother for permission to sit with Mr. Darcy and Colonel Fitzwilliam.
Awkwardly, Elizabeth sided with her intended.
The proud gentleman made no pretence of containing his satisfaction as he led the child and his mother inside.
The sight of the two people who had come to mean everything to him being led away by another man was more than he wished to bear and yet, there was nothing Darcy could say or do to alter things.
Darcy who, indeed, had been rather subdued since their initial greeting that morning caught Elizabeth wholly unawares with the intensity of his plea.
“In vain, I have struggled not to act upon our undeniable attraction to one another, but rather to allow us to become better acquainted without crossing the boundaries of your ill-judged arrangement with your cousin. It will not do.
“It was all I could do not to take you and Ben by the hand and lead you from the church yesterday. It is increasingly heart wrenching to see just how miserable Ben is under the gentleman’s tutelage. It is equally tormenting to witness your suffering, as well.”
Darcy moved nearer to Elizabeth and took her into his arms, as though it were the most natural thing in the world. “I want you, Elizabeth, with every fibre of my being. I want you. You and I belong together. I long to be by your side. I want you to be mine.”
His lips met hers for the very first time. Warm, moist, and inviting, it was all he dreamed it would be and more. He was beyond pleased. Darcy knew in that moment this was the woman with whom he would spend the rest of his life.
Her passionate response confirmed that which he already knew, she desired him just as much as he desired her. Moreover, he would have her. The very thought he would have her brought him back to the stark reality that she was not his—not yet.
Darcy ceased his amorous attentions to her lips.
“Please, forgive me—for my trespass against you. I had no right. I can offer no excuse other than to confess you mean the world to me. There is not a day that goes by that I do not wish to be with you. I want you in my life; please say you will share the rest of your days with me.”
The abrupt cessation of his lips on hers brought Elizabeth around to her right mind, as well.
Enveloped in his arms felt wonderfully fitting.
Yet, how could it be? Fighting against her body’s own aching desire and her lonely heart’s ardent pleading, she pulled herself from his gentle embrace, turned, and walked a few steps away.
“That is hardly a persuasive plea Mr. Darcy. Do you really expect me to turn my back on a decent and honourable man for a chance to be your mistress?”
Darcy went to her, reached out, and took her hand. “My mistress? You are my mistress—the mistress of my heart. Moreover, yes, for I am offering you more—to be mistress of my home, mistress of Pemberley. I love you, most ardently. Please do me the honour of accepting my hand.”
The look of unsuspecting surprise that overspread her lovely countenance urged the resumption of Darcy’s heartfelt proposal.
“I wish to be the one who takes care of you and your son. I want the two of you in my life. I will honour and protect the two of you. If you will but trust me and come away with me today, you will have no cause for regret.”
“Surely, you see the fault in your proposal, Mr. Darcy. The reality of our situations is that we both are spoken for, regardless of whether you choose to acknowledge the truth of the matter.”
“I will never marry my cousin! I am in love with you. I intend to devote my life to you.”
“Does Miss Anne de Bourgh know that?”
“Let us not speak of Anne. That matter is easily settled.
It is your encumbrance, alone, that stands in our way.
Deny him. Forget him. Break your arrangement with him today, so we might leave here together.
You need not return to Hertfordshire and suffer the disappointment of your family. I want you and Ben with me.
“Come away with me. I wish to be the one who takes care of you and your son.” He stroked the back of her hand tenderly.
“What is the purpose? I have made my choice for my future and that of my son. Sadly, it does not include you.” The disheartened look in her eyes instilled in her words a sense of hopelessness.
“How would I find happiness with you when I know it comes at the expense of a decent and respectable man and his two young daughters?”
Elizabeth removed her hands from his. Speaking the words destined to cause both of them enormous pain, she continued, “If you love me half as much as you profess, I beseech you to let go of this undeniable hold you have over me. If you love me, let me go.”
“I do love you! But if you insist upon staying the unwise course of this path you have chosen for yourself, I will not interfere.” Darcy paused and put some distance between them. “I will not stand by idly and watch as you throw your life away—commit yourself forever to a man whom you do not love.”
A blaze of thinly disguised annoyance ripped through him.
Reluctantly and painfully conceding the fact that she needed time to see for herself that which was abundantly clear to him already, as well as the fact that he could only be in the way, Darcy resumed his portentous speech.
“Collins is not the man for you. However, I will leave Kent, thereby allowing for no further interference in your courtship, if it is what you want. Is this indeed what you truly wish for, Elizabeth?”
“I do. I made a promise to Mr. Collins. I intend to honour it, and not because of some misguided notion of loyalty to my family, but because he is a good, upstanding man who deserves nothing less than the trust he has bestowed in me by offering his hand and bringing us all together to become acquainted with one another before becoming a family.
He has done everything to live up to his part of the arrangement and has asked nothing more of me than I give us a chance.
“All I ask of you is to allow me to do just that.”
“Very well, madam. I will honour your request. I will return to town on the morrow. I do love you—enough to let you go your own way, to discover without further interference from me if he is the man for you.
“What I would ask of you is to allow me to see Ben before I go. I wish to be the one to impart the news of my departure.” Their eyes met. Darcy drew in his lower lip whilst awaiting her response. Elizabeth’s heart turned somersaults.
Deeply attuned to his hurting, for she suffered it as well, she spoke softly, “Have I ever purposely set out to keep the two of you apart?”
“You have not. I thank you for that.” Heart-wrenchingly silent moments later, he continued, “There is only one other thing I would ask of you.” Darcy took Elizabeth’s hand in his.
“Do not find yourself in a position where you need anything at all and be unwilling to turn to me. I will always be there for you.” Darcy reached out to caress her face for what he prayed would not be the last time.
He stared deeply into her eyes and uttered softly, slowly, “Always.”