Chapter 8 #2
Charlotte was not there since the Lucases were not invited to this dinner, but there were a couple of other young ladies that Elizabeth was familiar with. She went over to them and began chatting, trying her best to maintain her cheerfulness in the face of confusion.
At dinner, Elizabeth was relieved to find that she was not seated anywhere close to Mr. Darcy. She did notice, however, that he was pleasantly conversing with Mrs. Goulding on one side and Miss Smith on the other.
After dinner, it continued. Despite his confession of love that afternoon, he still did not seek her out. Rather, he spoke with just about everyone else in the room.
She became quite anxious wondering when he would speak with her. She even began to doubt her own memory of their conversation. Perhaps she had misinterpreted what he said. Perhaps she was not the one he was in love with after all.
Towards the end of the evening, he finally came over to her. “Have you enjoyed your evening, Miss Elizabeth?” he asked.
Elizabeth looked up at him. She knew the confusion she felt was written clearly on her face. “You confuse me, Mr. Darcy,” she said.
He chuckled. The warmth she had seen in his eyes that afternoon returned.
“I am not surprised,” he said. “I imagine that from your perspective I went to London a few days ago and returned as a completely different man. It isn’t an inaccurate picture to be honest. I have changed a great deal in the last few days. ”
“And are these changes temporary or permanent?” she asked.
“I believe they are permanent,” he said.
“What has changed is my view of myself and others. I have a completely different understanding of the world around me. That is not something that is typically transient. Such soul-shaking realizations are the greatest force for change someone can experience.”
“So you aren’t behaving differently simply to attract the attention of some lady you fancy?” she asked, deliberately leaving her question vague. She still did not truly believe he even liked her.
He chuckled again, and the sound made her want to smile. She clamped down on her jaw to prevent it. She did not wish to give this man any encouragement.
“I would do a great deal to attract her attention,” he said, “but she is not the reason for my altered behavior.
No. A few days ago, it was brought home to me in a rather forceful way that I had made a rather poor impression on the people here.
I was accused of having no respect for anyone.
This confused me, because at home I am regarded as being an excellent master and landlord.
I respect the knowledge of those who work the land, and I respect the hard work of those who manage my home.
“What I eventually realized was that I did not lack respect for these people. Rather, I have become complaisant and selective in who I am comfortable associating with. I decided that it was time to be less comfortable and more sociable.”
Elizabeth had no earthly idea how to respond to such an explanation. She believed him. He was always so serious that she could not doubt him. Yet, she did not know what to say. “I see,” were the only words she could say.
“Now, Miss Elizabeth, I have answered your question,” he said. “Perhaps you can answer mine.”
“And what question is that?” she asked.
“Have you enjoyed your evening?” he asked, smiling very slightly.
It was such a mundane question, hardly deserving of being asked once, much less twice. The ridiculousness of him insisting that she answer it combined with the tension that had been building within her all evening. She suddenly burst out laughing.
She knew she was attracting attention with her display, but she hardly cared.
When her laughter abated, she said, “It has been mixed, I’m afraid.
I always enjoy being with my friends and neighbors, but there is one person here who has puzzled me greatly.
Since I could not make him out, my enjoyment was slightly muted. ”
“I apologize,” he said. “I would never wish to take enjoyment from you.”
Elizabeth sighed, letting go of any tension that remained after her bout of laughter. Then she waved one hand as if shooing away a fly. “There is no need to apologize for that,” she said. “You have pleased my neighbors a great deal with your manners tonight. I can hardly reprimand you for that.”
“I see,” he said. Apparently, it was his turn to not know what to say.
“I have been wondering how you managed to come by an invitation so soon after returning to the neighborhood,” said Elizabeth. “Not that you are unwelcome,” she hurried to add when she realized her words might be considered rude.
“After I left Longbourn this afternoon, I made my way to Lucas Lodge,” he said.
“I wished to apologize to Sir William for any slight I may have given him in the past. Additionally, I requested his assistance in circulating among the local society so that I might have more opportunity to be in your company. He helped me acquire an invitation to this dinner party.”
“I find it odd that you would go out of your way to solicit an invitation so that you could be in my company simply for the purpose of ignoring me for hours on end,” said Elizabeth.
Secretly, she was flattered that he would make such an effort, but her overwhelming emotion was still confusion.
“I wished for you to see for yourself that my opinions and behaviors have changed,” he said. “If I simply declared that I was a changed man, you would doubt me, but if you saw it for yourself, you might find it easier to believe.”
Elizabeth thought this sounded as though he had made these changes only to gain her attention, but she did not say so.
“Well, Mr. Darcy, I believe it is time to discuss something a little less emotionally fraught. Tell me about your sister. It was a delight to meet her today, though I did not get much opportunity to speak with her.”
Their conversation smoothed out after that. While Elizabeth still couldn’t say she was comfortable in Mr. Darcy’s presence, she did notice that he spoke well and conversed easily when he wished to. They chatted until the Bennets’ carriage was called.
For the entire drive home, Elizabeth’s mind held little else than the mysterious gentleman from Derbyshire.