25
‘You need not fear.’ He stepped on to the balcony. ‘Lord Stewart has been escorted from the premises. It is safe for you to …’
His voice trailed off as she ran past him and closed the French window.
‘What are you doing?’ He regarded her strangely, perhaps fearing that in her panic she had lost her reason. ‘Let me call Lady Justina, who can comfort you.’
Heart thudding, she moved closer. ‘Stay, I beg you. We have to talk. Now, while I have the courage.’
He studied her, then removed his tailcoat. ‘You are shivering.’
‘Thank you.’ She turned so that he could wrap the coat round her shoulders. ‘And forgive me for imposing. But I must, otherwise I can have no peace of mind.’
‘I will listen.’ He glanced at the window, as if to check that the curtains were fully drawn. ‘But be quick. It would be better not to be discovered out here alone.’
She hesitated, frantically seeking a place to start. ‘Your letter. The first sentence. Be not alarmed, madam …’ She met his eye. ‘Remember?’
‘I thought it best to reassure you …’
‘Yes. And you kept your word. Ever since meeting me again in Brussels, you have made no attempt to renew your suit. Understandably, given my circumstances.’
He looked away, as if in recollection. ‘If I am honest, it was only some weeks after Hunsford that I mastered my emotions, and convinced myself to renounce forever what I could not have.’
‘But suppose …’ Elizabeth struggled to speak. ‘Suppose that the impossible became …’ She broke off, overcome.
He whispered. ‘Possible?’
She nodded. ‘I know it cannot be.’ The words came in a rush. ‘My family is poor and disgraced. My every flaw has been vividly exposed to your gaze. I have mocked you, unjustly blamed you, rudely rejected you. And yet …’ Tears poured down her cheeks as she recalled the aria at the climax of Fidelio. ‘Miracles can happen, darkness turn to light. Even when all hope seems lost.’
‘Be calm.’ He glanced again at the window; she realised she had raised her voice, and moved to the balustrade, trying to control her sobs.
A handkerchief was pressed into her palm. She turned, and dabbed her eyes. ‘Forgive me. You have your bride— beautiful, charming, gifted. But I could not stop myself. Even if they served no purpose, the words had to be said.’
‘I was aware …’ He was gentle. ‘That in some respects you had moderated your opinion of me. We have talked as friendly acquaintances, and even confided in one another. I see too that a marriage between us would transform the prospects of your mother and sisters, for whom you feel a duty of care.’
She raised her hands, as if fending him off. ‘All that is true, and I love your sister. But I speak now because of you, and you alone. I want to say, while I still can, that you are not just a friendly acquaintance but my dream, the man I instinctively feel I belong with, the man whose precious love I once cast aside and now crave. I realise I have no claim on you. Nor much to offer. No dowry, no family connections, no talents worth mentioning …’ She covered her face, unable to continue.
‘I know that feeling.’ He looked away over the city. ‘ In vain have I struggled. It takes one over completely. But why …’ He faced her, suddenly angry. ‘Why ever did you not say this before?’
She flinched. ‘I did not know …’
He nodded, and his voice softened. ‘It was the same for me, in Hertfordshire. I was in the middle before I knew I had begun.’
Elizabeth fell silent, drained. ‘If only I had realised before. Too late now.’
‘Why too late?’
She shivered, and looked into his eyes, now observing her with a tenderness she had seen only for Georgiana.
He took her shoulders, protected by the firm fabric of his coat. ‘My dearest, loveliest Elizabeth.’
She realised she had stopped breathing, and gasped for air. ‘Dear Mr Darcy, this cannot be.’
‘It will be. I prove it—thus.’ He leaned forward, and their lips brushed.
A glow passed through her, and she felt her limbs melt. Could this be real? Her arms went around him and they kissed repeatedly, so absorbed that neither heard the curtains part or the French window open.
‘What is this?’
They sprang apart as a shocked Justina stared at them from the doorway.
There was nothing to say. In the dim light Elizabeth saw her friend’s expression change from astonishment to pain, and then fury, before Justina swept the curtain aside and retreated into the drawing room.