Chapter 19 My ridedie – Briar
MY RIDE OR DIE
brIAR
Now
I’m faintly aware of Remi climbing over me as she attempts to escape the bed without my notice. My eyelids are heavy, but I peel them open.
“Good morning, Remi-roo.” Her perfect little face peers up at me, and I tense when her dark eyes linger on mine. The green in her eyes sparkles in the early morning sun that streams in through her little window. The same eyes that plagued my nightmares last night.
Remi’s brow furrows with concern and she reaches for my chin. “Mommy, what happened?” she asks with a frown and instantly, I regret not cleaning up in the bathroom when I got home last night. What I must look like…
I push myself up, hiding my face from her as much as I can. “Umm, Mommy had an accident at the studio last night.”
“An accident?” She blinks up at me, still sleepy. She’s not a morning person.
“Mhmm.” I agree, searching to change the subject. “Are you hungry? Auntie Lily went shopping yesterday and got your favorite cereal.”
Her expression immediately brightens. “Cinnamon sugars?”
“Cinnamon sugars,” I confirm, forcing a smile. “Let’s go get some!’
She nods eagerly and I take her hand, leading her to the kitchen where I find Lily, sipping on a cup of coffee as she scrolls through videos on her phone.
“Morning, Remicoaster,” she teases before her eyes lift to mine. “Jesus fucking Christ—” Lily catches herself before she falls sideways off of her stool.
“Auntie Lily, can you get some cinnamon sugars for Remi?” I say pointedly, my eyes boring into hers. “Mommy needs to shower before class.”
Lily’s mouth snaps shut, but she does nothing to wipe the horrified expression off her face.
Her eyes promise me we’ll talk about this later before she musters up a smile, jumping off her stool to scoop Remi up into her arms, flying her around the kitchen like an airplane before pretending to hit the brakes right outside the cereal cabinet.
Do airplanes have brakes? I don’t know… My head hurts.
I duck quickly into the bathroom, closing the door behind me.
I breathe once, twice, before raising my eyes to face myself in the mirror.
Okay, it’s not—it could be worse. I hardly recognize the sight of myself staring back at me. Dried blood trickles down from my nose; my lip is split in two places, and a dark purple bruise blooms on my left cheek—that one will be hard to hide.
I slowly peel Koen’s sweatshirt off, hating that I’d slept in it, and hating that I can smell him on it… a dark, musky scent, a mix of leather and citrus. I wince as I struggle out of the heavy hoodie, inspecting the deep burn on my neck from Lorenzo’s cigarette before turning on the shower.
Wanting nothing more than to wash away the horror of last night from my body, I climb right in.
It’s a mistake.
The stream of water hits the slices in my back and I can’t hold in my scream, clasping my hand over my mouth to keep the sound from reaching Lily and Remi in the next room, screaming into my palm.
The burn of the water against my raw back nearly causes me to black out and I twist out of the stream, leaning my forehead against the cool tile until it eases.
I force myself back under the heavy stream when I think I can take it, only to cringe back out the second the water makes contact with the wounds.
I repeat this several times until I’m sure it’s rinsed clean enough before climbing shakily out of the bathtub. Holding the towel tight to my chest, I’m unable to muster up the courage to attempt to wrap it around my back.
I open the bathroom door and nearly jolt back at the sight of Lily in the doorway.
“Talk.”
“I don’t want to talk about it, Lil.” I shoulder past her into my little closet of a room, right across the hall from Remi’s.
Technically, it’s not meant to be a bedroom.
The apartment listing was for a two bedroom plus office, but we made do.
The room is just big enough for a double bed and bureau, with no closet.
Lily doesn’t take no for an answer, following me, her eyes catching on the exposed wounds on my back.
“What the fuck—” she starts.
“Where’s Remi?” I ask, cutting her off.
“She’s watching TV,” Lily replies quickly. I can’t even describe the level of concern in her eyes. “Briar, you need to go to the hospital.”
“No. No hospital.” I shake my head, sinking down to the mattress, wrapping myself in my comforter while carefully avoiding letting anything touch my back. “It’s the first place they’ll look.”
I don’t know that for certain. But it’s what I would do if I were out there, looking for me.
“The first place who would look?” Her brow creases as she tries to make sense of what I’m saying.
“The O’Rourkes,” I bite out, laying my head down,
Her eyes go wide. “The Irish did this to you?”
“No,” I start. “They rescued me…” I think. Releasing a deep sigh, I fill Lily in on everything that happened last night.
“Oh my god.”
“I know.”
“That’s—what could’ve—” She starts and fails.
“I know,” I say, quieter this time.
“Did you call the police?”
“No,” I admit, staring at my toes.
There’s a long pause before she speaks again. “Don’t you think you should?”
I sigh. I’ve thought about it, almost did when I spotted a cop car parked around the corner from our apartment last night but…
“I think the police are in on it.”
“You can’t be serious.”
“Remember Daniel? The regular from the bar?”
She nods. I’d mentioned him a few times. “He was the one that found me listening.”
Lily blows out a breath. “Shit…”
“And we both know what Koen is involved with…” My eyes lift to find hers and she winces.
“Koen rescued you?”
“Koen was there,” I state as a matter of fact.
Did he save me?
Yes? Maybe?
I didn’t exactly stick around to find out what his intentions were. Somehow, I doubt the leader of the Irish mafia goes around breaking up trafficking rings in his downtime, seeing as how he’s likely profiting from them himself.
And the way his brother killed Lorenzo… I can’t get the image out of my brain; it’s on an endless loop. A horror movie I can’t shut off. It was gruesome.
No, there was something more going on, some other reason they were there. Maybe I stumbled into a mafia turf war or something.
“Do you regret not telling him about Remi?” Lily asks, dropping her voice lower.
“No. If anything, what happened last night only reaffirms my decision to keep her a secret. Koen’s dangerous. He doesn’t even know me. If he knew about her, best-case scenario is deadbeat dad; worst case—he might try to take her from me…”
“Mommy!” Remi calls from the living room. I start to rise, but Lily stops me.
“Uh-uh, no way, lay your ass back down. You’re not going anywhere today.”
“I can’t miss work,” I protest.
“You can’t turn up looking like that either… at the very least you need more sleep. Your eyes are bloodshot.”
I can’t argue with that.
“I can cover you at the studio today.” I open my mouth to argue but she cuts me off. “Nope. I don’t want to hear it. You can miss one day. Get your ass in that bed. I’ll get Remi ready and drop her off at preschool on the way to the studio.”
“Fine. But I want a Remi kiss before you guys leave!”
“Done.” Lily smiles, satisfied.
“Thanks, Lil.”
“Of course.”