Chapter 26 Watched – Briar
WATCHED
brIAR
Now
I can’t sleep.
Restless energy vibrates just under the surface and, as tired as I am, as much as my eyes burn with exhaustion, I just can’t seem to fall asleep.
I don’t know how to deal—how to process this.
The walls of my bedroom should feel safe but they don’t. Nothing feels safe anymore.
How did I get myself into such a mess? Giovanni is one thing, but Koen?
Koen found me. He fucking found me. Fuck.
He thinks I might tell someone about what I saw in that warehouse the other night. What if he’s watching me? If he is, it’s only a matter of time before he finds out about Remi. Will he suspect she’s his?
Koen O’Rourke isn’t known for his mercy. I might not have known who he was when we met, but I sure as hell know who he is now. Everyone knows who he is, especially in my neighborhood. You don’t cross him and you don’t look him in the eye. Not if you want to live.
In the hours and days since I found him waiting for me in my room, I’ve been on high alert. Barely sleeping, nervously pacing, utterly fixated on the tiny, little, unshakeable feeling in the back of my brain that I’m being watched.
It could be Giovanni’s men, it could be Koen’s, or it very well could be nothing. Maybe I’m just imagining it. Paranoia setting in.
But what if it is Koen out there? He was worried I’d talk, tell the cops or go to the media, or whoever would listen, about his brother bashing some piece of shit’s face in with a baseball bat.
I’ve only told Lily. Oh god, does that put her in danger?
Even if I didn’t know about Daniel, a cop who’s clearly involved in whatever operation was going down in the dark…
The cops couldn’t be trusted and, even if they could, I wouldn’t have said anything, because honestly… Aidan O’Rourke did me a favor.
Was it gruesome?
Yes.
Am I traumatized for life?
Probably.
But I’d gotten away. I’m alive. If the Irish Devils hadn’t shown up… I don’t even want to think about where I might be right now.
Throwing off the blankets, the cold leeches into my bare feet as I pad over to the window. It’s large, dirty, and old. Our apartment building is the last one on this block that hasn’t been condemned, but judging by the state of it, it’s only a matter of time.
I hadn’t bothered with curtains. The building next door has sat abandoned for over a decade. I haven’t needed them—couldn’t afford them, if I’m being honest. Why the fuck do curtains cost so much money anyway?
I lean up against my window frame, staring down into the dark alley under my window. It’s empty, except for the dark corner of shadow I can’t quite see into. My eyes narrow as the light bends and I swear I catch a glimpse of movement—
“You need me to drop Remi at daycare again tomorrow?”
I jump a mile at the sound of Lily’s voice, finding her leaning in the doorway out to the hall.
“You okay?” There’s concern in her eyes and alarm at my reaction.
A chill races up my spine, and I look back over my shoulder into the shadow of the alley below again, finding nothing, and rubbing my arm to comfort myself.
Stop it. You’re fine. Maybe you have PTSD or something.
“What is it?” Lily comes closer, joining me at the window.
“Nothing,” I pause, scanning the alley below us again.
“I just—I don’t know. I can’t shake this feeling like I’m being watched.
” I force myself away from the window, collapsing on my bed and wrapping my arms protectively around myself, trying to calm the anxiety that feels like a live wire in my chest.
Lily looks between me and the window as if unsure what to do. Comfort me—or wage war on the empty brick alleyway outside.
“Briar, are you sure you don’t want to call the police?”
“No police.” I shoot up, and the look on my face is enough to make my best friend throw her hands up in immediate defeat.
“Okay, okay, no police. But this—” She looks over and finds me jittery, anxious and fidgeting on the bed. “This isn’t healthy.”
“I’m fine,” I lie.
“You’re not.” Lily’s tone sharpens and she takes a seat next to me on my bed.
She’s right. I feel trapped and I don’t know how to find my way out.
“Is it Gio or Koen?” she asks, her voice softening.
“Koen.” My answer is automatic, which is crazy, because Giovanni quite literally tried to sell me off in a fucking human trafficking ring, but at least I know what to expect. With Koen, I have no idea.
“Have you—have you thought about telling him?”
“About Remi?”
She nods, watching my face carefully.
I shake my head, staring down at my fingers twisting in my lap. “I can’t.”
“Do you think he’s still watching you?”
My face goes toward the window. Yes. At least it feels like he is. “I don’t know.” My words sound haunted.
Lily and Remi are leaving in a couple of days.
I rescheduled her parent teacher conference for now and if I can avoid being seen in public with Remi until they leave, that might be enough time for Koen to feel satisfied that I’m going to keep my mouth shut and move on.
He didn’t care before. The only reason he cares now is because of what I might say.
Leaving me alive is a liability. Honestly, I’m surprised he left me breathing after our encounter in my bedroom the other night.
“Koen’s dangerous,” I whisper, like even speaking his name out loud could summon the devil himself.
“You didn’t see what I saw him do at that warehouse.
He killed those men without batting an eye, precision shots to the middle of the forehead with barely a thought!
He threatened me… If he ever found out about her… ”
I shiver. “I can’t risk it,” I say, shaking my head. “Remi’s my daughter, and it’s my job to keep her safe.” Even if the threat is her own father.
Lily nods, accepting my answer. She knows Koen’s reputation just as well as I do. “How’s your back?”
My shoulder twitches involuntarily. “It’s okay,” I lie again. “It doesn’t hurt so bad anymore.”
“Doesn’t hurt as bad and doesn’t hurt are not the same thing,” she chides, reaching for the hem of my t-shirt and yanking it up so she can take a look. “You’ve torn them open again,” she sighs, dropping the shirt back into place.
I just shrug in response.
“You should be resting more.”
“I know.” My eyes drop back down to my fingers, picking at the hangnail I have along my pinky.
“But I have to dance, with the showcase coming up…” I trail off because that’s a lie.
The showcase is everything, but that’s not why I’ve been in the studio every night.
“If I stop moving, I start thinking, and when I start thinking…”
Lily wraps an arm around me, pulling me into her, sniffing out a laugh when my body tenses up. “Let me love you, dammit!”
I can’t help but let out a tight laugh. “I’m sorry. I can’t help it.”
She releases me and I stare into her hazel eyes.
“I’m sorry, Lily, I feel like I’ve been leaning on you too much with the day care runs and the babysitting.
Are you sure you want to take Remi with you to New York?
” I love my daughter but she’s a lot of work.
Work that doesn’t seem fair for Lily to have to take on.
“Don’t you dare apologize for that. You would do the same for me and we both know it.
And for the hundredth time—” she sighs audibly rolling her eyes, “—yes. Honestly, I think my parents and my brothers are more excited to see Remi than they are me.” She crosses her arms in mock annoyance, drawing a smile to my face.
“We’re in this together. I meant it back then and I mean it now.
You’re stuck with me, girl. For the long haul. ”
“I don’t deserve you,” I tell her, tears threatening the corner of my eyes.
“Maybe not,” she teases. “But you’re stuck with me anyway.”
We both laugh and, for a moment, the stress, anxiety, and weight of everything is lifted.
“Now, you owe me a movie night if I remember correctly. And I’m cashing in!”
I groan, watching her bounce toward the door, knowing she’s about to go gather enough snacks to make us sick.
“My pick!” she calls back over her shoulder.
I rise to follow her, throwing back a tense gaze over my shoulder at the darkest parts of the alley before following Lily out, closing my door behind me.