Chapter 34
Mom, Dad, Four, and Gen are sitting around the table with Remy and I. Gen’s dad, Gregory, is at the far end, flanked by two goons in suits. Like, get the fucking memo, assholes. Suits aren’t the norm here. They look like a bunch of henchmen, and I’m honestly wondering if they have guns in holsters under all that expensive fabric. Sitting next to Gregory is some expensive executive lawyer he flew in all the way from Georgia, and yeah, he’s a bit fucking intimidating. We only have a local lawyer.
And we’re all just sitting around my parents’ kitchen table like this isn’t a formal thing, even though tensions are high. And Gen is trying not to cry. Her goddamn livelihood is on the line.
Gregory’s lawyer runs his pen down the page, ticking off our list of demands. “So, the cost of repairs, the cost of income due to loss of work, compensation for your hardships, Mr. Rivers, as well as a settled upon monetary amount.” He looks up at us. “Anything missing?”
They want to settle fast without going to court. Honestly, I just want this whole thing over with, but there’s something else on Remy’s mind.
“How much was your med school, Gen?” Remy asks.
Fuck, I love him. Gen blushes, looking on the brink of more tears.
“Wait just a minute!” Gregory snaps. “She shouldn’t even be here! This incident has nothing to do with her.”
“It has everything to do with her since you made her financial situation a part of it. I want however much her med school costs to be added to the monetary agreement, and I’ll be the one paying it back myself. Don’t trust you to do it.” Remy looks at Gregory with a steely expression and coldness in his eyes. “You won’t hold this over her head anymore.”
“But—”
“Then you leave here. You can’t threaten her job or interfere with her life unless she wants you to, and you can’t hold that loan over her head. You can’t threaten Four or the Dare family, and you agree to leave them alone to live their lives how they want. I’ll leave it up to her to determine her involvement in your life. But as far as debts and lording money go, you’re done. I want it written up as part of the agreement or we’ll take this thing to court. Yes?”
Four’s eyes get watery, and I grip Remy’s hand under the table. Mom and Dad watch Remy to make sure he’s okay, and Gen straight up sobs. She reaches across the table to grab his other hand, but she’s too worked up to verbalize her gratitude.
The lawyer looks at Gregory for confirmation. He’s smart enough to know this is a good deal. Gregory, being high and mighty, obviously doesn’t like it, and his red face and narrow eyes prove it.
“Fine. Genevieve, you are no longer welcome in our home. I hope you’re happy here with this—”
“Enough,” Dad cuts him off. “She will have a home here for as long as she wants it. Nothing else needs to be said about it.”
“Draw it up,” Remy says, standing. “You’ll look it over and let us know?” he asks our lawyer. When she nods, he steps back from the table. “Good. Now get out.” He points at the door, waiting for Gregory and his entourage to leave. But something is up with him because he doesn’t wait for them to go. He heads out to the back deck while the rest of us watch Gen’s dad button his jacket and sneer on his way out.
“Zahn.” Four pulls me in for a bear hug. “I don’t even know… just… thank you.”
“Thank Remy.” I hug him back before pushing him away. “But thank him tomorrow. I… I need him right now.”
Four smirks. “You two are…” He lets that trail off with a nod of approval.
“Zahnder,” Gen says, wrapping her arms around my middle and resting her cheek against my chest. “I love you.”
“Love ya too, babe.” I kiss the top of her head and let her hug me tight. She wants to go thank Remy, but I need to steer her away. Stall her, at the very least. I push her back and hold her shoulders. “Tomorrow, okay? I gotta check on him right now.”
Mom and Dad watch me submit and openly welcome my feelings of need. Yeah, I need Remy because he just did something so incredible for my family that I just want to hug him. Touch him. Make sure he knows how fucking much I love him, even if I’m not sure what kind of love it is anymore.
“You know Remy’s always got a home here too, right?” Dad asks as I walk by. “Always has, always will.”
“No matter what,” Mom agrees.
I know that. I always have. Remy is a Dare through and through, and he’s always had a home here when his parents couldn’t parent. Nothing will change that, not even our shifting relationship. I give my parents a nod of thanks and head out back. All my brothers got kicked out for the evening while we had this meeting, and I’m kind of grateful they aren’t here to fuck shit up. Alone time with Remy is what I’m after because… fuck, he just worked Gen into our deal to save her. He saved her from having to make that decision on her own.
I throw on a coat and some boots, heading out back to find Remy smoking on the deck. Leaning against the railing, looking up at the stars, he stays silent. Humbled but wound up tight, I can’t place his mood, but whatever it is, it looks damn good on him. I stand next to him, not sure what to even say.
“I had a weird day,” he says, looking at the sky. “Tired, mostly because some asshole called me in the middle of the night and put filthy thoughts in my head.”
“Not sorry.” I smirk.
“Then I ran into Sarah at Ben’s coffee place. Cami’s Sarah.”
“Oh?”
“Asked if we would be willing to fuck around with them again.”
“You better have said no.”
Remy turns to look at me with a small smile. “I’m going in there. Wanna come?” He nods at the hot tub.
Hell yes, I’m coming. “I’ll grab towels and booze. Anything else?” What does he need right now?
Remy leans in, smelling like cigarettes. “You and booze, Zahn. That’s all I need.”
My perfect night used to be about finding something crazy to get into. But Remy and a bottle of whiskey at home, spending time alone in the hot tub, yeah… that seems like a damn perfect night.
He drops his clothes inside the door and then makes the naked mad dash through the snow to the hot tub, and I watch every damn second of it.
As Remy tells me about his girl talk with Sarah, my mind once again runs over the possibilities of cheating and what I’d do if I had been in Sarah’s shoes. As much as it fucking sucks, I don’t blame her for wanting to forgive Cami. That’s her right. Whatever.
But what’s really hanging me up is how it’d make me feel. “Hey, Rem?”
He grins at that.
“I think… don’t make fun of me.” I look at him, only able to see his chest and shoulders above the water.
“Oh, if you have to tell me not to make fun of you, I’m definitely making fun of you.”
“Fuck you.”
“Say it.” He laughs.
“I just… I think… fuck you for getting all up in here!” I pat my chest. “I think you can break me now.”
“Break your heart?” he asks, still grinning. “That what you’re trying to tell me, Zahn?”
That’s exactly what I’m trying to say, and the absurdity of it is boggling. I’ve changed my tune so fucking fast that I can’t even keep up with my own feelings anymore. I love Remy. I love him as more than a best friend, and now that I do, it’s giving me a vulnerability I never thought I’d have. But it’s also creating dreams I never knew I’d want and offering hope for a future that’s suddenly open to me. Me and him.
So, instead of making a snipe about it or mocking myself, I simply say, “Yes.” I’m doing a lot of confessing these days, and I’m not even sure if he feels the same. I glance at him, almost wanting him to admit the same thing but not wanting him to feel pressured into saying it. Because, yeah, I just kind of told him I’m in love with him.
How the actual shit did that happen?
Remy takes his time to formulate a response. Normally, that’d make me think he was trying to cop out of it or come up with a way to put me down gently, but it’s Remy, and I know he cares about me enough to make his reply count. Our friendship has always been built on trust and loyalty, and whatever direction we go moving forward, it’ll be founded on that same base.
“I’m afraid to want things with you,” he eventually says, just as the bubbles kick off and silence our surroundings. “I’m afraid to want the things you’ve never wanted before.”
“Like what?”
His blue eyes meet mine and his whiskey is forgotten on the ledge. “Like monogamy, Zahn. Like to have you as mine. To be yours. I don’t want to change you.”
“I’m changing anyway.” I shrug. “I… I want you to want those things.”
Fucking vulnerabilities are a real cunt. Change is terrifying all on its own, but loving someone creates a whole new set of fears that bring a whole new set of risks. We might not feel the same way, want the same things, dream of the same future, and wouldn’t that fucking suck? We’ve lived life together as partners without ever thinking about it, but now we’re thinking about it just because the label is changing. Isn’t that dumb? Shouldn’t we trust each other to carry on with this new way of meshing together simply because we’ll always have each other’s best interests at heart?
Remy breathes in through his nose, looking between my eyes and my mouth. “Then I want them. This is me admitting it. Don’t run away from it because it scares you, Zahn. Because if you do, you’ll break me, too.”
There. There it is. The love confession. He feels the same.
I want to smirk or grin, but instead, something shy and happy tilts my lips into some semblance of a smile that feels fucking weird but nice. Feelings! I love them, but they’re hard to talk about.
“But,” Remy says, snapping my attention back to him. “We haven’t even fucked yet. You could be a shitty lay.”
Okay, the grin comes back. “I am not a shitty lay.”
He shrugs, moving through the water. “How am I supposed to know?”
“Is this us having the sex talk in person like you wanted, Rem?” I will not shy away from this chat. “Because I’m down.”
“Okay, so bend over right now. Let’s test the theory.”
“You think I’m gonna just bend over for you that easily?” I scoff. “Please. You haven’t earned it.”
“How do I earn it?” he asks, pushing my legs apart to crawl between them. “How do we fuck without knowing what we like?”
“I’ll fight ya for it,” I offer. “I’ve been training with Jed, and I think I can kick your ass now. Three rounds, and whoever wins gets to… top or bottom?”
“We both wanna top, right?” he asks, and I nod. “But we’re both nervous about bottoming. So winner gets to top first. Takes the pressure off.”
“Deal.”
Remy laughs. “You would make this into a bet.”
“Are you afraid you’ll lose?” I goad him.
“Fuck no. I know I can take you.” He smirks, probably meaning that in more ways than one. “I’ll take the bet. Better start thinking about how you wanna get fucked, Zahn.”
Oh, trust me, bud. I’m fucking thinking about it.
“When’s this fuck bet happening?”
Remy’s eyes are full of challenge when he leans in and whispers against my lips. “Soon. Because I’m getting impatient, Zahn.”
Goddamn.
“Tonight, I wanna taste you again.”
Okay, so it definitely wasn’t just the blindfold. Remy is literally bringing me to my knees with his mouth, and a tongue I never knew could do such wicked things. I can’t hold myself up, let alone keep my shit together, so I’m sliding down the wall like an idiot, barely able to form a coherent thought.
Remy pushes me back against the wall, thinks better of it, and gets off his knees. “Fucking lazy,” he complains, steering me towards the bed. I fall on my back, bouncing up to my elbows as he climbs on top of my legs and gets back to it.
This is happening. He’s sucking my dick with no reservations, and this time, I can watch it. But I’m doing so much more than watching. I’m transfixed, completely consumed, alert as fuck, yet barely able to process the visual with how good it feels. His stubbly face and those stormy blue eyes in the same view frame as my cock, wet and leaking, hard as all get out, is the sexiest sight ever. Pair that with the feel of his warm mouth wrapped around me, the press of the back of his throat, and the desperate sounds he’s making, and I can’t believe I’m still holding on.
It’s his blond hair that has my fingers twitchy. I want to touch it, and not just to force his movements, but to feel it against my skin, to revel in the way his head bobs on my cock. To connect with him.
I do it. My fingers slip through the strands, massaging his scalp before grabbing a fistful just because I can—because I want to. “Fuck, Remy. How are you so good at this?” I watch him through desire goggles, unable to see anything except him and my new sexual attraction to him.
He’s got one hand on me, pumping my shaft, and his mouth doing all the dirty work. His other hand is shamelessly stroking his own cock, and I’m a bit jealous of it.
“Remy,” I moan.
His eyes look up at me, blinking blue and glistening with wetness. He gags around me, closing his eyes, and I firm up my hold on his hair to get him to look at me again. When he does, it’s my undoing.
“So. Fucking. Good. Remy, fuck!” I lose my mind and buck my hips a little, coming in Remy’s mouth with force. He chokes a bit, but otherwise, he sucks me eagerly, dragging the orgasm out, making me sweat. His lips are still glistening when I yank him off my cock and pull him up my body, lowering his boxer briefs and wrapping my fingers around him.
“Fuck,” he moans.
“Come all over me, Remy.” Because I’m fucking dying for it. “Move up.” I tap his ass, forcing him to straddle my chest.
“Oh, fuck,” he groans when I open my mouth.
His hand joins mine, and within seconds, I’m tasting his cum on my tongue. His body spasms, ass clenching beneath my hand, legs trembling at my sides. He watches, never once closing his eyes. I let him pool in my mouth, a little nervous to swallow, but not too nervous to avoid it. When I drink him down and lick the tip, he buckles forward and kisses me, still grinding himself against my body.
“Why haven’t we been doing this our whole lives?” he rasps, breathless.
I laugh, loving that this can shift from tense to fun in seconds. “I don’t know. Something to do with boundaries. Totally forget what those are.”
“Hope we never find out again.” He laughs.
“Never,” I agree.
Never. Meaning forever. I think I want Remy to be mine forever.