23. Chapter 23
Chapter twenty-three
Control. It’s an illusion. I like to think I have it all the time.
On stage I do. Or do I? At the club with Fynn, I do. My feelings. I’ve controlled them by turning them off. And that’s the biggest illusion of all, right? They can’t be turned off, not permanently. And here now with TJ…I feel everything and everything but in control. I’ve never had it all with TJ.
The silence in the back of the car on the short ride to the penthouse is pleasant. His hand resting on my thigh and my hand on that hand as I gaze out the window at the city. He wants me. Wants this. Or he thinks he does.
How much will sex change it?
How much am I willing to risk?
Everything. Apparently. Everything. When I hear the door to my apartment close behind TJ, I turn to look at him. He removes his coat and I pounce.
The door rocks with the force of our bodies slamming back against it. I place a hand on the door and grab his hip with my other, tugging him closer because slamming him into the door and pressing against him still isn’t close enough.
He reaches for my face, cradling it in his hands. He pulls me into a deep kiss. A kiss full of so much want. So much desire. His tongue searches every dark nook of my mouth. Searching, probing, tasting. He sweeps it along my teeth and with every tangle of my tongue, my stomach flutters and sparkles full of excitement. Desire heads straight for my cock…and my heart.
“Do you have any idea what you’ve done to me?” He asks, parting our lips just enough to form the words. His breath still floating across my mouth. “Watching you parade around in that suit. My damn suit. That’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.”
He slams his mouth to mine and I press my hips against his. He’s hard and feeling his cock pressed against mine is almost more than I can take.
“Well, it was, until I watched Fynn suck you off.”
I pull back and search his eyes for the truth about that. His eyes are sparkling. His chest heaves up and down with his heavy pants. My hand floats down his chest and shirt, still sticky with his come.
“You enjoyed watching that?”
“A whole fucking lot.”
I push myself away from the door and make my way into the apartment and remove my coat and suit jacket and toss it onto the couch.
“Was I not supposed to? Like it.”
I shrug and exhale. “I didn’t know how you would feel about it.”
And I didn’t. I didn’t know how I would feel about it. I’ve never had a third before. Fynn’s hands on him…that was bothersome to me. But not to him. I could tell he was comfortable with Fynn in the room. That’s the only reason I let Fynn even lay a hand on him. And Fynn is, well, Fynn. A chance to toy with a virgin. He could hardly be expected to not be let in on that.
“I want you to treat me like that, like you treated Fynn.”
I stop unbuttoning my shirt and look at TJ and shake my head.
“No, you don’t.”
“I do, I really do.” His plea is tempting, so, so tempting. And I know he means it. I know in this moment he believes that’s what he wants. But there is a lot more to it than just what he saw with me and Fynn. There are rules. Boundaries. Understanding. Trust. So, so much trust.
“I don’t do that here.” I look at TJ. “And I don’t do that with virgins.”
Virgin. TJ laughs. It doesn’t seem an apt description of someone who has slept with more women than he can count. But it is an apt description here, tonight in this place. In all the ways I want to have him. Want to own him. But tonight…tonight is not about that…it’s just…
“Does Fynn have a safe word?” That’s the second time tonight he has asked about safe words.
“Of course he does.”
“Do you?”
I grin at him. “No.”
“Then you are always in charge.”
“Yes.”
“Should I have one?” TJ asks. He’s almost giddy asking as if it is some special present.
“You don’t need one here, TJ. Stop will be sufficient. That’s all you have to say, and you only have to say it once.”
I turn and continue to unbutton my shirt.
“Stop,” he says, and I do and stare at him. “Stop running away from me.” He takes the few steps needed to reach for me and I can’t control the smile. “I may be a virgin in this situation, but please don’t treat me like I’m fragile. I’m not.”
My fingers twitch and reach for his throat before I can stop them. I swear they go there on their own accord. TJ smiles as I wrap my long fingers around his neck, my palm pressed firm against his Adam’s apple. The swallow that follows brings a grin to my lips and a smile to his eyes.
“Rough? You want it rough, TJ?”
I feel the swallow again. “Please,” he says. I duck my head.
Fuck. This man begging me. “Is this where I say, sir? Please, sir .” He’s mocking me now and I love it. I love the tease. Testing me…pushing my buttons…
“This is where you shut the fuck up.” I prevent any further words with my mouth on his and a deep moan fills the room. His, mine. Don’t know. Don’t care. I shove him away and he’s grinning like a damn fool. “Strip.” I command.
I yank my belt from my pants, and his eyes widen. “No, I’m not using this on you…not tonight…carry on.” I walk toward him and force him to walk backwards while he fumbles with buttons and belts and zippers…he glances back when we get into the bedroom and stands by the bed, toeing off his shoes and letting his pants fall to the ground. The only thing left are his dark briefs. He looks to me for permission, just like he did earlier tonight, and dammit, I love that. Love that that is his instinct. That is what he wants. My permission.
But I meant what I said. I won’t go full on Dominant at home, no matter how much he thinks he wants it…. especially not for his first time.
I give him a tiny nod and he lifts the briefs over his cock, allowing it to spring free.
I step to him and fall to my knees. His eyes go black and his lips part. He hadn’t expected this move.
“Don’t get used to this,” I say with a tiny snarl, and then I wink at him.
He sucks in a deep breath when my hands land on his thighs. Goosebumps erupt all over and I smile. His cock twitches in front of my face. I rock back on my heels, salivating to taste him, but wanting to drink in this specimen before me. An athlete. Professional athlete. This is what they look like. His thighs are massive and solid and there is something about that huge quad, firm under my palm…the curves of it as it meets his knee. The soft hairs along my fingers. I haven’t been with anyone new in so long. Someone to explore. Haven’t wanted to. Sex is just sex. And Fynn is an excellent place to get my release. I don’t need more than that.
Keep telling yourself that .
And tonight, this is just sex, too. Sex with a man I wanted so badly to hate. A man who annoyed the hell out of me and then became my best friend. A man whose body I’ve dreamed about since I first laid eyes on him. A man whose cock I’ve salivated over since he paraded around this very penthouse wearing my sweatpants and nothing more.
A thick bead of precum dangles on the tip of his very impressive cock. So hard again. Pointing straight at me, reaching for me. I rock off my heels and stick out my tongue, flattening it and letting the swollen crown of his cock rest on my tongue. TJ hisses and his dick jerks hard, but falls back onto my tongue. I let it rest there, nothing more. The salty taste of him teasing my mouth as much as I’m teasing him.
His muscles tense under my hands and I stroke his thighs again, my fingers creep into the delicate junction of thigh and groin. He hisses again. Another jerk of his cock. I’m not even doing anything and it’s driving him wild. Which drives me wild. I exhale a long breath onto his cock and before it can jerk off of my tongue again, I wrap my lips around it, my hands quickly move around to grip TJ’s firm ass because I know that’s going to have him quivering.
Damn, this is good. When was the last time I was on my knees for someone? The last time I had a cock in my mouth? I’m the receiver. Don’t get me wrong, I give as good as I get. Fynn will tell you that. But it’s not like this. TJ’s moans fill my ears and I pump him in and out of my mouth.
Sucking, licking, stroking. His hands fall to my head. He takes a gentle hold of my hair. It’s too gentle. I want him to tug. I want him in control for just a moment. This is his night. This is for him.
I stand, gliding my body against his as I do, giving him just enough friction to make him moan. God, please keep making that sound.
“I want you to do something,” I breathe onto his lips.
“Anything.”
“I want you to treat me like I treated Fynn.”
“What? I can’t—”
“Find a way, because I promise you will never get this offer again.”
“What if…. what if I get it wrong? What if I can’t—”
“TJ,” I sweep a finger across his lips and press my body tight against his, sensing a retreat coming. “You can’t possibly get any of this wrong. You’re here with me. I’m turned on as fuck right now…have your way with me. Play rough…take charge…I’m all yours.”
My hands and fingers float down the sides of his torso, and his cock throbs against my stomach.
“If it makes you feel any better, this is new for me. I’ve never ceded control to anyone before. Let’s have some fun, explore together.”
Together…damn that word seems to weave its way into my heart in a way I hadn’t expected.
“You trust me, don’t you?”
He nods.
“And I trust you,” and I do. Damn I do.
The world stops while I watch the battle going on inside his head. He saw me with Fynn tonight and that was barely the tip of the iceberg, with what Fynn and I will do with and to each other. I’ve used other submissives at the club before. But Fynn, he’s the best. Fynn is also my friend. And he knows what I like. He knows when I want him pliant and when I want him to fight me…offer me some strength. But this offer I’m making TJ. He has no way of understanding what a powerful thing this is. It’s not a gesture. I want this. I want him to own me tonight. I want him to step way outside of his comfort zone and take me with him.
I step away slightly. Aware that I still have my pants on. I want TJ to see the tent that has formed because of him. Because the idea of losing control with him has me leaking all over my briefs.
“You’ve fantasized about me, yes?”
He smiles. “Only a lot.”
I return that sweet smile.
“Those fantasies never included what I saw tonight…I didn’t know enough to have those fantasies.”
“And you have them now?”
He exhales and nods.
“Then let go, make them real. I’m right here and as real as it gets.”