22. Cammi
Chapter Twenty-Two
CAMMI
“Well, underwriting approved it,” Shirley-at-the-bank, as I mentally called her in my head, said.
“They did?” I squeaked.
Susie, who sat beside me across from Shirley, lifted her fists in triumph. “Yes! I knew you were in a good position to do this, and I was right.”
Shirley laughed softly as she looked between us. “She was right. Now, go celebrate.”
“That’s it?” I asked as I looked between them.
“For now. The closing is scheduled for next Friday,” Shirley added.
I almost started crying, but I didn’t want to cry in front of Shirley, so I managed to keep it together. I burst into tears when Susie hugged me in the parking lot a few minutes later.
“Let’s go celebrate with lunch there. The sellers are ecstatic. They wanted somebody local. You’re your own competition now, girl.”
I stepped back, and Susie produced a small package of tissues from her purse. I took several out and dabbed at my eyes before blowing my nose. Her brown eyes twinkled with her smile as she waited.
“Now, I’ve got to figure out what I’m gonna do with a whole café. I can’t believe it.”
Susie was on the bossy side as friends went, and she bundled me into her car and had me over at Misty Mountain Café inside of a few minutes. The owners weren’t there, but the staff knew I was buying the café and everyone was excited. We snagged a table in the corner, and I ordered my favorite sandwich there, the pesto turkey with gouda cheese.
“I think I’ll stick with their menu at first until I figure everything out. I’m kind of freaking out,” I said as I looked over at Susie.
She tucked her brown curls behind her ears and nodded. “It’ll be all right. I do their accounting so that’s all set. Don’t forget we budgeted that as part of your business plan. The accounting here is more complicated than what you’ve got at your little truck. For now, enjoy your lunch and just breathe. Also, catch me up on Elias.”
My cheeks got hot before I could formulate a reply. Susie burst out laughing. “I knew it!”
“Knew what?”
“That maybe there was a thing with you two.”
I took a breath, willing my blush to fade and knowing it wouldn’t. “Okay, fine, there’s a thing.”
Our sandwiches arrived, and we paused to start eating. Susie only let me have a few bites before she circled her hand in the air.
“Okay, okay. I don’t know what to do about him.”
“How about you fill me in? What’s the status? I know you went to the fundraiser together up in Kenai, but, what else?”
“I’m not gonna give you all the details, but let’s just say he’s great with his hands.”
Susie’s eyes took on a gleam. “Of course he is. He’s got great hands and a hot bod to go with them.”
Her eyes sobered. She must have picked up on the worry spinning inside me. I’d never been great at keeping a straight face. “What is it?” she pressed.
I almost burst into tears and had to take a bite of my sandwich to chew my feelings under control. Bless Susie’s heart, but she let me do that. Much as she could be a pushy, nosy friend, she cared deeply.
After a few bites, I began, “I don’t know. You know I’ve never been good at the casual thing. Which was why it was such a disaster when Joel lied to me, and it ended up being a fucking affair. I really like Elias, and I don’t know what he thinks, or how to handle it.”
“Well, we know Elias isn’t lying to you about who he is. We all know who he is. He’s worked for Flynn for what, five years now?”
“Something like that.” Now came the hard part—being honest with my friend about just how left behind I felt in life. “It’s hard. Because I want to find someone. I want to have kids before it’s too late. I just don’t know if I can trust anyone enough, or myself for that matter. I mean, why would anybody trust me after what happened?”
Susie looked crushed. “Sweetie.” She reached for one of my hands, curling hers over it and squeezing it tightly. “That wasn’t your fault. You didn’t know Joel was married. He didn’t even give you his real name. And, you’re only thirty-two. You have plenty of time to have kids.”
My eyes were stinging again, and she was squeezing my hand a little too hard. She was kind of fierce like that. I managed a shaky smile and knuckled at my tears with my free hand. “You’re kind of hurting my hand,” I said.
Her eyebrows flew up. “Oh! Sorry.” She eased her grip and released my hand.
“I know what you’re saying is true, but it just feels all so impossible. I like Elias, and I know he’s not lying about who he is, but I don’t know if he wants what I want. Maybe he doesn’t want kids. I really want kids. It’s kind of a deal breaker for me.”
Susie paused to take a bite of her sandwich, and that let me know all I needed to know. She actually had to think about her answer. Her opinions were usually flying out like horses at the start of a race.
We ate in silence for a few moments before she replied, “Look, obviously I have no idea if Elias wants kids. But all you can do is try. And it’s better that you know what you want now, than to stumble ahead and find out it’s not a good fit. Plus, catch me on a bad day and I don’t want kids. I’ll give one of mine away when they’re in the middle of a tantrum. No problem.” She waved her hand in the air and rolled her eyes.
I couldn’t help but laugh at that. “True. Ugh. Romance is a pain in the ass.”
“I guess it’s not great to have most of your friends married with kids now, huh?” she pressed gently. Gentle wasn’t really her approach, which again made me feel obnoxiously fragile.
“I’m really happy for all of you. Seriously. But, yeah, I often feel a little behind the times.”
“I want you to do me a favor,” Susie said.
“Sure,” I replied, not thinking much of it. If my friend asked for a favor, I’d be glad to do it.
“Talk to Elias about this.”
My eyes flew wide open, and I almost choked on the last bite of my sandwich. After washing it down with some water, I asked, “Are you insane? I think it’s a little too soon to have the kids conversation.”
“Really? Why let things go further? If you know he doesn’t want to have kids, find out now. You also need to get over that crazy thing in your head that people are going to think you’re a bad person for stumbling into a situation where you didn’t know what was going on. Talk to him about that too.”
“I already did.”
“Oh. Well, good for you. You’ve got this.”
That was Susie, my personal cheerleader.
* * *
I went to the coffee truck after our lunch and dove into a busy afternoon. Working was a relief. I had a lot to think about between getting the loan approved for the purchase of Misty Mountain Café and Susie’s thoughts on Elias.
Immediately after a rush of mid-afternoon customers coming in from the harbor, I looked up to see Fran, Joel’s wife. Fuck my life. I was the only one there because Amy had a doctor’s appointment this afternoon. She was only gone for an hour, but it was just my bad luck for Joel’s wife to show up now.
The only good thing was no one was in line behind her. I managed something resembling a smile. “Hi. Can I help you?” I was relieved I’d said those words so many times that they just came out automatically without any thought necessary. I felt sick to my stomach, and I tried to take a shaky breath.
Fran was quiet for a moment, and then I noticed how tightly her hand was curled around the handle to her purse. I didn’t want her to be nervous because she had nothing to fear from me, but it gave me a sliver of hope that maybe she wasn’t here to give me hell.
“I came to apologize,” she finally said, her words stiff.
“You don’t need to apologize to me. I’m the one who should apologize to you. I didn’t know Joel was married. I was horrified when I found out, and I still am,” I said earnestly.
She nodded slowly and swallowed. “I know now that he was lying to me when he said you knew he was married. I’m the one who slashed your tire that night. I was just feeling a little crazy.”
“Um, it’s okay. I can imagine the situation felt awful.” I paused, contemplating whether to let her know I’d seen Joel at that fundraiser with another woman. I finally decided to just tell her. We might as well be there for each other in some fashion. “Look, this is weird, but I think you should know I saw him with another woman at a fundraiser recently. I don’t expect you to trust me, and I’m not telling you to be hurtful. I just think you deserve to know the truth.”
Her lips twisted in a bitter smile. “I know. Well, I don’t know specifically that you saw them, but I know he’s having another affair. I called him on everything when I found out from a mutual friend of ours that he lied to you about everything, including his name. He’s an asshole.”
My heart ached for this woman. I was over Joel, but the situation still burned because I didn’t know how to trust myself anymore. Or, anyone else for that matter. I could only imagine what it felt like for her, considering they were actually married and she had children with him.
“I am so sorry,” I said fervently. “That sucks. I can’t even imagine how you feel.”
Her shoulders rose and fell when she took in a deep breath and let it out in a gust. “I’m actually better than I was before the first time. You weren’t his first affair, but it was the first time I found out. I felt so inadequate. I was so angry at that point, and I targeted some of it at you. It’s all so messed up because we have kids. No matter what happens to my marriage, I have to deal with him because of them. When I found out this time, I was just like, okay, we’re done, and it was kind of a relief. I think I knew that at first, but I didn’t know how to get to that place. If that makes any sense.”
“It does. I don’t know what I could do to help, but if there’s anything I can do, just let me know.”
Fran actually smiled a little at that. “That’s sweet of you. You seem like a really nice person. I’m actually divorcing him and moving back to where my parents are in Washington state. I think a fresh start for the kids and me is best. Plus, I’m going to get his business here in the divorce. That was his whole cover for going out of town and making up bullshit about who he was.”
“Good for you,” I said firmly. “Would you like a coffee? I promise it’s good.”
“Actually, I would. You’re so busy that I doubt you remember me, but I’ve been here before and this is my favorite coffee shop in Diamond Creek.”
“Really? That’s awesome. Today’s coffee is on the house. Tell me what you want.”
Fran got her coffee, and we actually chatted for a little longer. Then, my next wave of people showed up off the boats, and she left. Although she couldn’t repair the situation for me, I felt an immense sense of relief for that conversation.
As the afternoon wound down, my phone buzzed with a text after Amy returned from her doctor’s appointment.
Susie: We’re going to yoga class with Tess to celebrate your new business.
I was up for yoga class, but it seemed like a strange choice for celebration.
Me: Yoga class?
Susie: Yes. There’s that new yoga studio. Tess says it’s amazing and relaxing. Let’s do that, and then, pizza and beer at DC Brewery.
Me: Yoga, pizza, and beer. Sounds like a plan.
I was laughing as I hit send.