30. Cammi
Chapter Thirty
CAMMI
A few days later
I stared at my phone, rereading Elias’s text for maybe the one-hundredth time. I didn’t like admitting it to myself, but a teeny-tiny corner of my brain had been afraid there was some kind of a surprise waiting for me. There was no surprise. He wasn’t the father. He’d told me he wasn’t, but I’d still worried. I hated that I’d been so fucked up in my head about it.
I tapped out of that text and opened another, this one from Joel’s soon to be ex-wife.
Hey, Cammi. I got your number from Joel’s phone. He has no idea I’m texting you, and frankly I don’t care if he finds out. I just wanted your number. I wanted you to know I officially filed for divorce, and I’m moving out of state with the kids. I also wanted to apologize once again. No matter what, remember, he betrayed you as much as me, and every other woman he’s had affairs with. I’m not actually sure how many. You seem like a nice person, so I hope you don’t let what happened with him mess with your head for too long. Trust me, hon, it’s not worth it. You’ve got my number now, so if you ever need me, just call. I have no idea what I could do, but I’m all about good women being there for each other. Take care.
I shook my head slowly, my chest loosening up a little bit more every time I read her text.
Setting my phone down, I opened the folder of paint samples I’d picked up. The loan had closed, early as planned. Blessedly, none of the staff left, so Misty Mountain Café was running along without a hiccup. Susie was helping me get set up with a payroll system to take over the one they were already using. With the loan including fees to help with the transition, I was beyond relieved I could rely on a friend I trusted implicitly and also make sure she got paid.
Now, I wanted to get the place repainted before the summer tourism picked up too much. I was planning to do it in the evenings after we were closed, one wall at a time. I was deep into comparing paint samples when I heard a knock on the glass windows. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw my friends, Risa and Jessa, waving.
Setting down the samples, I crossed over to the door to unlock it and let them in. “What are you two doing here?”
Risa brushed her dark bangs away from her brown eyes, smiling as she replied, “We’re here to have fun.”
Jessa added, “Girls’ night. We haven’t had one in months. We figured we’d do it here if that’s okay.”
Risa managed Midnight Sun Arts Gallery, which was near the harbor. She was married to the local police chief, Darren Thomas, and also the sister of Trey Holden, Emma’s husband. Jessa was one of the Hamilton’s, the family who owned Last Frontier Lodge. She was married to Eli Brooks who ran an outdoor gear shop. Diamond Creek was always going to be a small town. Although I hadn’t grown up with either one of them, they were both friends and part of the larger circle of women I knew well.
I had texted Risa earlier today asking for some feedback on colors. “I thought we could take a look at your paint ideas and then hang out,” Risa explained.
“Sounds good to me,” I replied. Anything to keep my mind off of what to do about Elias would work for me.
I threw the bolt on the door and gestured for them to come over to the counter. I had spread the samples over the counter in front of the espresso machine. Risa and Jessa immediately began looking through the samples. While Risa ran the gallery, Jessa herself was an artist. She sold whimsically painted furniture at the gallery here and others in Anchorage, in addition to San Francisco. She was fun and creative.
“I think go with one of these brighter options for an accent wall, maybe the plum, and then keep the other walls something neutral, either a soft gray, or cream. Something cream will be a little warmer for the space. Are you planning to keep artwork on the walls here?” Risa asked as she looked around.
Hands on hips, I nodded. “That was the other thing. I thought I could talk to you about potentially rotating art for sale through here.”
Risa clapped her hands lightly. “That would be freaking perfect. I suggested that to the former owners, but they didn’t want to have to worry about managing commissions. I think we can run all the payments through my gallery, and I give you a cut of the commission. How does that sound?”
“Freaking perfect,” I said with a grin. Risa high-fived me. I turned to Jessa, adding, “We can always have a display of your furniture for one of the tables. It would be used, but it’s a great way to display your work. What do you think?”
“Freaking perfect,” Jessa parroted Risa and me.
We laughed together and then I brought my focus back to the color samples. “I think you’re right on the accent wall. Maybe that’s the one behind the register so the other walls are more neutral for displaying art.”
“So, I’ve ordered pizza, and Emma is bringing the wine,” Jessa explained. “Susie and Hannah will be here shortly, and Tess said she’s on her way.”
* * *
Within short order, our pizzas arrived, and Emma showed up with wine, declaring she’d offered to get it so she could vicariously enjoy it since she couldn’t drink. She was looking awful ready to burst at this stage in her pregnancy.
Once we were all settled in and chatting, Tess asked, “So, did you have fun at the fundraiser?”
“It was great,” I replied. “Your fundraisers always do well. Alaska is lucky to have you.”
Tess had come to Alaska on vacation and fallen for Nathan while she was here. Although Alaska was much more spread out and sparsely populated, she did a bang-up job of managing fundraisers online and traveling to the larger communities.
“I didn’t mean that,” Tess said with a slight smile. “I meant did you have fun with Elias?”
It felt as if all of my friends rotated to look at me. I took a swallow of my water. I wasn’t drinking because I needed to drive myself home.
“It’s fine, but we’re on a little hiatus while I get my shit together.”
“What do you mean?” Tess pressed.
Emma immediately chimed in. “Let’s not pressure her. We kind of have a crowd tonight.”
“It’s okay,” I offered. “Long story short, I kind of had a meltdown after that thing with his ex-girlfriend showing up. It’s fine. Turns out she needed him to do a paternity test, not because she thought he was the father of her son. It was because the actual father, his old friend who fooled around with her behind his back, died. His family was contesting her getting survivor benefits for their son. They claimed they thought Elias was the father.”
“Oh, that sucks,” Tess said.
Jessa reached over from where she sat beside me and squeezed my hand. “That’s what we call all-caps awkward. But, what’s the deal with you two?”
I took a bite of pizza before answering, “Well, I kind of flipped, thinking he was covering something up. And, we hadn’t even really figured out what we were doing. It’s not a shocker, but my baggage is recent and kind of heavy. I just told him I needed some time to get a grip.”
“Have you gotten a grip?” Susie pressed.
I narrowed my eyes at her. “I’m working on it.”
Susie opened her mouth to say more, but Emma cut in, “Pressure doesn’t usually help anybody. It certainly didn’t help you when you and Jared were trying to figure things out.”
Susie had the grace to look sheepish and cast me a rueful smile. “Sorry. I’m just rooting for you two. It seems like he’s pretty into you.”
Conversation moved on to other matters, and the group slowly broke apart a little while later. Emma lingered after the others left.
I was finishing up wiping down the table where we’d been gathered while she helped quietly. We were putting the towels in the laundry area behind the kitchen when she commented, “It’ll take the time it takes for you, you know that, right?”
Glancing to her, I said, “I’m not sure what you mean.”
“Figuring out when you’re comfortable trusting yourself.”
I felt as if I’d abruptly found the missing piece to a puzzle, but I wasn’t sure where it went. “Trusting myself?” I prompted.
“Yeah. Trust isn’t just about trusting someone else, it’s about trusting ourselves to know when something feels right. My gut tells me you do trust Elias, but you’re not so sure about you.”
My chest hurt. There was a tight, pressing feeling, but when I took a breath it began to ease.
“It’s hard to know when relationships start,” she added.
“I don’t even know if we were starting a relationship.” I tossed the last towel in the bin for the load of laundry I would start in the morning. I was already developing a routine here. When I glanced her way, I saw her rub her lower back. “You need to sit down,” I ordered.
Emma cast me a tired smile. “I’ve been sitting more than I prefer. I’m at that stage where nothing’s too comfortable.”
“Remind me when your due date is. It’s soon, right?”
“May tenth, so I’ve still got a few weeks.”
“You sure you don’t need to sit down?” I prompted.
Emma nodded firmly. “Yes. Now, back to you.” Much as I didn’t really want to talk about Elias, I didn’t mind because the last thing I wanted was to think too hard about how much I wished I could be pregnant and expecting a baby. I hated wishing for something so hard and feeling like it might never happen. I also wanted to focus on my joy for my friend, but it was hard not to think about babies when someone was expecting a baby.
If she noticed my internal tumult, Emma decided to ignore it. Her blue eyes held mine. “Maybe you weren’t planning for a relationship, but it sure seems like that’s what happened. Talk to him. You can trust yourself and still have people do shitty things. You did absolutely nothing wrong before. Joel or Brad, or whatever the hell his name was, lied to you about who he was. It’s no good to go through life assuming everyone’s going to do that. If there’s one thing I can tell you, that’s miserable.”
Emma had gone through her own hell in an abusive relationship years ago. Even if I didn’t know the intimate details, I knew she’d had to find her way through to the other side of it and come out whole.
“Let me ask you something.” At my nod, she continued, “What would you tell a friend in the same situation?”
Another puzzle piece fell into place. “I mean, obviously I wouldn’t blame them. I just can’t believe I didn’t realize he was lying.” I faltered, wanting to explain more about all the reasons I couldn’t trust myself, but Emma’s steady gaze dissuaded me. It felt as if I were clinging to something that didn’t make sense.
“Let’s set aside the fact that you totally have the hots for Elias.” Her lips twitched, and her eyes held a glint. “Would you tell a friend they could trust him?”
My head was nodding before I even thought about it. Because I knew without a doubt Elias was worthy of trust. Even when he used to be cranky with me, I knew he was a good man.
“Absolutely,” I whispered.