7. Gabriel
Chapter Seven
GAbrIEL
“What?” Diego asked.
He leaned against the plane, crossing his arms over his bulky chest and lasering me with his way-too-perceptive gaze.
“I told her I loved her,” I said, practically itching all over with the discomfort at saying that word out loud. It had come easy when I said it to Nora, but it made me feel a little crazy with anyone else. All of my friends knew I’d never planned to get serious with anyone.
Diego pinched the bridge of his nose as his head dipped down, and he let out a sigh. “And then what?” His eyes lifted to mine again.
I closed the small storage compartment underneath the plane and turned the latch to lock it before straightening. “I told her I wanted us to try again, or something like that,” I mumbled.
Diego regarded me with that quiet intensity he always carried. “Dude, I love you like a brother, but that was stupid.”
“How was that stupid? I was telling her how I felt.” Defensiveness flared inside.
“It’s not a magic word. The last time you two had a serious conversation about the state of your relationship, you told her you could never be serious with anyone, especially not her because she’s Flynn’s sister,” my friend pointed out.
“So you open with, ‘I love you,’ and assume that’s just gonna solve it all.
” He snapped his fingers in the air for emphasis.
“Dude, I don’t know how to do this. I’ve never been serious with anyone. Just tell me what to do, and I’ll do it. Because that definitely didn’t work,” I said flatly.
Diego chuckled, running a hand through his rumpled dark hair. “I don’t have all the answers.”
“Yeah, but you’ve been in a serious relationship more than once. You and Gemma are doing great, and you were engaged before.” I held up two fingers. “That’s way more experience than me.”
He leaned his head against the plane and groaned.
“I was too young to understand love when I was engaged before, and Gemma and I are pretty fresh. That said, I’m not afraid of commitment, not the way you are.
My parents had a rock-solid marriage, so I had something to learn from.
I think maybe take it a little slower with Nora.
I do think it’s good you told her how you felt. ”
I must’ve looked as flummoxed as I felt because he pressed on.
“She needs to know how you feel, but after what you told her before, you can’t assume she’ll believe it’s that easy.
She was pretty hurt. It’s been months since she actually spoke to you.
I guess you can take it as a win that she replied with words. ” He cast me a wry smile at that.
I took a few strides, sitting down on an overturned crate and resting my elbows on my knees.
I stared at the floor, my eyes landing on an oil stain.
Repairing my relationship with Nora, if I could even pull it off, was way harder than getting that oil stain out of the floor, and that was basically impossible with concrete.
“I’m glad you figured out how you felt,” Diego offered, his tone encouraging.
Lifting my head, I shrugged. “It’s not really gonna matter if she won’t give us a chance.”
Diego arched a brow. “Let’s go grab some pizza. Elias texted me and was wondering if we could meet him. Maybe he can give you some advice.”
“Jesus, just what I need. Advice about my love life.”
“Not about your love life, your lack of a love life,” Diego teased, clapping my shoulder lightly as I stood from the crate.
We locked up the plane hangar and headed over to Glacier Pizza.
A short while later, I leaned back in the booth, letting out a satisfied sigh. “Man, they have the best pizza.”
Elias grinned from across the table as he finished off the last slice from the large pizza we’d gotten for the three of us. “Damn straight.”
Diego returned from the restroom, slipping into the booth beside me. “What did I miss?”
“Absolutely nothing,” I offered with a chuckle.
“I have some news, actually,” Elias commented.
“Lay it on us.” Diego leaned his elbows on the table.
“Cammi’s pregnant.” Elias’s brown eyes lit up when he smiled, shaking his head in wonderment.
Diego thumped his fist over his heart as he leaned back. “Congratulations. I know y’all wanted this.”
I dipped my head, leaning over across the table to clasp my friend’s shoulder and squeeze it lightly. “Congratulations. How are you feeling about it?”
“I can’t fucking believe it. I’m equal parts terrified and excited.”
“How far along is she?” Diego asked.
“Three months. Apparently, that’s the magic number when you’re allowed to start telling people,” Elias offered with a grin. “Also, we’re getting married soon.”
“Wow,” I said, shaking my head slightly. “You’ve gone from committed to being single to about to be a father. I can’t believe it.”
Diego grinned. “I can believe it. He found the right woman.”
“Does that mean you and Gemma are thinking kids already?” I teased.
Diego shrugged. “When the time is right, I’m ready. I love kids.”
Our waiter stopped by the table, effectively interrupting the conversation. I was relieved to have a moment to gather myself. I was kind of stunned by how easily Elias had accepted the shift in his life.
Elias and I had been tight for years, just as all of us working at Walker Adventures were.
Yet Elias and I shared a common grievance.
Both of us had been betrayed by another friend, Greg.
Greg had died, but he’d been a core part of our group in the Air Force.
That group had parlayed me into this job when Flynn called me about it.
I loved being here and crisscrossing the skies in Alaska.
Greg had screwed around with Elias’s girlfriend and even gotten her pregnant before he died.
Before that, he’d also screwed around with a girl I’d been seeing.
Maybe I hadn’t been serious, but it still wasn’t cool. Not even a little.
She had even approached me a few times after the fact with apologies, wishing we could try again. Fat fucking chance of that. I had enough issues with commitment. I didn’t need to try it with someone I couldn’t trust.
After we left the pizza place, I ended up driving Elias back to the place he now shared with Cammi.
Apparently, he needed some new tires, and he’d dropped his truck off.
We were in silence for most of the short drive, but just as I was turning down the road that led to their house, Elias said, “You know, it feels good to move on.”
I slid my gaze sideways, but he was looking forward. “What do you mean?”
“Cynicism is cold comfort in the long run,” he offered cryptically. “How are things with you and Nora?”
I let out a sigh. “Not great. She finally spoke to me for the first time in months when I went to pick her up the other day.”
Elias chuckled. “Ah. So it was worth asking me to rearrange my whole schedule.”
I laughed, although I felt a little hollow, and my heart ached. “I suppose. I need to do more than get her talking.”
“If she didn’t care, she wouldn’t be angry,” he replied.
I pondered that as I drove out to the resort in the darkness. The stars appeared close enough for me to reach up and grab them, and the moonlight glittered on the water.
The following morning, my phone rang just as I was walking into my bedroom from the shower. I yanked on a pair of sweatpants and rubbed a towel over my chest as I crossed over to glance down at my phone where it sat on my dresser.
I was going to ignore the call, but then it began ringing again. Lifting it, I slid my thumb across the screen. “Hey, Mom.”
“Gabriel!” she exclaimed, sounding surprised that I answered. As if she hadn’t just dialed my number twice in a row.
“What’s up?” I asked.
“Tell me how you’re doing,” my mom said brightly.
“I’m fine, Mom. How are you?”
I looped the towel around the bedpost and crossed over to stare out the window.
“I’m okay,” she said slowly before pausing.
I sensed she didn’t know what else to say. My mom and I weren’t close. The only way to describe what she’d done when I was a kid was abandonment. She left our dad to take care of us and bounced in and out of our lives periodically when she needed something.
I used to resent her, but I realized it was eating me up, so I’d made peace with my resignation for what she was to me. She usually called when she needed money, and I usually gave it to her.
I waited. I wasn’t going to fill the silence for her.
“I’m looking into buying a house,” she finally said, “but I could use a little more rent money until then.”
“How much do you need?”
I ignored the disappointment that settled like a thin, worn blanket over my shoulders. I was resigned to this, but it didn’t mean I liked it.
“Well, my rent’s a thousand bucks a month. I hope you don’t think I called you just for money.”
I rolled my eyes, marveling at how well-defended she was.
My mother’s denial was a force of its own.
She could ask me for money every time she called and still try to insist that wasn’t why she called.
I focused on the view outside my windows.
The sun was rising, casting a shimmery golden glow over the dark mountains and jagged peaks.
We already had termination dust, the first fresh snow that fell on the mountains.
I wondered when it would snow at our elevation.
“It’s no problem, Mom,” I replied. “Same account?”
“Yes.”
She paused, and I could practically imagine her wherever she was sitting. Her legs were usually crossed with one foot bouncing restlessly. Her fingers were either holding a cigarette as she smoked nervously or toying with whatever she could get her hands on.
“Have you heard from Aubrey?” she asked, her question falling like a sharp edge into the silence that spun out between us.
“We text every other week or so. She’s gonna try to get up here one summer.”
“Oh, okay.” My mother’s voice was hesitant, and I knew she didn’t know what to say. My sister refused to talk to her.
“I’ll make sure that money is wired over by tomorrow. I need to run because I have some flights scheduled for this morning.”
“Okay. Talk to you soon. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome, Mom. Take care.”
The line clicked in my ear when she hung up. I lowered my phone slowly, setting it on the windowsill. I rested my hands there and stared out. Dew was glittering on the dead grass and flowers. Autumn was passing quickly, and apparently, we had a wedding soon for Cammi and Elias.
I wondered if I could find what Elias had with Cammi. My mother was a big part of the reason I never thought I could commit. I’d told myself it wasn’t worth it for years, so like an idiot, when Nora pressed and said she wanted more, I’d told her it wasn’t possible.
I wanted to fix it, to take it back. I wanted to go back to us.
I thought about how Elias said he was equal parts excited and terrified to become a father. I wanted to have that kind of courage. Right now, all I wanted was to win her back, and I was terrified of losing the one woman I loved.