31. Skylar
Chapter Thirty-One
SKYLAR
We didn’t discuss it, but somehow, Tucker and I both knew we couldn’t spend every night together. I meant for this thing with us to be a casual, low-key, purely sexual relationship. Yet he was already slipping through cracks in the walls around my heart. Walls I’d thought were impenetrable.
The sex was good, so very good, and so easy to lose myself in. After a few nights of hot, hot, hot with him, I mentioned I was going to the yoga class in town. Tucker said he had something to take care of out at the lodge. It was that simple.
I found myself silently talking to Emily about it, pointing out that she’d be proud of me because I wasn’t falling apart inside.
I wasn’t being needy and clingy. That part was true.
Maybe that was the only thing I’d ever needed to figure out to begin with, that I shouldn’t be so grabby about love.
I should take what I could get. In this case, that was one hot sexy man and a few hot nights. No breakup necessary.
I knew that wasn’t the end, though.
The minute I stepped through the door at Gemma’s yoga studio, she smiled over at me. Her rumpled curls swung around her shoulders when she straightened from where she’d been folding towels. “Hey there,” she called.
I waved, suddenly feeling uncertain. “I’m here for the yoga class.”
“And I’m so grateful you’re here.” Her voice was warm, and she had a little spark in her eyes.
“Am I the first person here?”
“You are?—”
Before she even finished her sentence, the chime rang above the door, and a cluster of women entered. I didn’t recognize any of them. Gemma smoothed her hand across my shoulder in a light caress as she walked by.
“Put your mat down wherever you’d like. I have mats and towels up front. They’re all clean. Just grab one. You can put your things in a cubby and pick a spot.”
She began greeting the women who’d entered. After fetching a mat from the shelves, I heard a voice I recognized and glanced over to see Daphne, Cat, and Nora coming in.
Daphne saw me first, her eyes lighting up with her smile. “Well, hey, I know exactly where we’re gonna be.”
I looked around the room as Cat waved and skipped toward me. “Hey, it’s like class. You want to be beside the people you like.”
Her comment, so simple and probably meant in a teasing, casual manner on her part, meant so much to me. Emotion welled inside.
A moment later, Cat spread her mat on the floor beside me, and Daphne with Nora on the other side of Cat. We didn’t have much time to chat before Gemma started class.
Emily and I had gone to yoga classes together, but they were free.
Through an independent living program that had funding for us after we aged out of foster care.
This class was on the vigorous side. By the time it was over, I was more than grateful to lay on my back and zone out.
Gemma counted down, her voice soothing. I let myself actually be quiet inside my thoughts.
A few minutes later, it shifted from complete silence to soft music as Gemma instructed the class to leave when we were ready. I rolled over and sat crisscross as I looked around the classroom. People started to get up and leave.
Daphne smiled at me. “Want to go get dinner with us?”
I said, “Sure,” before I really thought it through.
“Yay!” Cat said, lifting her hands in a mini cheer.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
Daphne cocked her head to the side, drumming her fingertips on her knees. “I don’t know. We can always grab dinner at Misty Mountain Café, or we could go to Sally’s. Have you been to Sally’s?”
I shook my head when she met my eyes. “Well, then, let’s go there.”
“I thought it was a bar.”
“It is, but they also have a restaurant. It’s good too. I think every town should be required to have a bar that has good pub fare,” she replied.
I nodded as though I knew what pub fare was. Roughly half an hour later, Daphne cast me what seemed like a benign smile. I quickly discovered otherwise.
“So you and Tucker?” she commented, her voice lilting with a question.
“Um, yeah?”
“Just wondering how it’s going,” she prompted, her smile holding.
Girl talk. This was the thing I didn’t know how to navigate. I’d only had girl talk with one friend, and she was gone.
“I think it’s just casual right now,” I finally said.
“I don’t think so,” Daphne returned.
Cat looked up from her phone where she was texting with a friend. “Tucker likes you. A lot.” Her eyes returned to her phone screen as her thumbs tapped away.
Nora cast me a sympathetic smile. “If you didn’t notice yet, this group has opinions on love lives. Daphne has made it her personal mission to make sure everybody she cares about falls in love.”
“You and Gabriel are doing great, aren’t you?” Daphne countered.
Nora’s cheeks flushed pink with her smile. “Yes, we are. Thank you very much.”
Daphne practically preened as she straightened in the booth before leaning back. “Everybody deserves a chance at love.” Her eyes swung to me again, and I nodded.
I took another bite of my burger. I had learned pub fare was basically burgers and fries.
When I got home later that night, I did my usual routine of watching TV and then turning everything off.
After that, I stared out the windows over the dark ocean rippling under the reflection from the moon and stars glittering in the sky.
I didn’t feel as lonely as I had before. Emily was still gone and always would be, but I was making friends, sort of. I tried not to think about missing Tucker that night. I missed his presence, though. A lot.
When my brain wouldn’t shut up about it, I told myself it was just because the sex was so great. My body missed him. Not my heart.
Bullshit, my good angel whispered.