Nineteen
NINETEEN
SOLEIL
I barely slept a wink last night, and my focus today was foggy at best. Poor Dahlia was repeating herself all day. I felt so guilty that I let her have two desserts after dinner and a bubble bath. When I put her to bed I hugged her so tight and so long that she had to crawl out from my arms.
I made a mad dash to my bathroom as soon as she was snoring and proceeded to shave every inch of my body until it was so smooth it glistened. It also helped that I slathered myself in milk and honey oil, as if he would be able to smell me.
Now I sit with jittery hands and knotted fingers, waiting for King to call. My breaths are heavy and I can feel my heart slamming into my chest.
“What am I doing?” I stand on shaky legs and slam my hands to the desk to keep me from falling over.
I reach over to turn the desk lamp off just as my laptop lights up with an incoming call. I suck in a breath and stare at the screen. I’m suddenly unsure of this and feeling silly for thinking I could do this. I had a hard time being naked in front of Gene sometimes. Showing parts of me that very few people have seen on camera is out of character. It’s so far from the reserved Soleil that everyone knows me as.
Maybe that’s it. Maybe I need this…reinvention. It could be the reason why Gene went looking elsewhere. I wasn’t good enough, adventurous enough to satisfy him.
I sit back down in my seat and square my shoulders. I can do this . I click to answer and lean back.
King’s dark helmeted face appears. The room is dark, illuminated only by the same blue lights as last time. Low music plays somewhere in the background and it’s sexy. It’s clear he’s setting a mood.
“Hi beautiful.” His voice is just as I remember. Deep, rough, yet soft.
“H-hi.”
He leans forward and if his visor wasn’t so opaque, I would be able to see his eyes. That’s what I’m itching most to see. So much can be conveyed through the eyes. It’s the reason why I feel a connection to Malik. His eyes are genuine and true and their depths hold so much feeling.
“Did I catch you at a bad time? You took a while to answer so I assumed you weren't in a good place to talk right now.”
I swallow and shake my head. “No, it’s not. It is, I mean. It’s a good time. I was simply second guessing.”
“What were you second guessing?”
Out of view, I begin picking at my nails, digging into the thick flesh. “I was second guessing doing this tonight? It’s not me, and I’m nervous that I’ll disappoint you.”
“Oh Sunny Girl. You could never disappoint me. Seeing your face is enough to make my day better. And if all you want to do is just talk, I understand.”
Is that what I want? The feeling that came over me when King first messaged was a surge. I felt a rush barrel through my body. Maybe it’s the mystery of it all, but it’s exciting and alluring and I want to indulge in fantasies that may otherwise never see the light of day.
“No. I mean yes, I want to talk. But I want…the other stuff, too.”
“Good. Very good.” He pushes back in his chair, bringing more of his etched body into view. “Did you have a good day?”
Nodding, I chew on my lip and feel my cheeks turn hot and red. Words sit on the tip of my tongue, but my nerves won’t let them come out.
“I know you’re nervous. I can see it in your eyes. And like I said yesterday, I just want to show you what you do to me. You can look. You can listen. Or you can play along. Can we do that?”
I inhale a stuttered breath and tell him, “I’m not sure if I can, you know. Not yet.”
“Then why don’t you just watch and listen, sweetheart.” He flips the button on his jeans and lets them hang open. “That day I saw you when I was riding? You stole my breath.” His fingers slowly guide the zipper down revealing the fact that he wears no underwear beneath them. “Then, when you popped up on my social media, I thought my prayers had been answered.”
My throat is growing tight making it difficult to swallow or even breathe. Is this what raw attraction feels like? It’s silly considering I’ve never even seen his face, but there’s this pull that I can’t deny.
“I was hoping I could see your face. I want to know who the man beneath the helmet is.” I squirm in my chair, feeling a tingle between my legs.
This simple interaction has me wound up. The timber of his voice and the way he speaks hushed, like we’re kids keeping a secret, thrills me.
“I can’t do that and I’ve explained why. But I’ll give you something just as good. Maybe even better.” The music changes to something hard and fast, almost like a techno song, and the moment turns intense. “I woke up thinking of you this morning. You looked so beautiful in my dream. Your tight body, your silky skin. Mmm, Sunny girl. You looked delicious.”
His hand begins to crawl beneath the waistband of his jeans and my mouth waters. Like a dog eyeing a juicy steak, I literally salivate. He moves his hips side to side, pushing his pants further down, until he frees himself. My eyes can’t believe what they’re seeing and my lungs feel as if they’re being crushed like a flimsy water bottle in the hands of a giant.
King’s fingers wrap around his thick cock that stands tall and impressively large. He rubs the pad of his thumb over the mushroomed head, spreading the small bead of precum over the tip. I lick my lip, imagining what he tastes like.
Moving his hand up and down, I watch completely captivated by him. “Do you like what you see?”
“Ye-yes,” I choke out.
“Look how hard I am for you. Fuck,” he groans and drops his head back against his chair, still tugging and rubbing himself. “Are you wet? Does that sweet little pussy drip for me?”
My mouth opens with a soft squeak. I feel like I’ve been sucking on a mouth full of cotton. I have to give my head a small shake to rattle my brain back in its place because there is no way this is really happening right now. I’ve spoken with this man –a stranger– maybe a handful of times. Yet here I am, watching him jack off in front of a camera like he’s the day’s double feature.
This is nuts . I am truly crazy. Or maybe I’m just so sex deprived I’m taking anything or anyone that comes my way.
“I’m doing all the show, Sunny girl, but I don’t hear you telling. So tell me…do you like watching?” His hand keeps moving and his erection seems to keep growing in length and girth.
“I-yeah. I do.” My words are breathy with obvious desire and if he weren’t watching, I’d stick my hand down my pants and take care of myself.
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” he moans.
His head falls back, the helmet landing on the chair with a thunk. I can see his Adam's apple move up and down his muscular neck as he swallows, and imagine his mouth hanging open with pleasure.
“I’m thinking that…that I haven’t had sex in a year and I could probably orgasm just from watching you.”
A rumble that sounds like thunder echoing across the sky vibrates the speakers. I see his hard dick twitch and I have to press my thighs tighter together.
“Is your pussy smooth, Sunny? I love running my tongue between wet, smooth, juicy lips. I like to drink it all up.”
I bite down painfully hard on my bottom lip, closing my eyes and nodding my head. The ache grows stronger and I gnash my teeth, desperate to stay quiet and wait until I’m alone to finish what King is starting.
“C’mon, Sunny. Play with me. You know you want to.” His fist squeezes and tugs on his dick and I can’t contain myself any longer.
I pull my feet up onto the chair and become frustrated when I struggle with sliding my hand up the inside of my shorts.
“Pull them down. Slide back and let me see. I want to see that pretty pussy grip around your fingers.”
“I don’t know, King. No one else can see this, right?” The thought of images of me, videos, being circulated over the internet makes me completely ill.
“This is all just for me, Sunny Girl. No one but you and I will ever know.”
My hands shake as I contemplate what to do, but the urge only intensifies. I look around the room to find the door is still closed and the blinds are drawn shut. I clamp my lids down tightly, suck in a deep breath, then slide my shorts down my legs.
You can do this, Soleil. You want this, I chant over and over until my courage builds and I give in.
I press my toes against the edge of the desk and carefully push. In the corner of the screen I see my body come into view and let my knees fall open. For a moment, I think the screen is frozen. King sits motionless, his hand still wrapped around his dick and his body rigid. Only his chest rising and falling tells me our connection is still good.
Virtual and otherwise.
Finally he says, “Look at that beautiful pussy. Play with it, Sunny. Show me what you do when you’re all alone.”
I bring my trembling hand to my mouth and stick two fingers inside, soaking them with saliva. I hear a hiss come from King. His voice is still so low and whispered, I can barely make it out. I slide my hand down my torso until I reach the juncture between my thighs, then languidly stroke my clit before slipping two fingers inside of me.
“Holy fuck. I bet you taste delicious.” King goes back to stroking himself and I watch how expertly he does so. “In and out. Yeah. Just like that baby girl.”
My fingers plunge in and out and I feel my nipples tighten. The touch is all mine but it’s him I feel caressing my skin.
“Jesus, I wish I could lick those fingers clean. Tell me what you taste like. I need to know.”
Taste myself? Maybe I’m too vanilla, but I’ve never tasted myself. If Gene went down on me, which was rare, he’d finish and immediately go scrub his mouth like he just ate a heaping bowl of dog shit. And if I gave him a blowjob, the last thing you would ever find him doing would be kissing me afterwards.
“Be a good girl and do it for me.” He sounds needy and I love that I’m the one doing that to him.
My fingers slip from my wanton pussy and just like before, I lick and suck, moaning with my lips wrapped around them. I taste traces of the oils I rubbed on my body along with something a bit tangy, but not bitter. It’s just…different.
“Yeah. Just like that. Taste good?” He sounds like a fiend who quit smoking and wants to know how the burn in your lungs feels again. I nod and his hand clenches around his dick. “Damn, I wish I was there to find out for myself.”
“Take off your helmet and maybe we can make that happen.” Who the fuck am I right now?
It’s a fantasy world we’re living in. I need to remember that, and remind myself it’s just words. It’s the same as being locked in a dream. When you’re lost to another world, you let yourself go and indulge.
With a shake of his head he says, “Can’t do that, my Sunny girl. But how about you work that pussy of yours and come all over those fingers.”
Slowly, I continue to rub and stroke working to get me there. I watch King do the same and while I feel myself nearing the peak, it’s just out of reach. I close my eyes and lay my head back and summon the visions that, lately, have me tipping over the edge.
Malik.
His smile. The way his eyes drink me in. The feel of his hand when he innocently touched my shoulder. How his hand would feel if it was his and not mine, right now.
My breathing turns heavy and a chill flashes over me, the familiar sign that the wave is about to come crashing in and pull me under the riptide.
“Open your eyes and look at me.” King’s commanding and dark tone manages to pull me from my reverie.
I press my palm to my clit and move it the way I wish Malik could. I drive my fingers deeper, moving them faster and coaxing the orgasm from within. King’s hand moves at the same tempo and it feels like we’re in the same room, experiencing the moment side by side, flesh to flesh.
“Oh god,” I moan just as my body begins to float.
My arms shake and my toes curl. Pleasure-laced cries fall from my lips, and white stars burst behind my eyelids. I’ve never stood next to an explosion, but the way I feel off kilter –sounds strangled and time moving in slow motion– is how I imagine it would be.
“Watch me, Sunny. Watch,” he chokes out, and I blink my bleary eyes just in time to see him erupt all over his hand.
He sucks down air, trying to feed his lungs of what's been deprived, and coats himself in his release. It’s carnal and salacious yet satisfying. Was he thinking of someone else the way I was? Perhaps another woman who has been enticed online.
When he’s finished, we both sit silently, waiting for the other to break the awkward moment. I can hear his labored breaths and wonder if he has a microphone in his helmet, explaining why he sounds like he’s in a cave, sometimes.
“Be a good girl and lick those fingers clean. Savor what I do to you.”
A tingle shoots up my spine and I wrap my tongue around my doused fingers. It tastes different, good. But it isn’t King that I relish.
It’s Malik.