Chapter 11
11
I buried my face in my arms. “I’m never drinking again.”
Finn’s dad chuckled. “We’ve all been there. Eat this, it’ll help.”
Raising my head, I cautiously eyed the plate in front of me. Bacon, eggs, and HP sauce sandwiched between two thick slices of white bread. Okay. One bite. I could do this.
One bite turned into two and then three, and by the time I’d cleared my plate, I was feeling much better. That came with a side effect, though. Now I could think properly, the memories of last night were rushing back.
I couldn’t believe I’d propositioned Finn in my drunken state. Daring him to dance was one thing, but daring him to kiss me? That was a line I shouldn’t have crossed, and now I’d made things awkward. We’d barely even spoken this morning. Finn was already out of bed by the time I’d woken. He’d appeared to sort me out with a towel and change of clothes so I could shower and directed me to come downstairs for breakfast when I was ready, but that had been the extent of our interactions. It felt like there was a new distance between us, and it was one I’d put there with my thoughtless, drunken words.
That meant we needed to talk, and I was already dreading it.
“Another cuppa?” Finn’s dad asked.
“No, thank you. But thanks. For all of this,” I said, trying to swallow around the lump in my throat. This whole family had become important to me, and I didn’t want to lose them.
He studied me, frowning, and then he reached forwards, placing his hand on my shoulder.
“Leo, I hope you know that we all consider you to be partof our family. I’m just doing what I’d do for my other sons, and you don’t need to thank me for it.”
“I-I know. Thank you,” I said again, trying to convey everything I meant with my words. I wasn’t sure how I’d managed to get so lucky.
A smile spread across his face. “Alright. You’re welcome. Now, you can do me a favour. Go and have a word with Finn, would you? He seems a bit out of sorts this morning, and I’m sure you’re just the person to cheer him up.”
“Um.” I licked my lips. “Yeah. I’ll try.”
“Good lad.” He squeezed my shoulder and then stepped away, and I took that as my cue to leave.
Should I play it off as a drunken mistake, as words that I didn’t really mean? The thing was, I did want Finn to teach me how to kiss. There was no one else I trusted. I’d meant what I said last night, that I thought Millie might want to kiss me, and although I wasn’t sure if I wanted to kiss her, I wanted to be prepared in case things changed.
I’d never walked up a set of stairs more slowly in my life. Trying to drag it out, I detoured to the bathroom and gave my teeth the kind of deep clean I only bothered with before a visit to the dentist, but eventually, it got to a point where I couldn’t put it off any longer. Standing outside Finn’s room, my heart pounding, I took several deep breaths, doing my best to push back my rising anxiety.
“You don’t have to hang around outside the door.” Finn’s voice was resigned but amused. “Come here.”
I steeled myself and walked into his room, closing the door behind me. The distance between his door and his gaming chair had never seemed so short. Why was time speeding up when I needed it to slow down?
I stared down at his socked feet and navy joggers, and I swallowed. This was Finn. My best friend. The person who didn’t judge me.
“ImeantwhatIsaidlastnight,” I rushed out before I could lose my nerve.
“Leo.”
Encouraged by the soft, fond way he said my name, I tried again. “I-I meant it. Only if you’re okay with it.”
“You really want me to teach you how to kiss?”
I risked a glance at him. He was staring down at his knees, his brow furrowed.
“Not if you’re uncomfortable with it.”
His head lifted, and his eyes met mine. I couldn’t read his expression, but his words were firm. Commanding.
“Dare me.”
Oh, fuck. This had been so much easier when my anxiety had been dulled by those shots.
“I. Um. I dare you to teach me how to kiss.”
He didn’t respond with words.
His hands came out, settling at my sides, and then he tugged me forwards to straddle him. Suddenly, I was sitting on his thighs, with his deep blue eyes intent on mine, our faces so close that I could see his individual lashes, the way his pupils dilated as he moved even closer…
One of his hands left my side, coming up to cup my jaw, and then he spoke, his words a low rasp. “Don’t think. Just feel. Follow my lead.”
Slowly, he leaned forwards, brushing his lips against mine so gently. I did my best to copy his movements, our lips moving together awkwardly. Until I somehow got the hang of it and managed to match his rhythm, and then it wasn’t awkward anymore. It was all closed-mouth, and I knew that open-mouthed was the most likely scenario if I were to kiss anyone else, but I didn’t know how that could possibly be an improvement on this.
“Okay?” he murmured, and I hummed in acknowledgement, kissing him again. He let me explore his mouth, and as my confidence grew, so did his. He did a thing with his teeth on my lower lip that felt so good, and I immediately wanted to try it on him. I carefully tugged his bottom lip between my teeth, feeling the way it was both soft and firm, and then I brought my hands up to wrap around his nape as I pressed tentative kisses to the corners of his lips.
When I drew back, we were both breathing heavily. My entire body was tingling. It was like nothing I’d ever felt before.
I felt his hands trembling where he was holding me. “Finn? Are you okay? Are you sure you don’t mind doing this?”
He immediately shook his head. “It’s not that. I just…I want to make it good for you.”
“It’s not like I’d know the difference, but it is good.”
“Yeah, but it’s your first kiss, even if it’s only practice. I want it to be good for you.”
I pressed my forehead against his. “It’s good, Finn. Promise.”
“Okay. Okay.” Drawing back, his eyes met mine, his pupils wide and dark. “Wanna try it with tongues?” he suggested. His voice was so fucking husky it made me shiver. I’d never heard him sound quite like that before. It was new and different, and I…I liked it.
“Uh…sure.” I licked my lips. “How do we do this?”
“Just follow my lead. We’ll take it slow.”
My whole body was trembling as he leaned in again. Our lips met, and he slowly coaxed my mouth open with a careful brush of his tongue along the seam of my lips. Doing my best to follow his movements, I gasped as our tongues slid together, the sensation like nothing I’d ever felt before.
Finn tried to pull back at my gasp, but I tightened my grip on him, holding him in place, and I felt his lips curve into a smile. Then we were kissing again, experimenting with presses of tongue, everything soft and slow and so, so good. I was breathless, dizzy, the tingles in my body spreading everywhere, a fluttering feeling in my stomach as Finn held me so carefully, kissing me and kissing me and kissing me.
Eventually, though, he gently pulled away. With a shaky exhale, he tipped his head back and rubbed his hand over his face, his eyes still closed.
“Fucking hell,” he mumbled.
A tendril of anxiety curled through the euphoria I was feeling. Was that a good “fucking hell” or a bad one? Before I could spiral, he stroked his hand down my back.
“I can feel you thinking. Don’t start worrying. You were…fuck. You’re a natural.”
I smiled. “I did okay? Really?”
“Millie, or whoever you kiss for real, is gonna be one lucky person,” he said, and his voice sounded strange.
“Thanks.” I didn’t want to think about kissing anyone else. Not yet.
With a sigh, he released me, directing me to stand. “Be back in a second,” he muttered, swinging himself off the chair and turning his back to me almost straight away. As he left the room, I flopped back on his bed, my head still spinning. It took a while for my breathing to go back to normal.
If that was what kissing was like, I’d been missing out.
More practice was definitely needed.
To improve my skills.
Practice makes perfect, after all.