6. Brennan
six
Brennan
Three Months Later
I ’ve been looking forward to this moment all day.
My entire Saturday was spent at the office with my finance team, poring over my company’s P&L statements. Three-year and five-year projections. We have a few weeks to make this quarter’s target sales goals or it’s going to be a long year trying to recover. Ugh, it was excruciating.
I love creating things, not crunching numbers.
At least it’s over now. I’ve parked my car on a hilly side street and I’m entering a quaint little Italian restaurant called Serafina. As always, my mind buzzes with anticipation at seeing her.
Saturday night has become my official “meeting” night with Astrid. At least if I’m in Seattle. When I’m traveling, we FaceTime, though I’d rather see her in person. She smells like peaches. Smiles like she’s perpetually on a tropical vacation. Her laugh reminds me of sleigh bells.
So, yeah. It’s definitely my favorite day of the week.
Three months ago, Astrid and I signed formation papers and founded Reuniverse. We’re now business partners and—I think—friends. It’s a new experience for me, being this comfortable around someone who isn’t family.
I trust her.
It’s exhilarating. And, terrifying.
Tonight she wanted to meet somewhere other than our usual spot, The Zoo. This quaint little restaurant, with candlelit tables and soft jazz playing in the background, is quite the step up. Romantic, even. It wouldn’t matter where we met. Honestly, I’d do anything she asks as long as it means hanging out with her.
I spot Astrid immediately, seated at a corner table, effortlessly elegant. Her blonde hair is swept back in some sort of knot, revealing the delicate curve of her neck. God, the woman is so fucking beautiful. She glances up and the second she sees me, her smile takes my breath away. Every ounce of tightness in my body loosens a little.
“Hey.” I slide into the seat across from her. “This place is a little fancier than our usual hangout.”
Astrid’s green eyes sparkle with mischief. “Thought we’d class it up a bit. You clean up well, by the way.”
“Meh.” I glance down at my clothes, dark jeans and a crisp, white button-down shirt. “Figured I’d try to look like one of the waiters. How’d I do?”
She makes a point of looking me up and down. “Not bad. I’ll stick around.”
The banter between us is always so easy. Shockingly natural at this point. We’ve settled into our own rhythm and we talk or text almost every day, whether it’s about the latest developments with Reuniverse or sharing random thoughts as they pop into our heads.
She’s becoming my best friend. Something I never expected. I’m not entirely sure what to make of it because I’m so wildly attracted to her.
We order a bottle of wine and, as we catch up, I find myself more relaxed than I’ve been in days. The pressure I’m under is always so intense. But here, with Astrid, it’s like I can finally breathe.
“So, how’s everything going with our coders?” Astrid swirls her wine. “Are they driving you crazy with their late-night texts?”
I roll my eyes at the mention of the nickname for the guys we hired in India. “Fuck, yeah, mostly because the time difference is killer. They’re killer at what they do but slowwwwww . We’re making progress, though. Still on track.”
“That’s what I like to hear. We’ve got a cool thing going, Brennan. I’m glad we’re doing this together.” She clinks her glass against mine.
“Me too.” Working on Reuniverse has been such a pleasant distraction from the chaos of my other company. No one looks over my shoulder. No one questions every fucking thing I do. “It’s been great having you handle the day-to-day stuff. I’m not sure how I’d manage without you.”
“Don’t sell yourself short, you’re the brains behind this operation.” Astrid winks.
I shake my head, laughing softly. “Seriously, you’re the best.”
“Awww, did I just get a compliment?” She leans in, lowering her voice. “Truth is, we make a great team.”
For a moment, I’m caught off guard by how much her words mean to me.
Because I like being part of a team, for a change.
I like having a copilot.
Reuniverse isn’t about building a business, it’s about working on a cool project with Astrid. Over late-night texts. Video calls. These Saturday meetings.
In a few short months, Astrid has become my favorite person. It scares the hell out of me, but I’m rolling with it.
The server places our plates in front of us and we fall into a contented silence as we devour our pasta. I overhear the man at the table next to us order a whiskey and tension permeates my body as memories from last night flood back. My eyes flick to him and his glass and Astrid, who’s become attuned to my moods, notices.
“You okay?” She touches the top of my hand gently.
I consider how much to share. I trust her. Spilling family secrets feels like a betrayal but it would be nice to have an outside perspective.
“Ah, it’s Cillian.” I put my fork down and sigh. “He blew me and Seamus off to get wasted again. It brings up a lot of old memories of my da.”
Astrid’s expression softens and her fingers thread with mine. “I’m sorry, Brennan. That’s tough.”
“It is…” Her judgment-free words have me choked up. I need to regain my composure. “He’s always been the brother I’m closest to. My Irish twin. We’ve been through everything together and I’m so worried he’s slipping away. I can’t bear to see him go down the same path as Da.”
She squeezes her eyes shut, as if remembering her own trauma. “It sucks watching someone you love make choices you know are bad for them. Unfortunately, sometimes, they have to figure it out and own their decisions.”
“I know you’re right but he’s been there for me and I want to return the favor. I’m MIA so much these days with all the travel.” I caress the top of her hand with my thumb.
She squeezes my fingers gently before letting go. “You’re an amazing brother, Brennan. He’ll come around.”
“The fear is overwhelming, don’t you think?” I take a sip of my wine. Astrid has her own family issues she keeps battened down, though she rarely shares much.
Her slim fingers tipped in red skim the rim of her glass. “Yeah. It’s like watching a car skid on ice. You see the crash coming, but you’re helpless to stop it. Nora’s back in rehab and I don’t even begin to think it’ll stick. Lark always has baby-daddy drama. One of the kids’ fathers is threatening to sue her for full custody. Another is behind on child support. The third she still sleeps with, so I’m bracing myself for another pregnancy. Somehow, I’m the one they always call for money only to resent me for helping. I support them from afar to protect my own mental health.”
“Ah, Astrid. That sucks. I wish there was something I could say to make it easier.” Jesus Christ, I’d give anything to take her in my arms. Hold her for hours.
Fuck her until dawn.
Of course, I won’t. I know where I stand. She’d freak out if she realized how many times I’ve fantasized about her giving me head.
We continue talking through several courses. Eventually, the conversation drifts to lighter topics. Astrid recounts the time a car dealership owner took a shit in a house she was showing, stinking up the entire place. I share tales of the pranks my brothers and I played on each other.
Whenever we hang out, time disappears. I’m genuinely sad when I realize we’re the only two people left in the place. The staff busy themselves, waiting for us to leave.
Astrid snatches the bill before I can, sliding her Platinum AMEX across the table with a grin. “My treat this time. You can get the next one.”
I laugh. “You’re too quick for me.”
“It’s about time I returned the favor.” She winks with great exaggeration.
Stepping out into the cool air, I don’t want the night to end. Each time we get together, I find it difficult to ignore my deepening feelings for her.
I doubt she reciprocates them. We’re business partners. Friends. Better to keep the wall up. The one I’ve grown comfortable with in my years of hiding behind work.
“Can I walk you home?” I hear myself contradict my inner voice.
Astrid slings her arm through mine. “Sure, it’s about time you asked.”
Now I feel stupid. Of course I should have offered. All these months, what was I thinking letting a beautiful woman walk twenty minutes alone in the dark? “Shit, Astrid. I’m such a dick…”
“Stop.” She presses her finger to my lips. “If there’s something I’ve learned about you, B, it’s you’re never deliberately obtuse. Once you figure something out, it’s ingrained.”
My breath stops. Should I tell her…
No. Why spoil things. It’ll freak her out.
As we walk toward the water, I feel a definite current between us. A buzzing, hopeful realization. What if Astrid wants to push things further too? Do I dare see where this could go?
Shit. I’m hesitant—afraid, even.
Our friendship is so important to me. As is our partnership. The idea of telling her my true feelings is a risk. From past experience, I know the pain when she rejects me will be paralyzing.
We reach her houseboat and Astrid turns to me. “Brennan, are you okay? You seem…I don’t know, like you’re in your head more than usual.”
“I’m fine, just a lot of processing.” I force a smile.
She doesn’t press, but I can see the concern in her eyes. “You know you can talk to me? About anything.”
“Yeah, I know,” I say, though I doubt she’d want to know my true inner thoughts right now. “Thanks, A. I appreciate it.”
She slips her hand from my arm and digs out her keys. “Goodnight, B.”
Astrid steps closer until we’re almost chest to chest. Her hand brushes mine and the contact sends jolts of electricity through my entire body. My cock fills and I have to take a tiny step back or she’ll feel it nudge her. Or, I’m gonna lose control and kiss the bejeezus out of her.
“Goodnight,” I choke out.
We stand there for a second, the air between us charged with something unspoken. Like whatever is between us is about to change forever. I’m about to throw caution to the wind when Astrid jams her key into the door and gives me a small, regretful smile before going inside.
The door shuts and I feel the tension in my chest return. Stronger than before. Jesus Christ. I’ve never felt this way about anyone, I’m falling for her and I’m not sure what to do about it.
On the drive home my mind races with thoughts of Astrid. I go straight to bed, but sleep doesn’t come. I lie awake, staring at the ceiling, thinking about the way Astrid’s hand felt in mine. Analyzing the way she looked at me.
Christ, does Astrid feel something for me too? Is it possible?
What do I do about it? How can I find out?
Maybe it’s time to stop holding back. Go after what I want, for a change.
Do I have the courage?