16. Brennan
sixteen
Brennan
Two Days Later
I ’ve never spent an entire day at a spa.
Hell, I’ve never even spent an hour in one before today. But here I am, lying face down on a plush massage table, with a therapist working CBD oil into my muscles like she’s some kind of magician. Knots I didn’t even know existed are unraveling and my mind is tranquil, floating in a sea of ambient spa music.
Astrid booked us for the entire day. We’ve already had a hydrating facial, a sugar body polish and some hot oil treatment to, apparently, “rejuvenate my scalp,” whatever that means.
All I know is I can’t remember the last time I felt this relaxed. There’s a steady rhythm to the therapist’s hands. The pressure is aggressively perfect. She works her way down my back. The faint sound of water trickling from some nearby fountain and the scent of lavender lulls me into a dreamlike state.
So far from my usual day-to-day it feels like I’m hallucinating.
“B?” Astrid’s quiet voice breaks through the soft haze.
“Hmm?”
“You okay over there?” I hear the amusement in her voice, though I can’t see her.
I manage to mumble, “I think I’m in heaven.”
Her laugh is light and playful. It tugs at something deep in my chest. I need to be with her. All the time. Burying myself in work isn’t fun without her. Not when everything’s going to shit. Astrid and I seem to have weathered a huge separation pretty well, and I don’t want to test our boundaries anymore.
My therapist finishes up with one last, satisfying press into my lower back, and I let out a contented sigh. When I sit up, I glance over at Astrid. Her hair’s tied up in a towel, her skin glows from whatever magic they worked on her.
“Should we relax before we head back up to the room?” Her lips curl into a smile as she pushes herself off the table.
I rub the back of my neck as I stand. “I’m not sure I can walk. My legs are noodles.”
“You’ll be fine.” She slips her arm through mine as we head down the labyrinth of lush pathways bordered by citrus trees to the lounge area by the pool.
This resort is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced, Everywhere you look, there’s something beautiful—a croquet lawn, fire pits, gardens full of flowering bushes and, of course, the towering palms. I’m beginning to understand Connor and Ronni’s lifestyle a little better.
We grab a couple of retro-chic deck chairs by the pool and settle side-by-side. The sunlight filters through the palms, casting long shadows on the ground. When I breathe in, the air smells of eucalyptus, orange, and lemon. The atmosphere is so peaceful and calming, I feel centered and clearheaded. I’m not sure I’ll ever want to leave, at this point.
“I could get used to this,” I say as I glance at the menu.
“You should .” Astrid pokes my side playfully. “Knowing you, if I weren’t here, you’d have your laptop fired up after ten minutes.”
I roll my eyes, but she’s not wrong. “Maybe fifteen.”
“You’re supposed to relax sometimes, B.” She tilts her face up toward the sun. “You’re on vacation with a hot woman who likes you a little bit. Gives decent head. Fucks like a porn star. What more do you want?”
“I know, I know.” I take her hand.
She’s good for me. Too good for me. In the back of my mind, I’m waiting for the crash and burn. The moment when Astrid tells me she cares about me but…
So far, it hasn’t happened. Our relationship feels natural. Easy. And our chemistry is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. I’ve never had so much sex over a two-day period in my life, and we have five days to go.
The problem is, my mind always drifts back to my company. There’s a mess waiting for me back in Silicon Valley. It’s not just the power plays, it’s the daily grind. Every time I launch Slack, there’s some new fire to put out.
The executives from the company we acquired don’t care about our vision for CognifyAI. Their objective is to force products to market before they’re ready, maximize profit and cut costs. I’ve spent the past months fighting them on every little thing, from staffing decisions to product rollouts, but realize why the board pushed so hard to acquire them.
I’m totally outnumbered. It’s terrifying.
Astrid doesn’t know it, but I nearly canceled this trip a dozen times. The reason I’m here is because it’s December and there’s no board meeting until Q1. It’s the only time I’ll have off for another year.
Astrid watches me intently. “The acquisition integration is still getting to you, huh?”
“They’re pushing me to cut corners.” I try to keep the bitterness out of my tone. “And I get it, investors want fast returns, but I’ve never done things for money and clout. I’m about quality. Reliability. Can you believe they’re pressuring me to release a product before it’s ready, which will be a total disaster.”
She tilts her head slightly. “How?”
“One wrong move will set us back years. The company’s reputation could take a hit, causing us to lose trust with our clients. And for what? A temporary bump in revenue?” I shut my eyes and sigh, feeling all the calm give way to anxiousness.
“You feel like you’re in a constant battle.” She caresses the back of my hand with her thumb.
“Yeah. And the worst part is, they’ve got the majority on the board now. Every day they’re chipping away at my control. Every decision I make is questioned. Every move is scrutinized. I know they’re waiting for me to mess up so they have a reason to swoop in and take over.” My jaw clenches. I’ve never voiced any of this to anyone out of fear it will fuck things up.
Somehow, it feels like a relief to get it off my chest.
Astrid’s brow furrows. “No wonder you’ve been so stressed.”
I laugh, but there’s no humor to it. “Stressed doesn’t even begin to cover it. I’m barely holding on some days.”
Her fingers thread through mine and Astrid’s simple touch brings me back to the present, grounding me. “You’ve been holding on to this all by yourself,” she says empathetically. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“I don’t know.” I shrug. “I didn’t want to burden you with it. Some days I can hardly believe you still want to talk to me.”
She moves to my lounger and nestles herself against me, her knees tucked between my legs. “As your business partner and woman who cares about you immensely, I need to say something. You can’t let outside forces destroy who you are. Open your eyes, you sweet, stubborn man. You’re so much more than CognifyAI. Your worth is not because of what you’ve built, it’s inside here.” She taps on my heart.
I close my eyes for a second and hold her tightly as her words sink in. She’s spot-on. For years I’ve been wrapped up in a fight for survival. First building a life-changing product. Then, building my product into a unicorn tech company. I’ve achieved both, and somehow I’ve shifted the focus from growing to “not losing.”
It’s a no-win mindset. The truth is, outside of my family and Astrid, I’ve forgotten who I am outside of work. And I don’t give either of them nearly enough of my time, leaving me with…what?
“It’s hard,” I admit. “To come to terms with failure.”
Astrid fixes me with a stern look.
“It is,” I plead. “I’m starting to wonder if it’s even worth it. Maybe I should walk away.”
She studies me. “Walk away? Could you?”
“I don’t know.” I run a hand through my hair. “I’m tired of fighting for something that doesn’t feel like it’s mine.”
Her expression is hard to read. She’s quiet again and it’s clear she’s measuring her words. “Brennan, you’re one of the smartest, most driven people I know. And, you’re your own worst enemy. I wish you could see yourself the way I do. Somehow, I think you still believe you’re the same insecure kid from high school. You’re not. You have people who believe in you, who are with you. At your company. Your family. Me.”
“You think so?” I’m genuinely surprised by the intensity in her eyes.
“Of course I do,” she says like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “And so do a lot of other people. Do you even understand how much buzz there’s been about you being involved in the reunion? Do you get it? You’re a legend in AI. A tech innovator in the same category as Jeff Bezos. And Jason Deveraux. You’re so siloed, you don’t even comprehend what it means. No matter what you decide to do, you’re a powerful man, own it.”
Her words hit me harder than I expect. I’ve spent my entire life carrying around this idea of myself—a nerdy kid who was always in the background, overshadowed by my brothers. Even now, with all the success I’ve had, my own perception of myself guides how I move in this world.
Why can’t I move past it?
“I don’t know if I’ll ever shake it completely.” I kiss each one of her fingertips. “It’s weird to let go of my past when it’s shaped so much of who I am.”
Astrid turns in my arms and lays down some truth. “ Stop with the woe is me shit. You’re not a timid little boy. Just like I’m not a shallow cheerleader. We’ve both changed. We’ve moved beyond who we used to be.”
“You’re so observant.” I nuzzle her neck. “I’ve been holding on to a version of myself that doesn’t exist now. It’s time to man up.”
She reaches under my robe and caresses my cock. “You’re man enough, babe. Take it from me. You don’t have to answer to anyone but yourself. Do what you want.”
Astrid is everything. I can’t put into words how it feels to have someone like her so firmly behind me. “You always know what to say. And do.” I press my lips against hers as she strokes me, my dick now at full attention.
Astrid chuckles softly and releases me. “It’s one of my many talents. I’ve got an urge to ride my cowboy, are you ready to take this inside so you can show me how manly you are?”
“You don’t need to ask twice.” I stand, take her hand.
There’s a new energy between us. A shared understanding as we hustle to our room where we’ll lose ourselves in each other again. Free from distractions.
At the door, something in the way Astrid looks at me takes my breath away.
She makes me feel like I can do anything.
Be anything.
Huh. I actually believe it.