Chapter 20 Tony
TONY
Friday morning arrived with a sense of hope that Tony hadn't felt in a long time. He was conscious, the fever was gone, and even the aches and pains had subsided.
He was ready for his new beginning, but first he needed to be rid of all the wires, sensors, and tubes that he was still connected to.
"Let's do it," Julian told Hildegard. "It will go faster if we do it together."
The sticky pads were the first to go, then the IV came out next, leaving a small mark on the back of Tony's hand that faded almost immediately—a preview of the healing abilities he was about to officially confirm in the ceremony that was scheduled for ten.
Once everything was out, Julian helped him out of bed and held on to his elbow to make sure he could stand before leading him to the bathroom.
"Do you want Hildegard to help you in there?" Julian asked.
"I'm good." Tony braced his hand on the doorframe. "I'm going to go slow."
"Good. Take your time," Julian said. "If you need help, there is a call button next to the toilet and another one in the shower."
"Thanks, doc."
He got in, closed the door behind him, and proceeded to the toilet like it was the promised land.
Peeing on his own for the first time in days was a small victory that felt monumentally significant.
He brushed his teeth with an almost religious fervor, scrubbing away the disgusting film that had accumulated during his unconscious state.
He shaved carefully, watching his reflection in the mirror as he dragged the disposable razor across his jaw.
The face looking back at him was familiar but different. Thinner. Much thinner than he'd been before the transition, his cheekbones more prominent, the hollows beneath them more pronounced. He looked like he'd been sick for weeks.
Julian had explained that the body cannibalized itself during the initial stage of transition, breaking down fat stores and even muscle tissue to fuel the massive energy demands of rewriting the genetic code.
Every cell in his body was being transformed, restructured at the molecular level, and that kind of change required resources.
"You'll fill out quickly," Julian had assured him. "Just eat enough, and your body will rebuild itself stronger than before. But not yet. Liquid diet until at least the end of the day. Your digestive system needs time to adjust."
Liquid diet. Tony grimaced at his reflection. After the broth and Jell-O as his meals since waking up, he was fantasizing about real food.
Steak. That was what he wanted. A thick, juicy ribeye, grilled to medium-rare perfection, the fat sizzling and the meat tender enough to cut with a fork.
Maybe two steaks. Maybe three. If Shira wanted to make a salad to go with them, she was welcome to do so, but as far as Tony was concerned, steak was its own complete meal. Steak accompanied by more steak.
His stomach growled at the thought, loud enough to echo off the bathroom tiles.
"Soon." He patted the flat plane.
In the shower, he let the hot water cascade over him, washing away the lingering traces of fever sweat. He stood under the spray for a long time, savoring the pleasure of warm water on his body, and of being clean, upright, and alive.
Alive forever. Immortal. He was still struggling to internalize that it was really happening.
A knock on the bathroom door startled him out of his reverie.
"Tony?" Shira's voice was muffled by the door. "I brought you fresh clothes. I'm leaving them by the door."
"Thanks," he called back. "Can you come in and leave them on the counter?"
"Sure."
He heard the bathroom door open and then close a moment later.
He was still stunned by how she'd taken care of him. She'd been by his side through this entire ordeal, sitting with him during his fever dreams, holding his hand when he surfaced briefly into consciousness, and making sure he had everything he needed.
He was so thankful for her. It would have sucked to go through the transition without a partner, someone who gave a damn about him and sat by his bed and brought him fresh clothes.
It should have been Tula.
The thought came unbidden, and Tony forcefully shoved it away. He shouldn't indulge in should-haves and could-haves. He should be thankful for what he had.
Shira was wonderful.
Shira was here.
Shira had chosen to be with him, and that meant something.
But was he in love with her?
Tony turned off the water and stood dripping in the shower stall, confronting the uncomfortable question. Did he love Shira? Or was she just fun and convenient? A stand-in to fill the space that Tula had left behind?
The truth was that he didn't know. There was this huge Tula-shaped shadow looming over him, blocking the sunlight and not allowing him to fully commit to someone else.
It wasn't fair to Shira. She deserved better.
But it was all he had to give right now, and she seemed satisfied with that, probably because that was all she had to give as well. She cared for him, but she had never said she loved him.
Who had hurt her, that she guarded her heart so fiercely?
Maybe both of them needed therapy.
He toweled off and checked the clothes Shira had brought for him.
A pair of soft cotton pants he'd gotten to hang around the house and a long-sleeve shirt that didn't require too much coordination to put on.
He dressed carefully, his movements still clumsy from days of inactivity, and examined himself in the mirror one more time.
Better. He still looked thin and pale, but at least he looked clean.
He started to reach for his shoes, then stopped. Julian had said the ceremony would be performed while he was in bed because that was how everyone else had done it, and tradition was tradition. No point in putting on shoes just to take them off again.
In fact, shouldn't he do that while wearing a hospital gown? It would look more authentic that way, more ceremonial. Something to show his children someday.
His son.
His and Tula's son.
There it was again, that sharp twist of pain, like poking at an open wound.
Tony had resigned himself to the fact that Tula was with someone else now, that Esag would be the third partner in raising their child.
He understood it intellectually. He accepted it, or at least he was trying to accept it.
But on some level, his mind and his heart refused to let go of the dream of a family with Tula. The dream of waking up next to her every morning, of raising their son together, of having a life together.
Now that he was immortal, it was possible. The last barrier between them had been removed. Except it hadn't been, because Tula had chosen Esag for reasons that had nothing to do with his immortality and everything to do with who he was.
Not that Tony understood what she saw in the carver. He was a simple, uneducated male who hadn't bothered to acquire knowledge, even though he had had thousands of years to do it. Instead, he had chosen to work with his hands and produce worthless figurines that weren't even that good.
Yeah, well, he had to admit that they were pretty good, but still worthless.
Why was he so obsessed with Tula?
When they had been together, it hadn't been an all-consuming love that he'd felt for her. In fact, he'd often been scared of her, or rather her moods. She hadn't been easy to get along with.
Tony remembered how terrified he'd been when he first suspected she was pregnant.
So much so that he'd pretended not to notice, had deliberately avoided the subject, and had acted like everything was normal when it clearly wasn’t.
That hadn't been how a man madly in love should have acted.
That was the behavior of a man who was scared and confused.
Maybe it wasn't Tula herself he was mourning, but the idea of her. The potential they'd represented. The family that would never be.
"Definitely need psychological help," he said to his reflection.
Tony plastered a wide grin on his face, ‘fake it till you make it,’ as his grandmother used to say, and opened the bathroom door.
Shira was waiting for him in the room, looking lovely in a green blouse that brought out the color of her eyes. Her red hair had been tamed into artful curls, and she was wearing just enough makeup to accentuate her features without overwhelming them.
"You look beautiful," he said.
She smiled, but there was something anxious in her expression. "Thank you. Now get in bed."
"Excuse me?"
"The ceremony. You're supposed to be in bed for it."
"Right." Tony made his way across the room, still a little unsteady on his feet. He had to brace his hand against the wall, then against the chair, then against the bed. His muscles felt weak and unreliable, like they'd forgotten how to work properly during his three days of convalescence.
He slipped under the covers and pulled the blanket up to his chin, then looked at Shira. "Is that okay?"
"Very authentic. But pull your hands out from under the blanket. Julian needs access to your palm."
Tony complied, resting his hands on top of the blanket. The door to the waiting room was closed, but he could hear the murmur of voices on the other side.
"Who's out there?" he asked.
"It's a surprise." Shira smiled. "Now stay put. I'll let them in."
She crossed to the door and opened it, and Tony's jaw dropped.
The waiting room was packed. Not just a few well-wishers, but a crowd, crammed into the small space like sardines in a tin. He saw Tula first, standing with Esag near the door. The harem ladies were there too, all of them except for Areana, and they were looking happy and excited.
Yamanu and his mate were there as well, with Yamanu holding his phone up and gesturing that he was in charge of recording the ceremony. Kaia stood next to William and gave him a little wave and a smile that made him feel like everything was going to be okay.
He spotted Roni and several faces from the tech lab. They'd all come to celebrate his transition.