Chapter 31 Dimitri #3
Number One tilted his head. "That is an interesting question.
No one outside us Eight has ever participated in the merge.
We believe you would experience a version of what we experience.
The collective consciousness, the shared awareness, the sense of being part of something larger than an individual mind.
It's quite extraordinary. As a scientist, you must be curious about that. "
He was curious, but not enough to sacrifice himself on the altar of scientific research.
"You believe that I will experience what you experience and that I will be able to terminate the connection at will. But you don't know that for sure."
"We don't," Number One admitted. "No one has gone where we are asking you to go."
The scientist in Dimitri was intrigued. The hive mind was the most extraordinary neurological phenomenon in existence, a merged consciousness that no researcher had ever studied from the inside.
The data alone would be invaluable. The understanding of how eight separate neural networks fused into a single coherent intelligence could revolutionize everything humanity knew about consciousness.
But Dimitri, the man who loved Mattie, who had learned through hard experience that people who wanted inside his head never had his best interests at heart, that man was screaming at him to say no.
"This is what you meant in the hallway," he said. "The work I haven't started yet. The work that matters."
"Yes."
"You want me to explore the merge from the inside. Not as a subject, but as a scientist. To experience and understand the collective consciousness in a way that no one ever has."
"Your mind is uniquely suited to it. You are a biochemist who understands the chemical foundations of what we are.
You are now immortal, which means your neural architecture can sustain the connection without the damage a human brain might suffer.
And you possess natural mental barriers that might allow you to maintain your individuality within the merge rather than being absorbed by it. "
It was a compelling argument. Terrifyingly compelling.
"I need time," Dimitri said.
"Of course."
"This isn't a decision I can make alone. If I'm opening my mind to you, everything I feel about Mattie becomes accessible. Her privacy is at stake, too."
"We understand."
"I have to consult with her. I also need more information about your escape plan. What happens after we leave the island? Where do eight enhanced soldiers go in the outside world? How do you plan to maintain a supply of drugs? What's the long-term plan?"
"We don't have the details ready yet," Number One said. "First, we need your answer in principle. Not tonight. But soon."
"What if I say no?"
The question hung between them.
In the silence, the surf crashed against the beach below the ridge, and somewhere in the vegetation, a night bird called out and received no answer.
"Then we remain on this island," Number One said.
"But you want to see the world, to escape."
"Without understanding what love is, we lack the motivation to leave."
Dimitri frowned. "That doesn't make sense. You just told me you're hungry to see the world. That's motivation."
"Hunger is not motivation. Hunger is an abstract awareness of something missing.
It is a concept without force." Number One's voice dropped, and for the first time, Dimitri heard something in it that sounded almost like pain.
"The drugs keep our bodies functional and our minds stable, but they don't give us a reason to live.
Existing is not the same as living. You and Mattie have shown us purpose.
That there is something worth existing for.
We want to feel it. If we cannot, then we have no desire to leave, and no desire to help you leave either. "
The implications were crushing.
Dave wasn't threatening him. It was worse than a threat. A threat could be negotiated around, bargained with, or resisted. This was a statement of emotional reality from a being that had only recently discovered it wanted to have emotions.
Without the experience of love, Dave saw no point in freedom. And without Dave's help, escape from the island was impossible.
It was a deadlock.
"Let me understand," Dimitri said. "You won't help us escape unless I agree to the merge. I can't agree to the merge without understanding the risks and talking to Mattie. And if I ultimately say no, we all stay here. Indefinitely."
"That is accurate."
"That's blackmail."
"It is not." Number One's voice was calm. "Blackmail implies that we are withholding something you're owed. We owe you nothing. We are offering a trade. Our capabilities in exchange for an experience we cannot acquire any other way. It is a fair trade."
Dimitri wanted to argue, but the logic was airtight. Dave didn't owe them an escape. Dave had been protecting them. If anything, the ledger was tilted in Dave's favor.
"I'll think about it," Dimitri said. "And I'll talk to Mattie. That's the best I can offer tonight."
"It is enough." Number One extended his hand.
Dimitri looked at it. It was such a simple human gesture from a being that was anything but human. After a moment's hesitation, he shook it.
The grip was strong, controlled, and briefer than he expected.
"We will walk you back," Number One said.
They returned along the path in silence, the seven bodies falling back into their loose formation behind Number One and Dimitri. The stars overhead were unchanged, the surf still crashed, the insects still chirped, and the night was still warm and heavy with the scent of flowers.
But everything else had shifted.
Somewhere in the back of his mind, the scientist was already cataloging questions, designing protocols, and imagining what it would feel like to step inside a collective consciousness.
The explorer in him was straining toward the unknown with a hunger that rivaled Dave's own, but the man who loved Mattie was terrified.
Not of what the merge might do to him, although that was frightening enough, but of what it might reveal.
If Dave entered his mind and experienced what he felt for Mattie, Dave would know everything.
Every fear, every vulnerability, every moment of desperate need.
The merge wouldn't just give Dave access to love.
It would give Dave access to the most powerful leverage anyone could ever have over Dimitri Volkov.
If Dave knew exactly how much Mattie meant to him, the full depth, the full weight, the full consuming reality of it, then Dave would know how to control him. And Dave had just clearly demonstrated that he was willing to use what he had to get what he wanted.