Chapter Five – Abbey
I see him outside of my apartment building. Standing by the window to my bedroom, staring inside, that twisted smile on his face, like he knows he has gotten me right where he wants me. As he knows there is no way out for me. My heart pounds in my chest, and I stare at him, those sharklike gray eyes meeting mine with the cool, calm collectedness I have come to expect from this man. This is what he wants from me...my fear, my terror. And, right now, there’s nothing I can do but give it to him. I want to scream, but nothing will come out of my mouth – the sound of it hitches at the back of my throat. And, even if I scream, I know nobody will be able to hear me – there is nobody else in this city but me and him, him and me, and he will finally have me. Finally get his hands on me.
Finally, be able to do whatever he wants to me.
He lifts his hand and slams it into the glass of the window, over and over again, until the whole thing shakes under his touch. Oh, God. I try to step back, but I can’t get away in time. My feet are rooted to the ground as I watch the glass buckle beneath his hands, and I know it’s only a matter of time before it gives out beneath him. Suddenly, a spiderweb of cracks spreads out over the glass before me, and I lift my hands to protect myself from the spray of it coming right at my-
I sat bolt-upright in bed, heart pounding, head throbbing, the hairs on the back of my neck standing up as I panted raggedly. Where the fuck was I? I reached around, feeling the blankets beneath my fists, and took a deep, shaky breath. I was fine. I was safe. I just needed to calm down, and I would be fine.
I sank back into the pillows and squeezed my eyes shut, trying to ground myself back here in this moment again. I couldn’t believe this was happening. It had been weeks since I’d had any nightmares about Franco, but the sight of that graffiti had left me on-edge and nervous in ways I hadn’t been before.
Even Chuck had noticed it when I had interviewed him the day before, though I had done my level best to cover it up. I felt like it must have been obvious to him, the way I was jumping at every little thing, freaking out like I had something to be scared of. It annoyed me; after so long trying to get that interview, when the time had come to actually do it, I had been hardly able to focus because I had been so distracted with what was going on inside my head. I needed to get my shit together, urgently, or else I was going to miss out on more opportunities in the future.
Cinnamon lifted his head from his tail where he had curled up at the end of the bed, hitting me with a bleary expression.
”Yeah, me too, buddy,” I sighed as I reached for him. As I leaned towards him, I noticed, out of the corner of my eye, the scrap of paper Chuck had given me with his number on it – he”d insisted I take it with me after he’d seen the state I was in during our interview, and honestly, I had been ready to toss it the moment I got back. But something had urged me to keep hold of it, like I knew I might need it.
Like it might have been dangerous to get rid of it.
I reached over and picked it up, staring down at it for a long moment. I could just call him up now, tell him that I was freaked...
But he would probably think I was crazy. Well, crazier than he had before, at least. I mean, thinking of all the shit he had to go through in his line of work, he would laugh in my face if I told him I was getting spooked by nightmares...
But, as I tried to lay back down in bed, I could still feel myself trembling. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to sleep tonight – not if I was here alone, anyway. Chewing my lip, I reached for the piece of paper, and stared down at it, tracing out his spidery handwriting with my thumb. He told me if he could help me in any way, he would. Well...maybe this was the way to do it? Maybe this was what he meant?
Before I could talk myself out of it, I grabbed my phone where I had left it to charge overnight and quickly tapped his number into it. Firing off a text, I held my breath – and then, a few seconds later, a response pinged onto my screen.
”You okay?”
I hesitated for a moment before I replied.
”No.”
I hated admitting that to anyone, even someone like Chuck, who had offered to help me in the midst of all of this. I felt like he would think less of me when he knew that I was struggling, but how could I pretend it was anything else? I had spent so long trying to duck and dive the hurt that Franco had left me with after he had treated me the way he had, but now, I had someone who was actually willing to help. Why shouldn’t I take him up on it?
”You want me to come ”round?”
I chewed on my lip. God, was this a good idea? There was something about the thought of having him in my house that spooked me a little, but not in an entirely bad way. I mean, he would scare off anyone who was hanging about, wouldn’t he? I knew the reputation that he had, and I doubted it would be lost on anyone else who was watching my place. I just had to hope that they took him seriously...
I fired back in the affirmative and sent him my address, surprised at how little the thought of him having it bothered me. Normally, I was super-protective about my personal details, but after he’d shared some of his past with me, I felt like I owed him a little of the same in return.
He had a sister, that’s what he’d told me, and it was clear from the way his voice had softened when he had mentioned her that she meant a lot to him. What did she make of this line of work he’d gotten into? Did she like it? Did it scare her? Did she wish he did something different with his life, or was she okay with it? I couldn’t help but wonder...
I threw on some clothes and brewed myself a coffee, my hands still shaky as I poured myself a cup. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to sleep, not after the bad dream I’d just had, and I figured this was the best way to wake myself up for Chuck getting here.
I nearly jumped out of my skin when I heard the door buzz, and I headed over to the window to peer outside – there he was, Chuck, in that battered leather jacket I always saw him wearing.He tilted his head back to look up at me, as though he knew I would be gazing down at him, his blue-gray eyes flashing in the light.
I buzzed him up, and, a few moments later, he arrived at my door.
”You okay?” he asked me, looking me up and down. Cinnamon rubbed around my legs, chirruping up at the new visitor curiously.
”I’m okay,” I admitted. ”I just...I had a bad dream.”
Now that I had said the words out loud, it felt even more stupid that I had called him all the way over here, dragged him out to this place when I should have known better. What the hell was I thinking? I needed to get myself together, urgently. I couldn’t call him out in the middle of the night just because I’d had a damn bad dream.
”Can I come in?” he asked, his voice dropping slightly. The gentleness caught me off-guard coming from this big man who stood before me like a lion, filling the space in the doorway.
”Yes,” I replied, stepping aside, and Cinnamon led us both into the room beyond. He glanced around.
”You live on the ground floor?”
”It was the cheapest apartment...”
”You should try to get somewhere higher up,” he remarked. ”More of a vantage point if anything does happen.”
”I know,” I murmured, dropping my chin to my chest. I should have been more careful about picking my new home when I came here, given everything that had happened, but I had refused to make decisions based on the way Franco had treated me. I had already allowed him to rule my life for so long, and it felt twisted to allow that to follow me all the way out here, too.
”It’s okay,” he assured me. ”I’m here.”
”Thank you for...thank you for coming,” I blurted out. ”I know it’s crazy, I shouldn’t have bothered you-”
”Hey,” he cut me off. ”When I told you that you could contact me about anything, I meant it. You hear me?”
His voice was firm, and I fell silent. I was so used to finding some way to excuse what I needed, there was something almost relieving about having him lay down the law for me like that, make it so there was no space for me to argue.
”Okay,” I breathed. ”You want...you want a coffee or something?”
”Sure,” he replied, nodding, as he sank down on to the couch. I headed to the small kitchen and made him a cup, the way I’d seen him take it the other day. My hands were still a little shaky, but the pounding in my chest had started to ease slightly now he was here.
I made my way back through to the living room, and grinned when I saw him, slightly nonplussed, petting Cinnamon, who had jumped up on to the couch next to him.
”Not a cat person?” I asked him, as I passed him the coffee cup. Our fingers touched for the briefest moment, and I could have sworn I felt a pulse of electricity passing from his fingertips to mine.
”Not an animal person,” he remarked. ”Never really had the chance.”
”Well, if anyone’s going to change your mind, it’s Cinnamon,” I giggled as my cat head-butted Chuck’s his strong, calloused hand. ”He’s not good at taking no for an answer. That’s how he wound up living with me. Basically followed me in to the apartment one night and then he never left.”
He cocked an eyebrow.
”Are you allowed to have pets here?”
”No,” I admitted. ”But he’s little! Look, you hardly even notice him...”
He chuckled. He didn’t laugh much, and I liked the way it sounded. Full, rich, like it was coming from some place deep down inside of him. He wasn’t putting it on just because he thought I wanted to hear it. No, he was laughing because he thought I was actually funny.
I felt a little fizz deep down in my belly. Oh, no. I couldn’t let myself get drawn into anything with this guy, not for a second, not knowing everything that he was into.
Cinnamon crawled into his lap, padded against his legs, and then curled up into a ball and fell asleep. I couldn’t help but smile as I watched him pet the little cat; he clearly didn’t really get what he was supposed to do, but he was trying, and I found that really endearing.
”You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to,” I told him softly. ”I mean, I know you must have more important things to do than-”
”I’m fine,” he replied, lifting his gaze to greet mine. For a moment, I forgot what I had been trying to say – and damn, that was a tough thing to do to a motormouth like me. Even though I knew he was a decade and a half older than me, I had to admit, he was seriously hot. A little rugged with that smattering of stubble over his jaw, his shaven head – nothing like the guys I had been with before. Franco himself had come from a rich family, and he’d always seemed brittle, ready to snap at any moment.
Not Chuck, though. Chuck Stone was different – Chuck knew how to carry himself, knew how to present himself to make sure that nobody got under his skin.
”You want me to stay the night?” he asked me. I glanced to the door. Could I really ask him to do that? It wasn’t as though I had anywhere for him to sleep except the couch...unless I invited him to bed with me, that was.
”Yeah,” I murmured, lowering my eyes slightly. I couldn’t believe I was asking for this from him. It didn’t feel fair. But, if he was offering, who was I to say no?
”I’ll get you some blankets,” I told him, rising to my feet and getting to work. ”Fair warning, though, Cinnamon’s probably going to want to sleep with you on the couch.”
”I think I can make room for him,” he replied, glancing down at the car on his lap. My heart squeezed slightly at the sight of the two of them together. Not that it should have, of course – not that I should have been letting my mind stray anywhere even close to the direction of that.
I rushed through to the bedroom to pull together some pillows and blankets for him, my nightmare all at once forgotten.
Because having this man in my house, my cat on his lap, my coffee in his hand...well, it felt more like a dream.