Chapter 12
Twelve
Erin woke up early, disturbed by a weird dream that didn’t make much sense.
She’d been searching for something. In the dream she kept opening doors.
Some of them were at the cabin and some of them here, in Kaely’s house.
But every time she looked behind the doors, nothing was there.
Most of them opened into closets even though she knew they belonged to actual rooms like her bedroom at the cabin and the door to the office she’d set up.
Another one was connected to a bathroom, and another was the front door of her apartment in St. Louis.
A few of the rooms or closets were empty, but some of them were packed with junk.
She recognized most of the items, but some she didn’t.
Her police uniform was there, along with her badge.
Not hard to figure that out, but another door held things from her childhood.
What was that about? Was it saying she hadn’t dealt with her parents’ deaths?
She thought she had. A long time ago. She tried to push the images of the dream out of her head.
She was still tired. The dream had made her restless and deprived her of sleep.
Unfortunately, she was probably going to the command center today.
This wasn’t the day to be fatigued. But no matter how she felt, she’d have to push through and do whatever was required of her.
She finally got out of bed, went down the hall for a quick shower, and then dressed and headed toward the kitchen. She found Kaely sitting at the table.
“You could have slept longer,” she said as Erin entered the room. “I hope I didn’t wake you.”
Erin shook her head. “You didn’t. I had a weird dream and woke up trying to figure out what it meant. At least it wasn’t a nightmare.”
“Want to tell me about it?”
Erin shrugged. “I think most of it was obvious, but other parts have me stumped.” She went over the dream while Kaely got her a cup of coffee.
“Not too hard to understand,” she said when Erin finished.
After handing her the cup, Kaely sat down next to her. “You still have things hidden in closets that need to be cleaned out. No matter what door you open, hoping to get somewhere, those things are still there, blocking you.”
Erin took a sip of coffee and frowned at her friend. “That makes sense. I’m doing a lot better since we were together in November, but I guess I still have work to do.”
“But it appears your subconscious is aware of it, and that’s a good thing.”
“Yeah, but what about the room with things from my childhood? What does that have to do with anything?”
Kaely smiled. “I think it means that there’s still pain from losing your parents, but you suspected that, didn’t you?”
Erin sighed. “I guess. I really thought I was past it. It was terrible, but that was a long time ago.”
“Truthfully, my friend? I think that situation began a pattern of pain in your life. That’s probably when you learned to shut the things that hurt you behind mental doors because they were too upsetting to deal with.”
Erin nodded. “I’m sure you’re right.” She smiled at Kaely. “What would I do without your insight . . . and your friendship?”
“God would have sent someone else. Erin, it isn’t me. It’s Him working through me. I hope that at some point you’ll believe that.”
Erin smiled. “I’m beginning to. Thanks for not pushing me.”
“You’re welcome.” Kaely stood up. “Now, what can I get you for breakfast?”
“Cereal’s fine. What kind do you have?”
Kaely grinned. “Sorry, my friend. No cereal this morning. You can have pancakes, waffles, scrambled eggs, or an omelet, along with bacon or sausage. Your choice.”
Erin laughed. “For a second, I was afraid you wanted me to eat all of that. Whew!”
“I love you, but I don’t even cook like that for Noah.”
Erin was silent for a moment. Then, she met Kaely’s gaze. “I love you too, you know.”
Kaely’s eyes filled with tears. “That means more to me than I can say.” She grabbed a paper towel from a holder on the kitchen counter and wiped her eyes. “Now, before we both get too weepy, what are you hungry for?”
Erin sighed. “Oh my. How about scrambled eggs and bacon? I eat cereal at home so that would be a real treat.”
“Coming right up.”
“Hey, how did Nick’s wife die?” Erin asked.
Kaely went to the refrigerator and opened it.
She removed a carton of eggs and set them down on the counter.
When she turned around, Erin could see the sorrow on her face.
“She committed suicide,” Kaely said. “She was a friend, and it was so hard to accept. Deanne seemed like such a happy person. I still can’t understand it, but I learned that some people who are severely depressed hide behind a cheerful facade.
” She sighed. “The signs were all there. Noah and I used to talk about how she was always happy. No one is cheerful all the time—not unless something’s wrong. ”
“That’s so sad. Nick seems like a great guy.”
Kaely nodded. “He is. He was devastated by her death. He’s still having a hard time dealing with it.” She turned around and started making breakfast.
As Erin took another sip of coffee, a man walked into the room. Erin was certain it wasn’t Noah since she’d seen pictures of him.
Kaely, who was getting a pan out of one of her cabinets noticed him too. She smiled at him. “Hi, Lee. How about some breakfast?”
“I really appreciate that, but I need to go home and get ready for work. We were told we could get back into our apartments this morning.”
“Lee is a friend of ours from church,” Kaely said to Erin. She swung her gaze back to him. “Lee, this is my friend, Erin Delaney. Erin, Lee Johnson. He stayed here last night while his apartment was being fumigated.”
“Nice to meet you, Lee,” Erin said.
“You too.” He nodded at her.
Erin couldn’t help but notice that he seemed a little nervous. He wasn’t maintaining eye contact and kept glancing toward the front door. She chided herself. She was too suspicious. Maybe he was just a little shy.
“Thank you for letting me stay,” he told Kaely. “Will you also thank Noah for me?”
“Sure.” Kaely frowned at him. “Are you certain your apartment is safe now?”
His head bobbed up and down. “The landlord is letting everyone back in this morning. I doubt if he’d do that unless it was okay.” His smile was tight. “He probably doesn’t want to poison us. He’d lose our rent.”
Kaely laughed. “Good point.”
“Bye. I’ll see you Sunday morning.”
He walked quickly to the door, opened it, and left.
“He seemed a little jumpy, didn’t he?” Erin asked.
“I think he’s just a little insecure. He’s new to our church. He has a hard time making friends. Noah’s been mentoring him.”
“That’s nice of him.” She smiled at Kaely. “Is that what you’re doing with me? Mentoring me?”
Kaely pointed her spatula at Erin. “You’re my friend, not my project. Yes, I want you to know how much God loves you, but whether or not you give your life to Him, you will still be my friend. Does that answer your question?”
“Yeah, it does. Thank you.” She hesitated a moment, wanting to ask a question, but not ready for any kind of commitment.
Not yet, anyway. She decided to take a chance that Kaely would understand.
She took a deep breath and said, “Kaely, I’ve known some religious people.
When I was on the force, one guy was always trying to save me.
When I told him to knock it off, he turned his back on me.
Yet you love me no matter what I do. Is that how God loves us?
” Her voice broke, and it embarrassed her, but she’d never met anyone like Kaely before.
The way she presented God was different.
Was it really possible that God could love her, no matter what she’d done?
It was a hard concept to understand. How could a holy God overlook . . . unholiness?
Kaely took her frying pan off the burner and came over to the table.
She sat down next to Erin and took her hand.
“The answer is yes. That’s how God loves us.
He offers that same love to the worst person on earth.
In fact, He loves every single one of us so much that He sent His Son to pay for the sins of every human being who ever lived.
Jesus went to the cross so that we could come into the presence of a holy God and call Him Father.
When we accept the free gift God gave us, our mistakes are all forgiven.
Past, present, and future. We become His precious children, and He promises to never leave us or give up on us.
God gave us the greatest gift ever given to mankind. All we have to do is accept it.”
“Couldn’t He have done it without Jesus going to the cross? Seems kind of cruel.”
“That’s a good question, Erin. I could talk about the Old Testament and the sacrifices for sin back then, but let me answer it like this.
God is holy. Perfect. To come to Him, we must be holy too.
Here’s an analogy you should understand.
When you were a cop, what happened when you arrested someone for a serious crime? A felony?”
“Well, he’d be put in jail, then eventually, he’d go before a judge for sentencing.”
Kaely nodded. “Exactly. Say the judge sentenced him to life in prison, but someone stepped up and said, ‘Judge, I’m here to serve his sentence.’ The judge might say, ‘But he’s guilty. Why would you do that?’ The answer would be, ‘Because I love him.’”
“I doubt that any judge would allow that, but I get the point.”
Kaely’s example hit home. She’d arrested several people who, in her opinion, should never see the light of day again.
It was hard for her to accept that they could .
. . or should . . . be forgiven. She realized that Kaely wasn’t saying hardened criminals should be released back on the streets.
Man’s laws might not allow that, but God seemed to work outside the boundaries set by human beings.
“In this case, of course, jail . . . or punishment . . . is being compared to eternal judgment,” Kaely said. “Hell.”
“How could a God who loves everyone send someone to hell?”
Kaely got up and went back to the stove where she put her pan back on the burner.
After stirring the eggs a couple of times, she spooned some onto a plate.
She carried it over and put it in front of Erin.
“God doesn’t send anyone to hell, Erin. He gave everything He had to keep all of us out of there.
We decide to accept His incredible gift—or reject it. ”
Erin didn’t say anything, but what Kaely said made sense. Was she really thinking seriously about going all the way with this God thing? A belief she’d sworn she’d never fall for?