Chapter 4
Matilda had left.
Jane suddenly, abruptly, felt alone and abandoned. She managed a bright smile for the servant who had carried up her bags, and then he too was gone, closing the heavy rosewood door behind him. An immediate, heavy silence descended.
Jane felt it, the stabbing of hurt, of grief, of aloneness and homesickness. She swallowed the lump choking her and walked past the four-poster, silk-canopied bed to one of the crystal-paned windows. She looked outside.
The lawns stretched away in perfect lush harmony.
The drive glittered like diamonds as it snaked through Dragmore, catching the reflection of the sun piercing through the heavy drizzle.
Rolling hills, slick and wet, studded with sheep, cows, waving corn and wheat, undulated to the gray horizon.
Heavy clouds scudded above. She could see the glimpse of a steeple—the chapel at Lessing, perhaps?
And she wondered how much of all of this was Dragmore.
She was not going to get married.
She was going to become a famous actress, like her mother.
Jane turned away from the window, only to notice the black dust covering her hands from where she’d leaned on the sill.
She frowned. He had an army of servants, she’d seen them, but what did they spend their time doing?
Of course, it was no business of hers, and they had arrived suddenly, barely with any warning.
Had he really killed his wife?
There was a knock on the door, and Jane felt her spine stiffen, her heart freeze—thinking it was he.
She was assailed with an image of his dark, harshly chiseled face and his pale, pale eyes, and then a maid poked her head in, smiling.
“Hello, mum, I’m Molly. He says you’re to take your meals with Chad and Randall in the nursery. ”
A hot flush swept her. He would resign her to the nursery, would he? “And where is it?”
“It be just down the end of the hall.” The pretty, plump maid pointed. “Jake is bringing you some hot water for a bath and fresh tea. They be eatin’ at six, mum.”
Jane nodded. “All right, Molly, thank you. Please forget the tea, and bring me some coffee.” Molly’s eyes widened, but she nodded and backed out.
Grimly Jane turned to face the full-length mirror standing in its walnut frame in a corner of the room.
Did she appear such a child, then? She stared at herself, the crimson still staining her cheeks.
Jane was of less than average height and very petite.
What she saw was her tiny figure and a white, triangular face that could have been that of some little lost urchin.
Her cheekbones were high, her nose small and tipped, her lips too full for her small face.
Her eyes were huge, wide now, and the bright blue of bluebells.
In her plaid high-necked dress, which she wore without the customary bustle, and the blue bonnet, she looked like a twelve-year-old.
Jane yanked off the bonnet and threw it onto an overstuffed chair.
Piles of waving platinum hair the color of champagne spilled down her back.
There was too much hair for her small frame.
And she still looked twelve.
There was no denying it, and Jane felt a sudden, intense frustration.
She pictured him—the earl. The darkness, the intensity, the power.
She could almost feel the heat of his presence behind her, and Jane hastily darted a glance over her shoulder.
But of course the room was empty, of course she was alone.
Yet she could still see him, still feel him, and something Jane could not define swept her. A frisson. Of fear … or excitement?
She turned to the mirror again. There was a bright flush upon her cheeks now. She stared. This was how he had seen her, in the frowsy, childish dress with the small, childish body. But she wasn’t a child. She was seventeen.
And suddenly it became of overwhelming importance that the earl should see her as a grown woman.
The earl paused on the landing to the third floor.
The rich, bell-like sound of a woman’s laughter rang out merrily, deeply.
Jane Weston. His response was instant—a tightening of every fiber in his body.
He heard his son’s childish giggle in response.
His surprise died. He had, after all, ordered her to the nursery.
But, he thought as he approached silently, Governess Randall had never laughed like that.
Nick paused in the open doorway, without a sound.
He was purposeful in being quiet. He had been raised on a ranch, and his father was half Apache; his mother had been a Mescalero squaw.
Derek had also been a captain in the Texas Rangers, and he had taught all his children, even Nick’s sister, to track and hunt and to move soundlessly.
It was a part of their heritage, Derek had always said.
And one day, maybe such skills would save their lives.
The earl felt the old, old stabbing then, an anguish so deep and intense that if he didn’t cut it off immediately he wasn’t sure what would happen—he would cease to be a man.
He did cut it off. And he corrected himself, silently, with a bitter twisting of his lips in the mockery of a smile.
Not his father. His father hadn’t raised him, his father was dead.
Killed violently by the man who had raised him and called himself his father—the man Nick had adored as his father his entire life. Until he had learned the truth.
He shook it all away, but he could not shake the self-hatred and self-disgust. It was all one big joke. He was not Nicholas Bragg, Lord Shelton, the Earl of Dragmore. He was nothing more than the grotesque product of a violent rape.
He was glad Derek had killed his real father, the Comanchero Chavez. Because if he hadn’t, Nick would have.
His stunning, dead wife’s image loomed. Her face was white, so carefully painted that it appeared natural. Rich blond hair was coiled atop her head. Her expression was one of horror.
He hadn’t even shared the terrible secret. He had started to. He had only gotten as far as confessing his Indian heritage. And she had recoiled …
Abruptly he shoved his morose thoughts away. And saw his son. Nick softened.
Everything went soft. His face, his eyes, and the tension in his body drained away.
Chad was almost five, with dark-brown hair and a medium complexion and his mother’s green eyes.
He was giggling, although trying to be serious.
The earl watched as Jane filled a wineglass with water, then lifted her own.
“To you, my lord,” she said in a high, false voice.
“To the Lord of Dragmore.” Governess Randall, a big, stocky horse-faced woman, frowned disapprovingly and harrumphed.
“To you, my lady,” Chad mimed, and they drank their toasts. The earl smiled.
“My lord, I fear there is some urgent correspondence awaiting you in your library,” Jane continued. “If you have finished, perhaps we should see to it.”
“I am finished,” Chad announced. “Do we go downstairs?” His adorable face screwed up quizzically. “Papa may be in the lib’ry!”
“But my lord,” Jane cried, standing with dignity and gesturing grandly to the corner of the nursery. “Your library awaits you there.”
Chad stood, imitating her graceful, regal movements.
The earl was no longer watching his son.
He was watching Jane. She had changed out of her schoolgirl’s dress and was wearing a simple skirt, sans crinoline or bustle, and a silk, striped blouse with a lace collar.
Her hair hung in a braid as fat as his arm to her buttocks.
He had seen a few wisps before, peeking out from the bonnet, so the pale, champagne color did not surprise him.
She had beautiful hair. The tail teased the small of her back.
It was a saucy, impudent curve of derriere, high and round, and realizing what he was eyeing, he abruptly jerked his gaze away. What the hell was wrong with him?
“Papa!” Chad shrieked.
The earl caught his son as he charged into his arms, lifting him high and swinging him around. He slipped Chad to his feet, ruffling his thick hair. “How was supper, son?” He was squatting.
“Jane and me, we played a game,” Chad cried excitedly. “I was lord and she was my lady! That’s our lib’ry. Want to come in?”
The earl knew how to play with his son. He had taught him how to ride, fish, and hunt, how to track.
The way Derek had taught him. Now he was uncomfortable, with Chad pulling on his hand, trying to drag him into the “library.” He felt the heat of the skin on his face.
“Maybe later,” he said, his hand in the boy’s hair.
It lingered there. Chad was not disappointed.
He gazed up at his father with adoration.
Nick met Jane’s glance. It was soft and surprised and curious. A blush stained her cheeks. He didn’t like her regard, and he shot her a quelling look. In return, she gave him her fragile smile and cast her eyes away.
As she stood there in the blue serge skirt without the crinoline, he realized her legs were very, very long.
“My lord,” Governess Randall interrupted. “I really think these games, at the table, are quite inappropriate. Chad should learn his manners, not—”
“I think Chad can both learn manners and play games with Jane,” the earl said abruptly.
His gaze strayed of its own accord from Randall to Jane.
She was poised like a bird about to take wing; then she relaxed and smiled a true, wide smile.
It was warm, it was light and laughter, it was happiness.
Nick felt the surge of an answering warmth in his own heart.
Confused, he stared at her. And he became aware of her gazing back and the heat building slowly in his loins.
He recoiled. What the hell was wrong with him?
She was a child, his ward.
But the heat grew. And he was afraid, so very afraid, that he knew what was wrong. Abruptly he wheeled and left the room, for once not even hearing his son calling after him. His strides were long, hard, fast. As if he could outrace the thought forming in his mind.
But he couldn’t.
He was thinking of his father, the Comanchero Chavez.