Chapter 16
SIXTEEN
G RANT
I’m in hell. My own version of it. Where I’ve finally had the smallest taste of something I’ve unknowingly craved for years but have to watch it all slip away right in front of my eyes.
Our agreement has my feet rooted in the ground as I watch this fucking prick teammate of my younger brother’s spin her around a makeshift dance floor. She’s teaching everyone a new dance for the wedding, using him as an example. His hands are all over every inch of her body, like he’s had them there before. And I just have to stand here and watch. All while everyone in the room cheers them on.
“Who the fuck is this guy again?” I ask quietly as I look at my younger brother. He introduced us earlier, but I was too busy trying to make sense of how he was so friendly with Dakota .
“Hayden. Plays for the Chaos with me. Good guy.” Ramsey smiles as the prick’s feet falter, and his hands slip a little lower on her ass. She laughs as he rights himself, but he doesn’t bring his hands back up where they belong as he turns her around the makeshift dance floor. I take another sip of my drink. I might break a few of his fingers and see who’s fucking laughing then.
“Good guy? Is he always so fucking handsy?” I glower at the way he’s running his hand over her hip as he pulls her closer to him again.
“No, but he and Dakota hit it off on New Year’s Eve.” Ramsey’s brow furrows.
“What do you mean hit it off?” I don’t bother to cover my tone, and Ramsey’s head snaps in my direction. He studies my face like he doesn’t like what he sees.
“Why do you care?”
Fuck.
“You know why I care. She’s his sister.” I try to sound nonchalant but fail miserably when her fingers drift over his shoulder, and her lashes lift as she laughs at something else he says. This fucker must be a fucking comedian in his spare time.
“That tone doesn’t sound like worry. It sounds like jealousy.” Ramsey’s already done the math. I can see it in his eyes.
“So what if it was?” I say flippantly, trying to throw him off.
“You got a hell of a big hole to try and climb out of. One you dug.” He makes a low whistle. “I don’t even know if there are ladders made for that.”
“You managed it,” I argue, pointing out that Hazel and Ramsey had spent a good portion of last year trying to make each other suffer—at least when they weren’t eye fucking the hell out of each other in between.
“She liked me before she hated me.”
I blow out a breath and take another sip of my drink. My eyes drift back to Dakota as he spins her awkwardly. She’s a damn good dancer, and she’s reining it all in for his benefit—working hard to make him look like he knows what he’s doing. The way she’s laughing so effortlessly as he whispers something in her ear has my teeth set on edge. I don’t think she’s ever laughed like that in my presence, proving Ramsey has a point. She’s never been a fan of mine, minus one awkward moment when she turned eighteen.
“When you say they hit it off…” I have to focus on one problem at a time. Getting her to like me is one for a different day. Today is just making sure he doesn’t make her forget I exist.
“I don’t know the details…” Ramsey trails off.
“But?” I brace for whatever he’s about to tell me.
“She was in his lap most of the night when she wasn’t working. They were pretty heavy by midnight. Hazel and I left not long after.” He shrugs like me not having more details isn’t going to kill me. It’s left to my imagination, and well…
I’m imagining her stripping down and climbing into bed with him. Thinking about her making all her perfect little sounds for him and him knowing all the minute details of her body that I do. I feel fucking sick. It’s even worse when the song stops and Hazel catches Dakota, linking arms as they both giggle, and Dakota tells her something that makes her grin. Hazel talks animatedly with her, and I realize what this whole “wedding games” thing is: an elaborate ruse to push these two together. And fuck if it isn’t working like a charm.
“Your wife seems to have ulterior motives at this event.”
“I told you she had some plans.”
“And she thinks what… these two fucked once when Dakota was drunk, and now they’ll fall in love and Dakota can travel back and forth with her?”
“It’s crossed her mind.” Ramsey’s eyes run over me like he’s judging whether or not I’m going to be a problem for Hazel’s scheme.
“No. No fucking way.” I shake my head.
“I don’t think you get a say in that.” His tone stays calm, even as mine deteriorates.
“The fuck I don’t. She’s my—” I stop mid-sentence. I’d promised her we wouldn’t tell anyone. Specifically Ramsey because he’d tell Hazel. I can’t break that promise now. “She’s my closest friend’s sister. She’s not running off with some fucking loser.”
“He’s my friend.” Ramsey’s demeanor shifts.
“Dakota’s your friend too.”
“She is, and I told you, I’m not worried. He’s a good teammate too—like a second family to me.” My brother can’t stand anyone attacking someone he cares about. He’d done prison time for it. But I’d do that and more for Dakota.
“He does anything to hurt her, you won’t have to worry about him being on your team.” I toss back the last of my drink and turn. I need off this floor. Out of this room. Or I’ll do or say something I regret. “I need a refill.”
“You need air. You want to figure things out with her, fair enough. But this isn’t the way.”
“Don’t go running to tell your wife.” I flash him a look of warning. He might have a point or five, but he’s still my younger brother. I have ten years on him, and he damn well knows I don’t ask much of him.
“There’s nothing to tell. Yet .” His eyes search me one last time, like he’s trying to figure out where the hell his real brother is and where I’ve come from. I couldn’t tell him either. I’m as blindsided as anyone by the way I’m taking this development.
By the time the women have gone upstairs for their spa slumber party and the rest of us guys are wrapped around a table playing poker, I’ve worked myself up to being well and truly pissed. I’ve spent the entire night watching this prick put his hands all over Dakota, and now he’s bidding up the table at poker. I’ve lost my patience with him. I shove all my chips in, raising the bet sky-high.
“Too rich for my blood.” Bo folds his cards.
“Yeah, I’m skipping out on that.” Anson follows suit.
Ramsey calls my bet, and it falls to Hayden again. He stares at his cards and then looks at the pile of chips, drawing out his decision while the rest of us wait. That’s all we’ve been doing all night. Waiting to see what this asshole will do.
“Don’t have to be afraid to fold. We don’t mind if you run tail tucked,” I mutter.
“What now?” He smirks, looking up at me. “Nobody’s tail’s tucked. I’m just trying to play smart. Not let my mood affect how I play.”
“My mood doesn’t affect my play. My hand does. Might be hard to know what yours looks like when you got them all over her ass though.”
“You got a problem with me?” His smile fades as he looks at me over his cards.
“Nah, no problem. We’ve all gotten a little too drunk and tried to hit way out of our league before. Can’t blame you for trying.”
“Seems like you’re a little nervous. The way you’re throwing money around like it’ll buy what you can’t earn. That an old cowboy thing? You think she’s into that, or you think maybe she finally found something she really likes?” His smirk returns, and I’m ready to take his jaw clean off his face.
“I think what she likes is someone who knows how to treat her with respect instead of trying to throw cheap lines and even cheaper moves at her the second she walks into a room. She’s got a dozen of you to pick from at the bar on any given night.”
“I’m going to get a beer outside. Want to join me?” Ramsey looks at me pointedly, and I push back from the table, the legs of the chair dragging loud enough to underscore my point.
I follow my baby brother silently. I know he wants to lecture me in private. He’d never give me the disrespect of undermining me in public, but we’re about to have it out, nevertheless. Ramsey keeps the ceremony alive by grabbing two beers out of the fridge on our way to the back porch, popping the tops off them before he swings the screen door open and holds it for me to follow. He shoves one at my chest and eyes me carefully.
“You’re my older brother, so I’m not gonna tell you what to do. But I am going to point out that this whole wedding week is very important to me, and I don’t want my wife to have to come downstairs because a brawl has broken out in her home.”
“You should tell your friend that he needs to watch his mouth and his hands then.”
“He hasn’t said or done anything disrespectful to Dakota. At least not unless she was yours in some way, and last I checked, that wasn’t the case. Has that changed in the last few hours?”
“No.”
“Then maybe let her decide what she is and isn’t comfortable with.”
“That guy isn’t right for her.”
“She seemed to think so the last time she saw him. Hazel, who’s almost as protective as you when it comes to her, likes the two of them together. Says they’re a good fit. You got a reason to say they aren’t besides jealousy?”
“I’m not jealous,” I snap. “Never been jealous a day in my fucking life, and I sure as shit didn’t start today. ”
“That’s not the way it looks to everyone else in that room. You’re not gonna have to worry about me telling Hazel because her brothers can see it plain as fucking day.”
I take a swig of beer and lean on the railing. I’ve been stupid, letting things flare my temper like that. Worrying about every little fucking thing like some jealous fucking idiot. He’s right, and I fucking hate it when that happens.
“If you want her, why don’t you tell her that?”
“Because I shouldn’t fucking want her, Ramsey. She’s my best friend’s kid sister.”
“She’s not a kid anymore.”
“Doesn’t matter. I was her guardian. I swore I’d watch over her, and I’m pretty fucking sure he didn’t mean while I was buried inside her.”
“You’ve slept together?” Ramsey sounds surprised.
“No. I haven’t touched her.” It was technically true. I’ve imagined it. Promised to do it. Thought about it thousands of times at this point. But I haven’t followed through. Yet.
“How does she feel about you?”
“I don’t know. We don’t talk about feelings.”
“Maybe you should start. Whatever is going on between you two that doesn’t involve feelings or touching seems to have you all twisted up.”
“I can’t. It’s… too complicated.” My heart drops to my gut because I know what I should do. I just have to bring myself to do the right thing. “Is he really a good guy?” I take another draw of my beer to wipe the bad taste out of my mouth created by even asking that question.
“He is. Mostly has his shit together. As much as any of us do. Doesn’t fuck around a lot. Spends a lot of time with a charity in town. Has our backs on the field and off it.”
“You’d let him near Aspen?”
“Aspen would tear him to pieces, but I’d trust him with her. Yeah.”
It’s not the answer I want, but Ramsey wouldn’t lie to me.
“Fine… I’ll stay out of the way.”
“That’s not what I’m telling you to do. I’m just telling you not to rip the guy’s head off and to talk to her if you feel some kind of way about her being with someone else.”
“It’s none of my business who she’s with or what she does.”
A loud, rumbling laugh rips out of Ramsey’s chest, and he nearly spills his beer. It takes him a full minute to recover enough to stand straight and look at me.
“A full fucking quarter of your personality is worrying about what that girl does and when.”
“Because I’ve been trying to keep her safe.”
“Is that what you’ve been doing that’s got you like this?”
“I thought it was…” I shake my head. Now I’m wondering if it might be me she needs to be kept safe from.
We stand there for a long time in silence, staring out at the night sky while we both drink our beers. Until Ramsey finally breaks the silence.
“I’ve never seen you like this.”
I take the last sip of my beer and stare at the empty bottle.
“I’ve never felt like this.” It’s more honesty than I want to give. More than I’d give to Levi or Aspen on this particular subject. Levi would warn me off and tell me to keep my head in the game. Aspen would go buck fucking wild with the information that a woman caught my interest and be planning a future where I hang up my hat and fill my life with family photos and PTA meetings. But Ramsey knows what it’s like. He’s right in the thick of it now with a woman who isn’t all that different.
“Talk to her.”
“And tell her what?” I look over at him. “I know I’ve been your guardian and I made you fucking hate my guts, but uh… I th ink maybe I’ve had a change of heart. How do you feel about an aging asshole who runs a casino and a criminal empire?”
“I think there are better ways of putting it.”
“She’s better off with your friend. She’s always liked athletes, and he probably comes with a lot less baggage. Starting with the fact he didn’t get her brother killed.”
“You don’t think she deserves to know? Doesn’t she have a choice in the matter?”
“What choice? That’s not a fucking choice. It’s wrong. I shouldn’t even be thinking about her like that.”
“If Hazel would give me a second chance…”
“You two were obsessed with each other from the start. You said it yourself.”
“I wasn’t, or rather I was, but only after I stopped seeing her as Bo’s little sister. It’s not that far off from the two of you.”
“It didn’t take you ten years to wake up and realize she was there all along.”
“No. It took me finding her in my teammate’s room, half undressed on his bed. Nearly fucking killed me. I don’t recommend waiting that long.”
“Yeah, well he better not even fucking try it while he’s here. If he wants to fuck her he can fly her back to Cincinnati and do it there.”
Suddenly, I hear a throat clear, and I look up to see Dakota standing on the steps.
“Excuse me. I just need to take these upstairs.” Dakota holds up a case of hard seltzer, and her eyes slice over to me. My heart plummets six feet under my feet.
“Wait.” I step to the side and block more of her path.
“I can take them for you,” Ramsey offers, playing the good brother.
“You can’t go upstairs,” Dakota protests .
“I’ll holler up to Hazel or text her first. I won’t break her rules. I promise.”
“I—” She looks between the two of us, clearly not wanting to give me the time of day. But when her eyes land on Ramsey, something softens in her gaze, and she holds out the case for him. I glance back over my shoulder, but whatever passed between them, I can’t decipher it.
“I’ll get this straight up,” Ramsey promises and abandons us on the deck.
When I hear the screen door shut, I look back to her and see her eyes swarming with skepticism and distrust.
“I don’t know how much you heard, but—” I start, but she cuts me off.
“Enough to remind me of where we stand with each other.”
“It’s not what it sounded like.”
“It sounded like I should tell him yes when he asks what my final decision is on that trip to Cincinnati this summer. He said I could fly there first, see where he lives, and then we could take a trip somewhere. Anywhere I want before he has to be back for camp.”
I slide my tongue down the inside of my cheek and look into the distance.
“Is that what you want?” I swallow my pride and fuck if it doesn’t taste bitter.
“Since when does what I want factor into anything where you’re concerned?”
“Since I’m asking.”
“Very romantic of you to do it now when you’re feeling threatened,” she bites back, and I can see the look on her face, realizing that she’s said too much.
“I’m not the romantic sort, and I’m not feeling threatened. I’m just looking for clarity.”
“Clarity on what?” Her tone is impatient .
“Do the two of you have something going on? Something that is romantic?” I look at her, and she avoids my gaze.
“So what if we did?”
“Then you’d be breaking rules you agreed to.”
“It would predate our rules. It started on New Year’s Eve.”
“So you knowingly entered into our agreement when you had a boyfriend.”
“He’s not a boyfriend.”
“Paramour. Plaything. Whatever you fuckin’ want to call him.” I step closer to her, and she takes a step back. “And you didn’t tell me at the time. Not when you took pictures for me. Not when you were teasing me about your fantasies. And sure as fuck not on the phone the other night.”
“Keep your voice down,” she hisses.
“Why? Worried your guy’s going to find out all the dirty little things you do for me in your spare time?”