Chapter 30
THIRTY
D AKOTA
We down another round of blowjob shots with our hands tucked behind our backs, one Marlowe manages to down faster than the rest of us much to everyone’s surprise.
“We did them in college a lot.” She looks at us defensively as the bartender hands us another round of vodka tonics to sip on while we decide what activity we’re doing next.
“Y’all, I don’t know how late I’m going to make it.” Hazel sips her drink daintily. “It’s been such a fun week, but I need to get some beauty rest before tomorrow. The makeup and hair people are coming for you at nine in the morning.”
“Good lord. I thought the point of having the wedding at night was we didn’t have to get up as early.” Bristol shoots her a look of dismay .
“I know, but we still have all the pictures to take, and they said that was going to take two hours.”
“You’re lucky I love you so much.” Bristol flashes her a disgruntled look but then wraps her arm around her shoulders and squeezes.
“I love you too. All of you. And I’m so glad we get to be sisters again.” Hazel looks up at Aspen, and she smiles.
“Me too. I missed you keeping my baby brother in line. I always kinda hoped you two would find your way back to each other again.” Aspen’s eyes light with tenderness, and she reaches out and pats the back of Hazel’s hand.
My phone rings then, jarring us all out of the sweet moment.
“I’m sorry!” I apologize, rooting through my purse until I pull out my phone and see Hayley’s name across the screen. I left her in charge of the bar tonight, and she wouldn’t call unless it was important. “Shit. I have to take this. I’ll be right back. I’m sorry.”
“No worries.” Hazel gives me a sympathetic look. She thanked me a million times today, wanting me to know how much she appreciated everything I’ve done.
“Hey! Hold on. I’m in the bar, and it’s loud in here. Let me step outside so I can hear,” I say before I get through the doors and out onto the patio. “Okay. Everything okay?”
“No.” Hayley sounds like she’s choking back tears. “The cops came back, and this time, they were worse. Knocking bottles over, roughing up patrons.” She sniffs back another sob, and I feel my heart bottom out into my stomach. “They’re saying they’re closing down the bar until further notice. They have something that looks official from the health department, and I don’t know what to do. I’m so sorry to bother you. I know it’s Hazel’s big day tomorrow, and you all are out. I feel terrible, but I was scared not to tell you. ”
“It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s not your fault. They’re being assholes. You can’t do anything about that. Are you safe? Are the rest of the girls safe?” I ask.
“Yeah. Grant’s security guy was here and threatened them with everything in the book. But they still didn’t stop. He made sure they didn’t touch any of us though.”
“All right. Just make sure everyone is okay. I’m coming, all right? I’ll be right there.” As I’m saying the last words, I see Grant on a mission, headed straight for me. His security must have called and given him a heads-up. “Just give me a few minutes to get a ride and get over there.”
“Okay. You don’t need to rush. I’ll stay here until you get back.” I hear a murmur of a voice in the background. “Jack said he’s going to stay with me so don’t worry, okay?”
“Okay. I’m so sorry this happened to you, Hayley. Please don’t blame yourself, okay?”
“I’ll try. See you in a bit.”
“See you soon,” I say and then disconnect the call. Grant’s eyes are blazing with fury.
“I assume that’s your staff telling you what’s going on.” He looks at my phone.
“I assume your security told you.”
“I know you’re going to want to go over there, so we’ll go together. I’ll have one of my guys drive us since we’ve both had drinks.”
I nod. “I can’t believe they’re doing this. She said they’re shutting down the bar altogether. That there was something official.”
“Yeah. Jack gave me a heads-up about it. They’ve got a laundry list of stupid little fucking details. They don’t normally shut people down over them, but my guess is that Officer Spencer has a friend in the health department. Don’t worry. We’ll get it handled. ”
“I still need to go and see the place. She said they broke things, and I’m just worried about her. She was so upset. I hate that this happened tonight.” It’s one of the many reasons I hate taking time off.
“Jack’s there with her. She’ll be okay. But I agree. Let’s go take a look and make sure.”
“All right. Let me just tell Hazel I have to leave for a bit.”
We’re pulling up to the bar in record time. His driver didn’t waste any getting us over here, and this time of night, there wasn’t a ton of traffic to compete with in a small town like Purgatory Falls. Hazel was understanding and even told me not to worry about coming back. But I left everything at the hotel that I needed for the night and tomorrow since I planned to stay at the Avarice. I’m more worried about the fact that I’m going to have giant bags under my eyes by the time everything is said and done.
When we walk in and Hayley sees me, she starts crying, running over and wrapping her arms around me.
“I sent everyone else home except for Gemma and Addy. I needed someone to help me clean up all the broken glass.”
I look over and see Gemma and Addy with a giant trash can and a broom and pan. It’s full of glass, and I walk over to peer inside the bag. It’s nearly half-full.
“That many?” I gasp.
“Those motherfuckers,” Grant curses under his breath.
“They said some of them had fruit flies inside, and they had to destroy it so we didn’t serve it that way. But they were lying. They were just making up excuses to make a mess. They did it in front of patrons, too, as they were throwing people out. They kept saying how dirty it was— ”
I press my hand to my heart, and tears start to form in my eyes. I kept it together on the drive over, and Grant let me have my silence when he asked if I was okay. I needed to think. To meditate on staying calm because letting these motherfuckers have my peace when they didn’t deserve an ounce of my attention is not a thing I’m willing to cede. But knowing they denigrated this place like that, the place my parents left to my brother, and my brother left to me when he died—the place I worked so damn hard to keep up and make a second home and an escape for the people of Purgatory Falls is crushing my heart.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t tell you all this. I didn’t mean to upset you; I just can’t believe it. Especially after the other day.” Hayley rubs my back as she talks, and I shake my head.
“It’s okay. It’s what happened. I just hate that I wasn’t here.”
“I think they knew you wouldn’t be here, honestly. They didn’t even ask to speak with management or anything. They just slammed that paper on the bar and started running people out and smashing things.”
“Everyone in this town knows the wedding is tomorrow and that you’re busy with it. They did it on purpose, waiting until tonight.” Grant’s voice still has a lethal undertone to it. I know he’ll make this all right for both of our sakes. I at least know that much, and it’s keeping me on my feet right now. I take a deep breath and clear my head.
“All right. You should go home, Hayley. Gemma and Addy, you guys too. Please. I just want you all to get some sleep. And you too, Jack, is that your name?” I look at him.
“That’s my name. Yes…” He looks at Grant instead of me for permission on whether or not he can leave.
“Do a perimeter check. Lock the doors. Set any outside alarms and lights. Make sure they’re all gone and no one’s sitting outside. Get the girls to their cars and on their way home safe. I’ll meet you back at the Avarice for a debrief when we’re done here.” Grant nods to Jack, and he jerks his chin in understanding.
“I’m sorry again.” Hayley looks remorsefully around the room. “Any help you need getting it fixed back up, you just call me, okay?”
“Same for us. We’re here for you, girl.” Addy pats me on the arm, her brown eyes two pools of sympathy. I was lucky I had staff like this.
“I’m so sorry this happened to you all on your shift. You’re both okay too, right?” I look Addy and Gemma over. “No one got cut on glass or anything?”
“We’re good.” Gemma nods.
“Nothing we couldn’t handle,” Addy assures me.
“Thank you. And again, I’m so sorry. I’ll keep you posted on when we’re reopening and what’s going on. Don’t worry about your paychecks. I’ll make sure you get a check for any missed work, okay?” I make the promise knowing full well I don’t have the money, but I’ll find it. At worst, I’m more in debt to Grant.
I sit at the bar on one of the stools after they’ve left, and Jack reassures Grant that everything is locked up tight. I’m staring at the mess they’ve made of the back wall. An array of liquors and glasses that I’ve always been proud of is now a mess of missing pieces and bottles. I glance at the sign they’ve stuck on the door. The one that says I’m closed for violations I know don’t exist.
But people won’t believe that. They’ll believe whatever the paper says. Whatever the cops say is true. Rumors will run around town about the kind of establishment I run, and while the good ones will be there to say all the nice things about me and my girls, the assholes will say they’ve always liked Cowboy’s better. That it’s cleaner, and this place has always been a dive bar. The absolute cunts will say they prefer the Avarice’s bar over mine. A nameless high-end monument to marble and gold, luxury and lush menus, and plush seating. Everything this bar isn’t. Everything I’m not.
Polar opposites. Just like the man who owns it and me. My depression and anxiety are talking loudly when I shouldn’t be listening to them. Telling me I’m a loser no one really wants. Not Grant. Not Hayden. Not any man. Because I’m the cheap bottom-shelf whiskey that gets broken when someone decides it’s not good enough.
Dread sets in when I think about all my interactions with Grant through that lens. I start wondering if it’s the real reason he didn’t want to take me up to a room tonight. That he doesn’t want to lead me on to thinking this is anything more than what we are. That this deal we have isn’t the sexy fun I’ve made it out to be, but some cheap agreement that kept him entertained. I’m spiraling, and I know it, but I can’t stop my brain from telling me all the things I don’t want to hear. By the time Grant comes back to where I’m sitting, I’m ready to break all over the floor myself.
“You doing okay?” He gives me a sympathetic look. One that feels like pity in the neon light.
“You said we needed to talk.”
He winces and looks around the bar. “You want to do that now? I don’t think that’s a good idea. It’s late and—”
“We’re alone. I’ve got nothing better to do. I’m not going to go back and crash Hazel’s bachelorette with this mood. I won’t be able to sleep. You’ve made it clear you won’t touch me, which is the only other thing besides more alcohol that might improve this night. So I want to know why you won’t. Why you won’t let me touch you either.” I sound bitter to my own ears.
My eyes drift over him. He looks like sin tonight. Gorgeous in a black zipped hoodie that fits him perfectly under a suit jacket that probably costs more than the bar makes in a month. The black cowboy hat was left in the car with the driver, but the black snakeskin cowboy boots with the steel tips set off the whole outfit. He looks every bit as expensive as he is.
“Dakota…” He so rarely says my name, my real first name, that I know this isn’t going to end well.
“Don’t sugarcoat it. Just tell me the truth. I need to hear it. I need you to crush my heart so that I can stop thinking about you. I need you to tell me it was all just a game, some amusement for you while you were bored so I can get on with my real life once I’ve finished paying you off. We should probably talk about that too. How many more naked photos and videos you need to feel satisfied that you’ve well and truly rubbed my nose in what a desperate whore I am for selling myself.”
“Don’t you dare fucking call yourself that.” His temper snaps, and his nostrils flare.
“Wasn’t that what this was? You teaching me a lesson. Showing me what would happen to me if I kept doing what I was doing. Selling pictures of myself. Spitting whiskey into men’s mouths. And look. I’ve lost my bar. My reputation’s in the trash. And I’m some man’s plaything. Just like you predicted.”
“I wanted to teach you a lesson because I wanted to protect you from people who could hurt you. I didn’t want to see it happen to you. That was the last fucking thing on earth I wanted.”
“And yet… here I am. ”
“If you want out of our deal, I’ll call the debt settled. Most of it was for the wedding anyway, and it’s my baby brother. I should be helping cover the costs as the head of the family.”
“What happened to holding me to it?”
“I don’t want it if this is how it makes you feel. If this is how you see yourself. That was never what I wanted.”
“Then why did you want it?”
“Because I…” He scrubs a hand over his mouth and sinks onto the barstool next to mine. “You’ve always been important to me. I’ve always cared about you. Fuck. I enjoyed our little hateful banter routine. That you weren’t scared of me, and you’d tell me the truth to my face without sugarcoating it.”
“But you never saw me the way I saw you. I was always a little girl to you. One who didn’t learn her lesson the first time. Na?ve and silly.”
“I didn’t give you the respect you deserved. You’re right. I think part of me didn’t want to see you as anything other than the kid who I looked after when your brother died. That kept things simple between us. Made all the lines clear as day for me, and I could stay far away from them. Have zero interest in crossing them, or at least tell myself that was the case. But then…”
“But then you saw pictures of me naked, and I seemed like an easy toy to play with.”
“No. You’re not easy, and you’re not a toy. But I… I saw you differently, yes. It started before that. Last year when we danced that one night. Valentine’s Day when we had our little truce. When we got into that argument in your apartment when I tried to fix the sink. I realized you’re not her anymore. You’re not the girl who needs my protection. You’re all grown up, and you have your own life and your own dreams. You can take care of yourself, and you don’t need me. And then I thought about a life without you in it anymore. I realized how mu ch I cared about you. How empty it would be without you. Not you—the kid sister, and me—the poor substitute for Jesse. But you as a friend… not that you could label us that, exactly but…” He sighs and takes a breath. “I was just getting used to figuring out how we might be able to be friends, and then I saw those pictures, and fuck…”
I raise my brow. This wasn’t what I expected him to say. It’s throwing me completely off guard, and I’m too tongue-tied to even think of what to say in response now.
“I realized I wasn’t seeing you as a friend. But I couldn’t reconcile what I thought I was seeing you as with who I am. I don’t fall for women. And I’m not saying that as some sort of hardass who thinks he’s above it. I’m saying that as someone who just… isn’t wired that way. I look at Ramsey, and I wish I could have it, but I don’t see how I get from where I am to anywhere else.
“But I couldn’t just let you go either. The idea of you with some other guy suddenly had me in fucking knots. Hearing you talk to those other men like that? The way I saw you with Hayden.”
“So why not just tell me that?”
“I promised Jesse I’d keep you safe. That I wouldn’t let anything happen to you—including me and the Horsemen. Whatever it took, you were gonna know what it was like to be happy and have the things that made you happy. You weren’t gonna have to worry like Jesse did or put yourself in danger.” Grant’s eyes go glassy, and his teeth saw their way over his lower lip like he’s trying to focus. “If he hadn’t been so fucking proud I would have just given him the money. So when you needed it, I didn’t want history to repeat itself. I didn’t want you to be too proud to let me help you and let someone else take a bite out of you while you were exposed. I figured it was better if it was me.”
“But then I liked it—you liked it,” I think out loud.
He nods. His eyes go distant even as he stares at the bar.
“He’d kill me if he was here. I’d be the last man on earth he’d want touching you. Looking at you like I have been. The things I’ve said to you? If he heard them, if he can hear them now. He’s turning in his grave, wishing he could put me down next to him.”
“He wouldn’t touch a single hair on your head because I wouldn’t let him. I have a protective side, too, you know. I worry about you. I worry that you’ll keep doing what you’re doing, and you will end up next to him. I can’t lose you. You’re the closest thing I have left to family. The one person who I know has my back no matter how much I fuck up.”
“The girls have your back.”
“They do. I know that. But they don’t just love me. They like me… I’m one of their favorite people. If Hazel had to go to a deserted island and could only take one person, she might struggle to pick me or Ramsey, you know? She’d pick him because she’s madly in love with him, and he’s her person. But she’d have to think about it because I’m her other person.” I laugh through some of the tears falling down my cheeks. “You can’t stand me. Everything I say and do irritates you, and you still show up. That’s a different kind of love.”
“You don’t irritate me; you just test my limits sometimes. As long as it’s in my power, I will always be here. Always have your back. I promise.” He gives me a soft smile, one that goes all the way to his eyes, and that little hint of vulnerability on his part melts away any hardness I have left where he’s concerned.
“I know you will.” I’m fighting the rest of my tears back as hard as I can so I can say the next part without falling apart because I need to hear him say it so I can move on. “But you need to be honest with me about why you don’t want to take things further with me. You’ve got to tell me so I can stop imagining this thing between us ends in something other than heartache. The more time we spend talking and playing this game, the more I think I can climb over all those walls you have up, and I need you to shatter the illusion for me while I can still take it.”