Chapter 41
FORTY-ONE
D AKOTA
The next morning, in the wee hours when we’ve both barely had coffee, and I’ve got Vendetta and the few belongings I have left packed and ready to head to the airport, we stand in the kitchen to say our goodbyes. His face is pained, and his eyes shift to the floor again as he nervously palms his cowboy hat. The man from last night is gone, and he’s doing his best to be all business this morning.
I can tell he’s trying to gather words together, and I know it’s not his strong suit to say how he feels, especially when it comes to emotions in the bright light of day. So I wait patiently, doing my own mental inventory of my feelings. One where I try to tell myself not to blurt anything out or beg him not to do what we both know he has to. I can’t ask him to ignore his obligations for me, and I can’t cry. Not now .
He pulls a key out of his pocket and holds it up before he presses it into my palm.
“This is the key to a safety deposit box down in Colorado Springs, the bank on Tejon Street. It’s yours.”
“Mine?” I take the key, my brows knitting together as I try to figure out how I could have a safety deposit box I didn’t know about.
“It’s in your name, but I’ve been a key holder. I opened it after Jesse died.” He takes a breath, and his eyes raise to meet mine. “There’s just under a million dollars in it. It’s yours either way, okay? But if something happens, you take it and run.”
“I can’t take your money, Grant.” I hold the key back out to him.
“It’s not my money. It’s yours.” He presses it back into my palm and closes my fingers over it.
“Mine? How can it be mine? Did Jesse leave it?” I can’t imagine I wouldn’t have seen that in the paperwork. Grant reluctantly let me help go through all of it.
“It’s all the rent from the bar. I’ve been putting it in there. I needed it somewhere safe, so if anything ever happened with me… RICO or something, they couldn’t touch it.”
I’m struggling hard with the promise I made to myself not to cry. He sees how glassy my eyes look, and he turns away, running his teeth over his lower lip and glancing down at the floor.
“Now don’t cry on me. I know you hated me for making you pay the rent, but I just wanted you to have something for yourself. I knew you wouldn’t take handouts or help. But I wanted you to be able to buy your own bar or your own house when the time came. I was gonna give it to you when you got married or on your thirtieth birthday, whichever came first. But I might not make it to see those, and if Levi goes with me, no one else will know to give it to you, so…” He trails of f.
“Thank you,” I blurt out as the tears start to roll down my cheeks, and I jump the man, wrapping my arms around him as he teeters and struggles to keep us both upright. So much for being the stoic support he needs right now. But his arms close around me, and he holds me tight as he kisses the top of my head in return. “I wish I had better words than that.” I have three I’d like to say, but they’re the same three I don’t know if I need to say. The ones that always feel like a silent exchange with him, and I worry if I whisper them out loud, it could be like a butterfly effect that sets our whole world spinning off. So I keep them silent, like we always do, when I hug him one last time.
“You don’t have to thank me, Hellfire. You just stay safe, okay? I hope I see you on the other side of this.” He looks down at me, sincerity burning through the ice to make his eyes two deep pools of glassy blue that I’m melting into.
“I wish you could tell me more. What your plan is or how I’ll know when you’re safe.” I wipe away the tears from my cheeks, cursing myself for falling apart the exact way I told myself I wouldn’t. I’m desperate for some sort of reassurance that I’ll have his arms around me again. That we’ll have another heated fight about something ridiculous, and then he’ll end up back in my bed at the end of the night. But it’s all promises he can’t keep.
“There is no plan. Just a play we have to make and hope it turns out. Just assume I’m all right unless you hear otherwise. Okay?”
“I’ll try.” It’ll be impossible. My mind will race with the worst possibilities, but I don’t want to give him trouble this morning. I want to do what we both need to keep him safe.
“Charlotte and Hazel will keep you so distracted you won’t have time to think about it.” He forces a smile, and I do my best to return it. If that’s the lie he has to tell himself to get through this, I’m not going to shatter it. Like Levi said, the best way I can support him is by being strong and doing the things I don’t want to do. Things like getting in the car and onto an airplane and flying away.
“You ready?” Hazel appears with a carry-on at the foot of the steps, and Ramsey’s just a few steps behind her with a duffel and a tired, sad look on his face as he sees his brother.
“We’re ready.” I gesture to Vendetta in her carrier at my feet.
“I got her for you if you want?” Ramsey points to the carrier, and I nod.
“Have a safe one.” Grant looks to Ramsey, and he reaches over to give him a swift hug and a firm pat on the back.
“You too, brother.” Ramsey grabs the back of Grant’s neck and brings them forehead to forehead, whispering something I can’t hear. There’s another stoic nod of Grant’s before they part. Hazel follows with a solemn sign of support to Grant before she and Ramsey disappear out the door.
“Guess I’d better go.” I look up to Grant, and the look on his face nearly breaks my heart, but I force a small smile. “Be careful.”
“Be safe, Hellfire.” He pulls me in for one last hug, kissing my temple in the process, and it takes everything I have in me to let go and walk out the door.