Chapter 3 Esag
ESAG
Esag held Wonder's figurine up to the light, examining the delicate features he'd finally managed to capture correctly.
It had only taken him weeks of trying.
The wood had stubbornly refused to cooperate, manifesting Tula's face no matter how hard Esag had concentrated on Wonder's features, because the Fates had wanted to get his attention.
They'd followed with visions, which had shown him Tula's plight, but he still wasn't sure what his role was in all of this.
He'd warned Wonder and Annani, telling them what he had seen in his visions of Tula and preparing them for the news that had finally arrived from Areana, but the truth was that the clan would have mounted a rescue regardless of his involvement.
His help hadn't been needed. He'd had to beg to be allowed to accompany the rescue team as an observer, and the emotional support he'd provided to Tula on the submarine had been negligible.
As usual, his role in the grand scheme of things was unimportant, superfluous. Worse, he was the reason Tula had ended things with Tony, and now, in addition to all the things he felt guilty about, he also felt guilty for breaking up an unborn child's home.
At least Wonder's figurine had come out beautifully. Anandur was going to be pleased with it, even though his present to his mate was no longer a surprise.
The big guy understood that Esag had to tell Wonder and Annani about Tula, and to do so, he'd had to reveal that Anandur had commissioned a figurine of Wonder. Still, his surprise had been ruined, and Esag wanted to compensate him in some way.
He set Wonder's figurine on the shelf with the others and stared at the various pieces of wood he kept on hand, trying to decide what else he could carve for her.
He could carve figurines of Wonder and Tula's parents. He still remembered their faces clearly, but that would only make the sisters sad, reminding them of what they'd lost.
Maybe he could carve the royal court instead?
He remembered Ahn and Nai vividly, the king and queen of the gods who had refused to be called king and queen. Ahn had preferred the title of head god, but to Esag, head god and king of the gods were one and the same.
He was a simple male, and he didn't care about semantics. A kettle could be called a pot and a pot a kettle, but it made little difference in how they were used. They were interchangeable.
Still, Wonder would probably get sad seeing figurines of Ahn and Nei, because they were gone.
Strangely, he'd dreamt of them living in a place where auroras were constantly in the sky, but that was just his mind seeking to find something positive to latch on to. At best, these visions were of the dead gods enjoying peace and tranquility beyond the veil.
He should carve figurines of the living instead, perhaps of Annani and Areana embracing each other. Wonder would like that. It would be meaningful to her, and celebratory rather than melancholy.
He picked up a larger piece of wood and examined it against the light, checking for blemishes. After all, goddesses were perfect, and he needed to depict them properly.
When the doorbell rang, he put the piece of wood on his workbench and wiped the dust from his hands with a rag. Walking toward the front door, he wondered who that could be. He wasn't expecting anyone, and his roommates would just walk in rather than ring the bell.
When he opened it, Tula stood on his doorstep, holding a large envelope and looking emotional. Not upset, though, more like excited and overwhelmed.
"What happened?" He opened the door wider, stepping aside to let her in. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine." She clutched the envelope to her chest. "I had an ultrasound this morning. Julian did it. I have pictures."
An ultrasound. Esag knew what those were. Expectant mothers could get a glimpse of their babies while they were still in the womb.
That would explain why Tula was vibrating with emotions.
"Is everything alright?" he asked. "I mean, with the baby. Did Julian say anything?"
"The baby is perfect." She grinned. "I want to show you. If you want to see, that is." She suddenly sounded uncertain. "If that's not something that interests you, just say the word and the pictures stay in the envelope. I won't be offended."
Esag's heart skipped a beat. He was touched that she wanted to share this with him. After this huge moment, she'd come to him first, and he got caught up in her excitement.
"Of course, I want to see." He took her hand, threading his fingers through hers, and led her to the living room couch. "Please, take a seat. Can I get you something to drink?"
"Water would be nice." Tula sat on the couch, placing the envelope carefully beside her. "I get thirsty when I'm excited."
Esag went to the kitchen and grabbed two tall glasses from the cabinet. He filled them from a reverse osmosis filter system because he didn't have any bottled water. Hopefully, she wouldn't mind.
He had no idea what standard she was used to in the harem.
They hadn't gotten to that yet. He was taking things glacier-slow to give Tula every opportunity to go back to the father of her child, not because he wanted her to go back to Tony, but because he didn't want on his conscience the breaking up of a family in addition to everything else.
"Do you want ice?" he asked.
"No, thank you."
He returned to the living room and set the glasses on the coffee table, then sat beside her on the couch.
"Show me," he said, trying for cheerful and encouraging but not quite making it sound the way he wanted. It had come out sounding as if he were short of breath.
Tula cast him a sidelong glance, then opened the envelope and pulled out several black and white images.
Esag had never seen an ultrasound before, but he had heard about them and understood the basic concept, or as much as a layperson could understand about how sound waves could create images of what was inside the body.
The image was grainy, but even with his untrained eye, he could make out the general shape. A tiny head. A body. Limbs curled in that universal fetal position.
A baby. An actual baby, growing inside Tula.
For some inexplicable reason, that black and white grainy image affected him much more than it should.
"Cute," he said, because he felt incapable of being more articulate, because he couldn't understand the tangle of emotions churning through him.
Wonder at the miracle of it.
Jealousy that it wasn't his child she was carrying.
Protectiveness toward both Tula and this tiny life she was carrying.
Fear that he was getting in too deep, too fast, with a woman whose life was about to become infinitely more complicated.
"He is," Tula said. "He's perfect."
Esag frowned at the photo, studying the image more carefully. The baby's legs were crossed, obscuring any definitive anatomy. "How could Julian see enough to determine the sex? I can't see anything that would indicate that."
"He didn't." Tula placed her hand over her heart. "He said we won't know for another month or so. But I know. Right here. A mother knows."
A mother knows.
Tula was about to become a mother. In less than five months, this tiny form on the ultrasound pictures would be a living, breathing baby who would demand constant attention and care. Her life would no longer be her own.
She'd spent five thousand years as a captive. Five thousand years of having her choices stripped away and living according to someone else's rules and demands. And now, just as she'd finally gained her freedom, she was walking into a different kind of captivity.
A baby didn't care about autonomy or personal freedom.
A baby needed feeding, changing, soothing, and protecting, and it gave nothing back except the occasional smile and the promise of future gratitude that wasn't guaranteed in this new world where children blamed their parents for everything wrong in their lives, but didn't express gratitude for all the things that were right thanks to the same parents.
Esag looked at Tula's face and the pure joy radiating from her expression, and he realized that she didn't see it that way at all.
She wasn't mourning the loss of her freedom. She was celebrating this new connection, this person she'd created, and she was looking forward to this role she'd never thought she'd have the chance to fill.
"You're happy," he said.
"I'm terrified," Tula admitted. "But I'm also happy and excited and, frankly, overwhelmed.
" She traced the outline of the baby's head on the photo with her finger.
"I never thought I'd have this. For thousands of years, I did my best not to get pregnant because I knew the consequences of having a baby in the harem.
I resigned myself to never having this."
"But you wanted children." He could hear it in her voice, see it in the way she cradled the ultrasound image.
Tula shook her head. "It wasn't an option, so I didn't allow myself to dwell on it.
" She sighed. "When I was a girl, before my world disintegrated in one devastating act of evil, I dreamt of having a large family with a lot of children.
My mother was an immortal, so her fertility was what it was.
Wonder and I were lucky to be born only six years apart. I was envious of large human families."
Esag imagined Tula with a bunch of children running around and found the image amusing. She would have been a loving mother, but she would have also yelled at her children when they misbehaved. It would have been a chaotic household.
But that was a fantasy. Even if her world hadn't been destroyed, she would have been lucky to have one or two children. She was already an immortal when she accompanied Areana on her journey north, having been induced on her twelfth birthday. Having many children had never been in her future.
Alena was the one exception to the rule, having birthed fourteen children, but there was only one of her, and she was a miracle.
"This baby is lucky to have you as a mother," he said.
Tula turned to look at him, and the vulnerability in her expression made his protective instincts flare.
He wanted, needed, to shield her from the sorrows and tribulations of the world.
"Do you really think so? I'm so afraid I'll be terrible at it.
I have a temper, and I'm not patient. Those are not good traits for a mother. "
He took her hand and brought it to his lips for a kiss. "Love smooths over the rough edges, and no parent is perfect. We all do the best we can with what we have."
She smiled. "How would you know? You've never been a father."
"I raised Roven and Davuh even though I got them as adults. Hell, I'm still raising them. Do you think this living room would have been tidy today if I didn't yell at them this morning to clean it up?"
She laughed, which had been his intention. "Five-thousand-year-old babies. That's funny."
He affected a scowl. "Not really. I'm not supposed to be their keeper. They should know to clean up after themselves."
Tula looked at him with a peculiar expression on her beautiful face. "You'll make a good father." She smiled. "When Junior misbehaves, I'll waggle my finger at him and yell, 'Just wait until your father gets home.'"
They both sobered when the impossibility of her words registered.
He put his other hand over their intertwined fingers. "I would love for that scenario to play out in real life, but even if I'm lucky enough to share yours, this child will not call me father."
She nodded. "I know. I was just trying to be funny, and it came out all wrong. Don't make too much out of it."
How could he not?
She'd imagined that scenario because, on some level, she wished it were true, and so did he. Time would tell what would come of their relationship, but if they ever shared a household, Tony would have to be a frequent guest and a partner in raising his and Tula's child.
"Wonder thinks I should move in with her and Anandur," Tula said. "She's worried about me being alone in that house once the baby comes."
"That's not a terrible idea, but it's not great either. You have plenty of time to decide what you want to do."
Tula nodded. "Everything is so new, so different here.
" She turned to look at him, and there was hope and longing in her eyes.
"I want someone who chooses to be there for me," she said softly.
"Not out of obligation or duty, but because they want to be part of this. Part of my life and my child's life."
Esag's heart pounded so hard he was sure she could hear it. This was an invitation if he ever heard one.
"I want to be there," he said, and watched her eyes widen.
"I know we barely know each other, and I know that this is moving faster than it probably should, but you are here for a reason.
You came to me with pictures of your baby because you want me to be part of your life.
Part of your child's life as well. Not as a father because I can't claim that honor, but as a favorite uncle, perhaps? "
"Tony will be around a lot. Are you sure you are up to that?"
"I can handle Tony."
"And Wonder—" Tula's voice broke. "Wonder might have feelings about this. About us. About you being with me. She has a truelove mate, so maybe she won't mind, but it's still complicated."
"I think she will be okay with us having a relationship, but I don't think we should officially move in together yet."
She frowned. "Why not?"
"Because Tony will be convinced that you left him for me, and he will be hurt and angry. It's not a good way to start what will be a three-body problem."
She looked confused. "A what?"
"A three-body problem is when three forces are locked together with no simple, stable solution.
When only two people are involved, things settle into a predictable orbit, one pushes, the other pulls, and they find a middle path.
But the moment a third person enters, everything gets unpredictable.
Each one tugs on the others in different ways, and the whole system starts to wobble.
No one can tell where things will go next, because every small shift disrupts the balance again. "