I Can’t See You
Dahlia
This is just going to have to do. Without a blow dryer and any type of hair products, there really wasn’t much choice when it came to styling my hair. A travel brush and a twisty are all I have.
The person staring back at me isn’t me.
From the tight bun to the short, fitted dress, I look nothing like myself.
You don’t have time to worry about that. There will be time enough when you’re alone. What will be will be, and this has to be good enough for now.
Vex is waiting, and I can’t see him having a lot more patience.
I wrap his coat around me, covering every inch of skin possible, and pop my bag onto my shoulder.
You can do this. Everything will be just fine. You’ll get some new clothes. Have brunch. Then go home. And all of this will be behind you… a bad dream .
Vex doesn’t look at all impatient. He turns his head towards me from where he’s sitting on the couch, staring at another tablet.
“I’m ready. Sorry, I took so long.”
“What happened to your hair?”
Um, what? “It’s in a bun.”
“I like it down. Or in that soft twisty thing on the back of your head.”
Are we really talking about my hair? “Neither of those is an option without access to a blow dryer and styling products. This is all I could do with wet hair.”
Vex taps on his tablet for a second, then stands up. “Are you cold?”
“No, not really.” Vex keeps his place a bit cooler than mine, but it’s not a big deal.
He eyes the coat I have wrapped around me like a shield. “The car is waiting downstairs.”
Am I really doing this? I’ve never been shopping with a man, let alone a complete stranger.
Vex walks over to a set of double doors. They open, revealing a private elevator. “Ready?”
No, I’m not ready. I won’t ever be ready to do this. But I am anyway. “Yes.” Walk with confidence and you will feel confident… my mother was wrong saying that, but I’m going to pretend it’s true, anyway.
I can do this.
Vex, it seems, isn’t very chatty in the mornings. The elevator ride is quiet, which I don’t mind since I’m the opposite of a morning person myself.
How many floors is this place? Do I even want to know? It felt like we were in the sky, but that could have been just my perception. The elevator ride takes forever.
Vex’s whole persona changes as the elevator door opens. Gone is the relaxed man who was sprawled out on his couch in a pullover and slacks. In his place is an angry crime lord who will crush you if you get in his way.
Why am I doing this?
I’ve gone completely around the bend .
Vex takes my hand in his, and we walk out of the fancy lobby.
There is not one but two cars waiting for us at the curb. Both with scary men standing next to them.
Um. No. This is not how you go shopping. Even in the city.
Shopping is easy.
Shopping is fun.
You don’t need a million people surrounding you, glaring at the world like they’ll decimate you if you blink wrong.
Why am I doing this?
Vex opens the car door and waits for me to get in.
Why am I doing this? A child could see the insanity of all this. Yet here I am, sliding into the back of the car. A car that’s probably worth more than the down payment on my house.
Black and metal seem to be a theme in Vex’s life.
There’s an open window divider between the front and back. That was a mistake I’m never going to make again. Not that Vex and I are going to have a heart-to-heart conversation on the way to the mall. Do they even have malls in Urbium?
Getting the lay of the land when it comes to shopping needs to be on my to-do list.
Without a word, Vex slides in next to me and takes my hand in his.
That’s probably the reason for all of this. Why does his touch feel so right?
Nothing else is right. Not this car. Not the men surrounding us. Nothing.
One simple touch shouldn’t settle my soul.
Wait, is that—It can’t be—But it is — “Stop the car!”
Surprisingly, the driver does what I say. All eyes turn towards me, but I don’t want to explain. We’re just going to pretend the next few minutes didn’t happen. “I’ll be right back.” I hop out of the car.
Please don’t follow me.
Please don’t follow me.
This one thing needs to be easy .
“Where are you going?” Vex’s voice is way too close to me.
Nope. Nope. Nope. There’s no way I’m going to say the words to explain where I’m going. You’ll just need to figure it out on your own. Pivoting, I turn to face him. “I need to grab something really quick. I’ll meet you back in the car.”
His eyes sweep the area trying to figure out where I want to go.
It should be obvious. This area is filled with smoke shops, tattoo parlors, dive bars that are thankfully still closed, and bodegas. There’s literally only one store I could possibly need to visit… the lingerie shop. Though it’s generous to use such a nice term for it. The store name has made me blush since I was sixteen and started ordering from their catalogs. Now I do everything I need to online, and my purchases are delivered in a nondescript box. I definitely don’t need to shout to the world that I have to buy my bras from a special store that caters to women who believe bigger is better when it comes to boob jobs and smaller is better when it comes to clothing.
Can I please crawl up into a hole and die right this minute? It would be easier. If only I could buy a sports bra from another store and be done with it, but those are useless.
Vex isn’t backing down, nor is he moving an inch.
I’m going to have to say it out loud. Can this day get any worse? “Ineedtogointothelingerieshop.”
“No.” He takes my hand in his.
Excuse me. “Yes.” I yank my hand away. “I need to go inside. I’ll just be five minutes.” Get what I need, pay, and put it on. Thankfully, I’ve been buying the same design for years, so I don’t need to try anything I like I do in other stores.
“You’re not shopping in a store like that.” He glares at the window display.
Like I have a choice? But he doesn’t understand that. No one does. I dress well to hide my biggest flaws. “I am.”
“We’ll go to a nicer store and get you what you need there.”
Wouldn’t I love to shop anywhere else and be able to buy simple sexy bras. “No. I need to go there. ”
“Absolutely not. A woman like you doesn’t shop at a place like that.”
The problem is women like me have no choice where they shop. “I’m going inside. I’ll meet you back in the car in ten minutes.” And if he doesn’t like it, he can leave. I stalk over to the store.
A mature woman would have simply explained the problem. I’m obviously not that mature.
“How can I help you?” a salesperson walks up right as I enter.
“I need to buy some bras.”
“Here?” Her eyes go to the coat I’m wearing. “That is worth more than everything in this store.”
Don’t think about that. “And you’re the only store I’ve found that makes bras that fit me.”
“Oh.” Her eyes move to my chest that’s completely hidden by said coat. “What size are you?”
“34G.” It’s embarrassing even saying those words.
“Ahh. I’m assuming you know what you want.”
“Yes. Two nude Soft as Air bras and I’d like matching panties in a high cut.”
The woman’s eyes move from mine to the door. She freezes for a brief moment, then whispers, “If things go sideways, there’s a door to the alleyway.”
“What?” Why would she even say something like that?
“A scary-looking man just walked in without a woman on his arm. Bad things are about to happen.” She inches back.
What is with my life? I should run first and ask questions later, but my head turns of its own accord.
HE CAME IN! Even after I asked him to meet me in the car. “That’s just Vex. Everything is fine.” Except maybe the fact that my head is exploding. Can I roll up in a ball and die of embarrassment? Though he won’t know anything about what I’m buying.
“Vex? You?” Her head bobs between us. “Well, that explains the coat. You should have him pay to get you custom-made stuff.”
“It isn’t like that. ”
“The way he’s staring at you is exactly like that.”
Nope. Nope, not thinking about any of this or what it means for the future. Live in the moment. “I have people waiting.” Like that wasn’t already obvious. “Can I check out, then wear a set out?”
Her eyes freeze on me. “Are you—Is this—You know what, I don’t think I wanna know.”
She thinks I’m naked under the coat. Well, I sort of am. Going without underwear is a very uncomfortable experience. It’s not at all freeing like some people might say. “It’s nothing like that.” I let the coat slip away to show that I’m fully covered.
“Rich people make no sense.” She walks over to a couple of drawers on the wall, grabs the four items I asked for, and heads to the register.
This I can do. This I can handle. I’ve bought clothing before. Just pretend he isn’t here.
Pay.
Change.
Leave. It’s as simple as that. I slip my credit card out of my purse and hand it to the cashier.
“What are you doing?” Vex’s voice fills my ear. His minty breath brushes my cheek.
I jump out of my skin.
This is not happening.
This is not happening.
Everything has been a nightmare since I left work on Friday night. But even in a nightmare, this just isn’t going to fly with me. “I’m paying for my purchases.”
Don’t look at them.
Whatever you do, don’t look down at them.
“We’re shopping together.”
Like I’m not vividly aware of that. And his point is? There’s no answer to that statement.
“Put your card away. ”
“No.”
“You don’t pay when we’re together.”
He didn’t just say that. “I certainly will pay for my own clothing.”
Vex hands his card to the cashier and plucks mine out of her fingers. “I always pay.”
“Well, that’s just silly. I’m perfectly capable of paying for my own clothing.”
“Doesn’t matter. When you’re with me, I pay.”
The cashier hands him the receipt and me the bag. “You can use the first changing room on the left. I removed all the tags for you.”
It’s just not even worth the fight right this moment. I’m going to put on my clothes and feel like an almost normal person. “Thank you.” I snatch my bag from her hands before Vex gets any bright ideas and march off to the changing room.
Two little bits of satin and lace give me such a sense of normalcy. Though too much of my skin is still exposed under this coat, I don’t feel naked anymore.
Whatever happens, I can face this day!
Maybe not Vex… but the rest of the day. Is he as truly vexing as his name suggests, or is that just his way of trying to be sweet?
There’s no point in hiding from him anymore. I tighten the coat around me, pop my bag onto my shoulder, and stride out of the room.
Vex, the irritating man, is waiting just a few steps outside of the dressing room. He has the nerve to look calm and relaxed like he could stand there all day.
“I’m ready to go.”
Without a word, he takes my hand in his.
“Have a nice day.” I smile at the cashier as we walk out. Vex is just way too intense to smile at a stranger. He certainly isn’t smiling at me. I should be grumpy with him, but with his hand wrapped around mine…
The second the door closes behind us, he whispers, “You will never step foot in that shop again.”
Excuse me. “You can’t tell me where to shop. ”
“You don’t belong in a place like this.”
It certainly wouldn’t be my first choice to shop here. “You can’t tell me what to do.”
“I can when it comes to this. You deserve beautiful clothing. A lady like you doesn’t shop in a…” His lips twist. “… place like this.”
How can he be so irritating while at the same time so sweet? Vex can’t tell me what to do, even if I don’t have any plans to ever come here again. “I’ll shop where I like.” This was definitely a better choice than going without a bra.
“Trouble. You’re nothing but trouble.” He squeezes my hand and starts towards the waiting cars.
That word would irk me even more if being this close to Vex didn’t turn my whole world upside down.