Not Today
Fiona
Silk would have been a better choice today, but there was no way with as cold as it is I could have walked around in that thin of a material.
Who would have thought cashmere would feel this rough?
But the turtleneck dress goes from throat to ankle, covering all my red skin, which avoids any uncomfortable questions.
At least the dress is white, so it won’t show any clouds of flour on it.
My therapist is going to have a field day this afternoon.
I slide my feet into cocoa ankle boots and give my outfit one last look. The woman in the mirror looks calm and confident, like nothing in the world could faze her. With a smile, that look turns friendly and strong.
Those are all the things I need to be inside today, especially if Hope shows up with her grandfather again.
She’ll probably show up alone. It’s like that first day of school where parents walk their kids to the classroom to meet their teacher…
at least I think that’s what happens. Our school doesn’t have first or last days, but that’s because it barely resembles a public school.
You’re distracting yourself.
Just go to work.
Everything will be just fine.
You’re safe.
The kids are safe.
It’s just another day.
The second I walk through the back door of Sweet Dreams Bakery, four people inundate me.
“We’re out of chocolate chips.” Cammie rushes up. Her curly ponytail bounces with her.
“Our shipment of eggs was delayed.” Shay pushes up her glasses with a little frown.
“I want the week off for a trip next week.” Autumn procrastinates on everything. I shouldn’t be surprised she’s asking at this late of a date.
“Ace is waiting out front.” Ryleigh stares at the door like she can see through it.
“He said they’re out of croissants at the restaurant and need two dozen more, but we only have three dozen.
” She sighs. Ryleigh is in love. But she’s a teenager, and he’s in his thirties, not to mention the fact that Ace is madly in love with someone else.
Though Dyce might kill him before dating him; that’s still up in the air.
Poor Ryleigh will have to continue sighing while ignoring the boys her own age.
Less drama is a win-win.
Little fires like these are a daily occurrence around here.
“Ryleigh, grab him the two dozen that he needs and ask Jarrod to make some cheddar biscuits to replace them here. Then, put cheddar biscuits on the sandwich board out front.” The quick and tasty biscuits are always a hit when we put them out.
“On it.” She rushes off.
“Shay, check our stock. If we go under a hundred dozen, run next door and pick up ten dozen from the market.” They always keep extra in case we need it. Why didn’t we get our eggs though? I had better check on that this morning.
She heads into the walk-in fridge.
“Cammie, you can use the chocolate chunks instead. Chop them if need be, but they work just fine as is in cookies and muffins.” She should know that already. I need to put in a rush order through our backup supplier.
“Will do.” Cammie nods and turns towards the dry goods storage room.
“Autumn, why did you wait until the last minute to ask for time off?” I’m going to give her the time off, but not until I remind her about being considerate of her fellow workers.
“I’m going to the state spelling bee competition as an alternate. Micah got sick, so I get to go in his place.”
Oh, no. Poor Micah. I need to drop by and see if he needs anything. “Of course, you can have the time off for the trip. Do you have everything you need? Some professional outfits to wear?”
“Paisley is taking me to the mall today after work to get everything I need.” Autumn grins. “I’ve never been on a shopping spree at the mall. Is it as fun as it sounds?”
My first real shopping spree didn’t happen for years after we started fixing up Willow Street. “Yes, it is.”
“I’ve never bought anything at the mall. All my clothes have been hand-me-downs, from thrift stores, or what you guys gave me. I’m going to get clothes at the mall.”
That’s the same dreamy, wide-eyed look I probably had way back then. Shopping is one joy that will never diminish. Which is probably why my closet is always practically bursting.
Maybe a loft would be a good idea. I could add one of those room-sized closets for my ever-expanding shoe collection that matches my burgeoning dress collection.
I’ve slowly moved through this conversation towards the front of house and the dream…coffee. My second cup needs to happen before any more drama. “Have fun, Autumn, and enjoy your trip.”
“Long morning?” Ace says as I reach for the damper.
“Aren’t they all?” I smile at him. “Want a cup while you wait?”
“Sure.” He walks up to the bar. “Have you seen any new talent for the restaurant? Two of my kids are finishing culinary school and moving on.”
They almost always move on. Very few kids who grow up here stay here forever.
It’s hard to remember sometimes that this is the place for them to do just that.
They become part of my family and then disappear a few years later.
“Cammie would probably do well.” But her absence would be felt around here.
She’s one of the better bakers. “I’ll keep an eye out for a few more that show promise. ”
“Thanks. You and Dyce still working out tonight?”
“Don’t remind me.” It’s going to hurt even worse than normal, and Dyce doesn’t understand doing anything by half measures.
“Aren’t you the one who started the workout group?”
“Why does everyone keep reminding me of that when I try to hide from a workout?” Which I try to do every week.
“You can always come train with the guys. We’d go easy on you.”
That’s part of what I’m afraid of. The other part is…Well, I don’t want to think about it. “Yeah, right. Ethan taught you guys only one way, and that involves torment and pain.” Ochs kept up his methods.
Ace grins. “He’s the best. But we’d go easier on you than Dyce. I promise.”
“That one I believe. She needs to start training with you guys first.”
Ace grins. “I’ve offered to let her beat me up anytime.”
“Let her.” I laugh. No one lets Dyce do anything.
Izzy opens the door from the kitchen. “Fiona. Can I talk to you?”
It’s going to be one of those days where I don’t get a single second to breathe, let alone finish making another cup of coffee.
“Of course, Izzy.” She hasn’t ever worked at the bakery.
Maddox got her an internship at some fancy investment company since she’s got a knack for numbers.
“Talk to you later, Ace.” I hand him his cup and give the machine one last longing look.
Izzy looks down. “Could we talk privately?”
Uh oh. That only means one thing…boys! Why do all these kids assume I know anything about dealing with boys? I haven’t been on a date ever. “Of course. Let’s head to the picnic table.” Coffee will happen soon.
Izzy climbs up onto the tabletop and crosses her legs. “There’s this guy at work.”
I knew it. There’s always a guy involved when it comes to trouble. Carefully, I climb up next to her, though my dress doesn’t allow me to get as comfortable. “At your internship?”
“Yeah. It’s amazing. I never thought someone like me would get a chance like this.
” Izzy’s eyes light up as she talks. “If all goes well and I do well in college, I could end up becoming a trader or investment banker. Do you know the last thing my father said to me before I ran away? He told me I was too stupid to do anything but spit out babies and clean for a man. And he wasn’t even sure if I was smart enough to do that.
My therapist said he was wrong. That I’m smart enough to do whatever I want in life.
But I didn’t believe it. Did you believe your father when he said stuff like that? ”
Would I have believed a man telling me that I was stupid? When I was younger, probably. But a father…maybe it was a good thing I never had one. “Your therapist was right. You can do anything you want to do, and we’ll help you make that happen. Did you have a question about your internship?”
“Not the internship…” Izzy bites her lip. “There’s this guy. I don’t know. I think he likes me, but I’m not sure. How do you know if a guy likes you, not like a friend likes you, but likes likes you?”
If only it were as easy as saying they ask you out and bring you flowers, but in today’s dating scene, life isn’t that easy.
For teenagers, it’s got to be practically impossible.
A boy doesn’t tug on your braids and dunk your hair in his inkwell to flirt with you.
“Sometimes the clues are subtle. A guy who likes you will try to spend as much time as possible with you. He’ll smile when you talk, laugh at your jokes, even bad ones, and try to touch your hand or arm—which you don’t have to let him do, because physical contact is always a choice for both parties.
No one has the right to touch you without your consent. ”
“Paisley goes on and on about consent. My body, my choice, but no one will ever want to touch me.”
Oh, the drama. “You’re still young. Give the boys a few years to figure out how to walk, let alone think.”
Her lips tip up. “Milo tripped over his own two feet during orientation yesterday. He almost broke his nose. It bled for like five minutes. So gross.”
“Totally.” It’s hard not to smile. Just watch, Izzy is going to be pining away for Milo or some other boy all too soon. They all do. “Enjoy your internship. Give it a little while before you worry about if a boy likes you or not. There will be plenty of time to figure it out if he does.”
“You’re right. I need to focus on work. I have so many cool things to learn. Did you know that…”
My insufficiently caffeinated brain goes in circles trying to figure out the technical jargon she babbles on about.
Why didn’t I just drink an extra cup before work?
Because it’s better being sipped at this table in silence.
Silence. An impossible dream, it seems today.
“Ooh, it’s getting late. I need to get to work. Thanks, Fiona.”
“Anytime. Keep me updated if there are any changes.”
“Will do.” She bounces away.
To have that much enthusiasm for life.
The thought of my upcoming cup gets me almost as excited.
“Fiona!”
Hope’s greeting makes me jump. There goes my dream.
Please be alone.
Please don’t have your super scary grandfather standing next to you.
Pretty please.
Slowly, I spin around to face her and, for the first time in decades, teeter precariously on my heels.
It’s him.
Max.
The boy I humiliated myself in front of all those years ago, but now he’s in a man’s body.
And what a body!
What a magnificent body!
My eyes meet his intense gaze, and I lose all sense of time and space. Teetering turns into tumbling.