Chapter 20 #5
Her sleepy-sleepy-night-night juice won’t do shit to me. I’m an ox. I take a gulp. It’s warm. She gives Austen some too.
Our bodies start glowing gold. I grab Austen’s arm to lead him inside, and Will grabs the other arm in a tug-of-war, until Austen yanks himself free of his shadow, and locks his brother outside.
We jump in one of the beds. I pull his shoes and socks off and throw them over my shoulder. He lets me get on top of him and grind. We kiss and kiss and kiss. He scratches his nails down my back and my moan gets louder.
“Mmmnnm Austen,” I gasp. “Oh baby... fuck me fuck me fuck me...”
He shushes me, but the sound sets Will off outside again. He pounds the door. We can hear everyone screaming at him, and it makes us both laugh.
I get down to my boxers. Austen takes his jeans off, giggling. Things are going good, only I feel heavier and heavier. He gets drowsy too. I can’t hold my head up, so I put it down the cushion next to his.
He kisses my ear. “Every atom of me is drawn to every atom of you,” he whispers. “We crossed an ocean of pain to find each other.”
“I’ll never let you go,” I breathe in his ear. “Never let you go. Volim te... volim te... volim te...”
“Volim te,” he repeats.
I think he knows it means I love you.
Before I pass out, I see William come over and pull Austen’s light into the dark water.
???
I wake up in the jet, forty thousand feet over the Pacific Ocean. My burst ear is excruciating. I lurch upright. William is sketching me from across the table. He’s very good. He’s captured my likeness. He has a black eye and I don’t know why.
“Hi Sugarplum,” he smiles.
“What... the... fuck?”
“We thought it was best to start traveling home, and got you on the plane while you were asleep.”
Austen is trapped between Kane and Hayden. The two of them look angry at Will, but not me. Really fucking angry. Amelia is sleeping.
I decide to play stupid. I pushed my luck way too far. It might be easy to convince them I don’t remember much, because I really don’t feel any shame, or care. And because I don’t care, it doesn’t have to be the performance of my life, either.
I look around and wipe the sleep from my eyes. “What happened?”
Isobelle looks between me and William. “Do you remember how we played spin the bottle?”
“Yeah. It was amazing. I was really high and I saw the most amazing waves of color,” I yawn.
“William got down to his boxers and stuck his tongue down their throats,” I tilt my head to Kane and Hayden.
“Amelia kissed you, I think, or maybe Kane? It gets a bit fuzzy. I wasn’t playing.
I’m a sex addict, and two weeks away from my sixty-day chip from my Twelve-Step program. I need that chip.”
Everyone shifts uncomfortably.
“We forced you,” Isobelle admits.
“Bullshit. I’d never. I want that gold chip on my keychain so bad.”
“It was mostly Amelia,” Sabrina says.
“It was horrible,” Isobelle sighs.
“You went totally nuts,” Sabrina tells me.
“I’ll bet I did. I can’t control myself.”
“That’s for sure,” Isobelle says.
“Jesus Christ. Did I punch you?” I ask Will. “I’m so sorry. I don’t remember it!”
“No,” he looks away. “This wasn’t you. I gave you that, though.”
I touch my eye. It hurts, and I wince.
I look at the girls. “I would never force myself on you, I promise.”
Sabrina shakes her head. “You didn’t... not us.”
“You kissed Austen,” Isobelle says.
“Oh yeah...” I frown. “Whatever. I actually kissed all of you, but only in spirit form,” I pretend to relax. “He was all golden and like, glowing.”
“You really kissed,” she insists.
“Yeah but that’s not so bad. He’s not a little girl. I didn’t tell him I loved him or wanted to marry him, did I? I do that sometimes when I get carried away. It never ends well.”
“No.”
“Oh, great. Not so bad then.”
“Well it was still a lot.”
“It’s just a stupid kiss. I’m sure he can handle himself...”
I close my eyes and tilt my chair back. I can still feel everyone’s eyes on me, so I wrap up this performance. I furrow my brow with absolute humiliation, and shrink myself, holding my breath so my face goes bright red like it needs to, and slide down the seat as far as I can.
“Oh...” I clear my throat. “Oh I... remember...” I put my head in my hands and rub my face with feigned stress, staring at the floor. “Not just a stupid kiss. Me and Austen... we didn’t?”
“No,” Isobelle says, “but nearly.”
“Yeah... good. Good. Thank god,” I nod, pretending it’s all coming back to me, and fidget in my seat. “That was not good,” I wince, and cover my mouth. “I remember.” I look at the bite mark on Hayden’s arm. “Sorry I bit you.”
“I’ll need a tetanus shot,” he shrugs, “but we’re good. You didn’t light the fuse,” he says, and looks at Amelia.
I work through all the imaginary anger that I must totally be feeling at this moment.
Everyone watches me with trepidation. They must feel awful.
I am flipping the script, because they all know they let their chaste, struggling, vulnerable addict friend down completely.
Motherfuckers pushed me off the wagon and into Will’s fist.
I turn to William. “It’s a good thing you stayed sober, Will. I’m embarrassed, but without you there, it could have been way worse. I owe you one. Or maybe we’re even.”
“You and I share a particular issue,” he tells me.
“Sex mania? Not that it matters, but technically I didn’t have sex, so I can still get my chip, right? I just think it’s a cool thing to have.”
“Yeah,” he laughs, joyless. “I can see you’re really powerless in the face of addiction. I just hope there’s no... unfinished business.”
I frown. “There is, until someone fucks me. There’s nothing subtle about this. I thought I could try for a while, fooled myself that I could actually rein it in, but it just made me even more out of control. I’m so over sobriety... or serenity... abnegation...”
“Celibacy?”
“That too. Sucks. But not the good suck. I realized tripping on the mushrooms that sex is life, the reason why we’re here, and without it we all die, and I don’t want to die. I want to have a lot of sex. I’m going straight home to fire off lots of texts. Not now though. After I get the chip.”
Kane starts to laugh.
Will pulls a fake, rigid smile. “Fair enough.”
It’s terrifying how unmoving Will is. He’s hiding his rage. I pretend not to notice. Isobelle looks weary too. Austen catches my eye. He’s intimidated. I look at him with sympathy.
“I’m sorry,” Austen says.
“No... I’m sorry. I feel terrible.”
“You still wanna be my friend?” he asks, and flicks his eyes up at me.
“Yeah, of course,” I say. “You still want to be mine?”
“Uh-huh,” he nods.
“We’re back in the friend-zone?”
“Friend-zone,” he nods.
I sigh with relief. “Thank God.”
“How was your first... boy kiss?” Sabrina asks Austen.
“It was very interesting,” Austen smiles, tilts his head and looks at my hands, fascinated. “No rainbows,” he says.
I look at my hand. “No.”
“Am I good?”
“What?” I ask.
He looks timid, with an embarrassed smile, and scratches his head.
“You are objective, because you are a guy. I’m just curious, was it a good kiss?”
“I mean...” I swallow, my throat dry and sore. I turn the question back at him. “Wouldn’t you put it in your top five?”
He looks around, unsure what to say, and then darts his eyes back to me.
“I guess,” he shrugs.
“Well, there you go.”
“So... not terrible?” he asks, hopefully.
Isobelle and William drill their eyes into me and wait. Sabrina is clinging to the arm of her chair so tight her knuckles are white.
I look at Austen, and smile like a devil. “I mean we... might have to do it again before I can say for sure...” I point to Sabrina, “You guys ever do threesomes? You’re definitely...”
William shakes his head at me. “I will murder you in your sleep...”
I chuckle. “No, but seriously,” I say, and raise my eyebrows. “You are a really good kisser, Austen. I have kissed hundreds of people, and that was one of the best kisses I ever had. If you ever want to kiss me again, I’d be happy to oblige.”
“But not in a gay way,” he smiles and bites his lip.
“No!” I laugh, “but I reserve the right to tease Will about this forever. He’s obviously hung up about it.”
Austen looks relieved. So does Isobelle. Sabrina’s knuckles get their color back. Will returns to drawing.
???
I wait until everyone else on the plane is asleep. Austen and I don’t need any more rest because we have both just woken from an eight hour coma.
He stands up and gestures for me to go to the bar out the back. I push him into the bathroom and lock the door.
I plant a kiss on his neck. “It seems like I no longer trigger your naughty puppy syndrome.”
His hand goes to my chest and pushes gently.
“I just wanna talk,” he says.
I part his legs and push my hips in between, and put my mouth to his ear. “We can talk and do this too.”
“I’m sorry I kissed you,” he says. “Not at spin the bottle. I was fucking tripping balls.”
“I know, sorry, I was too. I think I’m still high now. Those little suckers are strong. I’m on the fence about whether this is all real. Like, I’d expect my psycho family to smuggle someone on a plane, not yours, even if it is just a little landing strip like that. Or is this actually real?”
Austen shakes his head. “I’m still feeling it too, but I’m just sorry I kissed you by the lake. I shouldn’t have done that.”
“Why?” I ask, and kiss his neck. “I loved it.”
He drops his hands down and sighs. “I had a few drinks and I manipulated you, so you wouldn’t sleep with Amelia. She’s young, and she doesn’t deserve to be...”
I recoil from him. “I’m younger! Are you trying to say you did it to save her from me?”
He nods in a way that wasn’t just up-and-down, but side-to-side as well. “It was terrible of me to do that to you.”