Chapter 24 Mischa #3
“You seem to want to destroy every shirt I own.”
“Oh yes.”
Then I sit on him and start grinding. He smells sweet like summer fruits.
“I’m going to pull the shirt behind you and bind your hands together. Is that alright?”
“I think so,” he says, his breathing hard.
I bring his shirt up. I don’t know why, but I can’t bring myself to knot his wrists with it, even though it’d be very sexy, so I leave it loose hanging off him.
I’m looking in his eyes and gyrating so he’s a little distracted.
There’s this moment of rocking on him where we both give over to it.
The faint sounds of the city and music and low hum of the building are left behind.
His hands lace with mine and we kiss. It’s slow and sweet, and against all odds, it’s even better than the other times.
It’s the kiss of two people who are past the point of no return.
Where return is nowhere even in sight. I’m hard, he’s hard, and I’m rubbing right along his length.
I can feel the heat from his body and his blood pumping in his chest.
“Oh God,” he breathes hard. “That feels too good.”
“Impossible.”
I’m surprised by his enthusiasm, and have to remember this is not a dream.
I’m turning Austen on and he’s letting me know it.
He’s with me, and nothing else matters. Nothing means more.
It’s the most beautiful moment of my life, and I’m having it right now.
Sooner or later it’ll end and I will return to the slow, burning, hopeless addiction. Tonight I am a wildfire.
“Oh fuck,” he pants. “I’m going to come like this.”
My movement gets faster, “Good boy; come for me baby.”
We kiss frantically. I try to philosophize about what we are and what we mean to each other but I can’t think and do this at the same time.
I realize that what makes us “us” is primitive and natural.
I don’t feel anything but him and me. No pasts.
No futures. He moans and then screams into my mouth, and explodes beneath me.
He catches his breath. I need to be as close to him as possible. We just need to get off the clothes that separate us. I reach down to pull up his singlet, and he stops me.
“I don’t want to take this off,” Austen says.
“Naked or not,” I say, “I need you.”
“I’m supposed to be spoiling you,” he says.
He pushes me onto the sofa and takes my pants off. He wraps his hand around my shaft. I gasp as his hot breath lands my cock head. He kisses it a little and I moan, but he hesitates.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” I ask him. “You worried you’ll seizure?”
"More worried I’ll do it wrong and fuck it up.”
“The best advice is do things you like,” I say. “You know, from your girlfriend, and don’t do what you hate. Sabrina spit or swallow?”
He looks disgusted. “I... I don’t know.”
“Does she do it toothy or not?”
He thinks for a moment. “Yeah. It’s not bad.”
I laugh a little. “Is that a joke?” I ask but he doesn’t answer. “Has she never sucked you off?”
He raises an eyebrow. “Not much.”
“Or not at all? You fuck?”
“Of course.”
He looks at me like I’m an idiot, but I know when people are lying to me.
“Austen, is this your first time? Are you a virgin?”
“Of course not,” he says, like it’s an obvious answer to a stupid question. “I’m literally having sex with you right now, and on the plane.”
“I jerked you off... I sucked your dick... that was a lapdance; I’m talking sex.”
He’s extremely uncomfortable and choking on his words. “I think it goes without saying I have never been any further with a guy.”
This is very hard for him to talk about. He’s distressed and fidgety and his discomfort makes him hard to read.
“Have you had sex with a woman?”
“Yes,” he says.
“With who?”
“Sabrina. And it’s none of your... look... okay... we’re waiting.”
“Waiting for what? You said you let me touch you maybe just because you wanted to see what it felt like, then you said that about what it was like to be kissed. You said this was your first date. Ipso facto...”
“No ipso facto.”
“Ergo...”
“No ergo. It’s...”
“Therefore!” I interrupt. “You have not been touched, except for by me.”
He huffs in defeat. “I haven’t gone all the way with a girl, no. Happy?”
“What have you done?” I ask.
“This.”
“This? With me?”
“Yes,” he frowns.
“And nobody else?”
“Not yet.”
“Not yet?” I flinch. “What does that mean?”
“Sabrina and I were gonna swap virginities when...”
“I will slit her fucking throat.”
“Please don’t. None of this is her fault.”
“I disagree; she’s no virgin.”
“Yes, she really is.”
“She’s fucking William.”
“No she isn’t,” Austen rolls his eyes.
“Yes.”
“No.”
“How are you so sure?” I frown.
“Because William loves her.”
“He can’t fuck people he loves?”
“Absolutely not. He’s the yin to my yang.”
“Hold on, so you mean you really haven’t been capable of intimacy at all? What’s the deal with Sabrina then? She your sister?”
“No! Stop saying that.”
“Austen, you need to get a DNA test.” He doesn’t speak, but his body language agrees with me. “Or have you... gone and done one already? You’re waiting to find out?”
“Stop, stop, stop,” he growls. “I don’t want you to ever bring it up again. It’s not your concern, and it’s dangerous for her. Besides, we are just together so people don’t ask questions or speculate about me.”
“That is literally the definition of a beard, baby.”
“No, my stupid brother’s just worried people might think I’m gay.”
“You are gay! That’s a beard! That is what a beard is for!”
“Don’t tell Billy; he’ll kill himself.”
“Better him than you.”
“Never say that.”
“I have seen that asshole chug a glass of milk, you’re not the same fucking person.”
“That actually made him sick...”
I put the new information together in my mind.
“Sabrina’s not your girlfriend.”
“No. She’s my fiancé.”
“But not really; you’ve only ever let me touch you. I thought it was just guys but... Wait, wait, wait... was I your first kiss? Romantic kiss? That night in The Outback? With tongue? You asked me if you were good like you’d never...”
He breathes in sharply. “This is mortifying,” he says, and hides his face behind a cushion. “Let’s forget this. I ruined the mood. Let’s go back to Amherst and...”
“What? No!” I wail. “You’re killing me here! I’ll get on my knees and beg if I have to. I’m just surprised someone as sexy as you didn’t... become like me or Will.”
“Ugh. I wish I could. So yes, I’m new to this, so can we just... start slow?” Austen asks. “I never thought I’d get to do any of this so... maybe... teach me how to do this?”
“Okay,” I say. “Alright. Let’s do this.”
“You may actually have to spell it out.”
“Of course,” I nod, and stand up. “Put your lips around the head and make sure you don’t get your teeth on my skin.
Use your lips to cover them because they hurt when they scrape up and down, you know?
” My cock goes in his mouth. I feel his warm tongue.
It’s wildly exhilarating. “Hit that spot underneath where the head meets. Easy. Just like that. That’s good, ahm.
.. it’s good,” I swallow hard. This is ecstasy.
“Really good. You don’t have to suck hard or deepthroat or caress the balls to be.
.. good. It just adds variety and you get better with time.
Just stick to the head. That’s really nice.
You can lick up the shaft too. Yeah. Like that.
Run your lips and tongue down it but always hit that spot I told you.
This is... oh... you’re a really fast learner. ..”
The love that poured inside me in the bathhouse is now bubbling in my veins.
Austen’s making little sounds. Little rhythmic hums of pleasure, losing concentration as he goes deeper.
His teeth are halfway down my shaft and he tries to take more.
He scrapes a little as he gets further to the base.
While not usually a pleasant feeling, I’m so aroused it barely registers.
Austen’s growing excitement is intoxicating.
He stops a moment and breathes. “You have a really big dick huh?”
I don’t dare look down. My whole body is in this moment. Not just my cock, but my skin and every organ of my body seems to vibrate a good feeling into me, even my brain has hit some divine frequency.
“If I look at you,” I tell him, “I’m gonna come... I should probably... not do that.”
I go quiet and he begins working my head again, slower this time, but I still get close and take it out of his mouth. I take a beat, until I think I’m okay to go again and he pops it back in.
I run my hands through his hair. It’s thick and soft.
I feel like I’m throbbing. My cock definitely is throbbing.
I can usually cope with a guy edging me but I’m not coping now.
He’s barely edging me. We only just started.
I feel high, like on drugs. Really good ones.
Of all the sex I’ve had, I’ve never truly known it until now.
He becomes absorbed in his task and I know I’m getting close.
I look down at him. We lock eyes and I’m overwhelmed with love for him.
The wave crashes over me, and I can’t hold on any more, and shoot in his mouth with a loud cry.
He doesn’t move and inch and lets me ram right to the back of his throat and that just makes me come more.
Then I carefully remove my still hard cock from his mouth.
He sucks all the cum off it as it comes out, and swallows.
He looks at me with his big doe eyes. “Was that okay?” he asks, catching his breath.
I look at this extraordinary creature and nod. “You did really good.”
I remove what’s left of my clothes and we move to a bedroom.
Austen’s still almost fully dressed. I unbuckle his belt carefully, take down his pants, and remove his boxers.
When I get to his singlet he crosses his arms over his chest. There are some small scars on his forearms. He might be a cutter, but they don’t look like that.
Something might have happened, the assault, the plane accident, I don’t know.
I imagine there are some on his body that he’s not ready to show me.
They are all a part of his attractiveness.
“You still want to leave this on?” I ask him.
“If that’s okay?”
“Of course it’s okay. You don’t have to show me your body if you don’t want to. You could tie me up if you...”
“No,” he says firmly, as he gets on the bed.
He is not entirely naked but he’s more vulnerable than me.
His body’s colder than mine, he’s shivering.
He fumbles as he lays down and I lie on top of him.
I see him as he is; eager, frightened, and hopeful.
I think of all the weeks of terrible shame, hunger, desperation, and most of all, danger, to allow ourselves this night.
“The wolf lies down with the lamb,” he whispers.
“I’m nervous,” I say. “I haven’t been scared for myself since I was a kid.”
“You’re lucky.” He runs his finger over a star on my collarbone. “I like your tattoos.”
“I was worried you wouldn’t.”
He kisses each of them. His hands reach behind me to caress my back as he draws me in.
“Thank you,” I tell him. “For letting me have this with you tonight.”
“And tomorrow, and Sunday. It’s only right; it cost you a pretty penny.”
“It’s worth it,” I smile. “But you don’t have to sleep with me, do you? Because of the auction?”
“No, we’re not obliged to sleep with the winning bidder.”
“Oh, good,” I say, and breathe a sigh of relief. “The old lady who won me looked like a real man-eater.”
He cackles at the thought. He rubs his hands down my spine and holds me at the small of my back.
I run my hands through his hair and trace the geography of his face with my finger.
His skin is as soft as it looks. As we kiss, I slide against his body.
There’s so much precum. His hips rock gently with me.
In chemistry, if there is any reaction between two substances, both are transformed.
In our blooming intimacy, I feel his anxiety unravel.
Moving together, he follows his pleasure away from fear and ascends with me to a warm stillness.
He holds us together, stroking up and down.
My whole body is vibrating again. The ticker-tape of thoughts in endless languages running through my head stops as the bliss rises.
Most people cannot recognize true love when it is in front of them, even when they are in its power. It’s a creation of their soul they somehow discover. It can’t be controlled or willed into being, or driven out when it’s not ideal or convenient. It either is, or is not.
Tonight, it is.
Austen and I are in a deep alignment. It’s a silent dance, an unrehearsed choreography. We are weightless, speechless, thoughtless creatures. No longer human, just animals, flowing through eternity.
He makes a sound I have been waiting a lifetime to hear. A moan in my ear. The one I love loving me back. I want to make him moan like this for the rest of our lives, together.
“I don’t want to ever sleep or eat again,” he says after, and kisses me. “I don’t want to talk to anyone else. I don’t want any other touch but yours. I wish I could hide inside this moment for the rest of time.”
“You’re mine,” I tell him. “Stay here. Be mine forever.”