Chapter 17 - Silas
Silas gestured to Elle to sit down on the couch in his office.
Then he sat down across from her. His heart was beating fast, and his palms were fucking sweaty.
He was nervous about what he had to say.
This conversation was a long-time coming.
Silas was not sure if he could explain everything properly.
But Elle deserved to know the truth. All of it.
Silas started talking. “I felt a connection to you a long time ago. You were really young then. Every time I was close to you, I felt this strange sensation. I did not know what it meant.”
He kept talking. “I did not understand what was happening. I just knew that being around you made me feel weird, and it scared the shit out of me.”
“Why?”
“It was because you were human. At least we thought you were. My father hated humans. He taught me and my brothers that humans were weak. That they were not as good as us. He said that the future leader of our pack could never be with a human.”
“When I started feeling this connection to you, I got really scared. I was young and stupid. I listened to my father. I tried to push you away. I tried to make myself hate you.”
“You were mean to me.”
“I was worse than mean. I tried to kill the feelings I had for you. I thought that if I was cruel enough, I could make myself not care about you. It did not work.”
Elle's hands were clenched into fists. “You bullied me to try and fight the connection between us.”
“Yes.” He swallowed. “That is what I did, and it was a terrible thing to do. I was a coward. I let my father’s hatred dictate what I did, and in the process, I hurt you and made your life really hard.”
“And other members of their pack followed your lead.”
“Yes. They did…and I let them. When I started being mean to you, others joined in. It became okay to tease you and leave you out. I set the example. Everyone else followed.”
“So it was your fault.”
“Yes. It was my fault. But I also stopped them from going too far.”
Elle looked visibly taken aback. “You what?”
“I know it does not make sense. Even when I was trying to push you away, my wolf would not let anyone hurt you. So I drew a line. I said that some things were not okay.”
“So you were mean to me, but you also protected me in a twisted way? That is fucked up, Silas.”
He leaned back and shoved his hands into his hair, grabbing it tightly. “I know it does not excuse what I did, but I could not let anyone hurt you. Even when I was trying to convince myself that I did not care about you, my wolf would not let me hurt you.”
“That day in the library. I asked you if we could be mates.”
“You had a vision.”
“I saw the bond between us. I was so confused. I forgot that you had been mean to me. I just asked you because I needed to know if what I saw was real.”
“And I laughed at you. I remember, Elle. Trust me.”
Elle went quiet.
Silas stared at her and forced himself to continue. He had started this. He was going to finish it.
“There is one more thing I have to say to you. It is something I ought to have told you long ago. Margaret actually figured it out first.”
Elle's eyes sharpened. “Figured out what?”
“You bear an Omega designation. You were dormant your whole life because you weren't with a pack, no Alpha, nothing to start it. But it was always there.”
He waited for the reaction. The rage and the sorrow. He had prepared for all of it. What he did not prepare for was the sound she made.
Elle laughed.
Not a short laugh, not a bitter laugh, a true one, the one that made her jump as much as it made him jump. She pressed the back of her hand against her mouth as her shoulders trembled, and Silas sat there all at a loss.
“Elle…”
No, I—” She shook a hand at him and pulled herself together.
“I'm not…I'm fine. I am not upset, I am only—” another laugh broke out before she could suppress it.
“An Omega. Me.” She shook her head. “Not only do I have visions.
I was kidnapped, auctioned, and pulled back to a pack that never wanted me.
Now, I'm an Omega. This pack hasn’t had one in what, two generations?
“Three.”
“Three generations.” Elle reiterated and gazed at the ceiling. Then back at him. She looked like she was tired and, at the same time, really amused. “I am a non-active Omega witch seer, who is mated to an Alpha, and went through a heat. That's my life now.”
“Elle…”
“You know, all my life, I thought I didn't fit. That I was wrong, somehow. Something was wrong with me.” She glanced at him. “But I was never wrong or defective. I was just…dormant.”
“I am angry at you,” Elle continued. “For hiding this from me. But I am not angry at what I am. She exhaled slowly. “That one I-I guess I can live with.”
“I should have told you earlier. The truth is, I was scared of the way you would respond, and that was—”
“Cowardly,” Elle nodded. “Yes. You are doing that a lot tonight.”
“I know.”
“Stop it.”
“I'm trying.”
“Why did you laugh at me?” she asked. “In the library. I told you whether we could be mates. Why did you do that?”
“I was scared. You had seen the bond between us, but I was not brave enough to admit it. So I hurt you instead.”
Elle scoffed and buried her head in her hands. “You broke my heart that day.”
“I know. I am really sorry. I regret what I said every day. I regret not being strong enough to stand up to my father. I regret not protecting you the way I should have.”
Elle looked up. “And the time I had to leave the pack?”
“That had nothing to do with me. My father made that decision, and I did not agree with it. I argued and fought, but he did not listen.”
“Sara was right,” she breathed. “She was fucking right. You have been carrying this guilt for a while.”
Silas shrugged. “I deserve to feel guilty. I failed you in every way. I am just trying to be better now and make things right.”
“You were a kid when all this happened.”
“That is no excuse.”
“You were a kid. You were taught to hate humans. You did not know how to deal with your feelings. Yes, you made bad choices, but I can see that you have been trying to make things right.”
Silas felt a weight lift off his shoulders. “I do not deserve your forgiveness.”
“I forgive you,” she blurted. “I forgive you for everything. You have been trying to make things right. I can see that you are not the same person you were back then.”
“You do?”
Elle smiled. “Yes. I do. I can see that you have changed. I can see that you are really sorry for what you did.”
“I love you,” Silas said, the words tumbling out before he could stop them. “I've loved you for years. I just didn't understand it back then, or how to handle it. But I know now. I love you, Elle. Everything about you. Your strength, your courage, your heart. I love you.”
“Silas…” she whispered.
“You do not have to say it back. I know this is all complicated. I know you are still thinking about everything. But I needed you to know,” Silas placed his hands on her knees. “I love you, and I am going to spend the rest of my life showing you.”
For a moment, Elle just looked at him. Then she leaned forward and kissed him.
This kiss was different. It was soft and gentle. It was like they were starting fresh.
When Elle pulled back, her eyes were shiny with tears. “I don’t know if I love you yet. I think I might. I think I am starting to.”
“That is enough. That is more than enough.”
Elle kissed him again. This time it was deeper. She caressed the nape of his neck with her fingers and pulled him closer. Silas grabbed her by the hips and pulled her into his lap.
“Elle,” he mumbled between kisses. “Are you sure?”
“Never been more sure of anything. I want you, Silas. Right now.”
“We should go to the bedroom,” he groaned, as Elle ground hard against him.
“No. I want you right here. Right now. I do not want to wait.”