CHAPTER THREE — STEPHANIE
What the fuck just happened? Did I do something wrong? I stare at David's back as it gets smaller and smaller, until I can't see him anymore. I replay the last thirty seconds in my mind. What did I say that made him leave? I don't think I said anything unusual. In fact, I didn't say much at all.
Before I know what's happening, my fingers are flying across my phone, texting him.
Did I do something wrong?
Before I can second-guess myself, I hit send.
A sinking feeling comes over me as I stare at my screen. Three little bubbles appear, showing he's typing, and then stop. Anxiety ratchets through my body.
I can't believe I just did that. I'm almost never this insecure. It's one of my cardinal rules to never chase a man. If you're not sure how he feels, well, that's your answer. And here I am, acting like a fool. I regret it already. If he wants to leave, that's up to him. I know my worth.
What the hell am I saying right now? I'm acting like this is my Prince Charming or something. He's not. He's my landlord, and he's using me. I mean, we're using each other. He doesn't love me, and I don't love him. So why do I care so much? Why do I care that he left?
I stare at my phone, waiting, but nothing.
He usually replies immediately. And formally, too, like he's responding via email.
The only exception tends to be when it's late at night.
Not that I have a lot to go off of. It's not like he and I have known each other like this for a while.
And by "like this," I mean, I guess, really at all.
For the longest while that I lived as his tenant, we had minimal contact. I always thought he was hot, but our relationship was strictly professional. And then, I guess, something changed.
I mean, what obviously changed is the fact that we're sleeping together now, but it's more than that. The way I'm acting right now, the way I'm feeling right now. It scares me. I don't know if I like it or not.
On one hand, it's kind of thrilling. I haven't felt like this, felt this urge to care, in a long time. But this anxiety, I don't have time for. I need to focus on school and making money. I don't have time to be distracted by men, to be pining over them, waiting for them to text me back.
No, I need to put an end to this. That doesn't mean I need to stop sleeping with David. I mean, after all, we have a deal, and I'm paying reduced rent because of it. Although, I doubt he'd kick me out at this point.
But anyway, I need to detach emotionally. But how do I do that? I look around the party. My eyes land on Philip. The second they do, a pang of guilt hits me. Philip looks like a lost puppy. I almost forgot that I arrived at the party with him.
I think back to that. I was trying to make David jealous. I realized pretty quickly, though, that Philip wasn't going to do the trick. Philip is dorky and not a threat to David, and that's why I pivoted to John, David's coworker and enemy.
Because, like David, John is handsome and dominant. He's an actual threat, and it worked. I got David riled up. He always acts cool and nonchalant, like he doesn't care. But now I know I can crack him.
Still, John isn't an option. I look around, and he's nowhere to be found. So how do I detach?
It hits me. It's so obvious: Philip. Sure, David may not see Philip as a threat, but does he have to? More than anything, I know the one thing David cannot stand is disrespect. And I know just how to do that. I sidle up to Philip and squeeze his forearm. He looks at me, surprised.
A pang of guilt hits me again. I feel bad using him. I'll set him up with a friend after, I tell myself. Still, that guilty feeling swirls in my stomach.
"Do you want to get out of here?" I say.
"Sure." He nods. "I need to get home and finish off some work anyways."
"I was thinking you could come to my place?" I ask.
I widen my eyes at him.
"Oh," he says, clearly surprised.
The guilt hits me again. I shove it to the side.
"Are you sure?" he asks, examining my face.
I resist the impulse to roll my eyes. It's things like this that sabotage Philip's chances with women.
If a woman invites you over, don't second-guess it. But I don't have time to lecture Philip on the ways of women, or to teach him how to be seductive. That's a job for another woman and another time.
"Of course I'm sure," I say, smiling shyly. "Come on."
I squeeze his arm again, and he smiles big this time. I ignore the voice in my head as I grab his sweaty hand and lead him away.