CHAPTER ONE — DAVID
I feel horrible after what I just did. Fucking Stephanie in all her holes, including anally, which was a big thing for her. I just walked out on her. It was cruel, borderline sadistic, but I had to teach her a lesson.
And I'm not talking about the vaping. I'm talking about the little game she's playing with Philip. She wants a reaction out of me. A rise. She wants to make me jealous.
Unfortunately, I know that the moment I cave, the moment I show she's rattled me, she'll have the upper hand and lose interest. I can't have that. Besides, I can't get emotionally involved with her.
I'll admit, I already do have feelings for her, but she doesn't have to know that. As long as she doesn't know that, she won't get attached either, right? I did the right thing.
I mumble under my breath as I shower. Still, I have a sinking feeling in my stomach. The look on her face right when I walked out keeps flashing in my mind as the hot water pounds on my back.
She was like a small kitten. I just wanted to scoop her up and comfort her.
It took all of my willpower to do what I just did, to walk away. But that is true strength. That's what she would want anyway.
Not that it matters, since she and I can never be a thing. Still, as I wash the soapy suds off my skin, I keep seeing images of her and me: her cooking in the kitchen, wearing a sundress; me hugging her from behind; cuddling on the couch watching TV, normal domestic shit.
Who the hell am I? I haven't had feelings or thoughts like this about a woman since my ex-wife.
The fact that I'm even thinking these things right now, even after what just happened, is proof that I did the right thing. I know it.
Still, I can't stay in this state, ruminating, thinking about her. I need a distraction. I start thinking, What should I do? And then it hits me: Jocelyn.
Jocelyn and I dated casually a year or so ago.
I broke it off because she was getting too attached.
I just didn't feel that way about her, but she was hot and fun, and I know she's interested because she still hits me up every few months.
I always decline, but you know what? Maybe I'll make her day tonight.
I feel a bit guilty, but I text her. I'll tell her this is just casual, I think to myself as I type out the text. I don't want to get her hopes up. That would be mean. I feel like I'm doing something wrong, but it's not like I have a lot of options.
Free tonight?
I hit send and hold my breath. I grab a fluffy towel and start drying off. I'm running it through my hair when my phone lights up.
What do you have in mind? the text reads.
I smile.
How about L-Spot? I ask.
Eight? she texts me back.
Perfect. I'll pick you up at 7:45.
She hearts my message.
Such a gentleman. Of course. Looking forward to it.
I toss my phone on the bed. I don't know what's come over me. L-Spot is a nightclub. I've only been to it once, at the behest of my ex-wife. She loved dancing, but I never have. For her, though, I tried. And by tried, I mean I went once and never again.
The floors are sticky. It's filled with millennials and Zoomers, and the music is loud. But for some reason, I feel like this is exactly what I need tonight.
In fact, I'm kind of excited as I look through my closet. It'll be good to be able to touch a woman guilt-free. I mean, not that I haven't been enjoying what's been going on with Stephanie. I have, and that's the problem. I've been enjoying it too much.
This will be good for me. I know it. I settle on a light blue shirt and dark gray slacks.