Chapter 21
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Dark
Stepping out of the upstairs shower at Kali’s, I dry off with the black towel she left for me and step onto the cotton rug that squishes under my toes.
Wrapping the towel around my waist, I stare at myself in the mirror for the first time since…
ya know, getting cut up from the floor up.
Alright. Not the floor. Think mid-thigh up.
At least she skipped over the family jewels.
The boys and their flaccid bestie are hangin’ just fine, uninjured.
Wish I could say the rest of me is faring just as well.
When Kali said it looks like Freddy Krueger paid me a visit, she was right on the money.
Fuck. It’s one thing to look down and see the wall of stitches. It’s another thing to have it reflect back at you in the mirror. Even after the wounds finish healing, what happened at the cabin will forever be with me on the outside as well as in.
Resting my hands on the counter, I lean in to look at my face.
I haven’t shaved in weeks and am starting to look like a homeless man. Not that there’s anything wrong with homeless men. It’s a turn of phrase. I’m not that big of a prick.
For almost a week now, I’ve been living in my son’s old room.
This is the first time I’ve ever stayed here.
Kali got the place after I didn’t return from a run like I was supposed to, given I’d knocked Abby up and she was pregnant with Lily.
Doing right by ‘em both was impossible. I made my choice. That was a long fuckin’ time ago, and I’ve learned a lot since.
Do I regret the choice?
I used to.
But Kali’s happier now than she ever was with me. She won’t say it, but our relationship wasn’t like the one she has with my dad. Trust me, that’s not an easy pill to swallow, much less admit to you, and I would never say that shit to her.
It’s wild how time passes, ain’t it?
To think I have two grown sons and a ten-year-old daughter.
You blink, and life keeps goin’ whether you want it to or not.
Now I’m this old fuck, with gray just startin’ to show at my temples and in my beard. There are wrinkles around my eyes and laugh lines when I smile.
“What are you doin’ with your life?” I ask my reflection.
He says fuck all back.
I flip him off.
“You’re a mess,” I hiss, wrinkling my nose at my physical embodiment of a shit show.
A shit show I created. Lost my wife. My kids, besides Lily, couldn’t give a damn whether I live or die.
No matter what Kali says, I know it to be true.
My relationship with my father is rocky.
Abby hates my guts, and I can’t blame her for that.
What do I really have beyond a fat bank account? I’m a nomad, sure, so I have my brothers in the club, but I haven’t seen them in ages. Sure, they’re in touch, but it’s not the same.
A flash of mismatched eyes and the prettiest smile slams into the forefront of my mind.
Iris.
That damn woman.
I keep dreamin’ about her.
I wish I could explain why, but I’m at a loss.
Looking down at the two scabbed-over puncture wounds on my chest, I rub them and chuckle. I don’t know if anyone would believe I got stabbed by chopsticks, of all kitchen utensils. That’s a first.
Chopsticks.
My stomach growls, and for whatever reason, I could suddenly go for some sushi.
This silly heart gives a hard thump, and a knot forms in my throat at the thought of eating it without…
Fuck.
Slapping the side of my head to get the fucker back on track, I put Iris as far from my mind as I can, which ain’t all that much. When I amble out of the bathroom to get dressed, she’s all I can think about when I yank my jeans on.
She got me hard.
I haven’t been hard since… the last time I saw her.
Not even in the morning.
Yeah. That trip to the cabin did a real number on me, beyond the obvious external shit.
Leaving my shirt off, since it still hurts to put pressure on my chest, I take the steps to the main floor to find my Pops sittin’ on the couch in the living room, fuckin’ around on his phone.
Lifting his eyes from the screen, he greets me with an up-nod. “Hey, Kid, what’s doin’?”
“Any chance you can spring me for a few hours?”
“To do what?”
“Take me to get my bike.”
“Where’s it at?”
“A few hours away in storage.”
“You think you should be ridin’ just yet?”
“What else am I gonna do? I’m tired of layin’ in bed. Takin’ up space… here.” I gesture around the space full of plants, Kali’s stuffed raven, and all things my ex-wife. Even the air smells of palo santo and those smudge sticks she makes.
“You’re recovering. You don’t need to go anywhere. We’re your family.”
“Eh.”
“You gonna say we’re not?”
“You’re my dad, sure. But…”
“No.” Setting his phone on the cushion beside him, Dad sits forward on the couch.
“You aren’t fuckin’ doin’ that. We’re your family.
You stay as long as you need. Kali will go apeshit if you disappear again.
As will Lily. You owe it to your daughter not to go.
She’s loved layin’ in bed with you this week, watchin’ movies on your phone. ”
I loved it, too.
Having my kid with me, talkin’ up a storm about kid shit and shit I’ve missed on account of me leaving in the first place.
Since I’ve been gone, Lily’s switched from a Coraline obsession to Hocus Pocus, and now she wants a black cat named Binx.
It’s the only thing she’s talked about. If Abby doesn’t mind, I plan on getting her one.
But I gotta talk to her first to make that happen.
I’m not gonna just show up with a black ball of fur and expect her to take care of it without asking.
I stuff both hands in my front pockets. “I’ll make you a deal. You take me to my ride, and I’ll find a hotel in town to stay.”
“No.”
“Pops.”
“Are you too thick-headed to hear what I said? I said, no.”
“Listen, I don’t wanna have it out with you.
I’m done fightin’. I’m tired. I just don’t wanna be here.
” This isn’t my home, and it’s awkward as hell, having to eat dinner with your dad and his wife when said wife used to be yours.
Kali’s been nothing but hospitable. I’d expect nothing less from her. She’s a good woman.
“Are you still in love with her?” Pops asks, not to be a dick. I can tell he cares.
“Your wife?”
“Yeah.”
“I’ll always love her. She was my wife first. But no, I’m not in love with her anymore.”
“Then there’s no reason you can’t stay. You ain’t like you were. I can see it. All of us can.”
“Right. I love bein’ the focus of y’all’s talks.”
“What do you expect? You up and left, we barely heard from you, and then I get a call from my old lady, sayin’ my son might be dead because he got himself caught up in the wrong shit.”
To prove a point, I pat my chest in a spot that hasn’t been torn the fuck up. “Not dead.”
Pops rolls his eyes. “Yeah… I know… and thank fuck for that. Now, I’ll make ya a deal. I’ll take ya to your bike, but I’m ridin’ it home.” When I open my mouth to argue, Pops’ glare shuts me up. “I’m gonna grill steaks tonight, and over dinner we’ll talk this shit through, as a family.”
“What is there to talk through?”
“You leavin’ and where you’re goin’.”
“We don’t need an awkward family dinner for that.”
“I do. You’re my kid. Give me this… Please.”
Christ.
Gripping the back of my neck, I inhale a giant breath that expands my chest, thus tightening the stitches. The bite of pain grounds me.
“Fuck. Fine,” I relent on a grumbly exhale.
Pops slaps his knees and uses them to stand. “Now go get your boots on so we can get your bike.”
Rolling my eyes like I’m a teenager bein’ put in his place by his father, not a grown-ass man over forty, I do as I’m told, for his sake, not mine. Pops was obviously waiting for me to come down to chat. He’s the only one here for a reason. Kali’s probably working.
Once I snag my phone, a hoodie, and put on my boots, I meet Pops outside, where he’s already sitting in the driver’s seat of his white cleaning van.
We don’t say much on the first half of the ride. Music makes for a solid buffer, as do my preoccupied thoughts… that drift back to…
“You think she’s still at the cabin?” I ask Pops as I stare out the side window at the blurry world goin’ by.
“The woman?”
“Yeah.”
“I dunno. Why?”
“You still got the address to the place?”
“Yes, and before you ask, no, I’m not givin’ it to you. That woman and her crazy-ass sister almost killed you.”
I point to my chest. “Again. Not dead.”
Dragging a hand through his salt-and-pepper hair, Dad huffs as if that’s semantics, and he’s not gonna budge. “You wanna tell me why you wanna go?”
“To see Iris.”
“Okayyy. But why?”
“I don’t fuckin’ know…”
“If it’s for the reason I think it is, she’s too young for you.”
“Didn’t take you for a hypocrite, old man.”
Snorting a short laugh, Pops punches me in the shoulder good-naturedly. “Asshole.”
“Correct me if I’m wrong, but your wife is… how old?”
“I get it. You win.”
“Thought so. Now you gonna give me that address or not?”
“No.”
“You know it was a courtesy to ask you first. If you don’t wanna give it, I’ll talk to Cell.”
“Cell ain’t gonna tell you shit either.”
Not wanting to fight him, I hum noncommittally and keep staring out the side window.
He thinks Cell won’t give me Iris’s location, but guilt eats at a person, and right now, Cell owes me, whether she thinks she does or not.
I’m not mad she sicced Iris and her sister on Penelope and her father.
She couldn’t have known I was involved the way I was, so it’s not like I can blame her.
Hell, I’m happy those assholes are dead.
One less thing to deal with. Yeah, I know that makes me sound heartless, and…
I guess I am. Penelope was part of a job that turned into more, and as much as she used me, I used her right back.
Come to think of it… Every person I’ve been involved with, I’ve used.
It was usually to convince others of my loyalty or that I am who I say I am.
Even if none of it was true, I was a successful liar.
Kali was never meant to get caught up in the club stuff.
Hell, I spent almost all of our marriage compartmentalizing Dark and Maxim so the guilt wouldn’t eat me alive.
We see how that turned out, huh? Not too well. I’m nothing if not destructive.
Before too long, we’re walking the bike out of the storage locker, and then I’m back on the road, following Pops in the van.
Even if I respect his reason for doin’ the dad thing, I’m still salty, ‘cause I’ve been jonesing for road therapy and here he is joyriding on my Harley.
A Sacred Sinner cut stretches across his back as the sun glints off his helmet.
I keep a safe distance and blast rock music to keep my jealousy under wraps.
Guess we’ve got dinner tonight to discuss what’s next.
Tomorrow, I’ll pay Cell a visit.