Chapter 16
EvanAnn
It’s too early to get ready for school, and I’m too energized to go back to sleep as we head upstairs. Damon hasn’t said a word. I’m still mulling over what he did and how I responded. Overall, not good.
We walk into his bedroom. I follow out of habit. He heads to his dresser and pulls out workout clothes, ignoring me. My heart kicks up a notch. Instead of talking about this, he’s just going to let it fester? Fuck that and fuck him.
“What the fuck was that?” I ask, crossing my arms.
He doesn’t turn toward me as he strips off his shirt and pulls on a tank top.
“Damon, you fucking went nuclear on us and made that twenty times worse than it had to be.” I grab the shorts he has in his hands and toss them on the bed.
He just grabs another pair out of the drawer. I do the same thing.
“Fuck, Evan! Don’t you know when to leave well enough alone.” He doesn’t turn, but his words bite into me.
“Apparently not, but neither do you.” I run my hands through my hair.
I need to move, but I want to know what he was thinking down there.
“You just couldn’t stand being called my rebound, could you?
Even though we both know that’s not what this is.
You’ve never been the side piece, but it grates on you. ”
He turns and those sharp blue eyes pierce me. “So you decided to rat me out to my father?”
“He needed to know. It’s not like you could keep it a secret forever.” I straighten. “But you’re right. I can be mature enough to admit that wasn’t the right time to say that. I said it because I wanted to shut you up before you admitted you blackmailed me into your bed.”
His eyes grow menacing and he closes in on me. My breath catches, but I stand my ground. “I didn’t really need to blackmail you at all, did I, Evan?”
He slides his fingers down my throat, sending a ripple of heat through me.
“You would have given in to me without it.” He turns his hand around and holds my neck.
I swallow against the pressure of his fingers. “Tell me this wasn’t just about you getting back at my mom for being with your dad. It was the perfect opportunity, wasn’t it? Tell her it’s her fault you fucked me? Because all this will ever be to you is a means for your revenge.”
He squeezes slightly, taking my breath away ever so slightly. “You like me this way, Evan.”
“I like when you aren’t acting like a manchild who doesn’t get his way.”
He releases me and steps back, his eyes cold. He grabs a pair of shorts and heads into the bathroom. After a minute, I hear the door to my bedroom open and close.
A little shiver goes through me, but I shake it off and go through the bathroom to my room. Today is going to be rough. It was always going to be rough with Damon leaving, but now I don’t know where we stand.
I should just stay home. Damon isn’t talking to me. I don’t feel like talking to him, but I want him to hold me and kiss me and tell me everything is going to be all right. Which sucks.
I’m exhausted and feel like my insides have been burned out. Tears press on the back of my eyes, just waiting to choke me. I can’t tell if it’s because I’m angry or sad or just fucking tired. But tears won’t help anything.
I just want to curl up and die and burn the house down. Not literally, but fuck, emotions are hard.
It wasn’t my place to tell his father about the hit and run. Not like that. But Adam needed to know. It won’t fix anything, but how can Damon move forward without letting go of it?
It’s the whole reason we’re together. He wanted to take everything away from Chase. I was part of that everything. Mission accomplished.
After I get ready for school—way too early, I sit on the edge of the bed that isn’t mine and stare at the floor. Because if I don’t stare at the floor, I’ll stare at the door to the bathroom and wait for him to come, to claim me.
He’ll finish his workout and want a shower. And what good is a shower without me?
But he won’t.
Because we fucked it up.
I left my door open so I’ll see him when he comes back. I don’t know if I want to yell at him more or plead with him to talk to me or just shove him against a wall. Mom knocks on my doorframe and wrings her hands.
“Are you doing okay, Evan? That was... a lot. I know I haven’t been the best mother.
..” She pauses like she wants to attach a time frame to it but decides not to.
“I don’t really have an excuse. I didn’t mean to leave you alone so much.
I don’t know what this is you have with Damon.
..and the others, but if it’s something good, I’m not going to stand in your way.
If you’re open to it, I’d love to bring you to therapy with me.
I think we could use some healing between us too. ”
My eyes burn, and the tears I’ve held back release on a choked sob.
“Oh, Evan.” Mom comes to me and takes me into her arms. “I’m so sorry, honey. I didn’t mean to leave you.”
I crumple into her arms and cry because the boy I love is icing me out. And I should have known better. Everyone knows that’s how Damon is with girls. Hot and cold.
But we were hot for so long, and I thought maybe, just maybe, I was different. It’s like birds are ripping my heart apart inside my chest. I wanted to believe what we have could survive anything. But what if it can’t? What if I fucked this up?
Because he was tearing apart my fragile world. He was speaking my truths to my mom. Because I didn’t just lose my dad when he died, I lost both of them. I’m so mad and sad and don’t know what to do with this tornado of emotions raging through me.
I want to hurt him the way he hurt me, but I don’t want to lose him.
Mom strokes my back and grabs tissues for me while I cry about the boy in the room next to mine. About the secrets that never should have been spoken out loud. I don’t know if he hears me or if he even cares anymore.
“I’m sure it will be fine, Evan.” Mom strokes her hand over my hair. “Every relationship has bumps in them. Some are easy to get over and some take real work. I’m sorry I didn’t see you were lonely. You were always so busy and seemed happy.”
“I was happy.” I keep my injured hand tucked against my chest but take her hand with my left. “It’s not your job—”
“I’m your mother, Evan.” Her voice is firm even if it shakes just a little.
“Of course it’s my job to notice when you’re hiding things.
I’m just sorry it took me so long to open my eyes.
And that it took your boyfriend to force me to see you.
” She uses a tissue to clean the tears off my face.
“You can stay home if you want. I can call the school.”
I shake my head and blink back the tears. “Rehearsal, classes. I can’t miss. But thank you.”
She touches my jaw. “I love you, Evan. I just want us to be happy. This place makes me happy, but if you’re not—”
“I’m happy here too.” I blow out a breath. Even if Damon hates me, I don’t want to leave. “If things don’t work out, I’ll be fine for the rest of the year, promise.”
I’ll be an emotional basket case, but I’ll work it out. Because that’s what I do.
When I open the garage to drive my car, or rather Damon’s car, to school, he pulls up on his bike and holds out my helmet without a word. For a second, I consider not taking it, being stubborn and driving the car. It’s not like he won’t follow me to school anyway.
I don’t know if he even turned on the Bluetooth headset in his helmet. I don’t bother talking to him, and he doesn’t say anything to me.
I hold on like this ride could fix us, but I know it won’t.
Nothing can wash away how we tore each other apart.
Nothing will get us back to yesterday when he held me tight and called me his.
My heart shatters into tiny pieces with every second I hold him.
But I keep it all inside, lock it away, so I can get through this day.
When we get to school, his hand teases my back with just enough pressure to lead until we reach Hawk and Cam in the hallway.
I keep my chin high. Then his touch fades, and I turn to watch him walk away from me.
I swallow down the tears trying to strangle me.
But they blur my vision and burn my eyes.
Fuck him.
I don’t know what Hawk and Cam know. Did Damon talk to them? Are we over? Is he just protecting me because he feels obligated now?
Hawk kisses my temple and runs his hand down my back, but his hard gaze is on Damon.
“I’ve got you, goody.” Cam wraps his arm around my shoulders and leads me to first period. I should have stayed home, slunk into our room, crawled into his bed, and slept, surrounded by his warmth and scent. Pretend none of this happened.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks when we sit down.
I shake my head and put my arms on top of my books, resting my head on them and staring out the window.
I don’t even know if I can fix this or if, after the anger burns off, if I’ll want to fix this.
I broke his trust, but he broke mine too.
We hurt each other with the truth like it was a weapon.
And for what? That’s what I don’t get. We were tired and caught and instead of staying quiet, instead of being a team, we just put everything out there.
We picked battles that weren’t ours to fight. Damon went after my mother and I didn’t think. I just wanted to hurt him the way he was hurting me.
Cam rubs my back until class starts. I’m so fucked. But I’m not going to let it fuck up my future.
When I straighten, he sets a red paper flower on my books. A tear escapes, and he catches it with his finger.
I choke down the rest of them and pay attention like nothing’s changed.
I shut off the waterworks and push Damon to the back of my mind where he can fester.
After all, I still need to get into the colleges I applied to, and to do that I need to keep my grades up.
Maybe I won’t have to apply anywhere else.
After all, what’s our relationship without all of us? Hawk and Cam won’t betray their best friend to stay with me. I’ll be all alone again.
My chest aches, hollow and empty.
Cam walks me to my next class, calculus. After I take my seat, Damon drops in the chair next to me. He doesn’t flirt with me like he’s done all week. Nope, he sits there like a sullen little bitch. He doesn’t even text or Snapchat me.
I bite my lip to keep from crying more. Which just makes me angrier because I didn’t push us to this. I’m better than this weepy mess.
When I found out about Chase, I didn’t cry. It barely felt like a scratch. Yes, it wounded my pride, but it didn’t hurt. Damon and I aren’t even broken up. Not officially, at least. And I feel cut through to the bone. He’s just icing me out, which is almost more painful.
I don’t remember anything from calculus, but he follows me to history class. Part of him is still protecting me, even if he’s angry at me. It doesn’t help the turmoil of my insides. Because I just want to turn into his arms, have him hold me and tell me he’ll take care of me.
“Cam’s right.” Hawk sits across from me and shifts his gaze from me to Damon. “You two need to get locked in a room until you either fuck or fight or both.”
I glance toward Damon but look away when it looks like he’s going to meet my eyes. I can’t see that coldness again. I wince. It hurts too much. Mia comes in and sits next to me.
“No more bandages?” She looks at my hand with a smile. “Honestly, I was afraid you were going to make wearing Band-Aids cool and everyone would be doing it.”
She notices the tension and narrows her eyes on me, really taking me in.
“We need to hit the girls’ bathroom before lunch. You’re nearly translucent.” Mia pauses and looks at the guys and then me again. “What did Damon do?”
He’s not paying attention to anything right now. His jaw is tight like he’s chewing on rocks. He’s definitely not listening to Mia.
I can’t play this game, so fuck it. Acting got me here. I straighten and act like everything is just fine.
“Our parents found out about us, and I told his father about the accident after he told my mother about Chase cheating on me and leaving me in the woods. Oh, and basically calling her negligent.” I pull out my history book and flip it open.
“But he’s going off to college today, so we won’t have to argue about anything.
And he can do whatever he wants to whoever he wants. I guess.”
I sigh and blink back the tears trying to make an escape. Fuck. I’m done crying. I’m not crying anymore. A hand grabs my arm, startling me.
“Hey,” I say, trying to pull my arm away.
I glance up and meet Damon’s eyes, but they aren’t cold. Far from it. I freeze, captured in those eyes. They’re narrowed on me, but the blue is sharp, not soft. I narrow my eyes on his. If he wants another piece of my mind...
Hawk grabs Damon’s arm. “Come on.”
Damon releases me and lets Hawk lead him out of the classroom.
“How bad was it this morning?” Mia asks gently when the door shuts behind them.
I drag in a breath and shake my head. “I don’t even know.”