Chapter 30 #2
Axel bumps his glove against mine as we pass. There’s a lot Crowne Mawr has going for it. The team is good and a challenge, which I love. Coach has worked with each of us one-on-one to perfect skills. To see if we can learn still or if we’ll always keep going back to bad habits.
This is what I wanted for this year. I love playing with my friends and our teammates at Deimos, but I’ve been missing this challenge. Our coach does his best to push me, but my skill set is already surpassing what he’s able to train.
Yale is an unofficial visit, but I hope I get some ice time with their team to better make a decision.
When we head to the bench, Wilder gives me a nod. I talked with Evan and the guys for way too long last night, but Wilder still hadn’t come back by the time I left. His door auto-locked behind me.
“Scrimmage today.” The assistant coach, Matt Goods, separates us into two teams. Only the freshman players and the two goalies are here today.
They’re splitting the five of us into two teams. The other guys trying out are nice enough.
We’ve had dinners together and chatted about shit. Jackson isn’t on my team today.
If he gets an offer too, I don’t know what we’ll do. Maybe that will make the decision for us, and we’ll all go off to Yale. It’s possible Jackson returning to Evan’s life is a huge ass coincidence, but too many little things line up a little too well.
Jackson definitely brings what he needs to the ice, but his obsession with my girl might be the tipping point. I’d do anything to keep her safe. Ivan and Zane are on Jackson’s team while Axel, Wilder, and Spencer are on mine.
Since they want to see us play, they start all five of us on the ice. The puck drops, and we’re off. I’ve worked with this team all week and gotten a feel for their plays and their weaknesses.
It’s a fast game. At one point I’m skating trying to get open from someone on the other team when Axel yells. I turn and see he’s shot me the puck as he’s pushed into the boards by Ivan. I move to get the flying puck and someone rams into me, body checking me into the boards.
Fuck. Someone else grabs the puck, and Jackson skates away from me. Asshole.
I’m called out, and so is Jackson.
“That would have been a penalty in a game,” Coach says to Jackson.
He nods, but doesn’t look at all remorseful. I need to calm down and remember what’s important. Getting into this program is a step toward the NHL. The first positive step I’ve taken since the accident.
I ignore Jackson on the bench. Shit talking him isn’t going to win me any favors, so I just keep it to myself.
We keep going round and round until Coach calls it. The score is tied, each team getting in two shots.
“Head to the locker room and clean up.”
We make our way down to the locker room and get changed. I’m trying to keep my head in the right space and not picturing Jackson holding my girl while he takes her first kiss. I definitely don’t need to think about him standing over Evan while she sleeps like I did that first week.
Her covers kicked down to the bottom of the bed. Nightgown tucked up around her waist. Those plain white cotton panties covering her. Did he do the same thing I did? Creep into her room and watch her sleep?
Fuck, how am I any better than her stalker? When I did the same things? Worse, I recorded her and blackmailed her into my bed.
I stand in the shower and let the water pour over me, trying to wash away that part of me.
Is it all right because I love her now? Because she didn’t fight falling into a relationship with me? Because she wanted me as much as I wanted her?
Fuck.
“Good game,” Axel says as he leaves the shower.
I raise my hand to him and shut off the water, grabbing a towel to dry off. I can’t tell if I hate Jackson or if I hate myself. She’s mine. I’ve already warned her if she goes somewhere else, I’ll still be there. That I won’t let her move on.
What if that’s what Jackson is doing? Except with me, Evan loves me. He scares her, which is a major difference. But how easy would it be for Evan’s love to turn to fear?
I get dressed and let the locker room talk turn into background noise. I’m not giving Evan up. She’s mine, but did she ever have a choice in it? And would I be willing to let her have a choice if it meant she might not choose me?
“Hey, man,” Ivan says to someone. I glance up, but no one is near me.
“What’s up?” Jackson says.
The voices are coming from the other side of the lockers. They either don’t know I can hear them, or they don’t care who overhears. Either way, I’m curious about what Ivan has to say.
“I saw what you did today.” Ivan sounds a little pissed.
“Played a damn good game?” Jackson sounds cocky.
“That boarding would have been a penalty.” Ivan’s talking about the one on me.
“He went for the suicide pass. It’s his own damned fault.”
“Yeah, it’s also our teammate so we don’t need anyone getting hurt.” Ivan picks up something. “Know which side you’re playing for, and don’t injure your own player in practice.”
“But he’s not my teammate yet.” Jackson closes the locker. “Why are you defending him? Why does everyone think his shit don’t stink?”
“You think I care if you hurt him? This is a fucking interview. Every step of it. A chance at something more than our crappy home lives. Everything from talking to us, staying with us, how you perform, and how you treat your fellow teammates. It’s all a fucking test. I know where you come from because I grew up in that shitshow of a life too.
But you don’t have to let it define you.
This is your opportunity. Don’t fuck it up. ”
“Maybe you should get your own act together before calling me out on mine.” Jackson walks away.
“Prick,” Ivan says under his breath.
I couldn’t agree more.