11. Threx Window Promises
eleven
Threx: Window Promises
Daphne clung to the window, chewing on the side of her cheek the way she always did when she was nervous.
Damn, she looked pretty in that dress, all soft like summer in the middle of a rainstorm, even if she was pissed at me, embarrassed that I did not kiss her.
Broken because I didn’t beg her to stay.
The one thing I could always count on was her belief that I did not want her that way.
I knew it was an asshole move, but it was the only thing that kept her from dying in the Underworld, or becoming some clubwife whose sole purpose was to suck her man’s dick and be happy about it.
I took orders to keep her safe, not to fuck her up even more.
“It’s cold,” she turned on the heat.
She couldn’t know how I really felt, though if she sidestepped her insecurities for one damn second, I was sure she would sense it in the air.
The way every inch of me was in flames, burning like a goddamn brush fire in the middle of August. How my mind was screaming at me to chain her in my dungeon and fuck her until she promised never to leave me again.
Because this was going to be bad.
And I don’t mean like, oh shit, the girl on my dick has never given a blowjob before, bad. I mean the kind where you stop listening to your head, and just sit there while your fucking soul tears everything apart.
“I guess we’re here,” she mouthed against the window, watching the patterns of rain drip off the tinted glass. “Though… we’ve never been here before.”
The demon inside me flinched, hungry and violent, scraping at me to hold on.
“Think about it this way. It’s only eight Saturdays,” I teased through a smile, straining to keep my eyes clear.
“I don’t understand how you are so calm right now,” she snapped, her gaze falling to her knees.
Yes, she did. She fucking knew. But if she admitted it to herself, she wouldn’t leave tomorrow, and I loved her enough to let her look away.
“I’m not.” I placed my hand over hers, wishing I could spend every damn moment of my life touching her. “This is going to fucking suck, but we will be okay.”
For the first time since telling me she was leaving, she looked like herself, leaning into my honesty as if it were something she could hold on to.
“Would you like to walk me in?” She asked, hopeful. It was my favorite color on her. “And, I don’t know, finger cage my face goodnight?” she glowered.
I didn’t want to laugh. I wanted to scream and put my fist through the fucking windshield… but this was her magic.
“Wish I could, Daph, but I’ve got rounds, and you need to pack. I’ll wait till you’re at the window before I drive off.” Because I always did. “What time does your plane leave tomorrow?”
“Five in the morning,” she mumbled, watching her fingers as she opened the door.
I shivered when the air spilled in, because she was right: we had never done this before. Unless you counted me being dragged into the back of a police car, I’d never had to watch her walk away, or stare up at a window I couldn’t crawl through to get to her.
She needed to leave before I broke. Before I did the selfish thing and fucking kept her.
I swallowed, shifting uncomfortably.
“Okay,” she mumbled to herself, the red in her eyes swelling until it filled them.
Dammit.
I pulled her into me, pressing her head into my ribcage, and told myself not to cry. Let her go. Tell her she could do this. That she was brave and amazing, and that this was fucking nothing compared to the life she had survived. Remind her that this was nothing. That I was nothing.
“Daphne,” I said, through the violent sobs slamming against my chest. “You have been through far worse than a free trip to the ocean to do something you love. And you can call me every fucking minute, and I promise I will answer, no matter what. Okay?”
“But what if you need me? What if you go black and you can’t calm down?”
Then, people will die. But I wasn’t going to tell her that.
“Then I’ll strip Nathem bareass naked and sleep on his chest! He’d enjoy the snuggles.”
She laughed through the crackle in her throat, holding on tighter.
“I’ll call you,” I promised, lifting her gaze. “You will answer. And I will let you talk me down. And everything will be fine.”
“You promise?”
“Yes,” I lied, resting my forehead against hers. I wished I could kiss her the way she wanted, but that was the one thing I knew I could never come back from. Because once I did, not hell or God, or a whole horde of dick-sucking demons could make me stop.
It would also mean I finally succumbed to the monster in her darkness, the one she loves to pretend I am not. Kissing her would mean letting her fall because the only way to be with me was down.
“I love you,” she said, quieter than usual, thumbing the scar her dumbass father put in my eyebrow. “You know that, right?”
“I know,” I whispered into her. “I love you too, Daph.”
“With all my heart,” she grinned, poking at a memory she needed to be real right now.
“And all my parts,” I shook my head. The stupid shit this woman makes me say.
With two wet lips, she kissed my cheek and turned away from me.
I am not sure how to explain the moment the entire world steps one millimeter to the left, but it tasted like rot. Like someone digging their nails through your ribs to stab at the black, mushy spots that only beat for her. It was wrong. Upset. And filled me with ash.
She pulled the luggage from the trunk, telling me with her eyes to let her do it, and peered at me one last time. She wouldn’t say the words, and neither would I. Those fucking letters could die in a gutter for all I cared.
Her mouth twitched when she shut the door, shuffling into her building, but I didn’t move. I sat inside the silence, staring through the slits in the steering wheel at colors and numbers that no longer made sense.
My ribs ached, refusing to let air in.
My eyes shifted to the dark window above my head, the rain blotting it out.
Fuck. This hurt.
I filled my cheeks, but an unusual violence burned hot.
This was wrong. Jagged. Adjacent. Three thousand fucking miles… Was there a way to make numbers bleed? Was it safe? Was I letting her go because I wanted the fucking cape? What if something happened to her and there was no one there to…
Shit.
I shut my eyes, pulling at my collar. Why did everything feel so goddamn tight? I ripped off my shirt, threw it onto the floorboard, and crawled into the downpour.
Turn on the light, Daph.
I peered up, rain slicing through my eyelids until the usual blur that made up Seattle, Washington, collapsed into a single line. Her window was still dark, which meant Kandy was probably trying to figure out why her roommate was having a meltdown in the middle of the living room.
I paced along the wet street, catching debris from passing cars.
Daphne lived in a shithole, covered in needles and trash.
No matter what we did, there was no escaping this vista.
She went from a moldy, dilapidated mattress to a criminal bunker to an overpriced zero-square-foot apartment overlooking Marianne’s sex ring operations.
Maybe if she left, she’d have… I don’t know, one of those things you push and the garage door flies open.
A fucking dishwasher that wasn’t her! Anything but this.
The slide of bloated wood on metal lifted my gaze to Daphne, who stared at me, drowning in the rain. I stood there for a moment, watching the way her swollen eyes traced over my tension, wishing it were her fingers. I had to go! I needed to get the fuck out of here.
“Thayor,” my name rolled into the night, and it wasn’t lost on me she was the only one left in the world who used it. “Don’t kill anyone tonight.”
Fuck. She knew me too well.
I flipped her off. “I make no promises.”
“I mean it,” she said, kneeling on her elbows.
“I know,” I mumbled, shaking the rain from my hair and crawling into the darkness.
When the engine started, I stopped thinking and sank into the nothingness that took over my brain.
There were lights and streets, stops and slows, music that sounded only like noise.
I pushed my foot down harder while everything inside me slowly shut down.
It was like entering cryogenic sleep without a countdown.
An icy terror telling me you’re not awake, but you’re still breathing.
At least, I think I was.
I swerved right over the curb, and suddenly I was in front of the clubhouse, blinking when Wolfe’s eyes met mine at the other end of the hall.
“Fucking hell, here we go,” Wolfe groaned, giving me a quick look like the pedantic, asshole piece of shit he was. I sincerely hoped Daphne knew his dick was mostly ego, and that every time she stroked it, he became more of a bastard.
I paused when a familiar voice caught my attention from the side room. Or the common room, as Daph called it, because apparently it was the 1700s and Bernard had not yet returned from churning the butter.
“Maybe don’t go in there right now,” Wolfe clamored after me, thinking his big boy title would save him after what he’d done to Daphne today.
“Maybe go fuck yourself!” I growled, stomping into the room. Nathem shot our fearless leader a look, and our fearless leader shook his head.
Oh, I see. Wolfe knew Daphne was leaving before me, and now everyone expected me to fly off the damn hinges.
Well, I’d hate to disappoint.
“Rinley,” I mouthed low, casting a glance at Molly, who was lying on the sofa, while he stood there like a doe-eyed princess about to get hit.
“Threx,” she tried to sit up, but her body was tired and soft. “Is, um, Daph around? I have some questions for her.”
Nathem made a face, raking his fingers down his jaw in a thoughtful, deliberate line.
“Hey, love,” Nathem whispered, padding over to the edge of the lounge. “You will not want to see this.”
“What do you mean?” she asked, shaking.
“Close your eyes.” Nathem stepped in front of her, and I launched, stalking toward the asshole in a single stride.