Chapter 25
DIANA
So, apparently making a nest is actually not that easy.
And if I’m honest, obsessing over bedding, pillows, and the cozy vibe of a bedroom always felt like such a rudimentary thing to obsess over. And yet, whenever my heat approaches, it’s one of the few things that gives me comfort.
And now, this room smells like us. He’s going to let me do whatever I want to it, possibly even have some curtains sewn and plants hung up.
But it’s these damn pillows that are irritating me. I’ve rearranged them four times now!
The first arrangement was practical, supportive, sensible, the kind of nest a reasonable omega would build.
The second was chaos, a fortress of fabric that Judge would absolutely mock me for.
The third was some kind of artistic statement I didn't fully understand myself.
And now I'm on the fourth, which looks suspiciously like the first, and I'm starting to think I've lost my mind.
Its like my biology has decided that if I just get the blankets right, everything else will fall into place.
The thing is, it won't.
Something feels wrong between me and Judge.
I can feel it in the bond. There’s a piece of him that he’s keeping hidden away, and his behavior is changing. There’s a solemn edge to his eyes that I’ll catch when he starts to stare off into the distance.
His attention slips at the edges sometimes, his eyes not lingering on me the same way. When I talk, he listens, but it's like part of him is already gone, already standing somewhere else.
I've started waking before him. Started watching his chest rise and fall in the half-dark, counting breaths, cataloging scars I already know by heart. The warmth that usually bleeds through the tether feels barricaded, like he's bracing himself against something he knows is coming.
It makes my stomach hurt.
Then the space in my chest reserved for our union shifts, like I’m on the edge of a panic attack and can’t find the source of it. I move around the living space and pace, feeling him get closer.
Something is very wrong.
When Judge enters his room, well, I guess our room, the distant look in his eyes are in full effect. He shuts the door quietly and nods to the couches, sitting directly across from me, but I continue to stand. My chest tightens so fast it almost hurt to breathe. "Judge. What’s wrong?”
His gaze flickers over my neck, the mark hidden under fabric. "You'll want to sit down."
Oh, shit. I don't like this. “I can't sit."
"You're right that something is going on." He meets my eyes, and the bond pulses with something heavy. “Nothing is set in stone, but I wanted to tell it to you directly.”
The words drop into my chest like stones. I nod anyway, because pretending things aren't bad has never helped me once in my life. "What's happening?"
My mind races to things like he’s got a mistress that’s now pregnant, to I’m being kicked out because someone didn’t like me—
"I'm leaving for a while to deal with Titan, Diana. I have no idea how long it will take, or what the outcome will be.”
The words hit me like something physical, like the room tilting, like the floor dropping away under my feet. I shake my head immediately, violently, like I can refuse reality by sheer force.
“But, we just got here. We just started to—you said,” My voice breaks and I hate it, hate how small it sounds. "You said you were handling it. I thought that meant…”
"I am handling it. I’ve been arranging for this for along time.”
I move without thinking toward him, hands fisting in his shirt like if I hold on hard enough he won't disappear.
"Please. Judge, please don't go. I can feel that this is wrong. You don’t have that,” I bite my lip, trying to think straight.
“That drama like in New Bunker. You look sad. Why are you sad?” I ask, tears welling in my eyes. “Why does this feel bad?”
He cups my face, rough hands warm against my cheeks, thumbs brushing under my eyes like he's memorizing the shape of me. The bond flares, painful and bright, and I realize he's letting it flood open on purpose, letting me feel everything he's been holding back.
It nearly knocks the breath out of me, especially when I see his eyes are wetter than normal.
"I love you,” he says, low and fierce and completely unguarded.
“And I’m sad because the idea that I might not come back is something I’ve never dealt with before,” he says, my vision blurring from tears as his nostrils flare.
“I’m sad that I might not get to live a future with you.
What we’re going to do does not bode well for survival. ”
My breath shudders out of me like a sob.
“Judge, what’s happening?” I ask, my chin shaking as every blink releases tears.
“And I love you too, so why is this happening? Please. I don't care about Dominion or Titan or any of it—I care about you. I care if you come back. Don’t do something that might mean you might not come back. Please.”
He swipes my tears away, the smallest little one escaping his eyes.
"You will want for nothing," he tells me, voice rough. "You'll be protected. You'll be fed. You'll be loved, even if I'm not here to do it myself. You will be free, Diana. To do whatever you want for the rest of your life.”
My hands rise to his face, cupping it and holding it steady so those beautifully pale eyes have to look into mine.
“But I don’t want to do any of it without you.
” I'm crying openly now, tears streaming down, my body pressed tight to his like instinct knows what my mind refuses to accept.
"Please," I beg, again and again, the word losing shape in my mouth.
"Please don't leave me. Please don't make me do this alone. I can't—I can't lose you too."
He pulls me closer, arms wrapping around me so tight it almost hurts. I start sobbing into his shoulder.
"I need you to stay alive," he says into my hair. "No matter what happens. It’s what I owe you. You didn’t ask to be my scent match, and unfortunately, doing so risks too much if I don’t take care of it.”
My knees start to give out. I feel lightheaded, dizzy, like the world is thinning around the edges. "Judge—"
His purr rolls through me, heavy and commanding and terrifyingly gentle, and I realize too late what he's doing. He's pushing calm through the bond. Sedation. Safety. The same thing he's used before when my body couldn't handle the weight of fear.
"No," I murmur weakly, fingers twitching in his shirt. "Don't—please don’t leave. I need you. I love you. I need you.”
He doesn’t answer right away, and instead I feel his exhale shake like he’s suppressing the need to cry himself. “I wanted to say goodbye before I left. Because we’re leaving in twenty minutes.”
“No,” I wail out, trying to pull back.
But then there’s a pinch in my arm that makes me try to yank back to see that he’s injected me with something.
He holds me down so I can’t move. “Please, Diana, I don’t want to see betrayal as your last look,” he pleads, and I hear his voice crack.
“Drink the black rose tea. She’ll get you more petals if you run out, alright?
I’ll do what I can to make it back to you, but I won’t lie to you, either. ”
My vision tunnels as I start to fade, unable to be in touch with my body anymore. “Judge,” I whimper.
“Thank you, sweetheart. For showing me what happiness is like.”
The last thing I feel before everything goes dark is his lips pressed to my forehead, lingering and reverent.
And then I'm gone.