Chapter Eleven
The cobblestones swayed under William’s feet. He was nauseous. The life he had agonised after—finally within his grasp. It had never been so close. It was such an enormity, his body seemed too frail to withstand it. He hiked up to the Earl’s villa on the Pincio Hill in the midday sun, frenzied, and the old Earl looked at him as though he had gone completely insane. And maybe he was insane, yes, maybe he was really going insane! The orders he yelled were stifled in the rippling heat.
I want the whole site searched again, gentlemen! The whole bloody place!
As the men swore and cursed and worked he scurried among the ruins of the Roman domus like a rat in a maze, frenzied, fevered, touching every surface.
Prove to me that I am not deluding myself. Prove to me that this was Claudia Cornelia’s home.
As though the site could speak! Not a trace of an inscription, just bare walls and remnants of paint devoured by the humid soil. But the artefacts confirmed it beyond doubt, even the objects that were resurfacing that very moment. By the time he collapsed on the grass, exhausted, the sun was setting and the workmen were leaving. He was starving and spent and furious without knowing why, perhaps because for the millionth time his life was on the line. He wanted to sit in Lady Claudia’s soothing presence, telling her of his hunger and of his want— for wealth and fame, for her —as her readers entrusted her with their secrets like fragile porcelains.
Splinters of memories invaded his consciousness. Intrusive. Violent.
Mother on the wooden floor. The filth he had escaped. The life within his grasp—it was all going to be his. He had worked so hard for it. He had been placing cog after cog, and the mechanism was starting to turn.
It was terrifying.
Mother on the blood-soaked wooden floor…
The image got closer and closer. It was going to catch up with him and crush him and reduce him to a shuddering mess. His palms were already cold and sweaty, his thoughts were disconnected like marbles on a smooth floor. He couldn’t be alone.
Rabenstein. Please, please, please, may Rabey be back.
Highly unlikely, as Rabey would have sent for him immediately, but worth a try.
And he lives next door to Lady Claudia , a little voice insinuated.
So he ran down the Pincio Hill and towards the Rabensteins’ palazzo , but the more he approached, the more he knew that he had run there like a madman not in the unlikely hope of finding Captain Moritz von Rabenstein, but rather of somehow catching a glimpse of Lady Claudia Fitzwilliam. Because everything around Piazza Navona was by now Lady Claudia’s reign to him, her presence was inscribed in every stone. He did a full round of Piazza Navona just to stop himself from heading to her palazzo .
What had he come there for? What was he hoping to achieve? Should he just knock at the door and ask if someone could please call Lady Claudia, because he had made a deal with Caiani that was going to turn his life around (incidentally, to steal her artefacts) and instead of feeling elated he was scared witless and he did not know why?
He made a second round of Piazza Navona. Then another. Two elderly ladies and the pigeons they were feeding were starting to look worried, but he didn’t care. Thick drops of rain hit his face, and thunder rumbled.
He. Did. Not. Care.
What was the problem? Couldn’t he just go home like a normal human being who had just found the ticket to the life he wanted, eat his supper and have a good night’s sleep?
Apparently he couldn’t, because as the rain intensified, all his life kept flashing past him in excruciating detail. His mother on the wooden floor, his stomach cramping with hunger, sleeping on Eric’s coat while his brother’s teeth rattled with cold, his Oxford peers looking right past him, the first time he had lied to a woman to steal from her—a worthless little necklace, just to prove to himself that he had at least something going for him…And there was more! The way Iris’s relatives had looked down their noses at him and Eric at the wedding. Denying himself to Claudia though delirious with want because he did not belong in her world, because he didn’t stand a chance! And somehow the prospect of this treasure, this unexpected bounty, was supposed to be a remedy to each and every single one of the humiliations he had suffered, the sacrifices he had to make. And he was terrified that perhaps it could not, that perhaps it would not remedy any of them!
The frustrated craving of that morning, when he had denied himself not to indulge in impossible dreams, blazed through him. Another round of Piazza Navona in the sudden downpour, this one to forget about how Claudia’s tongue had lapped against his, but with every step his hunger for her became more unmanageable, more overpowering, until he was quite convinced that he should have never told her to stop in the name of anything, that he should have enjoyed the supreme luxury of having her ride his cock to perdition, just for the heck of it, just for themselves !
It was madness. It was folly.
There was too much at stake. Even more so now that he knew he had a treasure in his hands.
He was soaked to the marrow, and he better go straight home without turning back. The last thing he needed was to run into Lady Claudia and see his resolve tempted again.
‘I saw you from the window and came down in this downpour just for you, Mr Campbell.’ A familiar husky voice, a tad tremulous, made his hair stand on end. ‘Alas, it’s the third time you pass me by, and you do not even acknowledge my presence. I must assume that you are trying to ignore me?’
He turned slowly.
Lady Claudia was standing a few steps away from him, her hair bunched up in a rain-soaked bun, her clothes drenched and clinging to her breasts and hips like a glove. She must be a product of his imagination. An erotic fantasy projected by his need.
She crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow. She was waiting for him to say something.
‘Oh, so you are ignoring me, Mr Campbell!’ A little ironic twinkle in her serious eyes. That contrast. Her stern expression. That flicker of irony. Her breasts pressed to the wet silks, as though aching to be released. ‘All right, then. I’ll be on my way.’
She turned around, regally, the wet fabric exposing her impossibly well-shaped behind, making him wonder about how her stockings clung to her muscular legs, and she disappeared into a side street.
He ran after her like a man pursuing a vision in a myth, alley after alley, until he turned a corner and she was there, leaning against the wall like an obscene invitation.
She had just been teasing him. She had known he would follow her to hell.
And he was no longer in control of his senses.
‘Ignore you. Right.’ He halted so close to her that their feet touched. She was only a tad shorter than him. Her grey eyes were planted into his, severe and mocking at once. He could see her asking him to crawl on her marble floor with that gaze. ‘Yes, I’ve been trying to ignore you, Claudia. All night. All day. Impossible.’
Then he saw something in her eyes, something that left him breathless in a wholly different way.
‘Claudia, darling…You have been crying!’
***
Mr Campbell was right in front of her, like a vision produced by the downpour. His beauty, his scent wrought havoc on the world around them, demolishing the deserted street, the rain, that whole sickening day. He was pale and taut and stormy, his eyes crackled like embers, as though consumed by a fever. He shamelessly took in her forms, devouring her thighs and her hips and her waist and her breasts with his eyes.
He had never looked more wild and unguarded.
He had never looked more desirable.
Then his gaze softened.
‘Claudia, darling.’ His voice was warm and comforting like a fireplace. ‘You have been crying.’
He placed a weightless hand on her jaw—his fingers were trembling a little—and brushed her cheekbone lightly with his thumb.
‘What happened, my sweet?’
She did not want to think about it. She wanted him to make it all disappear with one of his tricks, like the time he had brought her home in Viscount Caiani’s carriage. She wanted to lose herself in the pleasures she had imagined that morning, before Edward had appeared to ruin it all. She wanted to claim it all back, her pleasure, her body, her life .
‘Let’s not talk about it.’
‘Let’s, instead, Claudia.’ He cautiously closed the distance between their bodies, until her sensitive breasts brushed against his chest. His lips just about twitched as their bodies touched. He cupped her face and pressed his mouth to the delicate skin at the corner of her eye. Softly. Intimately.
‘Won’t you tell me what made you cry?’ He whispered against her skin, his voice a little unsteady. He trailed his feather-light fingers along her jaw, her chin, then her neck, and he traced the outline of her décolletage. ‘Tell me what happened, Claudia. Did I displease you yesterday, when I denied myself to you? If it is of any comfort, I more than paid my price for it. I had a horrendously uncomfortable night.’ His thumb grazed against her lips, his brilliant blue eyes were fixed on hers. ‘You see, I had the strangest day today. I feel like my entire life is on the line, and yet I cannot stop thinking about you. About what it does to me to be near you.’
He pressed himself to her a little more, just enough for her to feel his hard member brushing indecently against her thigh. A wave of liquid heat flowed from her lower belly to the back of her ears.
‘This is what you want, darling, yes?’ A quivering hand on her face. He rubbed himself gently against her thigh. ‘You want me to make you forget what made you cry?’
‘Yes.’
He sought her mouth and gave her one wet, trembling kiss. Then he leaned in to whisper in her ear, his rain-wet cheek pressed against hers.
‘I desire you. I burn for you. I can’t think of anything but you.’ His voice faltered. ‘But I’ve never been with a woman before, Claudia.’
Her heart contracted with shock—
Then it expanded with tenderness.
It all made sense now, didn’t it? The shyness of that kiss in the carriage. The way he had withdrawn yesterday…
‘Oh…oh—is that so?’
‘Yes.’ He swallowed. ‘I kissed a girl once, many years ago. That was it.’
She tidied a dripping lock of hair behind his ear.
‘Why me, then?’
‘Because I would never feel like doing this if it meant nothing. You mean something.’ He brushed his thumb against her lips again, parting them. ‘You are so beautiful. It almost breaks me.’ He pressed his mouth to hers. ‘I ache for you. Tell me you desire me still.’
She parted her lips in invitation. He bit her lower lip, then he caught her mouth. She sank her hands in his rain-soaked hair and pressed his face to hers.
More. Eat me.
She didn’t need to ask. He cupped her face with both hands and their teeth clashed. It was hardly kissing. As the rain pelted their faces, they devoured each other messily, clumsily, as though this was the first and last time they’d ever kiss anyone in their lives. And somewhere within her, she knew that there was some truth to it. A moment like this was enough to fill a lifetime.
He pulled back a little, breathless, just to look at her.
‘Claudia...’
‘William…’ she whispered, pressing her thumb to his thin lips.
‘Yes. William, to you.’
They smiled, and they were at each other’s mouths again. He pulled her waist to his. Then he lavished a cascade of slow, open-mouthed kisses down her neck. His mouth reached her decolletage, his teeth grazing along the fine lace. He pulled down the fabric with his teeth, exposing her breasts. He blushed intensely.
‘Oh...’ He raked a hand through his hair. ‘That’s it. I am going to die.’
She laughed softly.
‘Don’t say that, pet. I need you alive.’
‘To do what?’
Before she could answer his head curved on her breasts and his mouth closed around her nipple, warm and wet. She emitted a stifled moan as he suckled on it, lightly at first, then more demandingly, flicking his tongue on it. Pleasure radiated from that spot to her whole body.
‘Kiss me again, William.’
He sought her lips again. She could not get enough of his taste. His mouth moved on hers, slow and sensuous now. He began lifting her skirts up, slowly, to her waist, his hot fingers gliding on her wet thighs. Before she could stop him, he had fallen to his knees.
‘William!’
He held her skirts up with one hand, and he stared at her bare flesh shamelessly, mouth half-open, rain-soaked hair stuck to his brow. He was the very picture of need, an animal starved. She had had so many lovers, and yet she had never felt as exposed as right now. His gaze warmed more than just her body, revealing needs she had long crushed away. For tenderness. Companionship. Love .
She made to pull down her skirts.
‘Don’t!’ He grabbed her hand, gently. ‘We don’t need any shame between us.’
And exhaling with pleasure his mouth was on her core. His shoulders gave a quiver as he inhaled her scent deeply.
‘Oh my God.’ He moaned. ‘Oh dear God, dear God…’
His tongue flicked on the most sensitive part of her. She let out a groan so choked that she didn’t even recognise her own voice. It was the sound of complete surrender. When he started lapping up her bud, she knew that she was lost. Molten light pooled in her core—her thoughts disaggregated.
He teased opening with his fingers. He slowly, cautiously pushed one finger into her.
‘God,’ she cried out with relief. ‘Like that…good boy.’
‘Oh, Claudia…’ he whimpered. As he pushed another finger in, he tilted back his head, and his eyes closed. His breaths came hard and fast, he let out an obscene groan and the thrusting of his fingers intensified. They glided wantonly in and out, adding pleasure to pleasure, she was lost, she no longer knew—she was lost—
There were swirls and flickers of incandescent heat. The last thing she heard was her laughter echoing the street. Then their bodies were shaken by a cascade of twitches, and they disintegrated in waves of light.
***
William supported himself on the wall so as not to collapse against Claudia’s knees. He gasped for breath, drunk on her taste, maddened by the overwhelming relief of his release. Every inch of his skin was sensitive and raw.
He stood up. Claudia’s eyes were still closed. For a long, long moment there were just their ragged breaths and their shivers. And rain. So much rain.
Then Claudia opened her eyes. They were expressionless and way too shiny. He froze in panicked horror.
‘Are you all right? Did I hurt you just now?’
‘No.’ A slight tremble in her voice. She hastily adjusted her dress, covering herself. ‘No, of course you did not. You were so very gentle.’
‘Claudia,’ he pressed a soft kiss to her temple. ‘Talk to me.’
‘It is just—’ she pressed her lips together, but her eyes brimmed with tears. They began streaming quietly down her face. She didn’t even seem to notice them. ‘It was such a gift. That you would do this with me . For me. And I am not sure I deserve it.’
A wave of tenderness, gratitude, and relief washed over him. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her close.
‘How can you say such a thing, Claudia? You deserved every second of it, and infinitely more. You are divine, you are perfect.’
‘Don’t say that.’ Her eyes became grey steel, her jaw clenched. ‘I am not who you think I am. I am not a good person. I am not an honest person. You would be wise to forget about this. We must forget about this.’
It was as though the downpour had turned into freezing hail. But behind the steel of her gaze, her eyes were flashing with panic. Something had just escaped her control and she was desperately trying to rein it back in.
‘You are trying to push me away,’ he said softly.
Her eyes widened the tiniest bit in surprise. She did not say anything.
‘Why?’ He made to kiss her cheek, but she flinched. It hurt. ‘Why do you want to push me away? It was so beautiful. I’ve never experienced anything like it.’
‘You are pure. Innocent. You know nothing about how these things work. They get out of hand so quickly you won’t know what hit you. They make you start believing things…’ She clenched her jaw again. ‘I don’t know what you’re looking for, but I have nothing to give you. Nothing besides what we just did.’
‘But it was already a lot, don’t you think?’ He lifted her chin gently. ‘It was a gift, to feel your every shiver. And it was a gift to feel your body like I feel my own. That’s already a rather precious thing, wouldn’t you say?’
‘Yes.’ She just about cocked a corner of her mouth in a smile. ‘Precious…yes. You were…so gentle with me.’
She looked grateful for that, which really wasn’t warranted, because he had done nothing but treat her with respect. He didn’t like that she should be grateful for something that was simply owed. He wondered about the ways she had been hurt. About her tears earlier. And he felt something animal and wholly unjustified, like an instinct triggered by what they had just done.
Protectiveness.
He wanted to wrap his arms around her and kiss her forehead, but it would be one liberty too far. She would flinch again and freeze in his arms.
There were voices in the distance, and he withdrew with a sigh.
‘I think we should go now, shouldn’t we? It’s getting late,’ she said. Her sumptuous shoulders were covered in shivers despite the warm day. ‘And you must be…uncomfortable.’
‘Oh. Yes. A bit. A lot.’
He was in a daze, he could not conceive of parting from her. But she withdrew and pragmatically tidied up her hair.
‘This must have been one of the strangest days of my life, Mr Campbell,’ she said distractedly.
‘Tell me about it. But surely you aren’t going to address me as Mr Campbell again? I was William to you just now.’
He held his hand out to her. It made her smile a bit.
‘William,’ she tried it out again, squeezing his hand gently.
Their fingers interlocked as if they had a mind of their own. For a moment they just looked at their joined hands. Neither seemed keen to withdraw their hand first.
She smiled wearily.
‘We really should go, William, shouldn’t we?’
‘Claudia.’
‘Mmm?’
‘Aren’t you forgetting something?’
She hid her hands behind her back, and the fact that she had played that trick on him—and that he hadn’t even noticed—made him want to press her against that wall and start all over again.
‘I seem to remember I was wearing a cravat.’
‘Oh. Your cravat. Of course. Here it is, pet .’ She made to hold it out to him, and as he reached for it she withdrew it and pressed it to her breasts. ‘Alas, it’s mine now.’
She held it aloft like a trophy, glorious, savage like an amazon, and with a wicked smile she left.