Chapter Sixteen
‘I knew I’d find you here, daughter.’
Claudia looked up from the tea she had been preparing for Moritz. Father’s face was dark and grim, his brow furrowed with disapproval.
‘We need to talk.’
She gestured at the empty seat across from her, but her hands were shaking so she rested them on her knees. Even so, air rushed into her lungs, and her mind tensed and sharpened. She would not let Edward—or anyone else—dictate her fate anymore. No matter the price.
‘Claudia. What the hell was yesterday?’
‘You knew I did not want to meet St Cross. You went ahead anyway.’
‘You made us look like fools!’ Father slammed his fist on the table, making the fine china rattle. She raised an eyebrow. She would not let him intimidate her.
‘His whole family was there! It would have been the opportunity for you to reconcile, to find your way back to him! Our families have been working so hard at this. Do you have any idea how embarrassing it was for us?’
‘Surely less than marrying your daughter off to a man who almost killed her?’
‘It was just an accident, Claudia, and you know that. He is otherwise a meek, deeply considerate man. He lost his temper once . Just like any man would have, had he found out that his beloved had been living a dissolute life. A life neither I nor your mother even dared to suspect—’
‘Really? Any man? Would you ?’
‘This is not the point, Claudia.’ Father waved his hand dismissively. ‘St Cross is deeply sorry. He looked truly downtrodden yesterday when he realised you would not show up.’
‘He’s an excellent actor—’
‘Quiet. I don’t want to hear from you right now. We cannot continue living like this, Claudia. Neither you nor I. We are going to sort out this matter once and for all. Now listen up. Since the mistake you made ten years ago—’
‘It was not a—’
‘Let me talk,’ he gritted his teeth. ‘When you made that mistake, I was disappointed in you, deeply. I should have married you off to the first suitable party, and I was a fool not to do so. But you see, despite my disappointment, I loved you. Even though I now know you weren’t worthy of that love.’
She pressed her hands together, hard, trying to crush the words echoing in her head.
I don’t deserve your love. I don’t deserve love.
‘I loathed the thought of making you unhappy. I could not bear to force you into a marriage you did not want. And it was the worst mistake I ever made in my life.’ The hatred in his voice was cool and sharp like a knife slicing through her flesh. His eyes, so similar to hers, were steel. ‘Unbeknownst to me, you exploited the freedom I granted you to live a dissolute life, without a thought about what would happen if it all came out!’
‘You make it sound as though I had killed someone! Men take lovers all the time! I just occasionally, discreetly—I would have never, ever done anything if there was any concrete risk that—’
‘I don’t want to know! I don’t care what men do. You are not a man, and I did not make the rules! One year ago, St Cross was ready to marry you. You could have started anew, an honest life, a proper life. And you rejected him instead! Everyone had expected him to propose, do you have any idea of how people talked when he did not?’ Father’s gaze wanted to incinerate her. ‘And yet St Cross is giving you another chance. And instead of sitting down for dinner with him and listening to what he has to say, you behave scandalously and disappear all night!’ His fist hit the table again, the crockery rattled, and two cups fell on the floor. ‘I’ve had enough, Claudia!’ He yelled. ‘This charade ends here! I will secure your future and protect our family’s reputation before you can do anything to imperil it again. Now listen up.’ He wiped the sweat from his brow and pointed his finger at her, threateningly. ‘Before we travel back to England, I want you to reach an agreement with St Cross. Before he loses his patience. And before he chooses to reveal why he did not propose…’
He swallowed. For all his rage, his eyes were wild with worry. He was afraid!
‘Is that what happened, Father? Did St Cross threaten to reveal what he knows about me if you don’t agree to a marriage?’
‘This is not the point now. Reconcile with St Cross or I’ll have to force your hand. You are getting married, Claudia, whether you want it or not!’
‘No,’ she said calmly. ‘I am sorry that I disappointed you. I am sorry I did not live as you saw fit. But there is absolutely nothing you could do to force me to marry a man who raised his hand on me.’ She said it evenly, though her stomach was contracting with fear. ‘I’d just run away, even if it meant losing everything. I am not scared of hard work, I’d find a way to support myself. Although, of course, my disappearance would get people talking too...’
Father paled. But fear turned into the icy fury she had seen the day he had discovered that she was compromised.
‘How dare you threaten us with a scandal, after all I have done for you? After all you have done to disgrace us? I could have locked you up in a convent ten years ago, and I should have! You put us in this situation, Claudia! All our reputations are on the line because of you ! We need a solution, now , before it’s too late!’
The door slammed open. Moritz appeared in civilian clothes, his hair dripping water all over his shirt. His eye immediately darted to her, wild with worry. He came to sit next to her, looking very much like a huge, soggy beast ready to leap onto anyone who dared threaten her.
‘Ah.’ Father’s gaze softened. ‘Well met, Rabenstein.’
Moritz bowed stiffly.
‘Every time I expect to see the child I used to hold in my arms. And look at you now. A soldier. A hero.’ Father’s eyes shone with pride and reverence. He had never looked at her that way. ‘Your father must be so proud of you.’
‘I suppose he is, my lord.’ He bowed a little again, coldly.
Claudia took a napkin from the table and dabbed his face and his hair.
‘What’s the rush? Couldn’t you have dried yourself at least a little bit?’
‘Heard shouting…Wanted to see…who has the insolence of yelling at you…in my house.’
‘It was for a good reason, Rabenstein.’ Father waved his hand dismissively. ‘And I’m glad you came. I need your help to get my daughter to see reason.’
‘May be difficult…but I’m at your service.’
‘My daughter doesn’t seem to understand that the best solution to her…complex circumstances, which I am sure you are quite familiar with, would be to marry St Cross.’
‘Klaudi? Marry St Cross?’ Moritz asked.
‘Yes.’
Moritz leaned back. His face beamed with a huge grin. It made her skin crawl.
Oh no. Not the “drinking blood” speech.
‘I have wanted to bathe…in St Cross’s blood since he raised his hand on your daughter…She had me swear that I wouldn’t kill him. But if you force her hand…I’ll consider myself released…from my oath…’ He paused to breathe. ‘Then I will slit St Cross’s throat…slowly…watch his soul leave his eyes and tumble into hell…carve out his eyes…drink his blood….then hang his body…by its feet to the door of his palazzo …that the whole of Rome may know…what befalls to anyone who dares raise his hand…on a woman.’
Father turned ashen with horror.
‘W-well, Rabenstein, now…I am sure it will not come to that.’ Father gulped down some water. ‘If you are so averse to St Cross, perhaps you’d have someone in mind?’ Suddenly, he sounded a lot more accommodating. He respected Moritz in a way he would never respect her. ‘Surely we can all agree that marriage would be the best way to secure your position, Claudia.’
Moritz’s gaze went blank and indifferent.
‘My brother Lorenz is still a bachelor,’ he said at last. ‘Wouldn’t inflict him on my worst enemy though. He is…uh… sehr gestort… ’
‘Deranged,’ she translated helpfully.
‘I was rather thinking about you, Rabenstein.’
‘Father!’
‘My lord…’
‘Seriously, Rabenstein. Do you really think I don’t know that you’ve loved my daughter since you were this tall? I bet the only reason why you haven’t asked me for her hand is because she has forbidden you to.’
‘Father! I can hear you, you know?’
‘I am serious. Why don’t you two marry? I am quite sure St Cross would not dare say a word about your past, then. He was rather concerned about your imminent arrival in town, Rabenstein.’
Moritz looked at her interrogatively and his gaze softened. Then he rapidly averted his gaze and stubbornly looked down.
‘Your daughter… deserves…so much better than me.’
‘It’s quite the opposite, Rabenstein, believe me.’
Moritz’s eye flickered with rage.
‘Your daughter doesn’t need…a broken, weary soldier and his nightmares. Find her a poet…an artist…an antiquarian…Someone who can remind her that there’s beauty and lightness in this life…’ He bowed deeply, as though he had just been bestowed with the greatest honour of his life. ‘But not me, my lord. Not me.’
‘Well, it better be a very titled, very rich poet that we find for you, Claudia, and very soon too. Because we don’t know how long St Cross will be willing to wait.’
She breathed a sigh of relief. That was already a much better outcome. It would buy her time to figure out what to do next.
‘Tell St Cross I just need a bit of time to consider his offer, Father.’ She said, trying to keep her voice steady. ‘I’m going to sort this out. You have my word.’
Yes, she would. She would take ownership of her life again—or maybe for the first time. She just needed time to think.
‘I will, though he may not be inclined to wait. Now let’s go, Claudia. Time to go home.’
‘My lord, I must protest…My sister insists…to have your daughter as our guest.’ An enormous lie. Adela was not in Rome yet. ‘Our house…is still Klaudi’s house…Just like when we were children.’
‘I see…’ Father scrutinised Moritz attentively, and for a moment they were having a silent conversation.
You don’t trust me not to marry her off to St Cross , one was saying.
Try and take her from me and see what happens, the other was replying.
‘Very well,’ Father raised his hands. ‘Who am I to deny Adela the pleasure of my daughter’s company? In fact, let’s hope Adela gets you to see some sense, Claudia.’ He headed to the door. ‘You have been warned.’ His features hardened, dropping all pretence of civility. ‘Sort out this mess soon, or you can start preparing your wedding to St Cross.’