Silas | Sixteen years old.
Silas
Sixteen years old.
SAGE IS CRYING. I CAN hear her through the wall.
She has been crying all night. I hate seeing her like this.
It breaks my heart, especially when I know it’s my fault.
I should have been there. I should have protected her.
I had to tell Mother she was feeling sick when she never showed up at the dinner table.
Something that in our house is unacceptable, but for once Mother didn’t object to it.
She had me bring her food in her bedroom after we were done.
Sage refused to open her door. I stayed with my back against it for a whole hour, with a plate growing cold next to me as she sobbed on the other end of that fucking door.
I couldn’t do anything because this is my damn fault.
She is feeling awful, and I can’t say anything to make it better for her because when I should have been by her side, I was balls deep in Diana’s pussy.
Luckily for her, Mother was still at work when we arrived at the house. It allowed her to run to her room and lock her door before Mother could even know what happened. When she actually came home, it was night outside, and Sage was asleep. At least that’s what I think.
Because I couldn’t hear her crying anymore.
Then after dinner, when I brought her the plate Mother made for her, the crying was present again, even louder.
I feared Mother would hear her, but for some reason, she doesn’t seem to pay attention lately.
She is more distracted than usual. She works late nights and doesn’t pay attention as much.
She even agreed to us having separate rooms, which none of us believed would ever happen.
Sage asked before. When we were ten, and she realized none of her friends—back when she still had some—slept in the same room as their brothers.
However, Mother denied her request. She had said that twins should stick together.
We shared a womb. We can share a bedroom.
When I went to her last month and requested the same thing, I was convinced it was pointless.
She surely would deny me the way she did to Sage six years ago.
But she didn’t. She barely looked up from her book the whole time I was talking, and when I finished, she told me to move my things into the guest room.
She made sure to inform me that we couldn’t afford anything new, and that I would have to settle for what was already there, or what I could carry from our shared bedroom with Sage.
No new paint on the walls or decorations.
But I didn’t care. I only wanted space from Sage.
I wanted to protect us both from the evil creeping into my heart.
Because what I have been thinking about my sister isn’t something a brother should think.
I can’t even name it. I don’t even know what it is.
It makes me sick, yet I still feel so many things I shouldn’t.
And the idea alone makes me want to yeet myself off a fucking cliff before I hurt my family.
I am sick. I am a monster. I probably deserve this fate.
The jumping off a cliff fate. It seems poetic even.
Sage doesn’t understand. She doesn’t know any of this. She can’t. The only thing my sister knows is that I wasn’t there for her. The moment she needed me, she couldn’t find me because I was too busy fucking the girl I didn’t want.
I can’t even tell her why I was with Diana.
I know she knows that’s where I was. She is not stupid.
She has already put together the fact that we both showed up at the same time, looking like we just had sex.
It was obvious enough. It doesn’t take a genius to know.
She can’t know the reason, though. That I am sure about.
I can’t explain to her the reason I needed to fuck this stupid girl that I despise.
Because those thoughts I have for my sister are evil.
Mother is right. Maybe a demon has entered my body.
Because it’s not a normal thing to have feelings for your own fucking twin.
Is it? Incest is a sin. One of the greatest sins of all.
And I will be damned if I curse my sister with my unholy thoughts. She can never know.
She can’t know how much I love her. How much I ache for her.
How important she is to me. And I don’t mean brotherly love.
Innocent love. I mean having vivid sexual dreams about the girl you grew up with.
The one you shared a womb with. The one your mother always dressed you alike because twins need to look like twins.
Mother’s words. That’s what we are. That’s what we should always be.
It doesn’t feel that way, though. I am pretty sure no brother sees his sister and thinks how beautiful she is. How much he would love to have her in his arms. To be with her. To hold her. Here I am having the most unholy thoughts about mine.
So, for a moment, I thought Diana would help silence them.
She didn’t. They only grew louder until I heard from the other side of the parking lot, the crowd’s voices carrying through, and realized what was happening.
I immediately left Diana to run to Sage.
There was no other choice to make. I couldn’t leave my sister alone to endure this torture because I needed to fuck the thoughts out of my sick head.
When I finally got to her, she was a mess.
Crying in the middle of the fountain. Clothes sticking to her body.
Hair wet and mascara running down her cheeks.
She refused to look at me. She refused my touch.
It was the moment I knew that she knew. She knew I chose to spend time with Diana instead of being next to her on our way out of school.
As if I didn’t know what would happen. That would be a lie. Because I knew.
Chloe has been doing this for weeks now, every time she can find her alone.
Every chance she gets to torment my sister, she will take it.
I am pretty sure it’s Diana behind it. She has figured out that something is weird between me and my sister; I can tell.
I don’t know what she thinks exactly, but she keeps demanding my attention away from Sage.
And like a fucking idiot, I keep giving it to her.
She thinks we are dating. I think I am silencing the thoughts I shouldn’t have.
Neither of us actually knows what we are doing, because the thoughts are louder than ever, and I definitely don’t want to date her.
I don’t want anything to do with her, in fact.
The only girl I will ever want is Sage. But that’s wrong.
That’s evil. I should burn in hell. Mother is right.