16. Matty
Chapter 16
Matty
K ILLER’S BLADDER IS the size of a pea. Maybe a chickpea, if I’m being generous.
At this point, that’s my professional opinion.
I let him into the backyard, and after a quick trip, he’s back, dancing at my feet and wanting nothing more than to be picked up.
Scooping him into my arms, I check my phone. Now that five a.m. seems to be my new wake-up time, I can see that Dawn didn’t respond overnight. Or at all yesterday.
I knew my Good morning text was bad, but was it that bad?
Apparently.
I read back through our texts, stunned at the amount of frankness we’ve given each other, despite not giving each other a lot of facts about ourselves.
I put Killer down to sniff around the kitchen, then decide to put my metaphorical big boy pants on and try again.
James
Are you feeling as weird about the other night as I am? Because I’ve gotta tell you, I’m freaked out. Doing something like that was unbelievably hot.
But also…we don’t know who each other is. Not really.
All this to say that I’m a little freaked, but also, I still like you. And I still want to talk to you, if that’s something you want.
I take a deep breath. Being vulnerable over text is no easier than doing it in person. But I owe it to her, and to me, to do it. Besides, if I’m trying to be less boring, then surely this is helpful.
I shake my arms out. I can do this.
One thing, though.
If we’re going to keep doing this, I think it’s time to start telling each other the truth.
Not that I’ve been untruthful exactly, but there are things about me that I’ve definitely withheld out of a desire to be safe. And I don’t want to be safe with you anymore.
The ball is in your court, Dawn.
I hope I hear back from you.
It’s all I can do. I turn the screen off and let Killer back outside, this time with Kitty. They can tend to their business while I put on some workout clothes. After that, it’s feeding time for them, the cats, and Hedgie, and then I head to the gym.
Later at the clinic, Killer settles happily into his little nest of blankets behind Liv’s desk, snuffling under the pile until all we eventually see is the tiniest strip of cream-colored head.
“He’s too cute for words,” Liv says. “How did you get the only nice chihuahua I’ve ever met?”
“Hey, there are no bad dogs—only bad owners,” I say in my best veterinarian voice. Then I smile. “No clue, though. I got lucky, I suppose.”
“Well, Mr. Lucky,” Liv turns to the computer screen and studies it, “you have a lot of patients today. Hope you brought lunch.”
I did, but by the end of the day, the paltry peanut butter and jelly sandwich has long gone. Even worse, I’ve heard exactly nothing from Dawn, so it’s definitely a dinner at Dash In Diner kind of night. They’ve started staying open longer now that Willa is in charge, and of course, business is booming. I tuck Killer into the sling around my chest, fully aware that I look ridiculous, but I’m covered in pet hair anyway. What’s a little three-pound dog on top of it?
I make my way to the packed diner and slide onto the last open stool at the counter. Willa smiles at me through the window, and a little later, she comes out to give me a hug. Naturally, she sees right through my paltry excuse for a smile, and levels the same look on me that’s worked for decades.
“What’s wrong?” She doesn’t take her eyes off mine as she gives Killer a scratch behind his big ears.
Resisting the urge to squirm, I say, “It’s nothing for you to worry about.”
When I don’t say anything else, she hollers at their other line cook, Jake. “I’m taking five. You got it handled back there?”
When he answers in the affirmative, she jerks her head to the door. “Come on. Outside.”
Wordlessly, I follow her out of the diner and sit on one of the wooden benches framing the entrance. “Willa?—”
“No,” she cuts me off. “Don’t ‘Willa’ me. You’ve been weird for a couple of weeks now. You’re hiding something from me. What’s going on?”
I scrub my face and sigh. “It’s complicated.”
“And when has that ever stopped you from talking to me? Need I remind you about the underground kitten ring you ran in elementary school?”
I quirk a smile. “Okay, but they were so cute, and there were just so many of them.”
She leans into me. “Talk to me, bestie.”
But I still hesitate. “I’m not ready to talk about it,” I admit. She stiffens, and I put my arm around her to pull her to me. “Don’t be mad. I’ll tell you, I promise. But I’m still trying to figure things out, and I want to do it on my own.”
She looks at me. “Since when have you done things on your own? You’re a pack animal, Matty.”
She’s not wrong. and yet, for some wild reason, I feel like this is one time where I’d do better talking to Goldie instead of Willa. I’m not calling her, but the instinct hits me like a ton of bricks.
Unless Dawn is Goldie.
I still can’t quite shake the notion, because it would make so much sense if it were her. The ease we have in talking to each other, for one. But it’s not her—it can’t be. The woman I was with at the masquerade ball wasn’t Goldie. Those lush lips, the way they parted for me…no way. Not to mention what we did afterwards. Jesus. If I had video sex with my best friend’s little sister ?
No.
Willa stands abruptly. “Fine. Don’t talk. But if whatever this is blows up in your face, I don’t want to hear it.” She yanks open the door.
“Wait.” I gesture her back to the bench, unable to let her leave with her feelings hurt. “It’s about a girl.”
“I knew it!” She’s far too satisfied with the answer as she sits back down.
“Yeah, well, don’t get too high and mighty with me. I think it’s over.”
She frowns. “Why?”
“It’s…complicated.”
She snorts. “You said that already. And of course it is.”
I pet Killer. “What do you mean?”
“Because you’re one of the most sensitive people I know. You are a walking, talking golden retriever. Aren’t you the one who reads all the romance novels?”
“Yeah. So?”
She leans into me. “ So , don’t you think you can figure this out? What would the dude in one of your novels do?”
I can’t help but laugh. “I don’t know, Willa. I’m pretty sure I’m more like the women in the novels than the men.”
She eyes my cowboy boots. “You sure about that?”
I shove back against her. “Shut up.”
She laughs. “I’m just saying. I know we’ve never been like that, but you’re a good-looking guy. You’ve just spent your whole life with your nose in books, then with your arms way too far up in cow business to notice that plenty of women are interested.”
I scoff and look around. “Where are these women you speak of?”
“Listen, if my oblivious ass can see them, then you know they’re around.”
“No. I’m the boring guy that no one thinks about.”
Willa raises an eyebrow. “I beg to differ.”
“Differ all you want, but the proof is in the pudding.”
She stands again. “I’m not arguing about this. You’re wrong, and that’s the end of it.”
I laugh again as I rise and pull her into a hug. “You smell like fries.”
“I always smell like fries, asshole. I need to get back in there.” She pulls back and points a finger at me. “I’m ready to listen when you’re ready to talk.”
“Love you, Willa.”
“Love you, too.”
She disappears and I take a minute before going back inside, curiosity gnawing at me. Who is Dawn? How have I never seen her around, and never talked to her or heard her name before all this started? There’s something I’m missing, and it’s as though it’s just off-screen and out of view.
A flash of blue hits my periphery as Reid rounds the corner and heads my way. Defeated, I drop my head into my hands and fall back onto the bench as he approaches. “Officer MacKinnon,” I mutter through my hands. “Of fucking course.” Because I can’t catch a break in any capacity.
He gestures at my splayed form on the bench. “Do I need to arrest you for something, Matty?”
“Not unless there’s a new law about irritating your best friend because you won’t tell her about your dating life. Or lack thereof.”
He laughs and eases onto the bench, taking Willa’s spot and giving Killer a cursory pat. The little dog licks his hand in response. “Remind me why you’re not telling her again?”
“Apparently, because I’m an idiot.”
He snorts. “She’s not wrong.”
“She didn’t say I was an idiot. She called me a golden retriever.”
He gives me a confused look.
“Listen, being a golden retriever is good. Most of the time.”
He still doesn’t speak.
I sigh. “Fine. She didn’t call me an idiot, but it was heavily implied.”
He grins and pats my back. “Come on. I’ll buy you a shake.”
“What am I, twelve?”
“No, but you look like you could use a shake. Chocolate? Or are you one of those weird people who like strawberry?”
“I think you could use one and I’m your foil. And strawberry is good.”
He opens the door and I walk ahead. “Strawberry is not good. If you get that, I’m not buying.”
Reid absolutely buys me the strawberry shake, but only after loudly proclaiming his dislike for it to the entire diner. To my credit, I keep from checking my phone the entire time we’re eating.
Which is for the best, because there’s no response from Dawn when I get home, and none by the time I finally drift off to sleep.
It’s over. And honestly? It sucks.