21. Goldie
Chapter 21
Goldie
I WAKE UP wrapped in Matty’s arms, the sound of tiny dog nails scratching on the other side of the door. A giggle escapes me.
“What’s so funny?” Matty mumbles sleepily. Then, Killer whines and scratches again, and he groans. “Of course. Killer. Must be five a.m.” He unfolds himself away from me and rolls out of bed, stretching and yawning.
I treat myself to the view in the dim light. He never put a shirt back on, and let’s just say those cowboy fantasies have a little merit to them.
“Don’t move,” he says as he opens the door. Then he doubles back. “Please?”
Because of course he says please.
“I won’t move,” I promise. Why in the world would I want to ruin this little slice of heaven?
I hear him talking to the menagerie, and there’s no stopping the smile that overtakes my face. He’s so sweet with them, cooing and checking in on each one with special nicknames. Truly, he’s the best.
When he returns about five minutes later, I rise onto my knees and yank him onto the bed. He falls with an oof , the both of us tangling into the sheets. I go to kiss him, and he returns it, but it feels…stilted?
“What is it?” I ask, immediately sensing something is off.
He brushes the hair away from my face, his eyes searching mine. “Honestly?”
I laugh softly. “Yeah. I think we’ve proven that we need to be honest with each other.”
His lips quirk up. “Good point.”
“I’m full of them.”
“What…” He exhales. “What are we doing here?”
I can feel my gaze shutter. He must notice, too, because his hand tightens on my hip.
“Goldie, come on,” he pleads. “Don’t shut down on me. I’m just…not confused. That’s not the word. But I have no idea what we’re doing.”
I should have a bit more mercy on him, I suppose. He’s still coming to terms with the fact it’s me. “Do you want to keep this quiet?”
“No,” he says immediately. “I’m not—that’s not it at all. I don’t want to hide you.”
“But you also aren’t sure what we’re doing?”
He nods. “Should we…go on a date?”
Part of me wants to start a cheer, complete with tumbles megaphones. The other part realizes he’s not yet convinced. “Where?”
He hums. “Why don’t we grab Mexican? People will think it’s just friends getting dinner.”
“But we never get dinner together.”
“Sure. But that doesn’t mean we can’t.”
“Okay,” I agree. I lean forward to kiss him, and he’s a little more relaxed this time. “It’s obvious we’ve got chemistry, right? Now we just need to figure out if we really like each other like this.”
The relief that washes over his face is obvious, even in the dim morning light.
Spoiler alert: I already know I like him. But it’s clear he needs a bit more time to sort this out.
“So, a date that’s not a date at the Mexican restaurant? We keep this under the radar while we figure it all out.”
He nods again, his smile genuine. I can practically feel the nerves seep out of his skin.
I scoot closer, unable to keep my hands to myself anymore. “Does that mean we can make out some more?” I grin cheekily, running a hand up his arm and to his chest.
God, his chest. It’s what my dreams are made of.
“Yeah.” He smiles. “We can do that.”
I reach for him, relishing the solid weight of him as we sink into the mattress. His kisses set me on fire, and the way our bodies fit together is insane. He seems to know exactly what I want and when, taking my mouth in a deep kiss before pulling back to linger on my lips.
We stare at each other. I don’t know what he’s thinking, but I know that I could welcome the dawn every morning with him for the rest of my life and be content. I’d be more than content. It’d be a dream come true. Looking into his deep brown eyes and swimming in the kindness I see there forever? Sign me up.
A bit later, we get up and Matty makes a pot of coffee. I toast some bread and we have a simple breakfast surrounded by Killer, Kitty, Crush, the orange tabby, and Spot, the calico cat. Apparently Hedgie prefers to sleep in, so I don’t get to see him.
Matty calls an Uber for us to take back to the bar. The second we climb into the back seat, I feel him withdraw. It’s visceral, the disappointment that floods me. Is this how he’s going to be in public? Even though he said he didn’t want to keep this quiet?
I fold my hands in my lap and squeeze. I can’t spiral. I’m better than this.
At least, I’d like to think I am. There’s a difference between what I think and the way I actually react, though, isn’t there? I guess my true colors are about to come flying out. Maybe I’m not all sunshine and rainbows. Only time will tell.
We arrive at the bar, neither of us having spoken the whole ride. I’m sure the driver must think this is a morning-after gone terribly wrong, and he might be right. The idea sours my stomach.
We get out and the driver leaves, and we face each other.
Matty grins. “How did I miss this thing when I came here last night?” He nods at my Jeep, decked out with its row of rubber ducks gracing the dashboard.
“Probably because you beat me here,” I tease.
He huffs out a wry laugh. “That’s right.”
“Well…” I trail off, suddenly unsure and hating myself for it. “I guess…I’ll see you later?”
“Yeah.” He nods and shoves his hands in his pockets.
I eye him. “Right.”
“Okay.”
“Um…okay. Call me? I mean, call me.” I make myself sound decisive. What is wrong with me?
“Will do.”
I should kiss him. He isn’t leaving. We literally dry humped last night, and he isn’t making a move to kiss me. But he’s also not turning to leave. So…what now?
“Okay!” I force a smile and a laugh, and go up on my toes to peck him on the cheek.
It’s awkward as hell. He pats my side stiffly, and I back away as quick as I can.
“Talk to you later,” I manage, then turn to get in my Jeep. It must be the signal he needs, because he makes his way across the empty lot to his truck.
I pull my phone out and pretend it’s the most interesting thing I’ve ever seen, desperate for him to leave. Finally, he exits the lot. I lower my head to the steering wheel and bang it.
Despite the hellscape that was our goodbye scene back there, I’ve just gotten everything I ever wanted. Right? Basically, I think I have?
But if that’s true, then can someone please explain to me why I thought it was a good idea to suggest we basically be each other’s dirty little secret?